Beetlejuice (TV series)

Beetlejuice is an animated television series loosely based on the Beetlejuice film, and ran from 1989 to 1991.

Beetlejuice

 * It's showtime!
 * Hi, how are ya?
 * Hmm, something's rotten in the Neitherworld... (smells himself) besides me.
 * (Disguised as a witch) Fellow babes! I just flew in for the ball and boy is my broom tired! But seriously I'm gonna liven up this party if it kills me, again!
 * (After going through a car wash) Lyds, I'm... clean! AAH!
 * I can't believe it! He [Doomie] didn't cheat! Oh, where did I go right?!
 * It's Good Neighbor Day and the law says everyone has to be... NICE!
 * Don't ya hate it when that happens?
 * The last laugh, you know I love it!
 * Now I can go back to being as gross and disgusting as I like!
 * Moral dilemmas, you know I hate 'em!
 * If anyone thanks me again, I'll SCREAM!
 * (asking the audience to give him their money) Come on, it's for a good cause: ME!
 * Low ratings, you know I hate 'em!
 * Now here's something you don't see everyday.
 * So long, suckers!
 * Whoa! So that's why cowboys have bow legs.
 * Hmm... uh, listen, Lyds. I got to go. I, uh, have to feed my fish... to my piranha! Ha! Squeeze ya later.
 * So, c'mon, kid. Get on the ball.
 * Responsibility, you know I hate it!
 * Look, I've got a problem, maybe you could help me out. I've got these friends I said I'd meet and it's the kind'a thing where I got to be there in person…
 * NO! I'VE BEEN TURNED INTO A LEAN, MEAN, CLEANING MACHINE! HELP!
 * Check this out... a mid-summer night scream.
 * Oh, that Claire, she really gets my dandruf up.
 * She's got to be outta my mind by now.
 * Hey, they can't keep us apart.
 * Got you, babes!
 * Hey, now, wait a minute! This skunk really bugs me.
 * Rule number one for pulling pranks without getting caught is... be invisible!
 * What? How come you always think I have somethin' up my sleeve?
 * Oh, the magic B-word! Say it again. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon... I dare ya!
 * SANDWORM!
 * Now all I need are some cute little suckers to sell my cookies to some big dumb suckers!
 * When I get my hands on that cricket, IT'S SNACK TIME!
 * NO! (when asked if he ever changes his underwear)
 * HEY, BRAINLESS! OVER HERE! (to his body while his head is separate from it)
 * We're gonna take our cause to the people! And not just for the people. We'll take it to the downtrodden! The vegetable! The mineral! The disgusting! The failed science experiments! Four-legged creepies! The birds! The bees! The trees! The knees!
 * Not yet?! We're already halfway through this story, and you still haven't introduced the bad guy!! (when playing Captain Ahab in Moby Dick)
 * I know! Couldn't they find a better picture [for my wanted poster]? I'm smiling!
 * (to Lydia) Babes, his music stinks worse than I do! (smells himself) Well, not quite.
 * Not only will I be revered, I'LL BE FILTHY, STINKIN' RICH! As opposed to just being filthy and stinkin. Heh heh heh..

Lydia Deetz

 * Though I know I should be wary
 * Still I venture someplace scary
 * Ghostly haunting I turn loose.
 * Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, BEETLEJUICE!


 * Deadly Vu!
 * Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! BEETLEJUICE!
 * Alright, Beetlejuice, what' s the scam?
 * (referring to Delia) Dad and I are the only ones who like her art-and I'm not too sure about Dad!
 * Do I have to join the Neitherworld club?
 * I'm gonna spook Beetlejuice with the ultimate scare scheme! As soon as I can think of it.
 * Hey, that's not a good idea, BJ.
 * They're wrecking the whole house! Duck!
 * They say 'practice makes pukey'!
 * Beetlejuice! I've never seen you look this bad!
 * Come on, you guys. There's no monster in this tree. That's just a story the kids in school made up. This is a great tree. I love this tree.
 * Beetlejuice, Father was half-asleep... thank goodness.
 * That isn't funny! That tree is alive... and those men are going to kill it!
 * Miss Shannon, can I be excused?
 * Beetlejuice, have you seen a doctor about this problem of yours?
 * Romeo, don't step on my spiders!
 * I'm really babysitting now... AND IT'S NOT WORTH TWO DOLLARS AN HOUR!!

Delia "Mama" Deetz

 * You like it!
 * Don't be ridiculous, Charles!
 * Rubbish! Don't be such a stupid baby, just eat your soup and then you will be excused.
 * Why Charles! Whatever is the matter?
 * Really, Charles. I suggest you phone a proper repair man.
 * That's Beetleman, Dear. I'm taking your father for a nice, relaxing walk. Now, don't you bother Mr. Beetleman.
 * Well, pay the man, Charles.

Charles "Chuck" Deetz

 * What is that thing?
 * Lydia, dinner!
 * Lydia, go to your room, right now!
 * Sweety, I'm home.
 * Being nervous makes me nervous!
 * It's the whole darn town!

Mr. Monitor

 * Monitor Head 2: What do you mean commercials can't be released on the video unless you are the one with the people's voices!
 * Monitor Head 1: I'm not a fat looser like you!
 * Monitor Head 4: It's all about ratings.
 * All Monitor Heads: Get a move on!

Bartholomew Batt

 * Yuk! That's Disgustin'!
 * Did I win or did I lose?
 * Nyah - ha - ha - haa!
 * Oh No you don't! You will not turn me into warewolf!
 * That blonde haired ghoul is gonna cut off my head.

Little Miss Warden

 * That wasn't very cute!
 * Wanna buy some cookies!
 * Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Doomie

 * Beep! Beep! Beep!

Jacques LaLean

 * Hello Mon Ami, ya lookin' for a nice preeetty girl?
 * Ooh La La! Look at that preeeeeetty looking ladeeeee!
 * Sacre Bleu!
 * Alouette jogging Alouette...
 * Are you Beeeeetlejuice?
 * It is 'azar-dous to your 'ealth.

Scuzzo the Clown

 * Hey, kids! Are we gonna have some fun?
 * Okay, boys and girls, are we ready for some jokes?
 * Whoa! That's the hottest cold I've ever seen!
 * Food fight!
 * Hey, what happened?! I hope it was funny! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
 * Hey Beetlejuice! Your burgers are so bad, they oughta be spanked!

Lipscum

 * What is your favourite color? Tell me!
 * Huh! Is my name Lipscum spelled backwards Mucspil?
 * What is your name? Answer me!
 * Hey. Beetlejuice spelled backwards is Eciujelteeb!
 * Can I huh? Can I Can I Can I?

Captain Kidder

 * Ba dum-bum!
 * Arrrr! Look who what we've got, Ed.
 * Cross the river bridge, mate.

Prudence/Prune

 * What do you mean the library's closed?
 * That's not funny, Claire.
 * Uh, does this mean we'll be closing the play?
 * You're getting dangerous, kid!
 * But Lydia, I think you should try out for the part of Juliette.
 * Miss Shannon! I don't feel so good.
 * I've always wanted to be a rock star!
 * Relax, Bertha. You know why Miss Shannon wants you to do homework.

Claire Brewster

 * Looks like the best girl won, honey.
 * I am going to get that Lydia Deetz.
 * Uh, like, it's about time! You are ten second late. Now, get lost!
 * Shut up! I am not a sore loser.
 * Well, you can find yourself another Julia.
 * Like, aren't I just the most?
 * What kind of a name is BEETLEJUICE?
 * I mean, really have you ever heard of such a ridiculous name as Beetlejuice?
 * Like, thanks for the invitation, Lydia. Perhaps the ingroup and I will drop by your party early, for a good laugh.
 * Anyone who isn't in your group.

Percy

 * Miaow!
 * Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeowwwwwwww!

Miss Shannon

 * All right, girls, our very first science fair today. Guess who's forgotten.
 * Can I help you, Prudence?
 * Now off to your classes, ladies.
 * I want you to keep staging it the rest of the week, just as you did it last night.
 * Okay, girls, we're going to have show and tell.
 * How improper.
 * Bertha, I am not satisfied with you. You did not share with any of your friends.

Judge Mental

 * Beetleguts! You're fired!
 * Would you please stand on that X over there?
 * Oh, all right. You're free to go… as far away as possible!
 * What are you, some kind of sicko? We can get rid of this disgusting creep forever.
 * If you do not follow those rules, I will let you get away from the Neitherworld forever!

Bertha/Burp

 * Gross!
 * Miss Shannon! Somebody is bothering me!
 * What's so funny?!
 * Stop laughing! That's ridiculous!
 * Prudence, of course it'll be scary. It's Lydia's party.
 * Miss Shannon! Can I wash my hands please?
 * Put a sock in it, you idiot!
 * Is there anything new other than comic books?
 * Someone used this ruler to throw your beehive on stage.

Funny scenes

 * Lydia: (miserably) No one understands me.
 * Beetlejuice: What am I garbage?
 * Lydia: (smiles) You wish!


 * Lydia: (after arriving to Tombstone, Scarazona) I Love this town! Does it have a saloon?
 * Beetlejuice: (in Western Clothes) Not in this time slot, babes!


 * Bully the Crud: (after Beetlejuice stops his "wedding" to Lydia) Nobody cuts off MY nuptuals and gets away with it!!!


 * [When Lydia and Beetlejuice are laughing after he successfully pranked Claire Brewster.]
 * Lydia: Beetlejuice, you're terrible!
 * Beetlejuice: Awww, thanks, babes!


 * Bertha: Hey, where's Betty?
 * Lydia: She had to leave. Her mother was calling her.
 * Bertha: Calling her what? (Bertha and Prudence snicker.)


 * [When Lydia wishes she had a car]
 * Lydia: In the Neitherworld I could drive myself crazy.
 * Beetlejuice: In the Neitherworld you can drive us both crazy... of course for me it's a much shorter trip!


 * [When Lydia has to go on vacation with her parents]
 * Lydia: (hugs him) Oh, Beetlejuice! If we can't be together this summer, I'll scream!
 * Beetlejuice: Scream anyway, babes. I like having that effect on people!


 * [When Claire is making a speech to run for class president.]
 * Bertha: Did you hear that? She called us creepy!
 * Betty Juice: I don't care how much she flatters us. She's not getting my vote!


 * [When Beetlejuice pranked Lydia's parents after he promised he wouldn't anymore]
 * Beetlejuice: Ah, what's so important about keeping a... uh... what'd you call it again?
 * Lydia: (furious) A PROMISE! And it's important to me! Beetlejuice, I want you to say you're sorry.
 * Beetlejuice: You're sorry.
 * Lydia: Beetlejuice! Just say it!
 * Beetlejuice: It.


 * Beetlejuice: (to the audience) Rules, there ought to be a law against 'em.
 * Goody Two Shoes: And another thing, Mr. Beetlejuice... NO TALKING TO CAMERA!


 * [When Goody Two Shoes has made the Neitherworld a sickly sweet place.]
 * Lydia: It's like we're trapped in some... nightmare!!
 * (She, Beetlejuice, Jacques and Ginger scream in horror)
 * Beetlejuice: WAIT A MINUTE! I forget, what're we screaming for again?
 * (Everyone looks down at their horrible cutesy clothes.)
 * Beetlejuice: Oh... yeah. YAAARRGGGHHHH!


 * [When Beetlejuice temporarily lived with the Deetzs' disguised as a dog.]
 * Lydia: Thanks for being Mom's best friends for a while.
 * Beetlejuice: Hey, she's the only one that's ever spent all night looking for me... who wasn't a police officer!


 * TruAnt Officer: Your licence to drive people crazy is hereby suspended.
 * Beetlejuice: On what grounds?
 * TruAnt Officer: On the grounds that you NEVER FINISHED SCHOOL!!!!!!
 * Beetlejuice: Oh. School grounds.


 * Lydia: (laughing) Oh, Beetlejuice. You always know how to crack me up!
 * Beetlejuice: Yeah, I always bring down the house.


 * [When Beetlejuice and Lydia disguise themselves as witches]
 * Lydia: How do I look?
 * Beetlejuice: Fabulously freaky, I must say! And how about moi?
 * Lydia: (laughing) Gorgeously ghastly!


 * [Lydia receives a phone call from the Neither World.]
 * Neither World Operator: This is the Neither World Operator. I have an emergency call from a Mr. Beetlejuice. Will you accept the charge?
 * Lydia: Yes, Operator. I'll accept the charge.
 * [She screams as she receives an electrical shock.]
 * Neither World Operator: Now that that's out of the way, will you also pay for the call?
 * Lydia: YES!!


 * [When Lydia is forced to join the Happy Face Girls]
 * Lydia: (miserably) Tell me the truth, Beetlejuice. How do I look?
 * Beetlejuice: You look pretty as a picture, neat as a pin, cute as a button, soooo there! (Bursts out laughing.)
 * Lydia: (annoyed) That's right, go ahead and laugh.
 * Beetlejuice: Ok. (Falls to the floor in a laughing fit.)

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 * Beetlejuice's father: Junior! When are you gonna get a job?
 * Beetlejuice: I have a job, Pops. I'm a waiter... I wait around for people to gimme their money!

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 * [When Lydia tries to stop Beetlejuice hurting a monster, who initially kidnapped Lydia until she made friends with it.]
 * Beetlejuice: Don't worry, Babes! I'll save you from that overgrown zoo exhibit!
 * Lydia: Beetlejuice!
 * Beetlejuice: Don't try to talk, Lyds. Save your strength!
 * Lydia: Thing Thong is my friend.
 * Beetlejuice: Oh, no, she's delerious.
 * Lydia: Beetlejuice, I'm perfectly fine! And he's definitely my friend!
 * Beetlejuice: Friend?! That ugly thing?!
 * Lydia: He's not ugly, he's beautiful!
 * Beetlejuice: I don't get it, Lyds. You see something beautiful?
 * Lydia: Well... I think you're beautiful.
 * Beetlejuice: (Disgusted) YUCK! EURGH! YUCK! (Big eyes) D'you really think so?
 * Lydia: Uh-huh.
 * Beetlejuice: YUCK! EURGH!

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 * Lydia: Locked deep in Goody's self conscious is this need to correct, to adjust, to regulate.
 * Beetlejuice: Er, babes, you're psychoanalysing the antagonist again.

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 * [When Lydia decides it's safer for Beetlejuice to watch the stage show from the Neither World after she accidently sends him there.]
 * Lydia: Sorry, Beetlejuice.
 * Claire: (Overhearing) Beetlejuice?!
 * Beetlejuice: That's my name! Go ahead! Wear it out! Wear it out!
 * Claire: That is the most disgusting word I've ever heard! Beetlejuice?!
 * Beetlejuice: Now say it one more time, ya stuck up little ham!
 * Claire: Eurgh, only Lydia could come up with something as totally gross as... as...
 * Beetlejuice: SAY IT!!
 * Claire: ... Beetlejuice...
 * Beetlejuice: (emerging into the real world) It's show time!

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 * [When Uncle Clyde is doing ventriloquism.]
 * Uncle Clyde: Why did the chicken cross the road?
 * Beetlejuice: (to Lydia) This guy oughta throw his voice... out!
 * (Uses his magic on the dummy and his voice comes out of it.)
 * Dummy: (with Beetlejuice's voice) Wanna know why the chicken crossed the road? COZ HE WAS PINNED TO THE PUNK ROCKER'S EAR! THAT'S WHY!

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 * [When Lydia's family are dancing to music.]
 * Lydia: They look like they're having fun, but it's just your magic.
 * Beetlejuice: That's how much you know, babes. I stopped using my magic twenty seconds ago.

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 * Beetlejuice: Your relatives sure are a bunch of wakkos!
 * Lydia: I'd like to meet some of your wakko relatives! Your parents have got to be totally freaky and gross!
 * Beetlejuice: I wish! My Mom and Dad are so dull their pictures are in the Neitherworld dictionary... next to the word 'boring'!

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 * [When Lydia, Bertha, Prudence and Beetlejuice- as Betty Juice are preparing for their rock band.]
 * Lydia: (to Prudence) First, I'll tease your hair.
 * Beetlejuice: Let me tease it, Lyds. Neeah, Neeah, Neeah, Neeah, Neeah! You call yourself hair! You look more like a red hat!

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 * [When Beetlejuice pops out of Lydia's desk drawer as a jack-in-the box.]
 * Beetlejuice: Pop goes the beetle! (Laughs.)
 * Lydia: (Yawns) Really, Beetlejuice. This Scary Fools Day stuff is so childish... good thing I'm still a child.

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 * [When Lydia dresses as a Sandworm in attempt to scare Beetlejuice.]
 * Beetlejuice: Nice try, Lyds! I'll give you an Eeeeee, for 'effort'!
 * Lydia: Humph! I have not yet begun to fright!

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 * Beetlejuice: You could let me move back into that filthy dump you live in.
 * Ginger: But ya gotta promise to stop being a good neighbour.
 * Beetlejuice: Neighbours! I'm home!
 * Jacques: Oui, oui. Stop trying to be something you are not. Just be your old tummy-turning self.

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 * [When Merlin challenges Beetlejuice to a jousting tournament.]
 * Beetlejuice: A joust? A joust? Surely you jest. It would be an unjust gesture for a jester to joust. A jester just jests. Get the gist?
 * Merlin: Only just...

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 * [When Beetlejuice is running for Mayor.]
 * Beetlejuice: And unlike my opponent who will lie and make promises he won't keep, I'll tell you right upfront that I won't keep any of my promises!

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 * Spooky: Why does everyone think I'm spooky?
 * Beetlejuice: Ah, humans are the weirdest people. Most of them think I'm spooky too.
 * Spooky: Really? I guess they just don't see you as the generous, tender-hearted being you are.
 * Beetlejuice: No need to insult me, bark face.

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 * Lydia: Beetlejuice!
 * Beetlejuice: Lyds! This is no time to panic!
 * Lydia: Then when is?!
 * Beetlejuice:..... NOW!!