Animal Crackers (1930 film)

Animal Crackers is a 1930 American film starring the Marx Brothers in which mayhem and zaniness ensue when a valuable painting goes missing during a party in honor of celebrated African explorer Captain Spaulding.
 * Directed by Victor Heerman. Adapted from the play written by George S. Kaufman, Morrie Ryskind, Bert Kalmar, and Harry Ruby.

The maddest comics of them all!

Jeffrey Spaulding

 * One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know.
 * Note: ranked #53 in the American Film Institute's list of the top 100 movie quotations in American cinema.

Dialogue

 * Guests: Hooray for Captain Spaulding, the African explorer!
 * Spaulding: Did someone call me schnorrer?
 * Guests: Hooray, hooray, hooray!


 * Guests: He put all his reliance In courage and defiance And risked his life for science.
 * Spaulding: Hey, hey!
 * Mrs. Rittenhouse: He is the only white man who covered every acre...
 * Spaulding: I think I'll try and make her...
 * Guests: Hooray, hooray, hooray!


 * Mrs. Rittenhouse: You are one of the musicians, but you were not due until tomorrow.
 * Ravelli: Couldn't come tomorrow, that's too quick.
 * Spaulding: Say, you're lucky he didn't come yesterday.
 * Ravelli: We were busy yesterday. But we charge just the same.
 * Spaulding: This is better than exploring. What do you fellas get an hour?
 * Ravelli: Oh, for playing, we get ten dollars an hour.
 * Spaulding: I see. What do you get for not playing?
 * Ravelli: Twelve dollars an hour.
 * Spaulding: Well, clip me off a piece of that.
 * Ravelli: Now for rehearsing, we make special rate: that's'a fifteen dollars an hour.
 * Spaulding: That's for rehearsing?
 * Ravelli: That's for rehearsing.
 * Spaulding: And what do you get for not rehearsing?
 * Ravelli: You couldn't afford it. You see, if we don't rehearse, we don't play. And if we don't play [snaps fingers], that runs into money.
 * Spaulding: How much would you want to run into an open manhole?
 * Ravelli: Just the cover charge. [Laughs with Mrs. Rittenhouse.]
 * Spaulding: Well, drop in some time.
 * Ravelli: Sewer.
 * Spaulding: Well, we cleaned that up pretty well.
 * Ravelli: Well, let's see how we stand.
 * Spaulding: Flat-footed.
 * Ravelli: Yesterday, we didn't come. [to Mrs. Rittenhouse] You remember, yesterday, we didn't come.
 * Spaulding: Oh, I remember.
 * Ravelli: Yeah, that's three hundred dollars.
 * Spaulding: Yesterday, you didn't come, that's three hundred dollars.
 * Ravelli: Yes, that's three hundred dollars.
 * Spaulding: Well, that's reasonable, I can see that all right.
 * Ravelli: Now today, we did come. That's, uh...
 * Spaulding: That's a hundred you owe us.
 * Ravelli: Hey, I bet I'm gonna lose on the deal. Tomorrow, we leave. That's worth about...
 * Spaulding: A million dollars.
 * Ravelli: Yeah, that's all right for me, but I gotta partner.
 * Spaulding: A partner?!
 * Hives: (announcing) The Professor!


 * [the paintings have all been recovered]
 * Hennessy: [to the Professor] You'd better come with me, young fellow!
 * Spaulding: Don't take him away, Officer! He returned the paintings. [the Professor shakes Spaulding's hand] Pardon me, my name is Spaulding, and I've always wanted to meet you.
 * Hennessy: ...All right. I'll let him go this time. [the Professor shakes his hand] But I want to give you some advice: you're running around with the wrong kind of people! Do you want to be a crook? [the Professor grins and nods, startling Hennesy; Ravelli and Spaulding both roll their eyes] Now, why don't you go home?
 * Ravelli: He's got no home.
 * Hennessy: Go home for a few nights, and stay home. [the Professor nods, removing his left hand from his belt and letting it hang, Hennessy claps him on the right shoulder gently] Don't you know your poor old mother sits there-
 * [he is interrupted by clanging noises as stolen silverware falls from the Professor's sleeve]
 * Hennessy: Sits there, night af- [more silverware] Night after night. [more silverware] Waiting to hear your steps on the stairs.
 * Ravelli: He's got no stairs.
 * Hennessy: And I can see a little light, burn- [more silverware] Burning in the window.
 * Spaulding: No you can't, the gas company turned it off.
 * Hennessy: Now, what I'm telling you is for your own good- [more silverware] And if you listen to me- [more silverware] You can't go wrong- [he is cut off completely by a crash as a particularly large bunch of silverware hits the floor]
 * Spaulding: This may go on for years.
 * Hennessy: Now, there's just one th- [He is once again cut off by the silverware]
 * Spaulding: I can't understand what's delaying that coffeepot. [the Professor shifts his arm, and a coffeepot falls out of his sleeve] Where's the cream?
 * Hennessy: Well, you've certainly surprised me!
 * Spaulding: Me too; I thought he had more than that!


 * Ravelli: I've got Ace-a spades. He’s got Ace-a spades! Ha ha ha ha ha! That's what you called quinsidenses.
 * Mrs. Rittenhouse: Two Aces of spades?
 * Ravelli: Yeah, he's got thousands of them.


 * Ravelli: How did you get to be Roscoe W.Chandler?
 * Chandler: How did you get to be an Italian?
 * Ravelli: Never mind! Whose confession is this?


 * [Ravelli's monotonous piano playing]
 * Spaulding: When you get near a song, play it.
 * Ravelli: I think I went past  it.
 * Spaulding: When you come around again, jump off.
 * Ravelli: I once kept this up for three days.


 * Ravelli: The motive for the theft was robbery. That's my solution!
 * Spaulding: Yeah, and I wish you were in it! You ought to lie down for a couple of years.