A Loud House Christmas

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A Loud House Christmas is a 2021 live-action adaptation holiday television film based on the animated television series.


 * Directed by Johnathan Judge. Written by Liz Maccie.

Dialogue

 * Lincoln: [looking out his bedroom window; to the viewers] Christmas is only two days away and I can't wait. When you've got ten sisters, Christmas can get pretty epic. [gets a message on his phone] "Your Driver Bill is enroute with your package!" This year, I ordered an extra-special gift for my family. [exits his room, only for Luan to throw a pie at him in the face] Luan, what gives?!
 * Luan: I decided to up my game from the 12 Puns of Christmas to the 12 Pranks of Christmas!
 * Lincoln: Well, if it's a Christmas prank, then I'm all in.
 * Mr. Coconuts: [hands Lincoln a cloth to wipe his face] That was number nine. [sinisterly] Three more to go.
 * Lincoln: Now that Luan is gone, I'll be safe for a while.
 * Lynn: Hey, Stinkoln! [charges at her brother, who screams, and tackles him to the floor]
 * Lincoln: [groans in pain] Spoke too soon.
 * Lynn: Just getting ready for a Christmas afternoon football game. Can I try that tackle one more time?
 * Lincoln: No. [Lynn groans in annoyed frustration and leaves; to the viewers] Christmas at the Loud House is full of traditions. Each one of us contributes something important to our special day. [an explosion sets off in Lisa and Lily's room; turns as Lisa walks out with a beaker] How's the perma-snow coming, Lisa?
 * Lisa: It's the trace amount of ammonia needed to sustain the creation of snow that is the constant variable.
 * Lincoln: [to the viewers] Or as I like to call it: Thursday. [turns back to Lisa] You're our only chance at a white Christmas.
 * Lisa: [nods and goes back into her room] Science will prevail. [shuts the door]
 * Lucy: Hi, Lincoln.
 * Lincoln: [turns around to see her in front him; spooked] Lucy, you scared me.
 * Lucy: You're welcome. [opens her little coffin, containing pine needles] I've collected all the dead pine needles from our Christmas tree.
 * Lincoln: I'm sorry for your loss.
 * [Lucy closes her coffin and slowly walks into her and Lynn's room]
 * Luna: Yeah! [playing her guitar; jamming] ♪ It's Christmas time and our hearts are free / Presents tucked underneath the tree now / It's the best day of the best time of our LIVES!!! ♪
 * Lincoln: [smiling with amazement] Great Christmas tunes, Luna!
 * Luna: Thanks, little bro!
 * Leni: [taps Lincoln on the shoulder] Tell me honestly, Lincoln. Does my concept design for my custom-made Christmas pajamas have too much sparkle? Tanya thinks it's bordering on too much. [to Tanya] Don't you, Tanya?
 * Lincoln: Leni… there can never be too much Christmas sparkle.
 * Leni: Thanks, Lincoln! [to Tanya] See? Sparkle equals happiness!
 * Lola: Move. I need to put my tiara on.
 * Lana: I need to get Hops' outfit on!
 * Lola: I don't care.
 * Lincoln: [enters the bathroom] Lola, Lana, Merry Christmas.
 * Lana: Come on, Hops.
 * Lincoln: It looks like Rudolph himself.
 * Lana: [leaves the bathroom] Right on, bro.
 * Lincoln: How's the Christmas pageant coming, Lola?
 * Lola: If you must know, Lincoln. It's literally taking years from my life! [turns around to him] Okay, I need my beauty time. [pushes him out of the bathroom and closes the door]
 * [The hallway lights flicker on and off and Lincoln turns around, seeing Lily at the front of the staircase]
 * Lily: [playing with the light switch while standing on a wobbly chair] Light tree.
 * Lincoln: [alarmed] LILY! [rushes over and grabs her before the chair falls and holds her hand as they walk down the stairs to the living room; to the viewers] Tomorrow night, Lily gets to turn on the lights for the Royal Woods Christmas tree!
 * [Lily runs to the TV, showing a broadcast news channel with Katherine Mulligan reporting]
 * Katherine: [on TV] This is Katherine Mulligan, coming to you live from the scene of tomorrow's magical Royal Woods Christmas tree lighting…
 * Lily: [points to the TV] Katherine Mulligan. Light tree, Lincoln, light tree.
 * Lincoln: Yes, Lily.


 * Lincoln: I worked awkward and annoying jobs all year to save for this. [flashback to all the jobs he helped out around and earning money from his family, like mowing the front yard, shaving his father's back, and cleaning Vanzilla] What's in the box, you might be wondering? A 13-person toboggan so that my entire family can ride down the hill on one sled! [enters the house] That's the greatest thing about Christmas: whatever happens, it's the one day of the year we will always be together, no matter what. Guaranteed.
 * Lynn Sr.: [enters the dining room, calling out to the siblings] Kids, breakfast is ready!


 * [After breakfast, the Louds have a family meeting in the living room]
 * Rita: [shouting while blow-drying her phone] Now listen, we know this isn't the Christmas we were expecting, with Lori, Luan, and Luna gone…
 * Lynn Sr.: [also shouting over the blow-drying] We just have to make the best of this situation!
 * Lincoln: Tell him, Mom. We need to fix this situation.
 * Rita: Wouldn't it be fun to take a trip?
 * Lynn Sr.: A trip?
 * Lincoln: On Christmas?!
 * Rita: With three of the kids gone already, maybe we could be our crazy, old, spontaneous selves. Get up super early Christmas morning, jump in Vanzilla, and take the remaining kids on a trip! Somewhere… exotic.
 * Lynn Sr.: Go on.
 * Rita: Somewhere like… Miami!
 * Sisters: [excited] YAY!
 * Lincoln: NO!!!!
 * Lynn Sr.: I have always wanted a vacation in Miami!
 * Lincoln: Dad, no!
 * Leni: [squeals] Bikinis!
 * Lola: Miami's where the Little Miss Citrus Pageant takes place!
 * Lynn: We could go to a Miami Dolphins game!
 * Lana: The moist would do wonders for Hops' scales!
 * Lucy: We could witness a shark attack.


 * Lincoln: [over walkie-talkie] Reindeer Clyde, come in. This is Christmas Humbug and I've got a Code L-Red!
 * Clyde: Hold my spot, Dads. [leaves the line] Christmas Humbug, this is Reindeer Clyde.
 * Lincoln: Christmas is ruined all thanks to my selfish family!
 * Clyde: What happened?
 * Lincoln: Lori isn't coming home from college, Luna is going skiing with Sam, Luan has a gig at Sunset Canyon, and Mom and Dad are taking the rest of us to Miami!
 * Clyde: [shocked] WHAT?! What about me? What would I do?! Coming to your house on Christmas Day is an essential part of my holiday experience!
 * Lincoln: Finally, someone who gets it!
 * Clyde: This is the worst news ever!
 * Lincoln: I have to save Christmas, Clyde. I don't know how, but I've got 24 hours to do it.
 * Clyde: I've got your back, Christmas Humbug. I'll be right there.
 * Lincoln: Thanks, Reindeer Clyde. I knew I could count on you.


 * Mick: [on doctored message] Hello there, Luna Loud. Mick Swagger here. [Luna and Sam gasp and squeal with excitement while Lincoln and Clyde eavesdrop] Just giving you a ring to say I'll be in Royal Woods on Christmas Day. I'd love to get together and jam. Hope it's not too late notice, love. See you spoon.
 * Luna: [excited] YES!
 * Sam: [confused] Did he just say "spoon?"
 * Luna: This is the greatest day of my life!
 * Sam: But then you can't come skiing.
 * Luna: Jamming with Mick is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, Sam!
 * Sam: I know, but this is gonna be such a special trip for us.
 * Luna: We'll take a different trip some other time!


 * Lincoln: Now Luan Loud is messing with the pudding machines all to promote her Christmas Day show.
 * Clyde: It's a real shame.
 * Scoots: No one messes with my pudding!
 * Lincoln & Clyde: Yeah!
 * Nana Gayle: [agreeing] It's true. Nobody messes with Scoots' pudding.
 * Lincoln: Might be best to go with a different act on Christmas Day.
 * Clyde: I agree, a far less devious and messy entertainer.


 * Lincoln: We're gonna need a bigger bike.
 * Clyde: It's more megalodon than "Jaws", but that only adds to the terror.
 * Lincoln: [checking his phone as it beeps] It's already 3:05 p.m., and this video has to be ready for the 5:00 p.m. local news.
 * Clyde: Once we're done shooting, I'll spruce it up with some special effects on my computer, then send it to Katherine's personal e-mail.
 * Lincoln: How'd you get Katherine Mulligan's personal e-mail?
 * Clyde: She auditioned for my dads' reimagining of "Wonder Woman: the Musical." She should keep her day job. Let's just leave it at that.


 * Lincoln: Hey, Lynn, wanna try that tackle one more time? I'm heading into the end zone.
 * Lynn: [grumpily] Now that I'm not gonna see the Dolphins, I don't feel like playing football anymore. [walks into her and Lucy's room]
 * Luna: [lying on her bunk bed, sadly strumming her guitar] ♪ No presents tucked under the tree… ♪
 * Lincoln: [taking a look] Luna?
 * Luna: [sits up and wipes her teary eyes; sniffling] Hey, little bro.
 * Lincoln: Are you crying?
 * Luna: [heartbroken and upset] Sam broke up with me because I picked jamming with Mick Swagger over going skiing with her!
 * Lincoln: [surprised] What? That wasn't supposed to happen. [realizes] I mean, I'm so sorry that that happened.
 * Luna: [depressingly continues strumming and singing] ♪ Christmas time is when our hearts are free / But if I ain't with you, I'm in misery / My heart is dead ♪ [sobs]
 * Lincoln: [walks into the hallway and sees Leni in her room, also sobbing] Leni, are you okay?
 * Leni: No!
 * Lincoln: Why aren't you dressed in your super special Christmas outfit?
 * Leni: I'm not really into Christmas mood anymore. I don't know what's worse. That I missed Tanya, or that I got fired for losing her.
 * Lincoln: [shocked] You got fired?!
 * Leni: My boss said I should have caught whoever stole her. I really let Tanya down. Wherever she is, I hope she has her cover-up.


 * Loud Sisters: [while closing their bedroom doors] I'm canceling Christmas! I want to be in Miami! My life is ruined! Tanya! Worst Christmas ever!


 * Lori: Mom, you literally have no idea what I've been through.
 * Rita: Come get in the van and warm up.
 * Bobby: [interrupting] Um, Mrs. L, can I ask you, like, a really big favor?
 * Rita: Okay.
 * Bobby: I still need to make my abuela's Christmas tamale delivery for her hairdresser, or she'll kill me.
 * Lori: [shocked] You had food in that thing all along?!


 * Rita: Are those my Christmas lights? And my Santa?!


 * Lynn Sr. and Rita: Lincoln?
 * Sisters: Lincoln?
 * Pop-Pop: Lincoln?
 * Scoots: Geez, Al. What's up with all your grandkids?


 * Rita: Lincoln, what happened? Why are you the sharkodile?
 * Katherine: Yes. [turns to the camera] I think that is the question on everyone's mind.
 * Lynn Sr.: Lincoln, I think it's time for you to start explaining.
 * Lincoln: [takes a deep breath, upset] I made up this entire thing. The sharkodile in Florida, all of it. That's not all. And I lied… to all of you. Leni, I stole Tanya. [Leni puts her hand over her chest, hyperventilating] Lori, I tricked you into coming home.
 * Lori: [disbelieved] What?
 * Lincoln: Luna, Mick Swagger isn't visiting. Luan, I sabotaged your gig at Sunset Canyon.
 * Lori: Lincoln, why would you do all of these horrible things?
 * Leni: Wait! Does that mean Tanya's okay?
 * Lincoln: [whispers] Yes.
 * Lucy: It's all so dark, Lincoln.
 * Luan: [envious] You made me question my comedic-calling!
 * Luna: [walks closer] But why, little bro? Why would you mess with your own fam like that?
 * Lincoln: Because I wanted us all to be together on Christmas. It's the one time of the year that I can count on all of us being together. I love my family. I don't want us to break apart. I got scared that we were all growing up and going our separate ways, and if I could take it all back, I would.
 * Rita: [lowers to her son's height] I understand.
 * Lincoln: You do?
 * Lynn Sr.: I do too, bud.
 * Rita: Growing up is hard. Change is hard, but family-- family is forever, Lincoln.
 * Lynn Sr.: That's right. We're always tied together by our hearts, no matter where we are.


 * Katherine: There you have it, folks. A little boy's wish to spend Christmas together with his family. This is Katherine Mulligan saying it may not be a white Christmas, but it certainly will be a merry one after all!


 * Lincoln: [to the viewers] As you can see, things turned out for the best. I have 300 hours of community service, but we got to spend Christmas morning together. And in a few hours, Luna is going skiing with Sam, Luan has a double gig at Sunset Canyon, we're going to take Lori back to college, and then the rest of us are going to…
 * Lily: Miami!


 * Lincoln: [last lines] Family's connected by their hearts. Even when we're apart, we're not really apart. I will miss how things used to be, but I'm really enjoying how they are. Let's all hit Tall Timber Hill!

Taglines

 * The Louds are coming to life.
 * The Loud House is getting real.
 * Time for Christmas. (August 30, 2023 - present)

Cast

 * Wolfgang Schaeffer – Lincoln Loud
 * Jahzir Bruno – Clyde McBride
 * Lexi Dibenedetto – Lori Loud
 * Dora Dolphin – Leni Loud
 * Sophia Woodward – Luna Loud
 * Catherine Ashmore Bradley – Luan Loud
 * Morgan McGill – Lynn "LJ" Loud Jr.
 * Aubin Bradley – Lucy Loud
 * Ella Allan – Lola Loud
 * Mia Allan – Lana Loud
 * Lexi Janicek – Lisa Loud
 * Charolette Ann Tucker and Lainey Jane Knowles – Lily Loud
 * Muretta Moss – Rita Loud
 * Brian Stepanek – Lynn Loud Sr.
 * Catherine Taber – Katherine Mulligan
 * Brian Patrick Wade – Rip Hardcore
 * Bill Southworth – Grandpa Albert Loud (Pop-Pop)
 * Justin Michael Stevenson – Howard McBride
 * Marcus Folmar – Harold McBride
 * Jill Jane Clements – Scoots
 * Gail Everett-Smith – Nana Gayle
 * Matt Van Smith – Bobby Santiago
 * Zoë DuVall – Sam Sharp