A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy

A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy is a 1982 comedy film written and directed by Woody Allen, who also stars in it. The film also stars Mia Farrow, Tony Roberts, Jose Ferrer, Mary Steenburgen and Julie Hagerty.

Andrew

 * I didn't lie. I wasn't lying, Adrian. I was not lying. Do you want to know why I lied?


 * [about Maxwell] He's a wonderful guy and a terrific doctor. Never lost a patient! Got a couple of them pregnant, but never lost one.


 * Sex alleviates tension and love causes it.


 * We can't have intercourse in the kitchen! There's a man in the next room singing The Lord's Prayer!

Dialogue

 * Maxwell: Andrew, are you all right?
 * Andrew: Maxwell, I think I fractured my last remaining nose.
 * Maxwell: You shouldn't fly. You're a mammal.
 * Andrew: Thank you, Maxwell. A doctor with a license is no smarter.
 * Maxwell: He never tires of insulting me, but when he's sick...
 * Andrew: Yeah? Who overcharges me?
 * Maxwell: But you always get well, don't you, Andrew?
 * Andrew: I would get well anyhow, Maxwell, even without the leeches.


 * Leopold: I had the privilege of escorting Ariel through the Sistine Chapel for the first time in her life and explaining to her exactly why Michelangelo's ceiling was indeed great.
 * Ariel: When Raphael first laid eyes on it, he fainted.
 * Andrew: Had he eaten?


 * Ariel: [about Leopold] He taught me a lot...
 * Andrew: Like what?
 * Ariel: Like how to listen to Mozart.
 * Andrew: With your ears, right?


 * Ariel: How's your marriage?
 * Andrew: My marriage is fine.
 * Ariel: Yeah?
 * Andrew: It's not working, but it's fine.


 * Maxwell: I'm a doctor and I believe in the spirit world.
 * Andrew: Oh, you have to, Maxwell, that's where all your patients end up.


 * [Andrew asks Ariel to join him in his flying machine]
 * Ariel: Andrew, we'll get killed!
 * Andrew: No, no. Don't be silly. Trust me, it's me, Andrew... Trust me anyhow.


 * Leopold: So, you're an inventor, eh?
 * Andrew: Crackpot inventor.
 * Adrian: Andrew's invented a wedding present for you and Ariel. Tell 'em about that.
 * Andrew: It's a silly apparatus that takes the bones out of fish, and if you prefer, although there's no point to it, it puts bones in fish.