Big Wolf on Campus

Big Wolf on Campus is a comedy television series that aired on the Fox Family Channel from 1999 to 2001.

Pilot [1.1]

 * Tommy: What's up man, you new here?
 * Merton: No, Tommy. I'm Merton Dingle. We've had lockers next to each other since kindergarden.


 * Tommy: Listen, you've gotta help me man. I'm not evil, I'm just... hairy.


 * Becky: Tommy Dawkins, you are supposed to be cool? What are you doing here?
 * Tommy: I am a... friend of your brother's.
 * Merton & Becky: Really?!

The Bookmobile [1.02]

 * Merton: The librarian is a palm scanning human book absorbtionist. OK, that's not the latin name for it, but she's turning people into books.

Butch Comes to Shove [1.03]

 * Security guard: Detention is the cornerstone on which the cathedral of discipline is built.


 * Tommy: The twist? A malted? I've got to send this guy back to where he belongs.


 * Tommy: I guess I'm just going to have to handle this myself. As Tommy Dawkins.
 * Merton kicks Tommy in the groin and Tommy turns into a werewolf.
 * Merton: You know, just in case.


 * Butch: Ah, this movie's lousy with rules. Don't Smoke. Don't go to second base. Well, I'm going out there. I can find a baby soon who ain't no prude.

The Pleasantville Strangler [1.06]

 * Merton: The strangler always sang ring around the rozy before he tried to strangle somebody.
 * Tommy: Yeah, well, you know. I hope Stacey doesn't think these are hickies.

Stage Fright [1.07]

 * Becky: That was the lamest thing I've seen since Meet Joe Black.

Invisible Merton [1.12]

 * Tommy': You cheated on Dungeons & Dragons?


 * Merton: Alastair Black put a spell on me, that's how! That goth-poser-warlock-wannabe!
 * Tommy: He is obviously not a goth-poser-warlock-wannabe when he made you hand disappear.
 * Merton: Oh, you are just saying that because you're his Vicepresident!


 * Merton: When I'm totally invisible, I'm totally invisible FOREVER!
 * Tommy: Don't worry man. I mean you think of something. You got a good head on your shoulders.
 * Merton: Unfortunately... that's all I have!

The Exor-Sis [1.20]

 * Merton bumps into Tommy wearing a straight-jacket
 * Tommy: Let me guess, T'n'T.
 * Merton: Third time this week. I'm a senior getting stuffed into lockers. I'd have to check with the folks of Guinness, but I think that makes me the world's biggest LOSER!


 * Merton: You know what really gets me, ever since your first transformation I been there for you. I helped keeping your secret, I looked for cures. The flea bath?!
 * Tommy: Wait a second Merton, I think guilt makes me wolf-out!
 * Merton: Yeah, but I've never complained, because I ever thought that someday you would be there for me. But no.


 * Merton: Becky what is wrong with you? Did the Backstreet Boys break up?

Imaginary Fiend [2.08]

 * Merton: Clue! I used to love this game. Vince and I played this all the time. And to keep things interesting we award extra points for the really creative murderer.
 * Tommy: Who is Vince?
 * Merton: He was my imaginary friend.


 * Vince: It's Vince, in the lair, with the lead pipe. And it's playtime!


 * Vince: You locked Vince up in that chest too, little buddy. But no hurt feelings, Vince is back and it's p-p-p-playtime!
 * Merton: I don't wanna p-p-p-play with my imaginary friend!


 * Merton: It's Merton, in the lair, freaking out!

The Manchurian Werewolf [2.13]

 * Merton: Don't know what I did to make you go wolfy, but I do apologies, You can de-wolf now!


 * Merton: Tommy you just wolfed out and tried to kill me!
 * Tommy: What? I would never hurt you, you are like my best friend.
 * Merton: Really? Thanks man. Wait a minute, you just did attacked me!


 * Merton: Tommy, would it mean anything to you when I would said the words, pizza's here?

Manchu: Part Deux [2.14]

 * Merton: I shouldn't even be here, you know. She is your girlfriend, not mine! She never was particular nice to me.


 * Merton licks on stones
 * Tommy: Dude if you are hungry, I've got that chicken sandwich. It smells funky, but...
 * Merton: I'm not eating the rocks, Tommy! I'm tasting them.