Analyze This

Analyze This is a 1999 film released by Warner Bros. Pictures. Directed by Harold Ramis, it features Robert De Niro as a gangster and Billy Crystal as a psychiatrist. It was written by screenwriter Peter Tolan and former Naked Angels playwright Kenneth Lonergan. A sequel, Analyze That was released in 2002.

Dr. Ben Sobel

 * (masquerading as a mobster) My name is Ben Sobel... -lioni. Ben Sobellioni. I'm also known as, uh, Benny the Groin, Sammy the Schnozz, Elmer the Fudd, Tubby the Tuba, and once as Miss Phyllis Levine.


 * [talks to patient] Well, the first thing I think you should do... is to stop whining about this pathetic loser! You are a tragedy queen [mocks whining voice] "Steve doesn't like me. Steve doesn't respect me." I mean, who gives a shit? GET A FUCKING LIFE!!!!!!!!!


 * [Upon receiving an exquisite fountain from Vitti as a gift] Call the Vatican, see if there's anything missing.

Dialogue

 * Boss Paul Vitti: You know me?
 * Dr. Ben Sobel: Yes.
 * Boss Paul Vitti: No you don't.
 * Dr. Ben Sobel: Okay.
 * Boss Paul Vitti: You see my picture in the paper?
 * Dr. Ben Sobel: Yes.
 * Boss Paul Vitti: No you didn't.
 * Dr. Ben Sobel: I don't even get the paper.




 * Dr. Ben Sobel: Oedipus was a Greek king who killed his father and married his mother.
 * Boss Paul Vitti: (scoffing) Fuckin' Greeks.


 * Dominic: Times are changing. You've got to change with the times.
 * Boss Paul Vitti: What, am I supposed to get a fuckin' website?


 * Boss Paul Vitti: If I talk to you, and you turn me into a fag... I'm gonna kill you, you understand?
 * Dr. Ben Sobel: Could we define the word "fag," because...?
 * Boss Paul Vitti: I go fag, you die. Got it?
 * Dr. Ben Sobel: Got it.


 * Boss Paul Vitti: Hey, people get depressed, they jump. It's a human tragedy. It ain't my fault.
 * Dr. Ben Sobel: Oh, now you're gonna tell me it was a suicide?
 * Boss Paul Vitti: I don't know, I think he left a note. Jelly, did they find that note?
 * Jelly: (taking out a pen) Uh no, but they will in a minute.
 * Dr. Ben Sobel: Oh, and let me guess what it says? "Life is bullshit, I can't fucking take it no more! Signed, the Dead Guy."
 * Jelly: Hey, that's good, Doc.


 * Boss Paul Vitti: Hey, I got news for you, you little two-bit prick, son-of-a-bitch, rat-bastard you did nothing for me! Whatever you did the other day didn't take! I'm still fucked up! You did fucking NOTHING for me!
 * Dr. Ben Sobel: Hey, what do you expect? I saw you for five minutes! I can't work miracles, Mr. Vitti! And let me tell you something, I do not appreciate it when someone sneaks into my hotel room and kidnaps me in the middle of the night. I have a life, Mr. Viti, I have a family, and I have a serious practice, and I don't have time for your BULLSHIT...! That got away from me at the end there.


 * Dr. Ben Sobel: What happened with your wife last night?
 * Boss Paul Vitti: I wasn't with my wife, I was with my girlfriend.
 * Dr. Ben Sobel: Are you having marriage problems?
 * Boss Paul Vitti: No.
 * Dr. Ben Sobel: Then why do you have a girlfriend?
 * Boss Paul Vitti: What, are you gonna start moralizing on me?
 * Dr. Ben Sobel: No, I'm not, I'm just trying to understand, why do you have a girlfriend?
 * Boss Paul Vitti: I do things with her I can't do with my wife.
 * Dr. Ben Sobel: Why can't you do them with your wife?
 * Boss Paul Vitti: Hey! That's the mouth she kisses my kids goodnight with! What are you, crazy?


 * Michael Sobel: Was that really Paul Vitti?
 * Dr. Ben Sobel: Well, I didn't ask to see his Mafia decoder ring, but yes.


 * Boss Paul Vitti: I couldn't get it up last night
 * Dr. Ben Sobel: You mean sexually?
 * Boss Paul Vitti: No, I mean for the big game against Michigan State. Of course sexually! What the fuck's the matter with you?


 * [Vitti is trying to forgive Primo for attempting to whack him.]
 * Primo: Yeah, who is this?
 * Boss Paul Vitti: It's me.
 * Primo: Me who?
 * Boss Paul Vitti: Me. Me.
 * Primo: Me? Me who?
 * Boss Paul Vitti: Me. You know me. Me.
 * Primo: Yeah, how's it goin'?
 * Boss Paul Vitti: Not good. Not good. Whoever did that thing to you-know-who, that good friend of mine? They're trying to do that to me now, and I'm having a lot of feelings about that, and I'm trying to get some... some...
 * Dr. Ben Sobel: Closure.
 * Boss Paul Vitti: ...closure on that.
 * Primo: What kind of feelings?
 * Boss Paul Vitti: I'm feeling very angry about that, I'm really- I'm enraged. I'm feeling very very mad about that.
 * Primo: Yeah, so why are you telling me?
 * Boss Paul Vitti: Why'm I telling you? Like you don't know nothin' about it? Eh?
 * [Dr. Sobel gestures hurriedly for Vitti to be calm and slow down]
 * Primo: I don't know what you're talkin' about.
 * Boss Paul Vitti: You don't know nothin'? What?
 * Primo: I don't know what you're talkin' about.
 * Boss Paul Vitti: Okay, whatever, I'm just trying to... tell you about my feelings, and that I'm angry, and that that anger is...
 * Dr. Ben Sobel: A blocked wish.
 * Boss Paul Vitti: A blocked wish, and I'm looking forward to seeing you, next week at that thing, and unblock that angered wish, and hopefully, hopefully... [losing his temper] if you make one more move on me, you motherfucker, I'll fuckin' cut your fuckin' balls off and shove 'em up your fuckin' ass. I'll fuckin' bury you! I'll stick fucking ice picks in your eyes. I'll chop your fucking eyeballs and I'll send 'em to your family so they can eat them for dessert! Do you understand me?!
 * Primo: Hey, Paul.
 * Boss Paul Vitti: What?
 * Primo: Fuck you. [hangs up]
 * Boss Paul Vitti: (throws down phone) You motherfucker!
 * [In his office, Primo looks at one of his men]
 * Primo: You get a dictionary and find out what this "closure" is. If that's what he's gonna hit us with, then I wanna know what it is.


 * Dr. Ben Sobel: You know what I do I'm mad, Paul? I hit a pillow. Just hit the pillow, see how you feel.
 * [Vitti takes out a pistol and empties it into the pillow]
 * Boss Paul Vitti: There's your fuckin' pillow.
 * Dr. Ben Sobel: Feel better?
 * Boss Paul Vitti: ...Yeah, I do.
 * Dr. Ben Sobel: Good.


 * Boss Paul Vitti: I wasn't really gonna whack you.
 * Dr. Ben Sobel: Paul...
 * Boss Paul Vitti: Okay, I was gonna whack you. But I was real conflicted about it.




 * Dr. Ben Sobel: You don't hear the word "no" very often, do you?
 * Boss Paul Vitti: I hear it all the time, but usually it's, "No, please, no, no!"


 * Primo: Everybody knows there's been this thing between me and Paul Vitti for a long time.
 * Dr. Ben Sobel: Which thing are you talking about? The first thing or the second thing?
 * Primo: What second thing? I only know one thing.
 * Dr. Ben Sobel: Hey, how can we bring up the first thing if we're not gonna talk about the second thing. Did you talk to the guy?
 * Primo: What guy?
 * Dr. Ben Sobel: The guy with the thing!
 * Primo: What thing? What the fuck are you talking about?
 * Dr. Ben Sobel: How should I know? You brought it up.

Cast

 * Robert De Niro as Paul Vitti
 * Billy Crystal as Ben Sobel M.D.
 * Lisa Kudrow as Laura MacNamara
 * Chazz Palminteri as Primo Sindone
 * Joe Viterelli as Jelly
 * Kyle Sabihy as Michael
 * Pat Cooper as Sal Masiello
 * Joe Rigano as Manetta
 * Leo Rossi as Carlo Mangano
 * Richard C. Castellano as Jimmy
 * Pasquale Cajano as Frankie Zello
 * Gene Ruffini as Joe Baldassare
 * Judith Kahan as Elaine Felton
 * Tony Bennett (Guest starring) as Himself
 * DonnaMarie Recco as Shiela
 * Bill Macy as Dr. Isaac Sobel
 * Rebecca Schull as Dorothy Sobel
 * Asaif Mandvi as Dr. Shulman