Brimstone

Brimstone (1998–1999) is a short-lived Fox television series, featuring a dead detective whose mission (assigned by the Devil) is to return 113 spirits who have escaped from Hell to Earth.

Pilot [1.1]

 * [Ezekiel Stone arrives in NYC to hunt down a 100 year old priest who kills little children.]


 * Det. Kane: You know, you go to hell for something like that.
 * Stone: Already been there.




 * Desk Clerk: Where have you been?
 * Stone: Out of the country.
 * Desk Clerk: Whereabouts?
 * Stone: Down under.




 * Desk Clerk: The elevator's busted, but you're only on the third floor.
 * Stone: Long as I'm going up.




 * The Devil: God's universe doesn't work like the American legal system. You do something, you pay for it.




 * [Stone defends killing his wife's rapist]
 * The Devil: Yes, yes, now that's what I like to hear. The indomitable spirit and righteous indignation of the human species. I've heard it a billion times defending a billion atrocities, and it's still music to my ears.




 * Det. Kane: Tell me what you know about this case.
 * Stone: You wouldn't believe me if I did.
 * Det. Kane: What makes you so sure?
 * Stone: Because you seem like an intelligent man.
 * Det. Kane: You know what? Maybe I'm not as bright as I look. Try me.




 * Det. Kane: [At crime scene] Three out of four.
 * Det. Hirrsh: What?
 * Det. Kane: What do you know about the Bible.
 * Det. Hirrsh: What part?
 * Det. Kane: Revelations, chapter four--
 * Det. Hirrsh: Sorry. Wrong Bible. I'm the Old Testament. You go your way, I go Yahweh.




 * [A museum docent hits on Stone.]
 * Stone: I'm very, uh, flattered. But I'm married.
 * Docent: Oh, well. It's too bad. [She leaves]
 * Stone: ...Not to mention dead.

Heat [1.2]

 * [Stone goes after a young Provencal woman who burns people alive when she feels strong emotions.]


 * [The Devil, in the guise of a guidance counselor, escorts a young coed out of his office.]
 * The Devil: [to Stone] Sweet kid. I'm trying to get her on the wrong path.




 * Albright: You're a cop, aren't you?
 * Stone: Why do you say that?
 * Albright: The coat's a little weird, but it's that look of desperation, and the eyes, devoid of life. Who else but the LAPD would pay your salary?




 * [the Devil and Stone meet in an elevator for a conference]
 * The Devil: You know, before they invented the elevator, I had to walk all the way from hell.
 * Ezekiel Stone: Glad to hear it.
 * The Devil: Second throughts, Ezekiel?
 * Ezekiel Stone: Can't you find someone else to torture?
 * The Devil: Millions of them. They can wait. Everyone's in such a rush. I say, stop and smell the burning flesh of sinners.




 * The Devil: 113 wayward children sent back to my loving embrace. Or one bereaved husband whose heart was in the wrong place, will wake one morning to find himself easily replaced.

Encore

 * Ezekiel Stone: Get out of my head.
 * The Devil: As if you could wrap your brain in barbed wire to keep me out. That is a delightful image, however.

Repentance

 * [Stone meets the Devil in an elevator]
 * Ezekiel Stone: Going up or down?
 * The Devil: Guess.




 * The Devil: Nobody beats the Devil. Are you listening? Did you hear what I said, Mr. Stone? Nobody beats the Devil.

Poem [1.5]

 * [Stone pursues a Chinese poet returns from Hell to kill women for their blood.]


 * Ms. Chao: How did you find me here?
 * Stone: I'm a detective.




 * Stone: Where were you ten minutes ago? I could've used your help.
 * The Devil: Help? I don't feel as if I know you well enough.
 * Stone: What's with you? Do you want me to catch these freaks or not?
 * The Devil: Of course. I want you to catch every last one. But I'm the Devil, old boy; I can't change my stripes.




 * The Devil: [to Stone] Love? The most delicious emotion of all. Without love, you and I would be out of a job.




 * Landlady: I want your badge number.
 * Stone: 666.

Ashes [1.8]

 * [as Stone goes through someone's mailbox]
 * Ashe: Pardon me for interrupting you here, but that happens to be a federal crime. Is that within your jurisdiction, too?
 * Ezekiel Stone: I answer to a lower power.


 * The Devil: You don't have any friends, Ezekiel. You're not only really dead, you're really most sincerely dead.
 * Ezekiel Stone: Isn't that from "The Wizard of Oz"?
 * The Devil: I HATE that movie.


 * [about roses]
 * The Devil: Did you know, the thorns were originally my idea?

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 * Ezekiel Stone: You loved her, didn't you?
 * The Devil: I never loved anyone but God, and that was a long time ago.

Lovers [1.9]

 * [Stone tries to convince the Devil to let him have a car]
 * Ezekiel Stone: It's not New York any more. Nobody wants to walk around here. Plus, the buses suck.
 * The Devil: Now wait a minute. Fifteen years in Hell, now you're back on Earth and you're complaining. Oh, because you have to walk. You're not going Hollywood on me, are you, Zeke?

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 * [after Stone has sent two souls back to hell]
 * The Devil: Good work, Ezekiel. Two birds with one "Stone."

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 * Ezekiel Stone: Why don't you try and just enjoy some of the beautiful things in this world? Just one. Try it on for size.
 * The Devil: Believe me, it won't fit.

Carrier [1.10]

 * [Stone brushes his teeth]
 * The Devil: Four out of five dentists surveyed agree, tooth decay is no longer a problem... once you're dead.

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 * The Devil: Please, Ezekiel. My job's not to decide who lives and dies. My business is with the soul. And I have never damned a soul who didn't thoroughly deserve it. Mother Nature is a completely different story. She kills indiscriminately, good and evil alike. Why she gets all the good press, I'll never know

Faces [1.11]

 * [Going through Stone's mail]
 * The Devil: Junk mail, mostly. One of my lesser triumphs.

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 * The Devil: I have always advocated family values, all the way back to Cain and Abel.

It's a Helluva Life [1.12]

 * The Devil: Vanilla? Where's the waitress? I only eat Rocky Road.

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 * Ezekiel Stone: You really push a man to the brink.
 * The Devil: I am the brink.

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 * Ezekiel Stone: Do you know anything about faith?
 * The Devil: Faith? I was present at its creation.

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 * The Angel: Yours is a divine purpose, Ezekiel.
 * Ezekiel Stone: [referring to the Devil] He'd freak if he heard that.
 * The Angel: Good. Let him freak.

Mourning After [1.13]

 * The Devil: If it means anything, I'm sorry. Sort of. Well... no, I'm not.

Main cast

 * Peter Horton - Ezekiel Stone
 * John Glover - The Devil

Regular guests

 * María Costa - Teresita/Waitress
 * Stacy Haiduk - Rosalyn Stone
 * Albert Hall - Father Cletus Horn
 * Scott Lawrence - Lt. Fraker
 * Lori Petty - Maxine
 * Teri Polo - Det. Ash/Ashur Badaktu