Big Daddy

Big Daddy is a 1999 film starring Adam Sandler as Sonny Koufax, a lazy bachelor who has never had any real responsibilities in his life. When a 5-year-old boy named Julian (who turns out to be his friend Kevin's son) shows up on his doorstep, Sonny takes him in until Kevin gets back from a business trip in China. He and Julian eventually form a strong bond, but Sonny soon gets in trouble when Social Services finds out he's not really Kevin. In the end, Kevin comes forward as the real father and tells the court he's not pressing charges. Sonny takes him to the park to meet Kevin and Sonny and Julian remain good friends. Nature called. Look who answered. (taglines)

Sonny Koufax

 * [about two gay friends] What's the big deal? They're the same guys &mdash; they just watch a different kind of porno now.
 * Vanessa, you're a HOOTER'S girl?
 * Having a kid is great... As long as his eyes are closed, and he's not moving or speaking.
 * The boy just won't quit peeing and throwing up. He's like a cocker spaniel!
 * [drops a can in a supermarket] Dented cans are half-price. Microsoft went down 3 points. We gotta save some money.

Dialogue

 * [First lines, spoken during the opening credits]
 * [Phone rings]
 * Sonny:...Hello?
 * Lenny: Sonny? It's your dad. Were you asleep?
 * Sonny: Oh, hey, man, I was–I was exercising.
 * [Scene shows Sonny half asleep in bed on the phone]
 * Lenny: Bullshit. You were sleeping.
 * Sonny: No, I wasn't, I wasn't.
 * Lenny: [To someone near him] This kid won't stop lying to me. [to Sonny] You still act like you're 6!
 * Sonny: Okay, dad. I still act like I'm 6.
 * [Cuts to Sonny on his couch with a bowl of cereal, watching cartoons]
 * Lenny: Have you found a job where you work more than one day a week?
 * Sonny: Uh...I've been looking.
 * [Cuts to Sonny sleeping in a rowboat in a pond in Central Park]
 * Lenny: Looking doesn't pay the rent, kid.
 * Sonny: Hey, all the money I won from the cab accident is kicking ass in the stock market, so relax.
 * Lenny: Well, just don't blow it all on worthless crap.
 * Sonny: I won't!
 * [Cuts to Sonny carrying a fancy surfboard that he apparently just bought]
 * Lenny: You know what you should spend it on? Your bar exam.
 * Sonny: You're the lawyer in the family; I ain't taking a damn bar exam. I got too much other shit going on in my life.
 * [Cuts to Sonny napping on his couch]


 * Vanessa: Shit. SHIT! Damn you, you turned off the alarm clock again!
 * Sonny: No, no, no. I mean, yes, I did, but I thought you needed more sleep, Vanessa.
 * Vanessa: [Rushing to the bathroom to dress] Well, that was a real jerk thing for you to do. Thanks a lot!
 * Sonny: And why are you going to work? It's Sunday.
 * Vanessa: I'm not going to work, I'm going to brunch...with some potential clients. That's how a party planner gets business: by meeting people, making contact!
 * Sonny: Well, meet with me. Come on, I'll order in from Cozi's, and we'll have fun.
 * Vanessa: I am sick of Cozi's! You order from there all the time, the delivery guy's, like, your best friend.
 * Sonny: Well, he happens to be pretty damn nice. This is a rough patch of my life, okay? Syracuse is 0–3, and I've got those medical problems.
 * Vanessa: Medical problems? [Scoffs] A cab runs over your foot two years ago, you spent one night in the hospital.
 * Sonny: First of all, that cab was huge. And a jury decided that that one night of pain was worth $200,000, so there you go.
 * Vanessa: Whatever.
 * Sonny: Come on, why are you being so nuts with me all of a sudden?
 * Vanessa: Because, you refuse to move on to the next phase of your life! I, on the other hand, would like to have a family someday! But, I need someone that I can rely on, not just a playmate.
 * Sonny: Oh, what do you need, a father figure? "Stop pulling your sister's hair!"


 * Phil: [Discussing a case of his to Sonny, Mike, and Tommy] So, now my client's out $7 million, and all we can sue for is "breach of contract."
 * Sonny: Well, then, maybe you should try suing under the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act.
 * Phil: ...I gotta get back to the office, Sonny, you're the king! Mikey, pleasure. [To Tommy] I'll see you at home.
 * Tommy: Alright. [They kiss deeply. Mike is somewhat bothered, Sonny keeps a neutral face.]
 * Phil: I'll walk you out.
 * Mike: [After Phil and Tommy leave holding hands] I gotta admit, I still get a little weirded out when they kiss.
 * Sonny: Why? They're gay, that's what gay guys do.
 * Mike: I know, but they were just like brothers to us back in school.
 * Sonny: Well, they're still like our brothers, only our very gay brothers.


 * Kevin: Sonny, what was that all about?
 * Sonny: Hey, congratulations on getting engaged to "Big Boobs" McGee.
 * Kevin: Don't call her "Big Boobs" McGee.
 * Sonny: You want to tell your children that you met their mother while she was waitressing at Hooters?
 * Kevin: Sonny, that was five years ago, she's a doctor now. And my fiancé, so from now on...Dr. "Big Boobs" McGee.


 * Sonny: I just wish that things could go back to the way they used to.
 * Kevin: Like when we were at Syracuse? And Vanessa worshipped you?
 * Sonny: Yes, yes, that was great.
 * Kevin: Nobody was hassling you to get a job, Tommy and Phil were showering separately. [Sonny chuckles and nods] Those were the days. [Sonny goes to the putting green on their rooftop] What're you doing?
 * Sonny: If I make this putt, it means that Vanessa still loves me just the way I am.
 * Kevin: Oh, you're gonna putt? Just remember, the roof breaks to the right.
 * [Sonny makes the putt]
 * Sonny: Yes! That's what I'm talking– [A rat comes out of the hole] GOOD GOD!
 * Kevin: That can't be good.


 * [Corinne is cleaning the decorations from the party the previous night, Sonny staggers out of bed]
 * Sonny: Hey, where's Kevin?
 * Corinne: Oh, he already left. I guess he forgot to say goodbye.
 * Sonny: And what are you doing here?
 * Corinne: I'm cleaning because you're useless.
 * Sonny: Is that why you're gonna go to your Hooters reunion? Sit with the other girls and talk about whose ass hangs out of their shorts the most?
 * Corinne: At least I can still fit my ass into my shorts, fatty.
 * Sonny: [Pulls a container of Chinese leftovers out of the fridge] Speaking of fatty, whose is this?
 * Corinne: I don't know.
 * Sonny: I'm eating it, then.


 * [Sonny, Nazo, and Julian watch TV. Sonny notices the action figure Julian has]
 * Sonny: What's this guy's name?
 * Julian: Scuba Steve.
 * Sonny: I like his flippers. Does he ever take them off?
 * Julian: No.
 * Sonny: How about when he goes bowling? They don't make him wear bowling shoes, he just uses his flippers?
 * Julian: Yes.
 * Sonny: Really?
 * Nazo: I had a doll like that one time. But then, my cat, he bite its head off.
 * Julian: [Confused] What kind of cat would do that?
 * Nazo: [Turning confrontational] You calling me a liar?!


 * Cashier: Hi, welcome to McDonald's. What can I get for you?
 * Sonny: What do you want?
 * Julian: Cheerios.
 * Sonny: Cheerios, they don't got Cheerios, what else?
 * Julian: Lasagna.
 * Sonny: Lasagna? What the hell's the matter with you? [to cashier] We'll take hotcakes and sausage–
 * Cashier: Sorry, sir. We stopped serving breakfast.
 * Sonny: [looks at the clock on the wall] What are you talking about? We're, like, 4 seconds late.
 * Cashier: No, you're 30 minutes and 4 seconds late. We stop serving breakfast at 10:30.
 * Sonny: Ohh, HORSESHIT!!! [Julian starts crying] No, no, no. Don't cry, I'm sorry. I wasn't cursing at you. I was cursing at the lady.
 * Customer: Nice parenting.
 * Sonny: Hey, thanks. Are you my therapist? [throws the man's fries] Take a walk! [to Julian] Do you want a Happy Meal? Can I get you one of those Happy Meals? You got a Happy Meal? Can we get a Happy Meal? WILL SOMEBODY GET THE KID A HAPPY MEAL?!
 * [later, Sonny and Julian leave McDonald's; they meet up with the homeless man again]
 * Homeless Man: Hey, man, where's my Egg McMuffin?
 * Sonny: Breakfast is over at 10:30.
 * Homeless Man: Really?
 * Sonny: Yeah.
 * Homeless Man: I thought it was 11:00.
 * Sonny: I thought that too.
 * Homeless Man: Total mind blower.


 * [Sonny sits on his couch, preparing to watch a hockey game. Julian comes in bouncing on a hippity-hop, then keeps bouncing in front of the TV, blocking Sonny's view of it]
 * Sonny: How're you doing?
 * Julian: How're you doing?
 * Sonny: You like hockey?
 * Julian: You like hockey?
 * Sonny: This is a very important game.
 * Julian: This is a very important game.
 * Sonny: Cut the crap.
 * Julian: Cut the crap.
 * Sonny: I'm being serious, don't do that.
 * Julian: I'm being serious, don't do that.
 * Sonny: [Very fast] How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
 * [Julian stops bouncing, unable to repeat him]
 * Sonny: Yeah, that's what I thought, shut up.


 * [Julian hands Sonny a video cassette]
 * Sonny: What's this?
 * Julian: The Kangaroo Song.
 * Sonny: All right. Great. That's terrific. And we're gonna watch this after the game, okay?
 * Julian: But after my nap, I always watch The Kangaroo Song.
 * Sonny: It's overtime right now, and there's a penalty shot about to take place. This happens, like, once every 10 years.
 * Julian: Kangaroo Song. Kangaroo Song. Kangaroo Song! KANGAROO SONG!
 * Sonny: ALL RIGHT!!! God! You were normal yesterday!


 * Waitress: What are you doing in here, cutie?
 * Julian: Watching football.
 * Waitress: Who do you want to win?
 * Julian: The god damn Jets.
 * Waitress: [laughs] Have fun.


 * [Sonny's meeting with his family and friends at Hooter's for his surprise birthday party]
 * Julian: Sonny, I beat you so bad at basketball yesterday.
 * Sonny: Well, then, I guess I better stop letting you win.
 * Kevin: I stopped letting him win six weeks ago, he still beat me.
 * Sonny: Well, that's because you suck.
 * Kevin: Oh, yeah, that's it.
 * Sonny: Hey, Corinne. Put on a tank-top for old times' sake, huh? C'mon! [Corinne gives him a look]
 * Julian: What's he talking about, mommy?
 * Corinne: [Smiles knowingly to Sonny] NOTHING...[everyone laughs]


 * Sonny: [To a passing Hooters waitress] Hey, can we get some curly fries? [The waitress turns to Sonny, showing it's...] Vanessa?
 * Vanessa: ...Hi, Sonny.
 * Sonny: You're a Hooters girl? What happened to Sid's five-year-plan? [Vanessa glances over to the kitchen. Sonny looks at sees Sid working there. He waves to them] Hey. Maybe it's a ten-year-plan.
 * Julian: Is that the guy with the old balls?
 * Sonny: [laughs] Yeah, I guess it is. [Vanessa gives an angry look and walks away] Oh, come on, I bet they're nice. Awww...[To Julian] Next time, don't say "balls". "Testicles", alright?

Taglines

 * Nature called. Look who answered.
 * Once you adopt a kid, you've got to keep him.

Cast

 * Adam Sandler as Sonny Koufax
 * Dylan and Cole Sprouse as Julian McGrath
 * Joey Lauren Adams as Layla Maloney
 * Jon Stewart as Kevin Gerrity
 * Leslie Mann as Corinne Maloney
 * Rob Schneider as Nazo
 * Steve Buschemi as Homeless Man