Bob Monkhouse

Robert Alan Monkhouse OBE (1 June 1928 – 29 December 2003) was a British comedian, actor and presenter.

Sourced

 * I'll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven't done something even mildly creative.
 * Obituary on BBC news website


 * I saw a specialist who asked me 'Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?'. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas.
 * Second obituary on BBC news website


 * When I said I was going to become a comedian, they all laughed. Well, they're not laughing now, are they?
 * Second obituary on BBC news website


 * I'd like to die like my old dad, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like his passengers.
 * Guardian obituary

=== Independent on Sunday obituary ===
 * People who hadn't noticed me, or who had written me off as a game show host, started to reassess me. There were people who hadn't seen me as a stand-up artist and liked it. Suddenly I was in fashion again.


 * The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.


 * I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance.


 * Silence is not only golden; it is seldom misquoted.


 * People always say: "You're a comedian, tell us a joke." They don't say: "You're an MP, tell us a lie."

Obituary in The Independent

 * No one watched it, not even the cameramen
 * Of his first TV appearance


 * I've always known that I polarise opinion. Some people respond with enthusiasm and affection. In others, I awaken a lot of hostility.


 * Smarmy, plastic, oily, greasy, unctuous, shallow, superficial, old-fashioned, superannuated, crap
 * Summing up opinions of him


 * I suddenly realised I could maybe occupy a different position because of age, a kind of acceptance.


 * My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle.


 * I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.


 * Although I have always loved the noise of laughter, I really can't fear the coming of quiet. As for funerals, I rather like them. Such nice things are always said about the deceased, I feel sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days.

About Monkhouse

 * We used to say he had a computer in his head. His memory was astonishing.
 * Barry Cryer, Independent on Sunday obituary