Brooklyn Nine-Nine (season 3)




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Brooklyn Nine-Nine (2013–2021) is an American comedy series, airing on FOX and NBC set in the fictional 99th Precinct of the New York City Police Department. It follows the precinct's team of detectives and their newly-appointed captain.

New Captain [3.01]

 * [The elevator doors open and the new captain of the 99th Precinct walks out and stands in front of the gathered officers and detectives.]
 * Dozerman: Hello. I'm your new commanding officer, Captain Seth Dozerman. My motto is simple: efficiency, efficiency, efficiency.
 * Jake: Could probably just say it once.
 * Dozerman: Are you making fun of my stutter?
 * Jake: Oh. Uh-
 * Dozerman: Tricked you! I don't have a stutter. Boom! I've already established my authority through my amazing sense of humor.
 * Terry: Well done, sir. Welcome to the 9-9. I'm Sergeant Terry Jeffords.
 * Dozerman: And I'm not interested. I have no use for people. I find people weird and confusing. I live my life by numbers. You see this watch? It tells be how many calories I burn at any time. Question- how many calories do you think I burned walking from there to there? [Points from the elevator to where he is standing, then addresses Amy.] You, female closest to me.
 * Amy: Oh! Uh, three?
 * Dozerman: Three?! Haaaa ha-ha-ha! Try 0.8, numbnuts! I made promises to my superiors that I most certainly cannot keep. That's why I need you idiots to work twice as hard- no, no! Strike that! Four times as hard! No, no no! Strike that! I NEED YOU MORONS TO WORK EIGHT TIMES HARDER THAN YOU'VE EVER WORKED, IN YOUR ENTIRE LIVES! I'm having a heart attack. Yep, I'm havin' a heart attack. [Falls to his knees] Get back to work. [Falls to the floor and passes out.]
 * Terry: Get a doctor!


 * [Jake and Amy are on their first date, and the atmosphere is more than a little awkward]
 * Jake: So, here we are... officially on a date. Romantical date...
 * Amy: Yes, we are. No longer just colleagues... Dating. [pause] You got a haircut. It looks nice.
 * Jake: Oh, thanks. You also got a haircut... At some point in your life, I'm sure, that's not your baby hair. That would be crazy. But, uh, you look very nice.
 * Amy: Domo Arigato.
 * Jake: Do you speak Japanese?
 * Amy: No.
 * Jake: Oh. Uh... Sorry. I think I'm feeling a little awkward.
 * Amy: [somewhat relieved] Yeah, me too.
 * Jake: How do we make it not weird?
 * Amy: I know - let's just get super drunk.
 * Jake: Yes! Great idea! [to the waitress] Ma'am, could you please bring us four kamikaze shots?
 * Amy: And four for me as well.
 * Jake: Ah, I like your style. See, we can do this. We're back on track. We're keeping it light and breezy!
 * [cut to them in bed together]
 * Jake: So, we broke a rule.
 * Amy: Yeah. I hope it wasn't a mistake.
 * Jake: "I hope it wasn't a mistake," title of your sex tape? [gasps] Title of our sex tape!


 * [After Dozerman's death, Terry at his desk.]
 * Dozerman: [On a tablet program displaying his face and a timer] Warning! You are 43 minutes behind!
 * Terry: I know! Get off my back, computer ghost!
 * Diaz: Why are you still playing with that stupid game, Sarge? The guy's dead!
 * Terry: It's not a game. I'm following our captain's orders.
 * Diaz: His orders were stupid. I hated him more than any cop I've ever known. Whoah... I just realized I'm never gonna be able to say that to his face. I mean, I can say it to his wife at the funeral, but it won't be the same.

The Funeral [3.02]

 * [Cpt. Holt enters his former office at the 99th Precinct]
 * Holt: Huh. Strange to be on this side of the desk.
 * The Vulture: What? Oh, right, you used to work here. You know I've made a lot of improvements since you left? I got a fridge for my protein shakes, I got a kettle bell station, I got a wolf that I killed in Utah. [Points to different spots in the office, then to a cardboard box. Holt looks in the box.]
 * Holt: I'm fairly certain that's a dog.
 * The Vulture: Yeah, it was dark.

Boyle's Hunch [3.03]

 * Boyle: Genevieve, I know we just met, and I don't wanna be too forward...
 * Jake: Charles.
 * Boyle: Sometimes you just get a feeling about a person!
 * Jake: Charles.
 * Boyle: I've got that feeling about you. I like you. I think tonight we-
 * Jake: Charles, look down!
 * [Boyle looks down and notices Genevieve is wearing handcuffs.]
 * Boyle: Oh... shoot.
 * Genevieve: They just gave me ten years in prison.
 * [Genevieve leaves with the escorting police officers; Boyle turns back to Jake.]
 * Jake: She didn't say no!


 * Boyle: I have a few questions about a beautiful client of yours, Genevieve Mirren-Carter.
 * Lawyer: She got hit by a tow truck and sued the driver?
 * Boyle: No, she was accused of insurance fraud.
 * Lawyer: Oh, good, because I blew that tow truck case. Straight-up forgot to go to court.

The Oolong Slayer [3.04]

 * The Vulture: You were workin' a case! I frickin' knew it; you're a liar!
 * Madeline Wuntch: And you! You can't do anything except disobey orders and screw up!
 * Bob: I'm disappointed, too, Ray.
 * Wuntch: No one cares, Bob. And after all your so-called detective work you didn't even get the right guy! Raymond, Raymond, Raymond-
 * Holt: It was an error, but-
 * Wuntch: Do not interrupt me! Raymond, Raymond, Raymond, Raymond- seven times, once for every day your juicy, insubordinate ass is suspended.
 * The Vulture: Same goes for you, Peralta, 'cept for the juicy ass part, 'cause your ass is stupid.
 * Wuntch: Now get the hell outta my office!
 * [Jake and Holt leave Wuntch's office, but Jake stops once they're outside.]
 * Jake: Wait a minute, sir. You know what? Screw this!
 * [Jake confidently goes back into Wuntch's office but comes back seconds later.]
 * Jake: It's ten days now. Shouldn't have gone back in.


 * [After Jake and Holt catch the serial killer known as the Oolong Slayer.]
 * Holt: Thank you, Peralta.
 * Jake: What're you thanking me for? You're the one who showed up and stopped him from shooting me in my beautiful face.
 * Holt: For giving me one last chance to be a real cop, before going back to a lifetime of- PR drivel.
 * Jake: Sir, we just caught a serial killer! I've wanted this since I was four years old!
 * Holt: That's troubling.
 * Jake: We did something special here. I'm honored our names will appear together on the arrest report.
 * Holt: No, no. I think you should take sole credit. Wuntch will only use it to sink me. I'm glad your dream came true, Peralta. Now, if you'll excuse me... the drivel calls.

Halloween III [3.05]

 * [Holt and Gina have been transferred back to the 99th Precinct, and Boyle and Holt are riding the elevator as they come in to work. The doors open and everyone but them is dressed up for Halloween.]
 * Jake: Seriously, no costume?
 * Terry: What the hell, Charles? Where's your Halloween spirit?
 * Boyle: But- you guys always make fun of me!
 * Gina: I have never once insulted you in my life! Especially vis a vis your appearance!
 * Diaz: Yeah, man. We always love your costumes.
 * Jake: Remember last year? When you came as that... person, and/or thing?
 * Boyle: Yes! I do remember! [Turns to Holt] Sir. Permission to sprint to my car and get my emergency costume.
 * Holt: [Shrugs] Does it matter if I say no?
 * Boyle: [Already racing back to the elevator] No!
 * [Five minutes later; Boyle is faced away from the doors as the elevator opens, dressed in an Elvis Presley costume.]
 * Boyle: A bam-bam, boom! [Turns around dramatically, then walks out of the elevator; everyone is dressed normally.] What the- what-?
 * Diaz: Why are you dressed up? You look like an idiot.
 * Boyle: But uh- but uh-
 * Amy: Yeah, what're you supposed to be? A sassy car mechanic?
 * Jake: No! He is clearly the rejected Pop-Tarts mascot, Harry Pop-Tart!
 * Holt: Squad, that's enough. You're making Boyle feel bad on purpose. He's Elvis!
 * Boyle: Yes!
 * Holt: Elvis Stojko, the Canadian figure skater!
 * Boyle: NO!

Into the Woods [3.06]

 * Amy: Hey, Gina. Would you do me a favor?
 * Gina: Yes! Thank you for asking. I did not feel like doing this work right now.
 * [Gina shoves the papers she was writing on off her desk and into the trash can.]
 * Amy: Oh. Those look like important papers.
 * Gina: What's up? How can I help?
 * Amy: Well, when I was a kid, I invented a magnetic flashlight clip so I could read under the covers. This clip and I went all around the world together. The Shire, Sweet Valley High, Terabithia...
 * Gina: But never to a friend's house, huh?
 * Amy: Uncalled for. Anyway, I realized that this could be really helpful for police work, so I made an appointment with the head of NYPD purchasing. I need to sell him on it, but I'm afraid I might come across a little... boring.
 * Gina: [Gasps] Amy, are you asking me to "She's all that" you?
 * Amy: I didn't read that. But if it's about helping out a friend, then yes, please! "She's all that" me.
 * Gina: Okay. But if we're gonna do this, we're gonna do it my way. First I'm gonna need to break you down into nothin', and then build you back up piece by piece.
 * Amy: Well, the meeting's tomorrow.
 * Gina: Well, we'll just break you down to nothin' and see what time it is.


 * Terry: I gotta say, the Chinese know how to make a terrible Scotch.
 * Jake: They certainly do. Ugh. It's bad. Gets you drunk, though.
 * Boyle: Well, I found all the worms. They're eating a fox corpse in the outhouse.
 * Terry: Speaking of which, I'm getting hungry. What's for dinner?
 * Jake: Dinner? Ha ha ha! Yes! Of course, dinner!
 * Terry: Did you not pack any food?
 * Jake: There's fresh fox.
 * Boyle: Oh, it's not fresh.

The Mattress [3.07]

 * [Jake has called Gina, Terry, Diaz, and Boyle into the break room.]
 * Jake: Scully has a mason jar full of lemonade.
 * Terry: You called us in here to tell us that?
 * Jake: No, I called you in here to change your lives! For you see, not five minutes ago, Hitchcock introduced me to his new goldfish, who lives in-
 * Boyle: [Looks out the break room window and gasps] An identical mason jar!
 * Gina: Oh... this isn't gonna end well.
 * Jake: There are two possible outcomes, and we're gonna bet on which one happens first. Will Hitchcock put fish food in Scully's lemonade, or will Scully drink Hitchcock's goldfish? Now, you would think that putting fish food into lemonade-
 * Diaz: Hitchcock just drank his own fish.
 * Jake: What?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Ava [3.08]

 * Jake: Hey, Gina! I need a top secret favor. Sharon has come to the precinct and I need your help.
 * Gina: Uh, it better not be pregnancy related, 'cause that crap is nasty.
 * Jake: The miracle of life?
 * Gina: Dress it up however you want; that's some disgusting animal kingdom nonsense.
 * Jake: Okay, don't worry about Sharon, I'll take care of her. I've got everything she needs. Pillow, blanket, copy of Breast Feeders magazine, which, now that I say it out loud, sounds like porn. [Flips through the magazine] Yep, it is.
 * Gina: So what do you need me for?
 * Jake: Keeping Captain Holt away from her. Terry says he gets very awkward near Sharon.
 * Gina: Mm, that's one way to put it.
 * [In a flashback, Terry and Sharon encounter Holt inside the precinct]
 * Holt: Ah, Sharon, nice to see you! You look so big, like a mighty truck.


 * Jake: Well, Sharon is happy, and Captain Holt has no idea where she is.
 * Gina: Damn, we are good at stashing pregnant ladies! [High-fives Jake] Uh!
 * Sharon: Guys? My water just broke.
 * Jake: Don't worry about that, we'll just get you another one- oh, you mean your body water! That's much worse!

The Swedes [3.09]

 * Diaz: [Examining smuggled diamonds] Why do people like these things? They're just shiny rocks.

Yippie Kayak [3.10]

 * Amy Santiago: [As Jake approaches their desk] Oh, come here, come here, come here! You need to see this! I'm about to give Captain Holt his gift.
 * Jake Peralta: Oh? Did he lift his no gift policy?
 * Amy: No, he didn't, but I figured out a way to buy him something and trick him into accepting it.
 * Jake: You are bad.
 * Amy: I know, right! Oh, wait, you're making fun of me.
 * Jake: Mm-hmm
 * Amy: Well, I don't care. He would never open a gift, right? But, what if his gift didn't look like a gift?
 * Jake: He would open it?
 * Amy: Exactly! I left it in a cardboard box on his desk. There's no card, just the words "Open Now" which I wrote with my wrong hand, so he wouldn't recognise my handwriting! [Holt passes them] Captain!
 * Raymond Holt: Santiago. Peralta.
 * Jake: Sir... So, just to recap, you left an unmarked package on a police captain's desk, on a random Monday with a suspicious message written on it that looked like it was scrawled by a crazy person?
 * Amy: Mm-hmm
 * Holt: [exiting his office quickly] Bomb! There's a bomb! Everyone out! [There is mass panic as everyone rushes for the exit. Rosa presses an alarm] Let's go, let's go! This is not a drill! Let's go!
 * Jake: [sarcastically, to an aghast Amy] Great gift, babe!

Hostage Situation [3.11]

 * [Boyle's ex-wife Eleanor has just visited the precinct and is threatening to destroy Boyle's stored sperm unless he illegally gets her out of going to court for hitting a man with her car.]
 * Boyle: Damn. She can't do that! Can she do that?
 * Peralta: Okay, stay calm. We're gonna talk to a lawyer and get a professional opinion.
 * [Cut to Peralta and Boyle sitting in front of a lawyer's desk]
 * Lawyer: Damn! I can't believe you signed this contract! The sperm is her legal possession. It also says that she, and I quote, [flips to the second page and points] "Owns your dignity." You initialed right next to that!

9 Days [3.12]

 * Gina: All right, all right! Looks good! Can barely tell you hulked out in here.
 * Terry: Yeah, two weeks in charge, and I didn't get any of my goals accomplished.
 * Gina: You got Hitchcock and Scully off their hunger strike.
 * Terry: I just threw a bunch of popcorn on the floor. It wasn't that hard.
 * Gina: Yeah, they're animals. Do you wanna know why the amazing Captain Holt has never gotten the evidence room cleaned or done anything on your list?
 * Terry: Why?
 * Gina: Because all day long, he's putting out fires. That's what a captain does. The only difference between you and Holt is that he lacks the strength to close a door so hard a room blows up.
 * Terry: Thanks, Gina.
 * Gina: Oh, you don't have to thank me. All I did was be the only person who believes in you.
 * Terry: Don't lean against the door. Terry caused structural damage.
 * Gina: My God, you're strong.

The Cruise [3.13]

 * Doug Judy: Peralta, it's no coincidence you're on this ship. You won a free cruise without entering a contest; how do you think that happened?
 * Jake: I don't know. Maybe it's because I bought Speed 2 on DVD and the internet figured out that cruises are one of my interests!
 * Doug Judy: Great film. Sandy B. in a sarong. [He and Jake bump fists] But the tics are all me. I brought you here because I'm in peril.
 * Jake: Pfft. Peril.
 * Doug Judy: Don't "Pfft" my peril!
 * Jake: Pfft.
 * Doug Judy: Somebody's tryin' to kill me, and I need protection. So I sent for my best friend.
 * Jake: I am not your best friend. I'm your worst enemy! Get that through your head!
 * Doug Judy: [To Amy] It's this kind of bickering that makes us such an adorable couple.
 * Jake: Whatever, Judy! You're under arrest!
 * Doug Judy: You can't arrest me, boo! We're in international waters. Which is why I can smoke as much weed as I want. Welcome, to the high seas.
 * Jake: No. No way that that's true. Amy, tell me I can arrest him right now.
 * Amy: Judy's right, we have no jurisdiction. Technically this boat flies under the flag of Uzbekistan.
 * Doug Judy: Uh-oh! Your girl knows about the Uzbeks!
 * Amy: But the captain can have him arrested; he has total authority on this boat.
 * Jake: Perfect; captains love me. Just wait until he or she finds out they're employing a criminal.
 * [Cut to the three of them standing out on deck with the captain.]
 * Captain Orleans: Yeah, about forty percent of the crew are criminals.


 * [Doug Judy, the Pontiac Bandit, has escaped from the cruise ship to a small motorboat after Jake saved Judy's life.]
 * Doug Judy: Peralta! Sorry to do this to you, man. I saw an opening and I had to take it. I can't go to jail! I'm too cool!
 * Jake: You'll never get away from me, Judy!
 * Doug Judy: I can't hear what you're saying; you're real far away. I'll just assume you're finally admitting we're best friends.
 * Jake: No, that's not what I'm saying!
 * Doug Judy: Thank you! It means a lot to me. Enjoy the rest of your cruise! Just remember; you got a fine lady, don't be a tang in the mud! Check your pockets! [Jake does, pulling out a cabin access card] Boom-boom stateroom, baby!
 * Jake: [To Amy] Awesome. [To Judy] But this isn't over! I will hunt you to the ends of the earth!
 * Doug Judy: I love you, too! I'm so proud of us for being able to say it! What're you still standing there for? Go smush!
 * [Doug Judy steers the motorboat away from the cruise ship.]

Karen Peralta [3.14]

 * [Boyle was caught naked in a restaurant bathroom when Rosa Diaz chased a suspect in there. The following day, Boyle is in the file room when Diaz walks in.]
 * Diaz: Oh. I didn't-
 * Boyle: No, it's fine, I'm not-
 * Diaz: Right, why would you be-
 * Boyle: It's not like I'm, uh, always-
 * Diaz: Naked.
 * Boyle: Yeah.
 * Diaz: Look, man. Nobody's ever gonna see that footage; the case was cut and dry. It's not like I'm dying to tell anyone I saw your-
 * Boyle: Benny and the Jets.
 * Diaz: [Laughs] Sure. Whatever.
 * [Terry enters the file room.]
 * Terry: Hey. I've been looking for you guys. I just spoke to our perp's attorney. He's claiming the drugs you seized in the bathroom weren't his.
 * Diaz: What?! But we saw him throw them in the garbage!
 * Terry: Yeah. Normally, it'd be your word against his- but lucky for us, you were wearing body cams!
 * Boyle: Yeah, but the thing about cameras, is that they don't really tell the full, objective truth. Images can be distorted. People often seem naked.
 * Terry: Boyle, what are you talking about?
 * Diaz: Boyle is fully nude in the footage.
 * Terry: WHYYYY?!


 * Karen Peralta: Hey, honey. Thanks for bringing Roger back.
 * Jake Peralta: You're very welcome. Hey, by the way, Amy was really nervous to meet you, so don't judge her for all the weird singing.
 * Karen Peralta: Oh, no. I'm dating my son-of-a-bitch ex-husband; who am I to judge?
 * [Amy Santiago rolls down the window of the Impala she's sitting in.]
 * Amy: I think you're really great, too!
 * Jake: She's very good at lip-reading.
 * Amy: I wouldn't say "very" good; deaf people, they're the real talents!
 * Jake: Yep. Just can't stop.
 * Amy: I'll let you guys talk! I'll just close my eyes. [Rolls the window back up.]

The 9-8 [3.15]

 * Gina: Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the most anticipated event in this precinct's history! The auction for-
 * [Gina reaches down from the podium and holds up a vinyl briefcase; the gathered detectives are amazed.]
 * Jake: The Suitcase of Mystery!
 * Gina: Exactly, Jacob. This puppy's been in the Lost & Found since 1976. No one alive today knows its contents. I'm happy to say Captain Holt has finally given me permission to auction it off!
 * Jake: I'll let you give me a spray tan! Any shade you want!
 * Gina: Jake, willing to sacrifice his dignity! Who can top it?
 * Boyle: Massage! I'll give you a massage!
 * Gina: Charles, going in the wrong direction and getting himself disqualified. Interesting approach. Orange Jake: Goin' once! Goin' twice!
 * Diaz: I'll show you a picture of me in high school. There is side pony.
 * Gina: Ooh! Rosa comin' in hot, Rosa comin' in hot!
 * Jake: I'll also give you full control over my hair and wardrobe.
 * Scully: I'll go on a date with you!
 * Gina: SOLD! To Jake. Not to Scully. That really freaked me out and I just want this to end now.

House Mouses [3.16]

 * Jake: Hey, Gina! We got an anonymous gift basket. Yeah, it's full of treats. It's got meats, cheeses, candies- all the food groups.
 * Boyle: The cheese is amazing. It melts in my mouth. And in my hands!
 * Gina: Hm. French chocolates, French cheeses, tiny French pickles. Did none of you detectives think this might be a gift for Captain Holt from someone in France? Like his husband, per exemple?
 * Jake: What? No way! This is a nice present from an unknown, appreciative citizen that wanted us to munch!
 * Gina: What's this, then? "Dear Captain Raymond Holt: Thinking of you. Best, Dr. Kevin Cozner, Ph.D." He even used their pet names.
 * Amy: Oh, no. I ate the chocolate-covered strawberry. That's the most intimate snack of them all!
 * Diaz: Holt's gonna be back from his meeting in thirty minutes- what do we do?!
 * Terry: Eat the note!
 * Jake: No! No. It's okay. We can fix this.
 * [32 minutes later.]
 * Jake: Check it out, sir; a lovely gift basket that Kevin sent you, all the way from Paris.
 * Boyle: Straight from Paris!
 * [Holt unties the ribbon and removes the red plastic wrapping. Holt examines some of the items.]
 * Holt: Stapler... scissors... rubber bands? [Picks up the package of rubber bands.] That man really knows me!

Cheddar [3.18]

 * Jake: This envelope contains my inheritance from my uncle, he died a year ago. He was so rich, he had a whole room in his house just to eat in.
 * Gina: You mean like a dining room?
 * Jake: Yeah. But in Manhattan.
 * Gina: Oh, dang.
 * Jake: Now, just because I'm definitely rich now doesn't mean I'm gonna forget my roots. You all get something, so fire away.
 * Boyle: Jake, your friendship is gift enough for me.
 * Diaz: Friendship is crap. I want a Ducati Monster 821.
 * Jake: All right, Rosa gets a motorcycle.
 * Amy: Oh, cool, I want a fast sports car.
 * Jake: Come on, you can be honest.
 * Amy: I want old, expensive books. I'll send you a list.
 * Jake: There you go. Now, let's find out what I'm worth... Ah, I'm too nervous. Sarge, you do it.
 * Terry: [Opens the envelope] It's stock, one million shares!
 * Jake: Oh, my God!
 * Terry:... Of Blockbuster Video stock.
 * [Terry hands the folder back and everyone goes back to work in disappointment.]
 * Jake: What? Is that bad? I still have a Blockbuster card. WHAT HAPPENED TO BLOCKBUSTER?!


 * Jake: Hey. Gina, how's the stalling?
 * Gina: Great. The tow truck just got here, so that'll buy us at least an hour.
 * Jake: Tow truck?! What the hell'd you do to my car?!
 * Gina: Bitch, I told you I was gonna wreck it!
 * Jake: You did. You did. Well, I'm gonna go follow up on a lead right now.
 * Gina: Great. I'm gonna rip a bunch of wires out of your dashboard.
 * Jake: What? No, don't!
 * [Gina hangs up.]

Terry Kitties [3.19]

 * Jake: What we need in here is an armored personnel carrier. A tank!
 * Diaz: Two tanks. I want a tank, too.
 * Jake: Great, so everyone gets a tank. Just remember, we can't ruin Captain Holt's vacation high. We can't do anything to upset him. [Turns around and sees Hitchcock and Scully in Holt's office] Woah, no! What're those morons doing in there?!
 * Terry: Maybe it's not that bad. Maybe they didn't upset him.
 * Jake: What'd you do? What'd you say?
 * Hitchcock: Nothin', just said welcome back.
 * Scully: And laughed with him about all the weight he gained in France!
 * Holt: Why is everyone just standing around? Get back to work!
 * Jake: So long, tank.
 * Holt: "Tank"?! I gained three pounds in Paris! Three pounds!


 * Terry: Hi. Remember me?
 * [Kuzkho, who escaped arrest twenty years ago by pretending he was paralyzed, is standing normally at the door of his apartment.]
 * Dmitri Kuzkho: So... this is weird.
 * [Kuzkho tries to slam the door but Terry blocks it and tackles him.]
 * Terry: Oh, no you don't, circus trash! I knew it! You could walk the whole time! I was right about the cat accomplice too, huh?! Now where's the cat?!
 * Jake: Been twenty years, Sarge, cat's probably dead.
 * Terry: I'M STILL BRINGIN' 'IM IN!

Maximum Security [3.21]

 * [Amy is undercover in a Texas state prison as "Isabel Cortez".]
 * Maura Figgis: Hey, Cortez. I hear you can smuggle in crap from outside.
 * Amy: That's right, baby. What do you want?
 * Maura Figgis: What I want? Is for you to back the hell off. Because I'm the only store in this prison.
 * Amy: Well, I didn't see your name on the outside of the prison. Unless your name is, "Texas State Penitentiary comma Spring Valley Unit"!


 * Amy: What're you lookin' at? You got a problem?
 * Maura Figgis: Whoah! Cool it, killa! I just wanted to say good job on beatin' the crap outta that doctor.
 * Amy: Oh. Thanks.
 * Maura Figgis: I like you. You got balls. Maybe you should come work for me. I could use another bruiser on my crew.
 * Amy: I'm not a bruiser. I'm a psycho.
 * Maura Figgis: Even better.

Bureau [3.22]

 * [Holt, Diaz, and Jake are meeting FBI Agent Bob Anderson, a friend and colleague of Holt's, in a public park.]
 * Holt: Hello, Bob. Good to see you.
 * Bob Anderson: And you. Apologies, it's inappropriate of me to partake in such informal conversation in front of your detectives.
 * Holt: It's all right. I am equally to blame.
 * Jake: Oh, my God! There's two of them!


 * Amy: Did you get the other guy?
 * Jake: What other guy?
 * Amy: Someone named Bob Anderson.
 * Jake: Oh, my God. Amy, I have to go. [Hangs up.] Bob is working for Figgis!
 * Diaz: What?
 * Jake: He must've been the one who deleted all those digital files! And he tried to have Wielan killed!
 * Diaz: But he helped us with the heist and there was nothing about him in the paper file!
 * Jake: Yeah! Cause that wasn't the real file! We have to call Holt. Come on, Captain, pick up! Pick up!
 * [Cut to the hospital room where Holt and Bob were waiting; Bob has drawn his pistol and is aiming it at Holt.]
 * Bob: Don't answer that, Raymond. And now I'm going to have to kill you.
 * Holt: Oh, Bob.

Greg and Larry [3.23]

 * [The lights in Diaz's apartment go out while the detectives are trying to interrogate Bob.]
 * Bob: Time's up. Looks like Figgis found you.
 * [Cut to several minutes later.]
 * Terry: Okay. Door's secure.
 * Diaz: That's the last of the candles.
 * Terry: Is that multi-wick? [Sniffs] Am I smelling basil and tangerine?
 * Diaz: It's called Summer's Kiss.
 * Terry: What the hell is goin' on with you?
 * Bob: I hate to rub it in, detectives, but I told you they'd find me.
 * [A red laser dot is being aimed into the room.]
 * Terry: SNIPER, EVERYBODY DOWN!
 * [The laser dot moves towards Bob and aims steadily at him.]
 * Bob: Whoah! Whoah, whoah, whoah! Wrong guy, wrong guy!
 * [Jake tackles Bob as the glass vase behind him shatters.]
 * Terry: Stay away from the windows!
 * Jake: Captain! Table!
 * [Jake and Holt get a coffee table and turn it on its side, and they and Bob take cover.]
 * Bob: My God! What the hell's going on? They tried to kill me! [Two more vases shatter.] Oh, we have to get out of here and we have to get out of here now.
 * Diaz: It's cool. I have a panic room.
 * Terry: Yes! There's the Rosa I know! Summer's Kiss my ass!
 * Diaz: But it won't fit all of us.
 * Jake: Well, looks like Bob's the odd man out. Bye, Bob!


 * Caller: [In a deep-sounding, disguised voice] Jake Peralta? This is Jimmy Figgis.
 * Jake: Oh! Uh... hey... dog!
 * Caller: You and Ray Holt took down my operation. Now, I'm gonna kill you both. Later, dog. [Hangs up.]
 * Jake: Uh- Captain Holt?
 * [Cut to Jake coming out of a house in a South Florida suburb. Next door, Holt is out watering his lawn.]
 * Jake: Morning, Greg.
 * Holt: Morning, Larry.