Beauty and the Geek

Beauty and the Geek (2005–2008) is a reality television show, airing first on the WB network and then on the CW network, in which 8 "beauties" (young women who have relied primarily on their looks thus far in life) and 8 "geeks" (young men who have relied primarily on intellect and are socially awkward) are paired up to compete against the other 7 couples for $250,000 and other prizes.

Episode 101 [1.1]

 * Lauren: I think I'm pretty smart. I think my IQ's probably about.... 500!


 * Richard: [Coming out from behind the curtain] Hello Ladies!


 * Joe: If I got jealous every time a girl went home with another guy, I'd be jealous all of the time.


 * Caitilin: My partner is the smartest guy in LA at this moment.


 * Mindi: [About Richard] He doesn't understand that it's okay to make mistakes.


 * Cheryl: [About the word "calendar"] I spelled it just like I would've typed it. But then I would've hit "spell check" when I was done.


 * Brian: What state is east of West Virginia?
 * Caitilin: Massachusetts?


 * Brad: I'm white to the point of being clear.


 * Erika: [To Joe] You guys were the ones who corrected the teacher.


 * Joe: Erika's not the smartest girl...but I have low self esteem when it comes to dating, and she has low self esteem when it comes to how smart she is. So we could both do well to help each other in different areas.


 * Lauren: Is Thailand in Korea?


 * Erika: Fifth graders today must be really smart, because I'm not following.


 * Cheryl: What's the date of D-Day? 1942? 1942 is when Columbus sailed the ocean blue.


 * Caitilin: Sometimes Chuck is talking, and I'm like, "What? Huh?" It doesn't even sound like he's speaking English.


 * Eric: Cheryl is probably not a girl I would've met at school. I probably wouldn't have met her in the library.


 * Brad: [To Erika] I've never played Doctor before. Is that similar to Go Fish?

Episode 102 [1.2]

 * Joe: And then I went into chopping, and then fisting. These terms sound a lot more vulgar than they actually are.


 * Caitilin: [About Chuck] If he doesn't agree, I'm going to take that electrical cord and strangle him. And then throw him off that balcony.

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 * Erika: I realize from being here that I'm kinda shallow. I just go for guys if they're really hot. And they always end up being assholes.

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 * Caitilin: [About Chuck] I'm gonna eliminate his ass. I'm gonna eliminate him and every other nerd in this fuckin' joint.

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 * Bill: My fantasy has come alive - all of the girls were dressed in Daisy Duke shorts.

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 * Richard: Not only have I never sensually touched a woman, but I've never not sensually touched a woman.

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 * Bill: Cars are my first love, because...unlike girls...they don't talk back.

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 * Mindi: I would love to help Richard. But I am not a miracle worker.

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 * Brad: I'm like, 'You're making me dumber by telling me this stuff.'

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 * Mindi: [Analyzing the game, to Lauren] That's the difference between them and us. They have no lives, and we do.

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 * Erika: This is horrible! Why did it have to be me or Brad?

Episode 103 [1.3]

 * Chuck: The thing for Richard is, it's easier being laughed at for being the buffoon than being laughed at for being himself.

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 * Todd: [About Chuck's clothing choices for Caitilin] Chuck, Caitilin is so beautiful! It made me question if you even liked her.

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 * Mindi: [About the swimsuit that Richard picked out for her] I really felt that I was walking around with poop in my pants.

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 * Mindi: I thought it was important that Richard knew how to spoon.

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 * Richard: I don't know what a size zero means! A zero means you don't exist!

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 * Richard: [About Mindi] She's like me, but she sticks out in certain areas.
 * Clerk: I would assume so.

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 * Richard: It's like animal print, like leopard print or cheetah print or whatever it is. It's like Tarzan...she looks like Jane.

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 * Caitilin: When I walk out of here, I'm gonna feel better than the day I walked in.

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 * Krystal: When I saw the goggles, I didn't wanna wear them because they're ugly and big and not fashionable.

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 * Richard: [About a swimsuit thong] This is floss for a giant.

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 * Caitilin: I never, ever, in my life thought that I was smart.

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 * Richard: I think that fashion is frivolous. I'd rather read about the Gospel according to Luke.

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 * Chuck: We have the collective fashion IQ of a five-year-old.

Episode 104 [1.4]

 * Lauren: Billy Boy, I'm gonna miss you.

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 * Lauren: I don't like numbers, but I like to calculate things...in my cell phone.

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 * Shawn: [About Caitilin and Chuck's partnership] We all know that Caitilin kinda wears the pants in that relationship.

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 * Caitilin: [About Chuck] He just told a girl he was gay!

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 * Bill: I feel like I can go out into the world and conquer it.

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 * Caitilin: I think that up until now, his mom's been buying all of his clothes for him.

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 * Lauren: [About her date with Richard] It went from an 8 to a 4 to a 2 to a 0 to a negative 6.

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 * Richard: My chances of getting lucky with Lauren are 110 percent.

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 * Lauren: [To Richard, about their date] You get a D-. There would not be a second date.

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 * Richard: I was rejected, and I was beat by Chuck!

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 * Chuck: I resisted the temptation to point out that we were 4/7, not 1/2 of the way through, and that having a 1 in 4 chance of winning the prize was contingent upon everyone's chances of winning being equal.

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 * Richard: You stay tuned, because things are gonna come to a head between Chuck and I.

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 * Richard: [To a statue, after surviving elimination] Top of the morning to you! How ya doing? Cause I'm doing great.

Episode 105 [1.5]

 * Richard: It’s not about winning, it’s about losing to Chuck. I do not want to lose to Chuck.

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 * Richard: [To Mindi] We’re soldiers, we’re warriors...ow, my ankle.

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 * Richard: If there was a mountain lion that came after the six of us, I would feed it Chuck. And then I would cower.

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 * Mindi: I don’t care if I am last by 25 minutes. I am not quitting.

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 * Richard: I’m gonna bring a band-aid.

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 * Richard: The closest I’ve ever come to camping is raking the leaves in the fall. And even then, it takes about ten seconds before I need ice water and a sandwich.

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 * Richard: I do believe that Chuck hates my guts.

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 * Chuck: Richard seems to reinforce the negative stereotypes of nerds.

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 * Richard: [About his zaniness] It's a compulsion to perform. And it's not going away.

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 * Shawn: [To Scarlet] You felt like I gave up because I threw up?

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 * Scarlet: [about Chuck] Even though he's studied medicine, that doesn't give him the right to diagnose everyone.

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 * Richard: [About his and Mindi's constant trips to the elimination room] We actually feel like a cat who has nine lives.

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 * Richard: I'm gonna wake up tomorrow with a full beard and be a man!

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 * Richard: I don't see why people camp at all. You go out to the field, you bring everything from your house, so why don't you just stay in your house and then everybody's happy?

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 * Chuck: Have you ever been tested for ADD, Rich?

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 * Caitilin: Scarlet herself hasn't won a challenge yet. And Shawn's never once been mean to her or acted disappointed. I just thought it was mean.

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 * Scarlet: I'm definitely not looking forward to sharing a tent with Shawn. I'll sleep outside if I have to.

Episode 106 [1.6]

 * Mindi: [To Richard] I think I'm at a point right now, where I want to win.

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 * Richard: I tore the massage book to shreds, I ripped it...I just ripped it apart after we lost, I was that mad.

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 * Richard: I’m very proud of you, Mindi, that you did not jump out of a window after the first two nights.

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 * Richard: Making out with Mindi is what’s at stake here. That’s what’s important.

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 * Richard: To be in my shoes is like being in Dante’s Inferno.

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 * Mindi: [About Richard during the final elimination ceremony] He got a hangover from drinking Listerine.

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 * Richard: [To Chuck] I won’t check out those books, I’ll Chuck them out.

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 * Richard: I’ve gotta win now because A) I want the money, B) Chuck’s gotta go down, and C) I get to make out with Mindi.

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 * Caitilin: I already feel like a winner.

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 * Mindi: [To Richard] If we won, I would make out with you.

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 * Richard: [About kayaking] This is better than sunbathing because you could, theoretically, do this in the nude.

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 * Caitilin: I’m not comfortable with fists being thrown at my face.

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 * Caitilin: That’s a little close, Chuck.

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 * Mindi: [About Richard and Chuck] They go from being enemies to meditating with each other?

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 * Richard: I should probably watch my step around Chuck because I now know that, with the flick of the wrist, he can kill me.

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 * Richard: I didn’t look Chuck in the eye because I was afraid he would karate chop me.

The Aftermath [1.7]

 * Mindi: [About the first day] Richard comes in, and he looks like a Hobbit! He came through the curtain and said in the nerdiest voice [imitating Richard] "Hello, Ladies!"

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 * Chuck: I feel sometimes like my mind is larger than my head.

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 * Brian: There's a little bit of beauty and geek in all of us.

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 * Brian: [About Richard and Mindi's kiss] Was there tongue involved in that?
 * Richard: I told her not to, but I think she slipped some in there anyway.

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 * Erika: Joe's a pimp! He's a pimp in disguise!

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 * Chuck: [Answering what he will do with his portion of the money] I'm gonna prove that I'm as boring as I look on TV and pay off my student loans.

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 * Lauren: I don't do math! Can you give me a shopping challenge? I won that.

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 * Brian: I guess you'll never see eye to eye.
 * Richard: Chuck's much taller than I am.

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 * Brian: [To Scarlet, who cannot find South Dakota on a map] Well, we know you'll never be a weathergirl!

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 * Brian: Why did Chuck make you so angry during the show?
 * Richard: Ahhhhhh.....you know!

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 * Jasmine: A calculator watch! Like, oh my god, I mean keep the numbers off your watch!

Cast

 * Brian McFayden - Host

The Beauties

 * Cheryl Elliott
 * Erika Rumsey
 * Krystal Tini
 * Lauren Bergfeld
 * Scarlet Garcia
 * Mindi Emanuel
 * Caitilin Stoller

The Geeks

 * Eric Chase
 * Joe Hanson
 * Brad Hooker
 * Bill Lambing
 * Shawn Bakken
 * Richard Rubin
 * Chuck Munyon