2DTV

2DTV was a satirical animated television show broadcast on ITV1 in the United Kingdom that followed closely in the footsteps of Spitting Image, but using animation rather than puppets.

Ant and Dec

 * Announcer: The ITV News at Ten with Ant and Dec.
 * Ant: ITV denies accusations of dumbing down.
 * Dec: Bongo-roony!
 * Ant: Ant receives surprise slap on head... eh?
 * [Dec slaps Ant on the head]
 * Dec: Slapa-rooney!
 * Ant: And former news caster evicted by phone vote.
 * [cuts to Trevor McDonald, who is in a filthy alleyway]
 * Trevor McDonald: News just in: I am hungry and homeless.
 * Dec: Tramper-rooney!
 * Ant: And now, the weather.
 * Dec: And now, the weather.
 * [cuts to Siân Lloyd in front of a map of the British Isles]
 * Siân Lloyd: Hello, and here's tomorrow's weather. Well, it's going to be nice and sunny... if you phone this number. Or if you like cloudy conditions with a stiff north-easterly breeze... ring this number. Or if you prefer relentless drizzly rain... move to Wales.

Osama Bin Laden

 * [Bin Laden and his henchmen are in their cave]
 * Bin Laden: At last we have nuclear bomb!
 * [an old bomb drops into view; it has cracks, is leaking and has been stuck together using sticky tape]
 * Bin Laden: Good work Binny Me!
 * [Bin Laden turns round to see a smaller version of himself, both of which are doing the Dr. Evil pinky gesture. He turns back to his henchmen]
 * Bin Laden: Initiate LAUNCH SEQUENCE!
 * [The henchmen drag the bomb and drop it into a big envelope, which is addressed to: Infidel Bush, White House, USA]
 * Bin Laden: FIRE!!!
 * [one of the henchmen attaches a pigeon to the letter. The bird attempts to take off but cannot lift the mail]
 * Bin Laden: I thought we had 2 birds?
 * [Jalal burps and feathers come out of his mouth. He cringes]
 * Jalal: Sorry.


 * Bin Laden: Well, it's nice that Jalal tabled his concerns about the war...
 * [the camera follows Bin Laden to his stone table. Jalal's head is on the table, with 2 other henchmen cowering behind the table]
 * Bin Laden: Anyone else have any wobbles?
 * Henchmen: No, Sir.
 * Bin Laden: Good.


 * [after an accidental explosion]
 * Bin Laden: Jalal! Get your arse over here.
 * Jalal: Why?
 * Bin Laden: Because that's where your legs are.

Tony Blair

 * Tony Blair: We have conclusive proof that Saddam has weapons of mass destruction and here it is...
 * [Blair holds up a piece of paper]
 * Tony Blair: We kept the invoice... and if he doesn't pay up soon, he isn't getting any more!


 * BBC Reporter: The Press are ready, Prime Minister.
 * Blair: How'd you want me for this one?
 * BBC Reporter: Well, the conference is about your weekend...
 * ''(office turns into countryside. Blair puts on a casual shirt)
 * Blair: Ah, it's the weekend, and I'm relaxed. Downtime. Cup of tea. Jeans, with a crease, because I'm an ordinary guy.
 * BBC Reporter: The weekend with your family.
 * Blair: Ah, Family! [clicks fingers. Cherie, Euan and Leo appear] Adoring wife, growing brood, baby in arms, family man. Just like you.
 * BBC Reporter: Your weekend in Europe.
 * Blair: Ah, Europe! [Cherie and the kids disappear and the room turns back into the office] Controversial issue, let's talk it out. Jacket off, sleeves rolled up, sweaty armpits, as long as it takes. No bullshit.
 * BBC Reporter: The weekend which had to be posponed because of the war on terrorism.
 * Blair: [office turns into the front of 10 Downing Street. Jack Straw appears at Blair's side] War. Sober suit. Furrow brow. No smile this time. Statesman-like. Not like you.
 * BBC Reporter: And the tragic loss of life.
 * Blair: [black curtain descends] Ah, loss of life. Black tie. Voice cracks with... emotion. Manly tear in eye, men cry too. One of you again.
 * BBC Reporter: Which, since the weekend--
 * Blair: Ah, weekend! Downtime, tea, Jeans! [scenery rapidly flickers]
 * BBC Reporter: Mr. Blair, just be yourself!
 * Blair: [scenery stops half way through shift] Myself? Um, just... remind me?

George Bush

 * [Bush and the General are in the Oval Office in the White House]
 * General: I think that should give you some idea of how delicate the balance of power is in the middle east.
 * George Bush: I see, General.
 * General: You didn't understand a word of that did you, Mr. President?
 * George Bush: No I did not.
 * General: Okay, do you want me to get Professor Leibstrom to explain it?
 * George Bush: I think that might help.
 * [the General goes underneath the table and, after a brief struggle, a sock puppet appears at the edge of Bush's desk]
 * General: (as Professor Leibstrom) Hello again, Mr. President. It's Me, Professoer Leibstrom.
 * George Bush: Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Professor Leibstrom! Ha Ha!
 * [camera pulls out to reveal the General, crouching under the desk while operating the sock puppet]
 * George Bush: Quick General! You're missing the Professor!
 * General: Oh Jesus.


 * General: I think Professor Leibstrom had better explain this. (as Professor Leibstrom) Hello!
 * Bush: Oh, I get it. The General leaves and then you come in. Don't think I know what's going on, because I do!
 * General: (as Professor Leibstrom) You do?
 * Bush: You two had a fight!
 * General: (as Professor Leibstrom) Uh... yeah, that's right.
 * Bush: Oh, Professor Leibstrom, you shouldn't fight with the General. Fighting never solves anything!


 * [Bush and the General are in the Oval Office in the White House. Bush is staring at a painting of himself]
 * George Bush: General, this mirror isn't working.
 * General: Sir, that's a painting.
 * George Bush: But it--
 * General: No time to explain, Sir. I have an urgent call for you on the satellite video link. It's, uh... Saddam Hussein.
 * [TV drops down from roof. The screen shows Saddam Hussein in his office]
 * Saddam Hussein: Ah, Mr. Bush. So you want to bomb old Saddam, eh? Fair enough. But would you want to bomb... Tiddles?
 * [a kitten jumps onto Saddam's desk. Bush and the General gasp]
 * Saddam Hussein: Or Fluffy? or Tufty?! Yes, gentlemen, from now on myself and all military targets will be protected by a kitten shield. [stroaking kittens] Won't they? Yes they will! Yes they will! End Transmission.
 * George Bush: Can I have one, General? I gotta have one of those cute furry things!
 * General: If you insist, sir.
 * [General gives Bush a fake, Saddam-style mustache]
 * George Bush: Yeah! [turns to painting] Awww, but I don't look no different.
 * General: Oh, Hairy Moses!


 * [Bush and the General are in the Oval Office in the White House. Bush is playing with army soldiers and tanks]
 * General: Good news, Sir. Iraq seems to be co-operating fully with UN inspectors. Looks like an all-out conflict can be avoided.
 * George Bush: AW NUTS!!!
 * General: Sir?
 * George Bush: [having a tantrum] I WANNA WAR! I WANNA WAR! I WANNA WAR! All the other cool presidents have had wars!
 * [Starts throwing his toys at the General]
 * General: But Sir, you just had a war, and you didn't even finish that one!
 * George Bush: Well I'm gonna hold my breath until you let me have another one.
 * [Bush holds his breath. His face starts turning blue]
 * General: Oh, now sir! Oh, I think I'd better fetch Professor Leibstrom.
 * [General goes underneath the table and brandishes the sock puppet]
 * General: (as Professor Leibstrom) Hello!
 * George Bush: Ha Ha Ha Ha! Professor Leibstrom!
 * General: (as Professer Leibstrom) I know! Instead of having a war, why don't we have an ice cream?
 * George Bush: Yeah, an ice cream! With Chocolate sauce!
 * General: (as Professor Leibstrom) Oh Yeah.
 * George Bush: And a war!
 * General: NO! (as Professor Leibstrom) Sir, nobody else wants a war... except perhaps Britain.
 * George Bush: Let's have a war with Britain then!
 * General: Oh, Hairy Moses!


 * [Bush and General are in the Oval Office in the White House]
 * General: Sir, I must protest in the strongest possible terms!
 * George Bush: General, I'm the president of the United States of America. When I say jump, you jump.
 * General: Hairy Moses.
 * [General starts to jump up and down]
 * General: Mr President, why the jimny do we have to have a bouncy Whitehouse?
 * George Bush: Because all the terrorists bombs will just bounce right off of it.
 * General: (sarcastically) Oh, silly me!
 * George Bush: Look at this! (Bush starts to jump up and down) I can do a star, Egypshine, Bruce Forsite!
 * General: Bruce Forsyth!
 * George Bush: Okay, I'm bored now. Let's play darts!
 * General: NO MISTER PRESIDENT!!!!
 * [a popping sound is heard and the bouncy Whitehouse starts to deflate. Bush starts to cry]
 * General: Well, it's your own fault.
 * {The camera fades and the viewer rejoins after the bouncy Whitehouse has been fully deflated]
 * George Bush: General, I never thought I'd say this... blow up the Whitehouse! (sobs)
 * General: Ugh! (starts to inflate the Whitehouse using his breath)


 * [Bush and the General are in the Oval Office in the White House, where Christmas decorations have been put out. Bush is holding a present wrapped in wrapping paper; the present is in the shape of a puppy]
 * George Bush: Oh, come on General! What is it?
 * [dog in wrapping paper barks]
 * George Bush: It's a book, ain't it?
 * General: Now no opening util tomorrow, sir.
 * George Bush: I promise.
 * General: [the General walks off screen]
 * George Bush: I love Christmas!
 * [alarms go off]
 * George Bush: General! The flashing warning thing's gone off! General? General?!
 * Computer: WARNING: potential hostile inbound. Request action.
 * George Bush: Okay George, don't panic. Now what is it dad used to say?
 * [George Bush Senior appears in a thought bubble]
 * George Bush Senior: Son, don't ever, ever, EVER... press the red button.
 * George Bush: Something about pressing the red button.
 * [Bush presses the red button and the camera cuts to a shot of the moon, where a sleigh passes infront of it. The sleigh is shot down by defences. the General appears]
 * General: Sir, what in god's name is... can you smell roast venison?
 * [The sleigh crashes into the room. Bush inspects the wreckage and puts on some disembodied antlers]
 * George Bush: Look General, I'm a lion! Moo, moo!
 * General: That's uncanny, sir.

Bill Gates

 * Bill Gates: Well guys, welcome to the most high-tech home in the world: House 2001.
 * Son: But I just got used to our old place, House 2000.
 * Bill Gates: That thing's completely obsolete. Check out these new features!
 * Wife: It looks exactly like the old one.
 * Bill Gates: Not at all. It's a lot more expensive (sniggers)
 * [Gate's family laugh in the same fashion]
 * Bill Gates: And get a load of this multi-phonic cyber cinema.
 * [Gates clicks on the control panel and a huge screen appears in the room. The screen crashes halfway through deployment]
 * Daughter: Why's it done that?
 * Bill Gates: Try double clicking it.
 * Wife: It seems to have frozen.
 * Bill Gates: It's fine. We... probably just need go out and come back in again.
 * [the family step outside the house and close the door. After a brief moment they all come back in again to find that everything has vanished]
 * Son: Where's it all gone?
 * Bill Gates: Um, it should be here, er...
 * Wife: Did you remember to save it?
 * Bill Gates: I thought I did. Er... don't panic!
 * Wife: Try escape.
 * Son: No, Control-Alt!
 * Daughter: Let me have a go!
 * Bill Gates: Get off!
 * Wife: Don't you press that!
 * Bill Gates: LET ME JUST TRY SOMETHING!!!
 * [Gates hits the control panel and a Windows like text box appears in front of them]
 * Son: It says the house has performed an illegal operation and will...
 * [the house disappears and the family are in the desert, where their house used to be]
 * Bill Gates: Don't worry guys, I'm already working on House 2001.1!

Michael Jackson

 * TV announcer: Blackpool-0 Silicon-0 Botin-0 Birmingham-1 And that's all the scores we have in football today.
 * Johnny Vegas: I'm sorry Monkey, it's over. I can't afford to keep you no more.
 * Monkey: Please Johnny, don't put me down!
 * Johnny Vegas: Don't worry, I got you a nice new owner.
 * Michael Jackson: Howdy there, Bubbles 2
 * Monkey: Please! Put me down! Shoot me now!
 * Michael Jackson: Where does my hand go?
 * Monkey: Owww!
 * Michael Jackson: I was ganna say that.


 * Voice Over: Michael Jackon's parenting tips #43.
 * Michael Jackson: It's important to encourage your children to take their first steps.
 * [cuts to a scene with Jackson hanging over a balcony, reaching out for something]
 * Michael Jackson: Come to Daddy, Prince Michael the Second.
 * [camera pans out to see a baby balancing on a washing line]
 * Michael Jackson: I don't see any moonwalking.
 * [Baby starts to moonwalk towards Jackson]
 * Michael Jackson: That's my boy, and I've got the receipt to prove it!

Anne Robinson

 * Anne Robinson: It's time to vote off... the Weakest Link.
 * [all four contestants vote for Anne Robinson]
 * Anne Robinson: Peter, Why Anne?
 * Peter: Your air of superiority is totally phony and you always cut people off
 * Anne Robinson: Sue, why Anne?
 * Sue: Well, you're not scary, and you mis-pronouce everything.
 * Anne Robinson: Joremy, why Anne?
 * Jeremy: You got the IQ of a squirrel.
 * Mike: And the looks.
 * Anne Robinson: I am the Weakest Link, goodbye.

Michael Schumacher

 * Michael Schumacher: *sitting next to the cot of Baby Schumacher* Okay Baby Schumacher, it is time for your 7:30, I'll begin. *opens the book and cleared his throat* Zhe Tortoise and Zhe Hare. Vunce upon a time, there vus za tortoise...errmm...Let's call him Coulthard...and za hare called Schumacher... Hare Schumacher, and zay decided to have a vace...So as the vace begins, zhe Hare vus very confident that he had the upper advantage to the tortoise, and vould surely vin. And he vus vight! He did vin.
 * Baby Schumacher: But daddy, does the tortoise win next times?
 * Michael Schumacher: No! Ze tortoise never vins! Ze hare vins over and over and over again, that's vat makes racing more interesting! *sees Baby Schumacher already fast asleep through boredom* Oh.

Seaman, David

 * [Seaman is in the supermarket, browsing for shampoo]
 * David Seaman: Let's see here: Greasy hair? Normal hair? Stupid Hair? Ah, F**king Stupid Hair!
 * [Seaman puts the shampoo in his shopping trolly]
 * David Seaman: That's the one!

Posh and Becks

 * [The dining room all dirty of porridge. Victoria and Romeo are sitting there. David comes in the dining room]
 * David Beckham: How's the feeding going?
 * Romeo: Oh, she's been an absolute bugger.
 * [Romeo takes spoon to feed Victoria]
 * Romeo: Now come on, here comes the singer into the Versace shop. Open wide.
 * [Victoria takes the spoon, crawls to Romeo and throws the spoon on the floor. Then Victoria and David get angry at Romeo]
 * Romeo: I give up.

Jamie Oliver

 * [Jools is sleeping while Jamie is making noise in the kitchen. Jools suddenly wakes up]
 * Jools: Jamie, slow down.
 * Jamie: You rest up love, super-dad got it all under control.
 * Jools: You're trying to do too much.
 * Jamie: All done, I stuffed the chicken with onion and garlic butter and trained the baby's nappy.
 * [Jamie shows Jools nappy on chicken. Baby Poppy cries]
 * Jamie: Back in a tick.