Alice in Wonderland (1999 film)

Alice in Wonderland is a 1999 TV film about Alice who follows a white rabbit down a hole into a whimsical world, where she meets the delightful Cheshire Cat, the clumsy White Knight, a rude caterpillar, and the hot-tempered Queen of Hearts and can grow ten feet tall or shrink to three inches. But will she ever be able to return home?
 * Directed by Nick Willing. Written by Peter Barnes . 

A Masterpiece of Imagination...

Alice

 * You have to tread with care when dealing with cats, they have influence and are seen in all the smart places.
 * If you drink too much from a bottle marked "poison," it's almost certain to disagree with you sooner or later.
 * [some talking daisies insult Alice] Alice: If you're not quiet, I'll make you into a chain! [the daisies shut up]
 * Oh what am I going to do Dinah. Out of all the songs I have to sing Cherry Ripe.
 * [Looks out the door onto the garden full of visitors] How can they expect me to sing in front of all these strangers.
 * [While falling down the rabbit hole] I wonder what latitude longitude I've got to. I've no idea what latitude longitude are but they're grand words.
 * Perhaps I've fell right through the earth and come out the other side. I shall have to ask somebody the name of the country. [talks to herself] 'Please ma'am is this New Zealand or Australia'

The Governess

 * And relax, a strong cup of herbal tea. It's what I used to do when I was on the boards
 * [to Alice] It's just stage fright. There's nothing to be afraid of, I shall be with you. It's all in the mind child.


 * And remember Alice, what ever happens, flood or earthquake, the show must go on. [exits singing Cherry Ripe ]

The White Rabbit

 * Oh dear, oh dear I'll be so late


 * Oh my furry ears and whiskers, look how late it's getting

Dialogue

 * Alice: You can't make me sing. I won't. I won't.
 * The Governess: [in an angry tone] Now we'll have none of that young lady.


 * The March Hare: Have some wine.
 * Alice: I don't see any wine.
 * The March Hare: There isn't any, and you're too young.
 * Alice: It wasn't very polite of you to offer it then.
 * The March Hare: It wasn't very polite of you to sit down without an invitation.


 * Alice: [thinking about the riddle] Why is a raven like a writing desk... you know, I-I'm pretty sure I can guess.
 * The March Hare: You mean you think you know the answer?
 * Alice: Yes.
 * The March Hare: Well, then, you should say what you mean.
 * Alice: Well, I do. At-at least, at least I mean what I say, that-that is the same thing.
 * Mad Hatter: It's not the same thing at all. You might as well say "I eat what I see" is the same thing as "I see what I eat!"
 * [A pie sprouts crab legs and crawls across the table]
 * The March Hare: [eyeing the pie, picking up a fly swatter] You might as well say "I like what I get" is the same as "I get what I like!"
 * [whacks the pie]
 * The Dormouse: [talking in his sleep, then suddenly awake] Aah! You-you, or you might as well say "I breathe when I sleep" is the same thing as "I sleep when I breathe."
 * [nods off]
 * Mad Hatter: Well, it is the same thing with you.
 * [chuckles]


 * The Queen of Hearts: Do you play croquet?
 * Alice: Who, me?
 * The Queen of Hearts: YES you! I am not in the habit of talking to myself! [quietly] Even though it's the only way I can get an intelligent conversation around here. [bellowing] CAN YOU PLAY CROQUET?!
 * Alice: Yes.
 * The Queen of Hearts: COME ON, THEN!!


 * The Cheshire Cat: How do you like the Queen?
 * Alice: [whispers] I don't. She's so extremely...[she notices the Queen is standing right behind her and listening] likely to win that it's hardly worth finishing the cat.
 * The Queen of Hearts: [stiffly patting Alice's head] Good, good little girl. Charming.


 * Alice: You don't seem to have much riding practice.
 * White Knight: What makes you say that?
 * Alice: You keep falling off your horse!
 * White Knight: I've had plenty of practice at THAT, plenty of practice!

Cast

 * Tina Majorino as Alice
 * Miranda Richardson as The Queen of Hearts
 * Martin Short as The Mad Hatter
 * Whoopi Goldberg as Cheshire Cat
 * Simon Russell Beale as The King of Hearts
 * Ken Dodd as Mr. Mouse