Beethoven (film)

Beethoven is a 1992 American family film about a slobbering St. Bernard who becomes the center of attention for a loving family, but must contend with a dog-napping veterinarian and his henchmen. The film is the first in the Beethoven film series.
 * Directed by Brian Levant. Written by John Hughes and Amy Holden Jones.

He'll grow on you. taglines

George Newton

 * No matter how many showers I take, I still smell Beethoven all over me.
 * This is ridiculous! It's a dog. He doesn't have preferences! You could call him Ding-Dong Head and he wouldn't know the difference.

Dialogue

 * Harvey: I really don't like it when you tease the dogs.
 * Vernon: What are you, some kind of animal lover?


 * Dr. Varnick: Here for his shots?
 * George: Yes.
 * Dr. Varnick: Well, he'll be a little groggy this evening.
 * George: That'll be nice.


 * Alice: George, come on. Beethoven isn't even remotely dangerous. He'd never hurt the kids. He might take a bite out of you, though.
 * George: First snarl, first, any kind of weirdness and he's gone.
 * Alice: Weirdness? What should I watch for, hon? Wearing my clothes around the house?


 * Alice: I don't think words for parts of the body make very good names.
 * Emily: He's got one of those, I looked.
 * Alice: I'm sure he does. But I don't think Daddy would want to stand on the porch at night yelling that out.
 * Emily: But that's what you call Uncle Richard.


 * Devonia: [whilst playing the organ] You kids might be interested to know that I'm a featured performer Saturday nights at the Padded Zebra. [laughs]
 * [Ryce and Ted look out the window and notice Emily in the backyard pool]
 * Ryce: Oh, my gosh! Emily's in the pool!
 * Devonia: The POOL?!!


 * Devonia: Now, you were never in any real danger, now, were you? Now, we don't want you to get into trouble, so we'll let this be our little secret.
 * Ryce: I'd like to call my mother, please.
 * Devonia: Your mother?
 * Ryce: Immediately.
 * [after Emily's pool accident at Devonia's, Alice takes the kids home]
 * Devonia: She must've snuck out while I was watching Ted and Ryce. It was hot out, so I guess she wanted to take a little swim!
 * Alice: And where were you while all this was happening?
 * Devonia: I was where I was supposed to be: Inside, watching the other two. If Emily had stayed where I put her, none of this would've happened. If you ask me, what these children need is a little discipline.
 * Alice: What these children need is their mother. You're fired.
 * [Devonia gasps]
 * George: Honey, it was an accident!
 * Alice: So what?
 * George: We can't just throw out the option of having a babysitter just because we had a bad one. We'll find someone really responsible to look after the kids.
 * Alice: Over my dead body.
 * George: Oh, come on.


 * [George sits on the porch after Beethoven has given Brad and Brie a well-deserved ride down the street, thereby nullifying their deal with George]
 * George: I really don't like our dog.
 * Alice: I really don't like those people, George. I don't trust them. I don't want their money. I know my opinion doesn't matter, but I'm not interested in expanding. If I had been home instead of helping you impress those morons, Emily wouldn't have fallen in the pool. And I'm not re-entering the work force, George. You're gonna have to do this on your own. And you will. Somehow, you'll make your fortune. And tucked away behind you deep in the shadows will be me and the kids.
 * George: That's how you see me. Suddenly, I'm a lousy husband and father. Everything was just fine until Beethoven came into our lives. I've tried to be patient, but I've had it. The dog has to go.
 * Alice: I'm proud of Beethoven. Those two idiots insulted your kids, they treated me like dirt, and he was the only one of us who had the nerve to give them the ride they deserved. I'm going to bed. [heads back inside]
 * George: My dream is going down the drain, and you're worried about a dog.
 * Alice: Your family's going down the drain, and you're worried about a dream.

Taglines

 * He'll grow on you.
 * The head of the family is the one with the tail.

Cast

 * Charles Grodin - George Newton
 * Bonnie Hunt - Alice Newton
 * Nicholle Tom - Ryce Newton
 * Christopher Castile - Ted Newton
 * Sarah Rose Karr - Emily Newton
 * Dean Jones - Dr. Herman Varnick
 * Oliver Platt - Harvey
 * Stanley Tucci - Vernon
 * David Duchovny - Brad
 * Patricia Heaton - Brie
 * Laurel Cronin - Devonia Peet
 * Nancy Fish - Miss Grundel
 * Joseph Gordon-Levitt - Student #1