Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy is a 2004 film about Ronald Joseph Aaron "Ron" Burgundy, San Diego's top rated newsman in the male dominated broadcasting of the 1970s, and how his life is about to change when a new ambitious female employee arrives in his office.
 * Directed by Adam McKay. Written by Adam McKay and Will Ferrell.

They bring you the news—so you don't have to get it yourself. Taglines

Ron Burgundy

 * How are you? You look awfully nice tonight. Hmm? Maybe don't wear a bra next time. No, I was talking to you. No, not her. I don't know her name. What is it? Lanolin. La - Lanolin? Like - like sheep's wool?
 * Mm, I love scotch. I love Scotch. Scotchy, Scotch, Scotch. Here it goes down. Down into my belly. Mm-mm-mm.
 * The arsonist has oddly shaped feet.
 * Oh, come on. Audrey. I look like hell. I got bags under my eyes. What's that? Well, if you were a man, I would punch you. I'd punch you right in the mouth. That's bush. Bush league.
 * [clears throat] The Human Torch was denied a bank loan.
 * Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy, and this is what's happening in your world tonight. A La Jolla man clings to life at a university hospital after being viciously attacked by a pack of wild dogs in an abandoned pool.
 * For all of us here at News Center Four, I'm Ron Burgundy. You stay classy, San Diego.
 * Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention? I've just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. I need all of you to stop what you're doing and listen. Cannonball!
 * [upon seeing Veronica Corningstone for the first time] By the beard of Zeus!
 * [to Baxter] Yoo-hoo! [clears throat] Baxter! Papa's home. There he is. There's my little man. You're okay? O - Of course, I met a lady tonight. This one was different. I have to be honest. Quite different. What? I'm lonely? I'm not lonely! I - I'm beloved by everyone in San Diego. Wow. You know how to cut to the core of me, Baxter. You're so wise. [laughs] You're like a miniature Buddha covered in hair. Come again? You know I don't speak Spanish. In English, please. Huh? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole . . . wheel of cheese? How'd you do that? It's actually - I'm not even mad. That's amazing. [laughs again] I forgive you. What do you say we get you in your PJs and we hit the hay? Huh? Bedtime. Okay, come on. Let's go. Come on.
 * [to Brian Fantana] “We've been coming to the same party for 12 years now...and in no way is that depressing.”
 * I know that one day, Veronica and I are gonna get married on top of a mountain. And there's going to be flutes playing and trombones and flowers and garlands of fresh herbs. And we will dance 'til the sun rises. And then our children will form a family band. And we will tour the countryside, and you won't be invited!
 * It's so damn hot . . . milk was a bad choice!
 * By the hymen of Olivia Newton John!
 * Knights of Columbus that hurt!

Veronica Corningstone

 * [voiceover, after witnessing the sexism exhibited by the news team] Huh, here we go again. Every station, it's the same. Women ask me how I put up with it. Well, the truth is, I don't really have a choice. This is definitely a man's world. But while they're laughing and grab-assing, I'm chasing down leads and practicing my non-regional diction. Because the only way to win is to be the best. The very best.

Brian Fantana

 * People call me the Bri-man. I'm the stylish one of the group. I know what you're asking yourself, and the answer is yes, I have a nickname for my penis. It's called the Octagon. But I also nicknamed my testes. My left one is James Westfall, and my right one is Dr. Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right, you just might get to meet the whole gang.
 * It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. It's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good. They've done studies, you know. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.

Champion "Champ" Kind

 * Champ here. I'm all about havin' fun. You know, get a couple of cocktails in me, start a fire in someone's kitchen. Maybe go to SeaWorld, take my pants off. Anyway, I've become kind of famous for my signature catchphrase, "Whammy!" As in, "Gene Tenace at the plate . . . and whammy!" Whammy!
 * I woke up this morning on the floor of some Japanese family's rec room, and they would not stop screaming!

Brick Tamland

 * I'm Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite, and I'm rarely late. I like to eat ice cream, and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an IQ of 48 and am what some people call "mentally retarded."
 * [from the outtakes] I drank a lava lamp. It wasn't lava.
 * [from the outtakes] I ate a whole bunch of fiberglass insulation. It wasn't cotton candy like that guy said. My stomach's itchy.
 * [from the outtakes] I pooped a hammer.
 * [from the outtakes] I pooped a tape recorder.
 * [from the outtakes] I pooped a Cornish game hen. Uh . . . [laughs] Nope.

Edward "Ed" Harken

 * [on the phone] Right, but I think my son is just going through a phase. I have no idea where he would have gotten ahold of German pornography. But you and I are mature adults. We've both seen our share of pornographic materials. Oh, you never have? O - Of course you haven't. How stupid of me. Neither have I. I was just speaking in generalities. Right, I'll stop by the school a little later, Sister Margaret. Bye.
 * [to Veronica Corningstone] Apparently, my son was on something called acid and was firing a bow and arrow into a crowd. You know how kids are!

Public News anchor

 * Not so fast, you ingrates! Public News Team is taking a break from its pledge drive to kick some ass. No commercials! No mercy!

Arturo Mendez

 * Como éstan, bitches! Spanish language news is here. Tonight's top story: the sewers run red with Burgundy's blood.
 * Policia!

Narrator

 * [voiceover] There was a time, a time before cable, when the local anchorman reigned supreme, when people believed everything they heard on TV. This was an age when only men were allowed to read the news. And in San Diego, one anchorman was more man than the rest. His name was Ron Burgundy. He was like a god walking amongst mere mortals. He had a voice that could make a wolverine purr and suits so fine, they made Sinatra look like a hobo. In other words, Ron Burgundy was the balls.
 * [voiceover] When the clock struck six, it meant one thing for Ron Burgundy and his news team: go time.

Dialogue

 * Ed: Listen up. The ratings just came in for last month. We are number one. We just grabbed every key demographic.
 * [Everyone cheers.]
 * Brian: Yeah! Yeah!
 * Ron: Super duper, gang! Super duper! That's nice! Way to go! Neat-o, gang.
 * Brick: Yes!
 * Ron: Boy, Ed, that is good news. I gotta be honest.
 * [Ron and Ed shake hands and hug.]
 * Ed: Congrats, congrats.
 * Ron: That is good news!
 * Brian: All right!
 * [Garth lights Ed's cigar.]
 * Ed: [to Garth] Stick around. Make sure these guys don't party too much.
 * Garth: Uh, they don't ever really listen to me, Ed.
 * Ed: Just get it done.
 * Garth: Okay.


 * Ron: Hello.
 * Veronica: Hello.
 * Ron: Hope I'm not disturbing you, but, uh, I saw you from across the party, and, uh, I don't usually do this, but I felt compelled to tell you something. You have an absolutely breathtaking heinie. I mean, that thing is good. I wanna be with friends with it.
 * Veronica: Well, you certainly know how to compliment a woman. Now, if you'll excuse me.
 * [She starts to leave.]
 * Ron: Do you know who I am?
 * Veronica: No, I - I can't say that I do.
 * Ron: I don't know how to put this, but I'm kind of a big deal.
 * Veronica: Really?
 * Ron: People know me.
 * Veronica: Well, I'm very happy for you.
 * Ron: I'm very important. Uh, I have many leather-bound books, and my apartment smells of rich mahogany. I - I - I'm friends with Merlin Olsen, too. He's - comes over on occasion.
 * [He laughs.]
 * Ron: That's stupid.
 * Veronica: No, no, that's . . . very exciting.
 * Ron: Listen, can - can I start over again?
 * Veronica: Sure.
 * Ron: I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there. And if you like, you can take it. If you don't, send it right back. I wanna be on you.
 * [Veronica leaves.]
 * Ron: Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I . . . I wanna be on you.


 * Brian: Oh, that was one crazy party. I am hung over!
 * Champ: Tell me about it. I woke up this morning, and I shit a squirrel. I mean it. Literally. Hell of it is, damn thing's still alive. So, I got this shit-covered squirrel down there in the office. Don't know what to name it.
 * Brick: Aw, I'm sorry, Champ. I think I ate your chocolate squirrel.
 * [Garth and Ed enter the conference room.]
 * Garth: All right, guys. Let's focus up.
 * Ed: Morning, everyone. Here are the stories we're gonna be chasing today. It looks like Ling Wong, the rare panda at the San Diego Zoo, is pregnant.
 * Garth: This is a big one.
 * Ed: Now, this could be the big story of the summer. Network is gonna be wanting plenty of coverage. And speaking of network, word on the street is they're looking for a new anchor. So, Ron -
 * [Ron wakes up.]
 * Ron: Huh? Network? Are they here?
 * Ed: In addition, a lot of you have been hearing the affiliates complaining about a lack of diversity on the news team.
 * Champ: What in the hell's diversity?
 * [Ron clears his throat.]
 * Ron: Well, I - I could be wrong, but I believe, uh, Diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.
 * [Ron and Brick nod.]
 * Someone in the conference room: That's right.
 * Ed: Ron, I would be surprised if the affiliates were concerned about the lack of an old, old wooden ship, but nice try. Uh, diversity means that times are changing, and with that in mind - Ron, are you paying attention?
 * Ron: Nope.
 * Ed: Well, this concerns all of us.
 * Ron: Okay.


 * Brian: I mean, come on, Ed, it's bullcrap! D - Don't get me wrong, I loves the ladies. I mean, they rev my engines, but they don't belong in the newsroom!
 * Champ: It is anchorman, not anchorlady! And that is a scientific fact!
 * Brian: Uh-huh.
 * Brick: I don't know what we're yelling about!
 * Brian: You're with us, Ron. What do you think?
 * Ron: Shit! Sh-- it's terrible! She has beautiful eyes, and her hair smells like cinnamon!
 * Brian: Mm-hmm.
 * Brick: Loud noises!
 * Ed: All right, everyone relax. She's not gonna take anyone's airtime, okay?
 * Brick: I heard somewhere that their periods attract bears. The bears can smell the menstruation.
 * Brian: Well, that's just great. You hear that, Ed? Bears. Now, you're putting the whole station in jeopardy.
 * Champ: I will say one thing for her, Ed. She does have a nice, big old behind.
 * [He laughs.]
 * Champ: I'd like to put some barbecue sauce on that butt and just bite, bite, bite, bite, munch, munch, munch! Ah-woo!
 * [Ed and Brian are cracking up.]
 * Ed: Stop it! Oh, Jesus.
 * [Champ continues barking and does not see Veronica enter the room. Ed and Brian stop laughing upon realizing that she is there.]
 * Champ: Oh, oh, oh, look at the full-moon butt! Look at it!
 * [He continues barking.]
 * Brian: Champ! Champ! Champ, Champ!
 * [Brian motions to Champ to be quiet, and Champ turns and sees Veronica and becomes silent.]
 * Veronica Corningstone: Mr. Harkin, I was just wondering if you knew when my office would be ready.
 * Edward "Ed" Harkin: Well, that might take some time. For now, why don't you just grab a desk in the bullpen?
 * Ron: You can use my office! Then, afterwards, maybe we can go to lunch!
 * Ed: Lower your voice, Ron.
 * Ron: Mm-hm!
 * Veronica: All right. Well, thank you, Mr. Harkin. I'll go get my desk set up.
 * [Veronica leaves Ed's office, and Champ and Brian crack up again.]
 * Champion "Champ" Kind: Oh, she is a saucy mama!


 * Champ: What's this?
 * Wes: Well, well, well. Ron Burgundy and the Channel Four News team.
 * Ron: Hello, Wes Mantooth. Hello, Evening News team.
 * Wes: Hey, nice clothes, gentlemen. I didn't know that the Salvation Army was having a sale.
 * [Wes and his news team laugh, and Wes flicks his cigarette at Ron.]
 * Wes: Am I right? Am I right? Look at these guys!
 * [They continue laughing.]
 * Brick: Hey! Where did you get those clothes? At the toilet store?
 * We: What are you doing on our station's turf, Burgundy? You're about to get a serious beat down.
 * Champ: I will smash your face into a car windshield and then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth, out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again!
 * [Wes's colleagues are forced to restrain an enraged Wes while Brick restrains Champ. Ron puts himself between Champ and Wes]
 * Wes: Dorothy Mantooth is a saint! You understand me? Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!
 * Ron: Hey, leave the mothers out of this. All right?
 * [Ron adjusts Champ's collar while Brian makes fighting motions at the Evening News team.]
 * Ron: It's unnecessary. Besides, I'm sure Wes here is just upset about finishing second in the ratings again.
 * [Brian winces.]
 * Brian: Ooh!
 * [He laughs.]
 * Wes: That's completely uncalled for, Burgundy. You know those rating systems are flawed. They don't take in account houses that have, uh, more than two television sets and other - other things of that nature.
 * Ron: I guess I have to take you at your word, number two.
 * [Ron, Brian, Champ, and Brick laugh at this, and Brian holds up a number two sign on his hand.]
 * Ron: You have a great day, fellas. We'll see you around the bend.
 * [They walk off while Wes hits his news team's van.]
 * Wes: Son of a bitch!
 * Brian: Excusez-moi, numéro two.
 * Wes: Hey, Burgundy. You know those sample audiences aren't big enough! Stop hiding behind those phony numbers, Burgundy! I'm coming after you! I hate you, Ron Burgundy. I hate you! [to his news team] Can't say - can't say one word? Even the guy who can't think says something! You just stand there? Come on!


 * [Champ walks up to Veronica Corningstone's desk.]
 * Champ: Let me just grab this.
 * [He pretends to grab a pencil but tries grabbing her breast instead.]
 * Champ: Oh, sorry about that. Whammy.
 * [He starts walking away.]
 * Veronica: Hmm. Uh, Champ?
 * Champ: Yeah?
 * Veronica: You're trying to touch my breast, aren't you?
 * Champ: What can I say? I like the way you're put together. What do you say we go out on a date? Have some chicken, maybe some sex. You know, see what happens?
 * Veronica: Oh, let me get this over here.
 * [She punches Champ in the groin, causing him to groan in pain.]
 * Veronica: Oh, sorry.
 * [She grabs a tape dispenser.]
 * Veronica: There it is.


 * Ron: Let's go to Brian Fantana who's live on the scene with a Channel Four News exclusive. Brian?
 * Brian: Panda Watch! The mood is tense. I have been on some serious, serious reports but nothing quite like this. I, uh, Ching King is inside right now. I tried to get an interview with him, but they said "No, you can't do that, he's a live bear, he will literally rip your face off." [to the Panda] Hey, you're making me look stupid. Get out here, panda jerk!
 * Ron: Great story. Compelling and rich. Well, that's going to do it for all of us here at Channel Four News. You stay classy, San Diego. I'm Ron Burgundy?
 * Ed: Damn it! Who typed a question mark on the teleprompter? For the last time, anything you put on that prompter, Burgundy will read!


 * Brian: Well, I'll give this little cookie an hour before we're doing the no-pants dance.
 * [Brian and Ron.]
 * Brian: Time to musk up.
 * [He opens the door to reveal different types of colognes.]
 * Ron: Wow. Never ceases to amaze me.
 * [He laughs.]
 * Ron: What cologne are you gonna go with? London Gentleman or . . . wait. No, no, no. Hold on. Blackbeard's Delight?
 * Brian: No. She gets a special cologne. It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries. Yep. It's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.
 * Ron: It's quite pungent.
 * Brian: Oh yeah.
 * Ron: It's a formidable scent.
 * [He cringes while Brian daubs the cologne on his neck.]
 * Ron: It stings the nostrils.
 * [He laughs.]
 * Ron: In a good way.
 * Brian: Yeah.
 * Ron: Brian, I'm gonna be honest with you. That smells like pure gasoline.
 * Brian: They've done studies, you know? 60% of the time, it works every time.
 * Ron: That doesn't make any sense.
 * Brian: Well, let's go see if we can make this little kitty purr.
 * [Brian growls, leaves the office, and approaches Veronica.]
 * Brian: Hey, sweet cheeks. Got an invite I'd like to extend your way.
 * Veronica: My God. What is that smell? Oh!
 * Brian: That's the smell of desire, my lady.
 * Veronica: God no, it smells like - like a used diaper filled with Indian food. Oh! Excuse me.
 * Brian: You know, desire smells like that to some people.
 * [Other people start reacting to the cologne.]
 * News station employee: What is that? It smells like a turd covered in burnt hair!
 * [Another woman passes by Brian and reacts in disgust.]
 * Woman: It smells like Bigfoot's dick!
 * [Almost all of the employees flee the office to avoid the smell, and a woman starts screaming. Brian looks at his watch.]
 * Brian: Oh.
 * [The smell is so strong that it sets off the fire alarm. Brian tries acting casual and walks away.]
 * Brian: Oh, what's that smell, huh?
 * [The scene cuts to Brian being jet-hosed in the parking lot.]
 * Hoser: This is worse than the time the raccoon got in the copier!


 * [Brick makes a fake cough.]
 * Brick: Cough. Look over here. Excuse me, Veronica.
 * Veronica: Yes, what is it, Brick?
 * Brick: I would like to extend to you, an invitation to the Pants Party.
 * Veronica: Excuse me?
 * Brick: The party, the pants, party with the pants?
 * Veronica: Brick, are you saying that there is a party in your pants and that I'm invited?
 * Brick: That's it.
 * Veronica: Mm. Did Brian tell you to say this, Brick?
 * Brick: No, yes, he did.
 * Veronica: Okay. No, I don't want to go to a party in your pants.
 * Brick: Very well.
 * [He turns to Ian.]
 * Brick: Ian! Would you like to go to a party in my pants?
 * Ian: No, Brick.
 * Brick: All right. Let's go!


 * Champ: [on Veronica Corningstone] I'm telling you, she is a real ball-buster.
 * [Brian laughs.]
 * Brian: A real ice queen.
 * [Brick drinks some coffee.]
 * Brick: Mm. I just burned my tongue.
 * Ron: The only way to bag a classy lady is to give her two tickets to the gun show.
 * [He holds up his arms and kisses each one.]
 * Ron: Let's see if she likes the goods.


 * [Ron is lifting weights.]
 * Ron: 1,001, 1,002, 1,003.
 * Veronica: Uh, Mr. Burgundy? Helen said that you needed to see me.
 * Ron: Oh, Miss Corningstone. I wasn't expecting company. Just doing my workout. Tuesday's arms and back.
 * Veronica: Well, you asked me to come by, sir.
 * Ron: Oh, did I?
 * Veronica: Yes.
 * Ron: Oh-h, it's the deep burn! Oh, it's so deep! Oh, I can barely lift my right arm 'cause I did so many. I don't know if you heard me counting. I did over a thousand.


 * Ron: Mmm. San Diego. Drink it in. It always goes down smooth. Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means "a whale's vagina".
 * Veronica: No, there's no way that's correct.
 * Ron: I'm sorry. I was trying to impress you. I don't know what it means. I'll be honest. I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago.
 * Veronica: Doesn't it mean "Saint Diego"?
 * Ron: No. No.
 * Veronica: No, that's--that's what it means. Really.
 * Ron: Well. Agree to disagree.


 * Ron: I friggin' love you!
 * Veronica: I friggin' love you back!


 * Ron: Look, the most glorious rainbow ever!
 * Veronica: Oh, do me on it!


 * Ron: Veronica Corningstone and I had sex, and we are now in love! Did I say that loud?
 * Brian: Yeah, you pretty much yelled it.
 * Ron: Well, I don't care. It's fantastic!
 * Champ: What's it like, Ron?
 * Ron: The intimate times? Outta sight, my man!
 * Brian: No, the other thing. Love.
 * Brick: Yeah. What is that?


 * Brian: I think I was in love once.
 * Ron: Really? What was her name?
 * Brian: I don't remember.
 * Ron: That's not a good start, but keep going.
 * Brian: She was Brazilian, or Chinese, or something weird. I met her in the bathroom of a K-Mart, and we made out for hours. Then, we parted ways, never to see each other again.
 * Ron: Brian, I'm pretty sure that's not love.
 * Brian: Damn it!
 * Brick: I love carpet.
 * [Ron nods understandingly.]
 * Brick: I love desk.
 * Ron: Brick, are you just looking at things in the office and saying that you love them?
 * Brick: I love lamp.
 * Ron: Do you really love the lamp, or are you just saying that because you saw it?
 * Brick: I- I love lamp! I love lamp.


 * Ron: You really want to know what love is?
 * [Champ nods his head.]
 * Champ: Yeah.
 * Brian: Yes! Tell us!
 * Brick: More than anything in the world, Ron!
 * Ron: Well, it's really quite simple. It's kinda like...
 * [He starts singing "Afternoon Delight".]
 * Ron: "Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight, gonna grab some afternoon delight. My motto's always been 'when it's right, it's right', why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?"
 * [Champ, Brian, and Brick join in.]
 * Everyone: "When everything's a little clearer in the light of day. And, we know the night is always gonna be here anyway!"
 * Brick and Brian: "Thinking of you's workin' up my appetite, looking forward to a little afternoon delight. Rubbing sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite, and the thought of loving you is getting so exciting, sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight."
 * [Ron stops singing.]
 * Ron: You guys have it.
 * [Everyone sings.]
 * Everyone: "Afternoon delight!"
 * [Champ, Brian, and Brick stop singing.]
 * Champ: I dunno, Ron. That sounds kinda crazy.
 * Brian: Sounds like you have mental problems, man.
 * Brick: Yeah, you got mental problems, man.
 * Brian: Yeah, it really does.
 * Brick: Man.
 * [Everyone sings.]
 * Everyone: "Afternoon delight!"

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 * Champ: The bottom line is you've been spending a lot of time with this lady, Ron. You're a member of the Channel Four News team.
 * Ron: That's a given. That's a given.
 * Champ: We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you. I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. [He laughs brokenly.] I miss your scent. I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together!
 * Brian: Take it easy, Champ. Why don't you stop talking for a while?
 * Ron: Yeah, sit the next couple plays out, if you know what I mean.

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 * Ron Burgundy: Last time I checked, my name was Ron Burgundy! What's yours?
 * Brian Fantana: Brian Fantana!
 * Champ Kind: Champ Kind!
 * Brick Tamland: Brian Fantana...
 * Brian Fantana: No, you're Brick...

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 * Motorcyclist: What do you love?
 * Ron: I love poetry and a glass of scotch, and, of course, my friend Baxter here.
 * Motorcyclist: Well, now, guess what, this is happening.
 * [He grabs Baxter.]
 * Ron: Excuse me, excuse me, what are you doing?
 * [The motorcyclist punts Baxter over bridge.]
 * Motorcyclist: That's how I roll!
 * Ron: Baxter! [gasps.] NOOOOOOOO!!!!

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 * Brian: Where are you, Ron?
 * Ron: I'm in a glass case of emotion!

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 * Ron: Wait, Veronica, please tell me this is some kind of sick tasteless joke.
 * Veronica: You weren't here! Why are you being this way? Why can't you just be proud of me as a peer and as my gentleman lover?
 * Ron: I can't believe you did this to me! You read my news!
 * Veronica: I told you that I wanted to be an anchor. I told you that.
 * Ron: I thought you were kidding! I thought it was a joke. I even wrote it down in my diary. "Veronica had a very funny joke today." I laughed at it later that night!
 * Veronica: I can't believe that I cared for you!
 * Ron: Get out! Just go! We are through! Through! Because of your actions, you scorpion woman!
 * Veronica: You have broken my heart, Mr. Burgundy. You have broken my heart.

<hr width="50%"/>
 * [Veronica picks up the phone.]
 * Veronica: Veronica Corningstone.
 * Ron: Hello. This is your doctor. I have your pregnancy results here, and guess what? You, you got knocked up, so you should probably get out of news.
 * Veronica: Who is this?
 * Ron: This is Dr. Chim. Dr. Chim Richalds. Richalds.
 * Veronica: Is this you, Ron?
 * Ron: I'm a professional doctor. You saw me. You don't remember. You were drunk. You should - you should go, you should get out of news.
 * Veronica: This is pathetic.
 * Ron: You're pathetic.
 * [He hangs up.]
 * Champ: How'd it go?
 * Ron: I think she bought it.

<hr width="50%">
 * Veronica: Mr. Burgundy, I am a professional and I would like to be able to do my job.
 * Ron: Big deal. I am very professional.
 * Veronica: Mr. Burgundy, you are acting like a baby.
 * Ron: I'm not a baby, I'm a man! I am an anchorman!
 * Veronica: You are not a man. You are a big fat joke!
 * Ron: I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn! That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of ours. It's science.

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 * Frank Vitchard: Hey! If you're gonna have a fight, then don't forget Channel Two News, with me, lead anchor Frank Vitchard.
 * Ron: You dirt bags have been in third place for five years.
 * Frank Vitchard: Oh, yeah? Well, you're about to be in . . . dead place!

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 * Ron: Brick, where did you get a hand grenade?
 * Brick: I don't know.

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 * Ron: [on the fight between local anchormen] Boy, that escalated quickly. I mean, that really got out of hand fast!
 * Champ: It jumped up a notch.
 * Ron: It did, didn't it?
 * Brick: Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart.
 * Ron: I saw that! Brick killed a guy! Did you throw a trident?
 * Brick: Yeah, there were horses and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident.
 * Ron: Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should probably find yourself a safe house or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder. I'm proud of you fellas. You all kept your head on a swivel and that's what you're gonna do when you find yourself in a vicious cockfight.

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 * Ron: You are a smelly pirate hooker!
 * Veronica: You look like a blueberry!
 * Ron: Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island!
 * Veronica: Well, you have bad hair!
 * Ron: [shocked] What did you say?
 * Veronica: I said... your hair... looks stupid!

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 * Veronica: For the entire Channel Four News team, I'm Veronica Corningstone.
 * Ron: And I'm Ron Burgundy. Go fuck yourself, San Diego!


 * <hr width="50%"/>
 * Garth: Coming out with stink like that poop, you poop-mouth! Get all that poop coming out of your mouth!
 * Ron: Garth, if I were to give you some money from out of my wallet, would that help ease the pain?
 * [He glances at Ed for approval.]
 * Garth: I hate you Ron Burgundy! I hate you!

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 * [A drunk Ron is singing in the bar.]
 * Ron: "Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon deliiiight... Af...
 * [He blows a raspberry.]
 * Ron: I make fart-noises with my mouth . ..
 * [He blows a raspberry again.]
 * Ron: . . . and I like it cause...
 * Bartender: Hey, nut job, quit the singing! You creeping out all the regulars.
 * Ron: I'm expressing my inner anguish THROUGH THE MAJESTY OF SONG!

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 * Narrator: [voiceover] Yes, redemption was sweet for Ron Burgundy.
 * Champ: Yes! Ron!
 * Narrator: [voiceover] As for the news team . ..
 * Champ: Stop it! Ron!
 * Narrator: [voiceover] Champ Kind went on to become a commentator for the NFL but was later fired after being accused of sexual harassment by Terry Bradshaw.
 * Woman: [to Brian Fantana] Excuse me. Is that Sex Panther you're wearing?
 * [Brian howls happily.]
 * Narrator: [voiceover] Brian Fantana went on to have great success as the host of the hit reality TV show Intercourse Island on the Fox Network.
 * Brian: Anyone seen Brick? Brick?
 * [Brick is still in the bear pen and is cuddling with a bear.]
 * Brick: Don't! That tickles! No, that tickles me!
 * [Brick laughs.]
 * Brick: Come on!
 * Narrator: [voiceover] Brick Tamland is married with 11 children and is one of the top political advisors to the Bush White House.
 * Brick: I'm gonna get you! I'm gonna get you!
 * [Ron and Veronica are still kissing.]
 * Baxter: [to Ron, about Veronica] Hey! Is she going to live with us? Because I am not cool with that.

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 * Ron: Um, Brick, before I let you go, are you still having your celebrity golf tournament?
 * Brick: Um, no, no. Too many people died last year, so we're not gonna do it.

Cast

 * Will Ferrell - Ronald Joseph Aaron "Ron" Burgundy
 * Christina Applegate - Veronica Corningstone
 * Paul Rudd - Brian Fantana
 * Steve Carell - Brick Tamland
 * David Koechner - Champion "Champ" Kind
 * Vince Vaughn - Wes Mantooth
 * Fred Willard - Edward "Ed" Harkin
 * Chris Parnell - Garth Holliday
 * Peanut - Baxter
 * Danny Trejo - Bartender
 * Jack Black - Motorcyclist
 * Judd Apatow - News station employee
 * Paul F. Tompkins - Cat show competition host
 * Jay Johnston - Eyewitness News team member
 * Robin Antin - Spanish Language News team member
 * Fred Armisen - Tino
 * Adam McKay - Janitor
 * Tim Robbins - Public News anchor
 * Jimmy Bennett - Tommy
 * Luke Wilson - Frank Vitchard
 * Ben Stiller - Arturo Mendez
 * Seth Rogen - Cameraman
 * Kathryn Hahn - Helen
 * Missi Pyle - Zookeeper
 * Bill Kurtis - Narrator

Taglines

 * They bring you the news—so you don't have to get it yourself.
 * THEY BRING YOU THE NEWS SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET IT YOURSELF
 * If Ron Burgundy says it, it's the truth!
 * His news is bigger than your news.