Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip

Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip is a 2015 American live action road-adventure family caper comedy film directed by Walt Becker and written by Randi Mayem Singer and Adam Sztykiel. It is the fourth and final installment in the Alvin and the Chipmunks film series and is a sequel to the 2011 film, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked. The film was released on December 18, 2015, by 20th Century Fox. Boys on the hood. (taglines)

Taglines

 * Boys on the hood.
 * Fast & furry-ous.
 * The Road Chip begins Christmas.

Alvin

 * When I say "party", you say "Alvin"!
 * That's insulting. We are very mature.
 * Operation: Ring-retrieval is a go. No ring, no proposal. No proposal, no Miles.
 * Great speech, Churchill.
 * Beard peanuts?
 * Miles, we are so sorry. We haven't been fair to you from day one. And the truth is… you'd make a great brother.
 * Earlier this evening, we accidentally ruined a very special evening for a very special woman and we'd like to make it up to her. [to Alice] Alice? Barry has something he'd like to ask you… Again.
 * [trailer] Whoa. Buzzkill.

Simon

 * Redfoo is here?!
 * That was awesome! I'm definitely going again!
 * [to Alvin; annoyingly through gritted teeth for nudging him] I'm standing right here. I can hear what he's saying.
 * [speaking in Spanish; to Miles] I also speak Spanish. And you're not fooling anyone with your good boy routine.
 * [referring to Agent James Suggs] Whoa. That guy is the mayor of Crazy Town.
 * Hey, we missed a call from Dave. And a text. 27 of them.

Theodore

 * Sorry. Pizza toots.
 * I've always wanted a mom.
 * You mess with one of us, you mess with all of us.

Agent James Suggs

 * [to Alvin] You better watch it! Do you know who you're talking to? I am the police of the sky!
 * You provided the soundtrack to my heartbreak. But now it's payback time. I am putting you three on the No-Fly List!
 * Let me explain. I have a reason to believe there's a fugitive chipmunk in your beard.
 * [fighting Alvin with karate-chops] I WILL SLICE AND DICE YOU LIKE SPICY SUSHI ROLL!
 * I partied with those tree-skunks?!
 * Here's Suggsy! [laughs]

Dialogue

 * [first lines; Theodore turns on the camera]
 * Alvin: Are we rolling?
 * Theodore: Okay, we're rolling. [moves the camera to Alvin and Simon] Dave's birthday message, take one.
 * Alvin and Simon: Happy birthday, Dave!
 * Alvin: We know how hard you've been working on Ashley's album... so we thought it would be fun to surprise you with a little party.
 * Brittany: Hey! I thought you said this was a going-away party for us.
 * Alvin: Uh...
 * Theodore: Take two.
 * Alvin: [claps his hands] To celebrate your birthday… and The Chipettes leaving to guest-judge American Idol… We thought we'd throw you a small get… [The cellphone is ringing] Hold on, that's the DJ!
 * Simon: Wait, "DJ"?
 * Alvin: Okay, fine, so it might be a medium-sized get-together.
 * Simon: Alvin, did you hire someone to build a half-pipe in the backyard?! [takes off his glasses angrily]
 * Alvin: Of course not! The party planner did.
 * Simon: You hired a party planner?!
 * Party planner: No, he did not hire a "party planner."
 * Simon: Oh, thank goodness. [He puts his glasses back on] For a minute there, I...
 * Party planner: I am an event planner. Marco, I'm done giving you instructions.
 * Simon: Oh, boy.
 * [That night in the backyard]
 * Alvin: Dave, it's all good. It's just us. [chuckles nervously] Nothing too cra... [Theodore accidentally presses the flip button on the cellphone] Theodore, you hit the flip button!
 * Theodore: Oops! Um, hi.


 * Simon: Well, there's no way to sugarcoat it, Dave. The cops are here!
 * Alvin: And they're having a blast!
 * Police officers: Happy birthday, Dave!


 * Jeanette: Is that safe?
 * Simon: No, it is absolutely not.


 * Alvin: When I say "party", you say "Alvin". Party!
 * Party People: Alvin!
 * Alvin: Party!
 * Dave and the Party People: Alvin!
 * Alvin: Party!
 * Dave: [unplugs the music] ALVIN!
 * Alvin: Um… Surprise?
 * Theodore: Uh-oh!
 * Simon: Oh boy...
 * Brittany: Uh, if anyone needs us, we'll just be… [whispers] across the country.


 * Simon: Okay, where was I? Shoulders up, shoulders down.
 * Alvin: [annoyed] Oh, brother. [yelling in his face] HIT THE BALL, ALREADY!
 * Simon: Okay!


 * [Dave returns with Samantha]
 * Simon: Oh, Dave, thank goodness.
 * Alvin: Hey, Dave.
 * Dave: Hey, guys. This is Samantha. Sam, these are my boys.
 * Samantha: Hi.
 * Theodore: Hi.
 * [Dave and Samantha look up]
 * Dave: That's Theodore. He might be the smallest, but he's got the biggest heart.
 * Samantha: Hi.
 * Alvin: Ooh, we've heard a lot about you. [Samantha comes close to Alvin] Enchant. [kisses Samantha's finger]
 * Samantha: I can tell that you're trouble.
 * Alvin: If by "trouble", you mean "irresistible", then guilty as charged.
 * Dave: Alvin, of course, and there's Simon.
 * Simon: So, you're a doctor?
 * Samantha: I am. Did Dave mention that?
 * Simon: No, you're wearing a stethoscope.
 * Samantha: [looks at her stethoscope] Yes, I am. [takes off her Stethoscope] That's embarrassing.
 * Simon: Would it be okay if I tried it?
 * Samantha: Yeah, knock yourself out.
 * [She gives Simon the stethoscope]
 * Simon: Oh, thank you. [uses a Stethoscope to listen to his heart] Heart rate is smooth and steady, 400 BPM.
 * Theodore: So, it's beating?
 * Dave: Of course it's beating.
 * Samantha: It's so nice to finally meet you guys.


 * [The Chipmunks enter Dave's bedroom and watch him locking a safe in his nightstand and he goes into the bathroom, without noticing]
 * Theodore: I've always wanted a mom.
 * Alvin: Guys, if Samantha is our mom, that makes Miles…
 * Simon: [puts his hand on his chest; horrified] Our brother!
 * [They picture Miles using them to wash Dave's car, then blowing them with a leaf blower, and hanging them on a Christmas tree as ornaments]
 * Theodore: NO!!! [uses a paper bag to breathe out his hyperventilating]
 * Simon: Deep breaths, Theodore. In and out. It's going to be okay.
 * Theodore: What are we gonna do?


 * Dave: Okay, guys, Miss Price from next door, she's gonna peek in on you, make sure you're all right.
 * Alvin: What?! She's nuts! We should be the ones checking in on her.
 * Dave: Well, after that big party you guys threw, I don't feel very comfortable with you guys staying here unsupervised. You got it? [doorbell rings] Oh, that must be Samantha and Miles.
 * [Theodore coughs from hearing the name]
 * Alvin: Miles?!
 * Dave: Yeah, he's gonna stay with you guys for a few days.
 * Simon: So, you don't feel comfortable leaving us alone, but you're okay leaving us with that psychopath?
 * Dave: No, he's a great kid. It'll be fun. You know, it'll be, uh, a good bonding experience for you guys.
 * Simon: Uh, I'm pretty sure Miles would interpret "bonding experience" as super-gluing us together.


 * [Alvin and Miles look at the squirrels]
 * Miles: I can't believe that worked.
 * Alvin: It wasn't so much me as it was the peanuts dipped in cough syrup.
 * Miles: That's really messed up. Respect.
 * [They both do a fist bump]
 * Alvin: Thank you!
 * Simon: Alvin, these aren't even chipmunks. They're squirrels.
 * Alvin: Beggars can't be choosers. Besides, once we put them in the shirts from the Alvin, Simon and Theodore dolls... Miss Price won't be able to tell the difference.
 * Miles: Yeah, let's do it.
 * Theodore: Ooh, oh... I get to change me!


 * Alvin: Hello, New Orleans! Direct from our Austin to Miami Combat Tour, we're The Chipmunks! [people of New Orleans cheering]
 * Theodore: Is everybody ready to get their funk on?


 * Alvin: Did you guys hear that?
 * Miles: Hear what?
 * Alvin: Huh. Never mind.
 * Miles: Guys, last night was one of the best nights of my life.
 * Alvin: It was pretty crazy.
 * Theodore: Even that Suggs guy hung out with us.
 * Alvin: Yeah, he's not that bad after all.
 * Simon: Hey! We missed a call from Dave. And a text. 27 of them.
 * Theodore: Uh-oh!
 * Miles: Oh-no.


 * Alvin: This is where they told us to meet them, right?
 * Theodore: Well, yelled at us to meet them.
 * Miles: Hopefully they had time to cool off on the plane.
 * Dave: There you four are.
 * Simon: Dave!
 * Alvin: Dave!
 * Miles: Mom!
 * Dave: Don't "Dave, Mom" us.
 * Samantha: You know what, Dave? You're an artist, and you're emotional... and you follow your heart, but maybe I should take the lead on this one. You know, we keep a level head. Throw them a little Good Cop. Okay.
 * Dave: Okay.
 * Samantha: [to Miles and the Chipmunks] Don't you "Dave, Mom" us. Do you have any idea how terrifying it is... to find out that your children are 2,000 miles away from where they're supposed to be? You are lucky that there are witnesses, [Everyone heard everything] because I am so angry and disappointed right now... that I could just spit! Right here, on this floor! And I mean it!
 * Dave: Okay, okay, okay, okay. Nice Good Cop.
 * Alvin: Dave, I swear, it wasn't as crazy as it looked on TV.
 * Dave: Oh, really? Well, let me just pull up some of Theodore's tweets from last night. "Only one word to describe this night, "Crazy, crazy, crazy,crazy." Or, "if you wanna get crazy, "go to New Orleans. It's the craziest." Or, "In a New Orleans Jazz Parade, "so crazy."
 * Simon: We're really sorry, Dave.
 * Dave: Sorry's not gonna cut it this time, guys. If were up to me, we'd be going home, but I gotta get back to Miami. Do not smile. You guys are grounded in Miami and also when we get back to LA.
 * Alvin: [scoffs] When are we not grounded?
 * Dave: You'll be so old, and your fur will be gray.
 * Samantha: Yeah, that goes for your fur too, Miles.
 * Miles: I don't have fur.
 * Samantha: Well, whatever you have is grounded... for a long time. Let’s Go, come on.
 * Alvin: Huh. They didn't kill us after all
 * Miles: Feels like a win.


 * [The Chipmunks enters the elevator]
 * Alvin: Hurry, hurry!
 * Theodore: He's coming!
 * [The Chipmunks climb up the elevator's bar]
 * Theodore: Hurry, Alvin. Hit the button!
 * Simon: Come on, Alvin! Hurry, hurry!
 * [Alvin pushes the button on the elevator, and the elevator's door is closing]
 * Theodore: [sighs]
 * Simon: Whew!
 * Agent James Suggs: Ha!
 * [Agent James Suggs stops the elevator door, and opens it]
 * Agent James Suggs: Here's Suggsy! [he does an evil laugh]
 * Simon: He's like the Terminator!
 * Theodore: Yeah!
 * [Agent James Suggs enter the elevator]
 * Alvin: Oh, no.
 * Agent James Suggs: This is ironic. We're gonna be going up... but I'm taking you boys down. [he snickers] Now, here's what's gonna happen... I'm gonna turn you over to Homeland Security... and they're gonna put you in a zoo prison for dangerous animals.
 * Simon: [gasps] Oh, no.
 * Agent James Suggs: And then, if you ever get out of there... I'm gonna pay someone to have you stuffed.
 * Alvin: Right.
 * Agent James Suggs: And I'm gonna give you as a gift to Anna, who will hopefully take me back.
 * [Simon and Theodore look at each other]
 * Alvin: Dude, I'm sorry, but it's over.
 * Agent James Suggs: You don't know that.
 * Simon: Theo, let's go.
 * Agent James Suggs: I just think there's something wrong with her phone and she's not getting my texts... or the flowers, or my candy grams. [Simon and Theodore open the emergency hatch] And I, personally, don't think it's uncommon... for someone to move five times a year and change their number. [he laughs] Okay? It's normal.
 * Alvin: Oh, yeah. Totally normal.
 * Simon: Alvin!
 * [Agent James Suggs looks up]
 * Agent James Suggs: What? What's going on?
 * Alvin: And that's our cue to leave.
 * [Alvin pushes the red button, The elevator begins to shake]
 * Alvin: It has been a treat.
 * [Alvin runs to his brothers]
 * Agent James Suggs: No... What are you doing?
 * Simon: And elevator power off.
 * Agent James Suggs: [yells] No! No!
 * [Agent James Suggs tries to reach for the emergency hatch, But the Chipmunks closes the hatch, Agent James Suggs is now stuck in an elevator]


 * Dave: The only reason we're not headed back to LA right now is because... I have to be here. As soon as the show is over, we're all going home. I don't think I've ever been more disappointed in you guys than I am right now.
 * Simon: If Dave didn't wanna get rid of us before, he definitely does now.
 * Alvin: All because we only cared about if we were happy. Maybe it's a chipmunk thing, like hoarding, you know? Maybe we're emotional hoarders.
 * Simon: Actually, chipmunks are traditionally very caring creatures.
 * Alvin: Oh, nuts. Well, that means it's us.
 * Theodore: I'd do anything to fix this.


 * Alvin: Before we perform, my brothers and I have a few things to set things straight. Earlier this evening, we accidentally ruined a very special evening for a very special woman and we'd like to make it up to her.
 * Theodore: Yeah.
 * [The chipmunks turn their attention to Alice]
 * Alvin: Alice? Barry has something he'd like to ask you… Again.
 * Barry: [takes out the ring from his lining pocket and kneels down before Alice] Will you marry me this time?
 * Alice: [as Barry puts the ring on her finger; on the verge of tears] Yes.
 * [Everyone cheers and applaud for them as they hug]
 * Barry: Thanks, Chipmunks.
 * Alvin: And we just have one more quick thing to say. Dave… [in unison] We're really sorry.
 * Simon & Theodore: [in unison] We're sorry.
 * Theodore: So we wrote this last song for you.


 * Alvin: Girls, thank you. We owe you one.
 * Brittany: You owe us way more than one, but, you're welcome.
 * Jeanette: Guys, we have to get back to auditions. Ryan's been texting me like crazy.
 * Brittany: Come on, girls. Let's roll.
 * Eleanor: Bye, Theodore-able.
 * [Eleanor giggles, she runs after Brittany and Jeanette, Simon takes off his glasses as he looks at Theodore, who shrugs]


 * Miles: I can't believe I'm saying this, but I had fun getting in trouble with you guys.
 * Simon: The trip might be over, but as long as Alvin is around, we'll always get into trouble.
 * Alvin: Thanks, Si.
 * Simon: Not a compliment.

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 * [Dave and the chipmunks arrive home]
 * Alvin: Hey, official and legal dad?
 * Dave: Yes, official and legal son?
 * Alvin: Thanks for being the best official and legal dad, Dad.
 * Dave: Well, you three are the best official and legal sons an official and legal father could ask for.
 * Simon: Aw. That's sweet of you to say, Dad.
 * Theodore: Yeah.
 * Dave: But seriously, guys, this is the happiest day of my life. Literally nothing could ruin it for me.
 * [They all enter the house, Dave finds out that the squirrels made a huge mess]
 * Theodore: Oh, boy.
 * Simon: [gasps] Alvin.
 * Alvin: Totally forgot about this.
 * [One squirrel eats the table, another rips the curtain]
 * Dave: ALVIN!

Cast

 * Jason Lee — Dave Seville
 * Tony Hale — Agent James Suggs
 * Kimberly Williams-Paisley — Samantha
 * Josh Green — Miles
 * Bella Thorne — Ashley Grey
 * Eddie Steeples — Barry
 * Retta — Party Planner
 * Uzo Aduba — TSA Officer Jane Johnson
 * Flula Borg — Man Behind Mask
 * Justin Long — Voice of Alvin Seville
 * Matthew Gray Gubler — Voice of Simon Seville
 * Jesse McCartney — Voice of Theodore Seville
 * Kaley Cuoco — Voice of Eleanor Miller
 * Anna Faris — Voice of Jeanette Miller
 * Christina Applegate — Voice of Brittany Miller