Boy on a Stick and Slither

Boy on a Stick and Slither is a webcomic by Steven L. Cloud.

Strips 1-50

 * Slither: I bet if you spit on Mick Jagger you'd get on MTV news.
 * "Fame"


 * Boy: What if fish had external genitalia. Visualize that.  I bet there'd be a lot more aquariums.
 * "The Fishes"


 * Boy: What do you think is the biggest problem facing snakes today?
 * Slither: Eating our young, probably.
 * Boy: Oh? What do they taste like?
 * Slither: They're delicious.
 * "Problems"


 * Boy: Things work out for the best, don't they?
 * Slither: No.
 * Boy: What goes around comes around. Right?
 * Slither: Depends.
 * Boy: People never change, do they?
 * Slither: I've known people who've changed.
 * Boy: Cuts like a knife but feels so right?
 * Slither: Oh, yeah.
 * "True-ism"


 * Boy: What to know the number one complaint of Mr. T's housekeeper?
 * Slither: All the gold.
 * Boy: Nope. All the pity.
 * "Mr T."


 * Boy: Make it unboring.
 * Slither: I can't.
 * "Ennui"


 * Boy: What kind of guards do they have at hermaphrodite prison?
 * Slither: Understanding.
 * "Prison"


 * Boy: You know the worst part of war?
 * Slither: What?
 * Boy: Cleaning up after the bombs.
 * "War"


 * Slither: Why don't you comb your hair?
 * Boy: I don't oppress any part of my body.
 * "Hair"


 * Boy: I don't like flap-jacks because I imagine they taste like skin.
 * "Flap-Jacks"


 * Boy: Pickles are rotted cucumbers.
 * "Colloquialism"

Strips 51-100

 * Boy: It's a simple fact.
 * Slither: If your home stinks it's less valuable.
 * Boy: Protect your investment.
 * Slither: Dispose of dead bodies.
 * "Home-Owner's Forum"


 * Boy: Listen to logic and reason like a scientist does and take advantage of this sale.
 * "Savings"


 * Boy: There's wisdome in the eye of a puppy, but the tooth of a cat has a point.
 * "Old-Timey Sayings"


 * Boy: Food in the mouth is different in the belly.
 * "Old-Timey Sayings"


 * Boy: Smell.//How doth you, smell?//I liken thee to an angel//Only my nose can see.//Smell.
 * "Ode To Smell"


 * Boy: We're here to help...
 * Slither: ...you.
 * Boy: Don't spill poison on a baby.
 * Slither: A baby's skin is sensitive.
 * Boy: Don't feed the baby alligator meat.
 * Slither: It's a medical fact.
 * Boy: Don't let the baby play with spears.
 * Slither: Spears are never a good idea.
 * "Your Baby's Health"

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 * Boy: The older they get, the more Tina Turner and Rod Stewart look like each other.
 * "Coincidene"

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 * Slither: Avoid all germs.
 * Boy: Just drink some orange juice.
 * Slither: And hope for the best.
 * "Germs"

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 * Boy: You mean you're a realist.
 * Slither: I just say what I think...you can call it what you want.
 * Boy: I'm going to call it Donny.
 * "Genuine Article"

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 * Boy: You're not old until you're a 76 year old Hawaiian woman. Statistically speaking.
 * "Oldie"

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 * Boy: The mints of today are far superior to the mints of yesteryear.
 * Slither: It's amazing. Our children's breath will be fresher than we can imagine...and more powerful than our ancestors could have dreamed.
 * "Minty Fresh"

Strips 101-150
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 * Cobra: (Sitting next to a garden hose) I married beneath me.
 * "Evolution"

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 * Take heed: After the Apocalypse TICKETS will be our currency!
 * "Arcade Rules"

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 * Boy: I'm gonna get a tatoo that says, "If found, return to God."
 * Slither: Why?
 * Boy: Free ticket to Heaven, brother!
 * "Tatoo You"

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 * Slither: I think if old people used candy canes instead of real canes, people would like them more.
 * "The Elderly"

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 * Boy: The perfect person would share. The perfect person can dance.
 * Slither: The perfect person doesn't make racist jokes.
 * Boy: Nope. The perfect person is undeniably classy.
 * Slither: The perfect person is pleasantly mediocre.
 * "The Perfect Person"

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 * Slither: I hate it when celebrities who aren't famous anymore try to advertise for charities.
 * "Celebrity"

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 * Slither: If you're a vet, the best thing that could happen to you is that you'd get to recommend a pet food on TV. I mean, for, like, that one time...their opinion really matters.
 * "Veterinarians"

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 * Boy: Mix tapes are the currency of nerds.
 * "Hickey Chick"

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 * Slither: God is dead.
 * Boy: Nietzsche is dead.
 * Slither: Touche.
 * Slither: But seriously, God is dead.
 * "Philosophy"

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 * Slither: You will die, die, die//In a very heinous way.//I'm gladdened by death.
 * "Things That Cheer You Up"

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 * Slither's Tooth: Kid, if I wasn't low on venom, you'd be so full of poison right now.
 * "Nancy Come Home"

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 * Boy: It's easy to over-do it with the mummy wrap.
 * Slither: At a certain point, it's just not scary anymore.
 * "Kid's Tip"

Strips 151-200
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 * Boy: Here are some bands we'd like to see...
 * Slither: "Vibrating Bread"...for an indie-rock band.
 * Boy: "3rd World Gum Tree"...punk, maybe...and "Vodkatronick; The Ultimate Mixer". I'm thinking D.J.
 * Slither: No, duh.
 * "Bands"

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 * Boy: The 1940's were characterized by people's love of ice-cream and fascination with owls!
 * "Time War"

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 * Boy: Do you want to play, "Find the Septic Tank"?
 * "Shtick"

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 * Boy: You know if the American flag was prettier everybody wouldn't burn it as much. I mean, nobody burns the Gay flag.  It's a pretty rainbow.  Who would burn a rainbow?  Nobody.
 * "Patriotism"

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 * Boy: All memories form in the brain, and we all remember the big events in our lives.
 * Slither: Like a parent's berating.
 * Boy: But it's also important to remember some mundane moments.
 * Slither: Right now, for instance.
 * Boy: Round out your memory.
 * Slither: It's all you got.
 * "Kid's Tip"

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 * Slither: What does Australia have to offer us besides men who evasively taunt crocodiles? I mean, we got THAT in Florida.
 * "Australia"

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 * Boy: Would you like to borrow my "Paul's Boutique" CD?
 * Snake: No. I have a copy.
 * Boy: Crap! I'm training for the Sharing World Championship.
 * "Sharing"

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 * Boy: May 1970. I found this signed Joe Montana 49'ers jersey in the jungles of Vietnam.
 * Slither: Joe wasn't drafted until 1979, making this item the rarest of all gems.
 * "Antique Fortunes"

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 * Boy: Want to hear about my dream?
 * Slither: No.
 * Boy: Like, I was in this white room with no exits. Just this switch that didn't do anything, and I just kept flicking it...until it broke.  The dream got boring after that.
 * "Impossible Dream"

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 * Slither: Turns out he was allergic to my venom.
 * Boy: HAHAHA! Really?!
 * Slither: I was like, DOCTOR, HEAL THYSELF!
 * "The Dentist"

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 * Boy: It's probably okay to kill mosquitos.
 * Slither: Probably.
 * "Home Remedies"

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 * Mr. Money: I'm arbitrary.
 * "New Characters"

Strips 201-250
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 * Boy: Do you think God should be taught in schools?
 * Slither: No way. Why would God want to be associated with school?  School sucks, man.
 * "Play It Cool"

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 * Boy: Everyone should be unique.
 * Slither: Everyone IS unique.
 * Boy: Well, they should be.
 * Slither: They have no choice in the matter.
 * Boy: Nor should they.
 * "To Thine Own Self"

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 * Boy: Cavemen didn't wear pants. Therefore they couldn't crap themselves.  Technically.
 * Slither: Such is the sacrifice of our modern existence.
 * "Cavement"

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 * Boy: Who's more valuable? Rich people or poor people?
 * Slither: Poor people are more valuable alive. Rich people are more valuable dead.
 * "Value"

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 * Slither: I lost my job. I lost my house.  I lost my family.  And I lost my dog.
 * Boy: In all fairness, you ate your dog.
 * "Loss"

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 * Slither: You know what love gets you? Old people kissing.
 * "The Science"

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 * Boy: You're green.
 * Slither: Greens are balanced, harmonious and peaceful personalities.
 * "Top Colors"

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 * Boy:I don't fit in.
 * Slither: Me neither.
 * Boy: Wow! We're the same!
 * Slither: No. You're a freak.  I just don't like people.
 * "The Difference"

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 * Slither: I've invented this device. It will replay your life in its entirety.  It was dubbed the world's second most depressing invention of all time.
 * "Invention"

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 * Boy: It's important to know and understand clown markings.
 * Slither: Your safety depends on it.
 * "Clown Markings"

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 * Slither: If you throw something at somebody and they catch it, you gain a certain amount of respect for them. If they drop it, some respect is lost.  It's subtle.  But it happens.
 * "The Cool Rules"

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 * Slither: People don't stop pretending. They just start pretending really boring stuff.
 * "Let's Pretend"

Strips 251-300
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 * Boy: What was your best idea, ever?
 * Slither: I dreamed of creating a race of solid gold babies.
 * "Solid Gold Baby"

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 * Slither: If I was ever a Drill Sergeant, I would treat each of my recruits with the utmost courtesy and respect. They would think I was a pretty cool Drill Sergeant.  Then I'd snub them at the big graduation dance!  "I thought we were friends!" they'd say.  No.  We were never friends.
 * "Basic Training"

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 * Boy: I read that people only absorb the information that supports their world view.
 * Slither: Where did you read that?
 * Boy: Priviledged White Male Quarterly.
 * "World View"

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