Bedazzled (1967 film)

Bedazzled is a 1967 film written by and starring Peter Cook and Dudley Moore, retelling the Faust legend in the Swinging London of the 1960s.
 * Directed by Stanley Donen. Written by Peter Cook and Dudley Moore.
 * See also:
 * Bedazzled (2000 film)

The Devil

 * Do hope this isn't an awkward moment.
 * After walking in on Stanley Moon's failed suicide attempt


 * Suicide, really &mdash; that's the last thing you should try.


 * You realize that suicide's a criminal offence. In less enlightened times, they'd have hung you for it.


 * You fill me with inertia.
 * Spoken as musical performer Drimble Wedge


 * What terrible sins I have working for me. I suppose it's the wages.


 * Pick your clothes up. You're due down at the Foreign Office.
 * To Lust, in a reference to the Profumo Affair.


 * What would you like to be? Prime Minister? Oh, no, wait, I've already signed that deal.
 * Bargaining for Stanley's soul, most likely referring to Harold Wilson, the prime minister at the time.


 * The garden of Eden was a boggy swamp just south of Croydon. You can see it over there.


 * There was a time when I used to get lots of ideas &mdash; I thought up the Seven Deadly Sins in one afternoon. The only thing I've come up with recently is advertising.


 * It's the standard contract. Gives you seven wishes in accordance with the mystic rules of life. Seven Days of the Week, Seven Deadly Sins, Seven Seas, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers &mdash;
 * The latter also directed by Donen.


 * Release your doo-dahs.
 * To a pigeon about to fly over a man


 * In the words of Marcel Proust &mdash; and this applies to any woman in the world &mdash; if you can stay up and listen with a fair degree of attention to whatever garbage, no matter how stupid it is, that they're coming out with, till ten minutes past four in the morning &mdash; you're in!


 * I lost Mussolini that way, all that work, then right at the end with the rope around his neck, he says, 'Scusi. Mille regretti,' and up he goes!"
 * Regarding last minute repentance; Mussolini was actually shot.


 * Everything I've ever told you's been a lie, including that.


 * Don't ever believe anything I've said; believe me.


 * Job was what you'd technically describe as a loony.


 * And the magic word: Julie Andrews! 


 * Just putting a tiny little ventilation hole in this oil tanker.


 * He's OMNIPRESENT. I'm just highly maneuverable.


 * Tell God not to go away. I'll be back in a minute.


 * I've done a good deed. I gave that little twit his soul back. Wasn't that generous?


 * All right, you great git, you've asked for it. I'll cover the world in Tastee-Freez and Wimpy Burgers. I'll fill it with concrete runways, motorways, aircraft, television, automobiles, advertising, plastic flowers, frozen food and supersonic bangs. I'll make it so noisy and disgusting that even you'll be ashamed of yourself! No wonder you've so few friends; you're unbelievable!
 * To God.

Stanley Moon

 * I, Stanley Moon, hereinafter and in the hereafter to be known as 'The Damned' &mdash; The damned?!
 * Reading Faustian contract

Dialogue

 * Stanley Moon: You're a nutcase! You're a bleedin' nutcase!
 * George Spiggott: They said the same of Jesus Christ, Freud, and Galileo.
 * Stanley Moon: They said it of a lot of nutcases too!
 * George Spiggott: You're not as stupid as you look are you, Mr. Moon?




 * Stanley Moon: I thought you were called Lucifer.
 * George Spiggott: I know. "The Bringer of the Light" it used to be. Sounded a bit poofy to me.




 * Stanley Moon: Here, my ice lolly's melted. You really must be the Devil.
 * George Spiggott: Incarnate. How d'you do?




 * Stanley: What a dreary thing to do — I hope you're proud of yourself.
 * George: It was pride that got me into this. I used to be an angel, you know — up in heaven.
 * Stanley: Oh yeah, you used to be God's favourite, didn't you?
 * George: That's right — "I Love Lucifer" it was in those days.




 * Stanley: If you're the devil, why didn't you try that vicar over there?
 * George: Oh no, he's one of ours.




 * George Spiggott: Everything I've ever told you has been a lie. Including that.
 * Stanley Moon: Including what?
 * George Spiggott: That everything I've ever told has been a lie. That's not true.
 * Stanley Moon: I don't know what to believe.
 * George Spiggott: Not me, Stanley, believe me!


 * Stanley Moon: Apart from the way He moves, what's God really like? I mean, what colour is He?
 * George Spiggott: He's all colours of the rainbow, many-hued.
 * Stanley Moon: But He is English, isn't He?
 * George Spiggott: Oh yes. Very upper class.


 * [George climbs up on a London postbox.]
 * George Spiggott: I'm God. This is my throne, see? All around me are the cherubim, seraphim, continually crying 'Holy, holy, holy'. the angels, archangels, that sort of thing. Now you be me, Lucifer, the loveliest angel of them all.
 * Stanley Moon: What do I do?
 * George Spiggott: Well, sort of dance around praising me, mainly...
 * Stanley Moon: What sort of things do I say?
 * George Spiggott: Anything that comes into your head that's nice - how beautiful I am, how wise I am, how handsome...that sort of thing. Come on, start dancing.
 * Stanley Moon: You're wise!, You're beautiful! You're handsome!
 * George Spiggott: Thank you very much.
 * Stanley Moon: The universe! What a wonderful idea - take my hat off to you!
 * George Spiggott: Thank you.
 * Stanley Moon: Trees - terrific! Water - another good one!
 * George Spiggott: That was a good one...
 * Stanley Moon: Yes! Sex - top marks!
 * George Spiggott: Now make it more personal... a bit more fulsome please. Come on.
 * Stanley Moon: Immortal... invisible... you're handsome... you're glorious... you're the most beautiful person in the WORLD!
 * [Stanley performs a headstand, removes his hat and wipes his brow.]
 * Stanley Moon: Here, I'm getting a bit bored with this. Can't we change places?
 * George Spiggott: That's exactly how I felt.

Cast

 * Peter Cook — The Devil/George
 * Dudley Moore — Stanley Moon