CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (season 7)


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CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (2000–2015), usually referred to as CSI, is a dramatic television series about the Forensics Crime Lab in Las Vegas.

Built to Kill, Part 1 [7.1]

 * Grissom: I got you a veggie burger.
 * Sara: Thanks.
 * Warrick:: What about me?
 * Grissom: I didn't know you were here. Soy, sorry. (Sara smirks)
 * Warrick: Where's the love?

Built to Kill, Part 2 [7.2]

 * [Looking at Sven's architectural drawings]
 * Sara: If Sven is capable of creating these kinds of 3D renderings, he definitely could have built that miniature.
 * Sofia: Son defending the honor of his mother?
 * Sara: Name that Greek tragedy.


 * Sara: I hear we're out of suspects.
 * Grissom: Not necessarily, could be anyone in town. Or anyone out of town for that matter. That's a lot of suspects.

Toe Tags [7.3]

 * Doc. Robbins: [to Catherine]: When was the last time you took a nap in Grissom's tub?

Fannysmackin [7.4]

 * Catherine: What do you know about work boots? I'm guessing you haven't worked a day of hard labor in your life.
 * Greg: I wore Doc Martens in high school. It was the style.
 * Catherine: Yeah for skinheads.
 * Greg: Yeah, they kinda ruined it for everyone.


 * Greg: (after Grissom assigns him a case) Alright, who's my wingman?
 * Grissom: You're a big boy Greg; you don't need a wingman for this.


 * (Grissom walks in as Sara is repeatedly kicking a dummy)
 * Grissom: Whoa! Pick on somebody your own size.
 * Sara: Are you volunteering?
 * Grissom: (long pause) No.


 * Sara: Why isn't there a medic on Greg?
 * Sofia: He's been stabilized. Sara, he's gonna be okay. (Sara walks over to where Greg is lying and brushes hair out of his face)
 * Greg: Sara.
 * Sara: I didn't think you could see me.
 * Greg: I can't. I know that "Sidle Scent".
 * Sara: I'm going to take that as a compliment.


 * Greg: You should process the scene now; me later.
 * Sara: (chokes up) I came here for you, Greg.


 * Nick: I am sick of these punks, man. I'm serious, I'm sick of it.
 * Warrick: Then you're in the wrong town.
 * Nick: Maybe.


 * Grissom: Has someone called your parents? You should let them know-- [Greg groans] What's the matter?
 * Greg: They still think I'm in the lab.
 * Grissom: Why do they think that?
 * Greg: When I was in high school I never played any sports, no football, no basketball, definitely no hockey.
 * Grissom: [sarcastic] I never would have guessed.
 * Greg: Well, it wasn't my choice. My mom wanted four kids, ended up with only one. She always made sure I stayed close... and if I got a nosebleed, she'd take me to the ER.
 * Grissom: Well, now would be the time to come clean.
 * Greg: [beginning to cry] My mom's gonna freak.
 * Grissom: You tell her that you risked your life to save someone else's and I think she'll be very proud of you.


 * Man: I want to talk to a cop now!
 * Brass: (same time as Sofia) She's the cop.
 * Sofia: (same time as Brass) He's the cop.


 * Catherine: Pig and the piglets are in the pigpen.
 * Warrick: About time. Finally some good news.
 * Catherine: Did you know that Pig, a.k.a Cole Tritt, was the only adult? The rest of 'em were all under 18. One was 14.
 * Warrick: Are you kidding? Who raises these kids?
 * Catherine: I mean, they weren't all delinquents. Demetrius James was a college student.
 * Nick: Hangin' out with the wrong crowd in the wrong town. I'm tellin' ya, a fake I.D in Las Vegas is like havin' a--a free ticket on the hell train. Sex, drugs, gambling, no adult supervision, 24/7, by the time they're 21 they've done and seen it all.
 * Catherine: Make me slit my wrists why don't ya? I'm raising a teenager here.
 * Warrick: Ah, you're doin' a great job, Linds is gonna turn out to be a beautiful young woman. Besides, I grew up in Vegas, I didn't turn out so bad, did I?
 * Nick: Yeah. That was pre-Mirage. Back when you were a little squirt goin' to the casino, playin' the arcade games. Nah, Vegas is a different animal now.
 * Warrick: Yeah, these kids need to beat people up in the street to be entertained. They need some good discipline, they need their grandmother whuppin' their ass like I had.
 * Nick: Yeah, a good slap.
 * Sara: You know, it kinda sounds like you guys are blaming everybody but these kids. I mean, you don't get a bye just because you grew up here or your parents are on drugs or--- those kids were perfectly capable of telling the difference between a wild night out and beating somebody to death.
 * Grissom: The truth is, a moral compass can only point you in the right direction, it can't make you go there. Our culture preaches that you shouldn't be ashamed of anything you do anymore. And unfortunately this city is built on the principle that there's no such thing as guilt. "Do whatever you want, we won't tell." So without a conscience, there's nothing to stop you from killing someone. And evidently you don't even have to feel bad about it.

Double Cross [7.5]

 * Catherine: 18 years and this is my first crucifixion. In a Catholic church with no crucifixes.
 * Grissom: I imagine the priest is a resurrection theologian as opposed to a crucifixion theologian. They believe in forgiveness rather than penance.
 * Catherine: We could all use a little forgiveness.


 * Brass: Is it bigger sin to lie if you're a priest?
 * Grissom: I hope so.


 * Catherine: This one's for you, Sam. [lights a votive candle]

Burn Out [7.6]

 * Carl Fisher: It was innocent. He wasn't feeling well. He laid his head in my lap. I touched his hair. I didn't want to ... I loved him. I loved Lucas, and he loved me.
 * Gil Grissom: Is that what you think? Then why didn't you help him? He told you he hit his head. He was in pain. He had a concussion, Carl. You must have known that. I'm sure he was dizzy, probably had no appetite. Maybe he was even slurring his words, but you didn't care about that, because you wanted what you wanted. His brain was bleeding. Now, most kids won't die from that, because someone who really loves them takes them to the hospital, but instead, you gave him alcohol and aspirin, a lethal combination for his head injury. It prevented his blood from clotting. You killed him, Carl. And you would have killed Jason, too, except he ran away from you and out of your reach.
 * Carl Fisher: You're not listening to me. I didn't want to hurt anyone. I need you to believe me.
 * Gil Grissom: I don't. You had choices. You made the wrong ones. And now this little boy is gone.

Post Mortem [7.7]

 * Sofia Curtis: You're gonna apologize to the mother of a guy who beat one man to death and was tryin' to do the same to you? That's as good as saying you're guilty and setting yourself up for one hell of a civil suit besides. You did nothing wrong.
 * Greg Sanders: I just wanna be able to sleep again.
 * Sofia Curtis: We put ourselves in harm's way every single day and sometimes we pay one hell of a price for surviving it. Other people will never understand that.

Happenstance [7.8]

 * Catherine: Well, I got a phone, and keys but no purse.
 * Nick: Mugging?
 * Catherine: Take the purse, leave the Lexus?
 * Nick: Yeah, that's not real savvy, is it?


 * Warrick: You know that flash drive that I found in a locked drawer in Jill Case's office? I thought it was just a bunch of photos, but it turns out there was a little more than meets the eye.
 * Greg: You mean the flash drive was a Transformer?

Living Legend [7.9]

 * Grissom: Our Mexican fisherman signed his television release form "F. Krueger."
 * Catherine: Freddy Krueger. Nightmare on Elm Street.
 * Archie: Yeah, and the karaoke singer was Michael Myers from Halloween.
 * Catherine: Parts one through nine.
 * Archie: Yeah, but who's the hotel killer? Who's Pamela Voorhees?
 * Catherine: Friday the 13th?
 * Archie: No, that's Jason. Oh no wait, Jason was the sequel. Pamela, the mother, was the killer in the original. That's the question that tripped up Drew Barrymore in Scream.
 * Catherine: Yeah, and look what happened to her.
 * Archie: You watch slasher flicks?
 * Catherine: With Lindsey, I do. They never get the spatter right.
 * Grissom: All I know is the master of all scary movies was Lon Chaney Sr., the man of a thousand faces, and that's what we're looking for.

Loco Motives [7.10]

 * [Catherine is trying not to laugh at Max, who is stuck waist-deep in cement]
 * Grissom: Catherine, do you need a minute?


 * Catherine: [to Max, while he's stuck in cement]: Are you ready to give me a name? You know, you are in a very deep hole, in every sense of the word my friend. Think about that while we chisel you out. It's going to take a few hours. Assuming we're careful. See ya!


 * Sara: Hey, guess what.
 * Grissom: Mankind has reached a new evolutionary plateau and starting tomorrow no-one will rape, murder or maim again?

Leaving Las Vegas [7.11]

 * Nick: Sabbatical's usually a euphemism for sayonara. I don't think Grissom's coming back.
 * Catherine: Why wouldn't he?
 * Nick: I don't know. He shaved his beard, lost a little weight, he's been leaving when shift is over, I think he even took a day off last week.
 * Catherine: Maybe he's got himself a girlfriend.
 * Nick: That's what I'm saying. You know I thought you were going to leave a few months ago.
 * Catherine: Why, because I shaved my beard?


 * Grissom: Hey, how's it going on your civil case? Did you get a lawyer?
 * Greg: LVPD said they'll provide me with an attorney.
 * Grissom: Get your own counsel, Greg. That's your right.
 * Greg: Well, are you gonna give me raise because otherwise I can't afford that.
 * Grissom: Call the PPAC and talk to your union rep. This was an on duty incident, they'll provide you with an attorney.
 * Greg: How's the union lawyer gonna be any different?
 * Grissom: The department's only interest is the department. They'll throw you under the bus to protect themselves. When's your deposition?
 * Greg: Three weeks from tomorrow.
 * Grissom: Stick to whatever you put in the report. Don't waver, be consistent. Everything's gonna be fine.


 * Adam Novak: Why the hell's this department tailing my client?
 * Nick: Concern for his safety?
 * Adam Novak: That's cute. Jay Finch was acquitted of his mother's murder; he deserves all the rights of a free man.
 * Nick: With all due respect, Mr. Novak, no laws have been broken here.
 * Adam Novak: You can't try Finch twice for the same crime.
 * Nick: No, but you can for a different crime.
 * Adam Novak: Oh, I see this is a personal vendetta by CSI Willows.
 * Nick: Personal, to who?
 * Adam Novak: Me! She's a man-hater. No surprise, but how long do we have to pay for the sins of her father?
 * Nick: Y'know Catherine and I get along just great, maybe it's you.

Sweet Jane [7.12]

 * Mike Keppler: Hear you got one of the fastest growing murder rates in the country.
 * Jim Brass: Yeah, we're very competitive. Is that a Philly accent I hear?
 * Mike Keppler: Trenton, born and bred.
 * Jim Brass: My condolences. I'm from Newark.

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 * Warrick Brown: You trying to do a geographic profile of your serial?
 * Mike Keppler: Yeah, most of these guys tend to operate out of one place. In theory, as the killer gets more and more comfortable with each act, the locations of the bodies should spiral outward from one central point.
 * Warrick Brown: I'll tell 'ya one thing your dump sites do have in common.
 * Mike Keppler: What's that?
 * Warrick Brown: When the bodies were found in the location they were at the time had the highest crime rate in the city.
 * Mike Keppler: Smart. Your crime center sure seems to move around here a lot, huh?
 * Warrick Brown: Well, in Vegas, new is old in five years, old is history in ten, and nothing ever seems to leave a mark.
 * Mike Keppler: Sounds refreshing.

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 * Al Robbins: I reviewed that, uh, Jane Doe autopsy from '75.
 * Mike Keppler: That was fast.
 * Al Robbins: Well I'm sure the original examination was too. M.E. was a hack named Sam Bernard. He, uh, retired a little while after I started. Once saw him do a Y with a scalpel in one hand and a hot dog in the other.
 * Mike Keppler: Take it he wasn't known for his, uh, rigorous analysis.
 * Al Robbins: He was known for liking hot dogs.

Redrum [7.13]

 * Catherine: [Referring to faking a crime scene] I'm not used to faking it.
 * Keppler: [Smirking] When's the last time you had to?

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 * Catherine: I grew up in this town, I know all about playing the odds, you are gambling with my team.
 * Keppler: We talked about the risks going in, it's not like we can quit now.
 * Catherine: I'm not quitting, but I don't like it. And I hate lying to my guys.

Meet Market [7.14]

 * [Sara finds Keppler in Grissom's office, looking at the miniature models]
 * Sara: Hi. What are you doing?
 * Keppler: Just looking.
 * Sara: What do you think?
 * Keppler: Meticulous. Obsessive. Clearly knows his way around a modeling kit.
 * Sara: Grissom didn't make those.
 * Keppler: No? Hmm. Fits the profile. Bugs in bottles, Darwin desk set.
 * Sara: He's a bit of a collector of certain things.
 * Keppler: Yeah, I knew a guy in Philly like that. Kept a case of thumbs in his closet.
 * Sara: Friend of yours?
 * Keppler: No, serial killer.
 * Sara: Do you miss it?
 * Keppler: What?
 * Sara: Philly.
 * Keppler: No.

Law of Gravity [7.15]

 * Wendy: I said "How do you feel about butt implants?"
 * Keppler: You don't need them?

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 * Grissom: What you got?
 * Warrick: Well, I'm just following a lead off some serialized butt implants.
 * Grissom: I missed Las Vegas.

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 * Grissom: I, uh, heard that there was some friction in the lab when I was gone.
 * Warrick: Did you ever hear of reverse forensics? [Grissom looks up at him, a little shocked]

Monster in the Box [7.16]

 * Grissom: Catherine, lay out room, right away!
 * Catherine: [enters] Gil, where's the fire? [Catherine sees the miniature crime scene and looks confused]
 * Grissom: It's been sitting in my office for the last four weeks.
 * Catherine: But we caught the miniature serial killer, he confessed.
 * Grissom: Yeah, I watched him blow his brains out. But, I think the package was post marked after he killed himself.
 * Catherine: So maybe he arranged to have it sent post-mortum.
 * Grissom: The three other murders, the miniature was left at the scene. This one was addressed to me.
 * Catherine: So now it's personal.

Fallen Idols [7.17]

 * Catherine: Yeah, crabs. I am buying Lindsay a chastity belt.
 * Grissom: There's a hole in the middle to let the urine pass so theoretically she could still get them.
 * Catherine: You are so creepy sometimes.

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 * Ryan Lansco: [from video] Come on, guys. It's cold in here! At least close the door! [Reads] I, Ryan Lansco... am a diseased subhuman sex pervert. If you do me, you'll go home with a souvenir: your own little crab colony. [Angrily] My parents better never see this!
 * Sheila Latham: Oh, yeah? This is going up on YouTube, or maybe you'd like to put it on your FriendAgenda page. You put everything else up there, why not your crotch rot?

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 * Warrick: What is this, Grissom? Romeo and Juliet.
 * Grissom: Post-Mortem photography. Memento Mori. In the nineteenth century the photo of the dead loved one was a popular keepsake. Death remembered. One last look.

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 * Sara: [with a razor in her hand] Do you trust me?
 * Grissom: Intimately [she begins to shave off his beard]

Empty Eyes [7.18]

 * Mary Wilson: Warrick Brown. I remember you standing on my steps with those guilty green eyes, afraid to come in because you knew your grandma would size you up no matter what kind of trouble you got into.
 * Warrick: I don't remember any trouble.
 * Mary Wilson: Like when you were thirteen years old, and you took her new Buick out for a spin.
 * Warrick: Oh... that bang with the bumper trying to parallel park. I forgot about that.

Big Shots [7.19]

 * Wendy: You know, if you're still having trouble coming to terms with the fact that this is no longer your lab, I suggest counseling.
 * Greg: I would like you to run this for me, please?
 * Wendy: M'kay.

Lab Rats [7.20]

 * Hodges: Four crime scene miniatures. Four murder victims. And one diabolical killer with an obsessive streak who still remains at large. I don't know if any of you have noticed how distracted Grissom's been lately, but it's these keeping him up at night.
 * Archie: You know the combination?
 * Hodges: Of course. Grissom could use some fresh eyes on the case and that's why I've asked you here. Obviously, this could be perceived as insulting to the CSIs who formerly worked the case, so secrecy is of the utmost importance. Double down low.
 * Mandy: [in a British accent] Oh James, it's Monnypenny. M needs you back at HQ.
 * Archie: Shoe phone was get smart, girl.
 * Mandy: Oh, that's right.
 * Henry: Ninety-nine was so hot.
 * Archie: Yeah.
 * Hodges: Four people are dead, the killer's still out there, and you're mocking?
 * Mandy: We're mocking you.
 * Hodges: You in or out?
 * Henry: I don't really know anything about these cases.
 * Hodges: We'll review.
 * Henry: I don't know, I have a lot of work to do.
 * Hodges: And by work, you mean IMing your Icelandic penpal who thinks that you look like Warrick Brown, because that's the picture you posted.
 * Henry: How?
 * Hodges: I just know. Archie? In?
 * Archie: What the hell? But I gotta leave early. I've got a surfing trip in Santa Barbra this weekend.
 * Hodges: Miss Mockery?
 * Mandy: Well, we can't leave the lab. We can't talk to suspects. What exactly does Grissom want us to do?
 * Hodges: It's not always what you look at that matters, it's what you see.
 * Henry: That's Thoreau.
 * Hodges: Oh, is it?
 * Archie: Okay, professor, and your point would be?
 * Hodges: The answers lie in these. We're lab techs. We think differently than field guys. They deal with people, we deal with things. Maybe we can't find the killer, but I think we can find the thing that links all four murders. This is an opportunity. We have one shift to show Grissom what we're made of. Tonight we could be heroes.
 * Mandy: All right, all right. I'm in.
 * Hodges: It's time to think outside the box.

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 * [Archie is about to sit on Grissom's chair]
 * Hodges: Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah...
 * Archie: What?
 * Hodges: What are you doing?
 * Archie: Sitting.
 * Hodges: No no, you're tempting fate! You know how you should never try on someone else's engagement ring, hold the Oscar, use the excuse your grandmother died when she didn't?

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 * Wendy: What on God's green earth possessed you to do this?
 * Hodges: It's my lucky day.
 * Wendy: What?
 * Hodges: It's my lucky day...

Ending Happy [7.21]

 * Brass: So, when was the last time you saw the deceased?
 * George: It was like an hour ago when the, they took him away on the girder.
 * Brass: No, I, uh, you know I meant the last time you saw him alive.

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 * Grissom: To me, sex without love is pointless. It makes you sad.
 * Sara: Well, I'm pretty sure I don't make you sad.
 * Grissom: No, you make me happy.

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 * Brass: So the guy took an arrow through the throat and it prolonged his life?
 * Dr. Robbins: Apparently.
 * Catherine: And what are the odds of it not hitting any major artery?
 * Dr. Robbins: Whatever comes right before zero.

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 * Greg: You know, I kind of feel bad for these girls.
 * Hodges: Don't feel too bad. They have health benefits, good pay. Women get regular check-ups. Industry is well-regulated. As opposed to picking a hooker up off the street. Does she have a disease? Multiple diseases? Is she crazy? Is she gonna roll you? Where do you go? Do you do it in your car, behind a building, down a dark alley? So you drive around, scared out of your mind, finally get the nerve up, pick one you like, call her over, she gets in. Next thing you know, you're down on the pavement, cuffed, because she's an undercover cop, but luckily you were three months shy of your eighteenth birthday so when you call your mom to come get you, it doesn't go on my permanent record.
 * Greg: [momentarily speechless] ... Okay.

Leapin' Lizards [7.22]

 * Grissom: Do you believe that intelligent life exists on other planets?
 * Sara: I'm not sure there's intelligent life on this planet.

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 * Preston: Chyna was sucking the life out of me. She deserved none of what she wanted and all of what she got in the end. I'm glad it took a long time for her to die. I can only imagine the pain.
 * Brass: You know, everytime I think about leaving this job, a guy like you comes along and reminds me why I can't.

The Good, the Bad and the Dominatrix [7.23]

 * Catherine: [noticing the rope on the floor] Did she have ligature marks?
 * Brass:: On her neck, yeah.
 * Catherine: That doesn't make any sense. She was a dominatrix, not a submissive.
 * Brass: Maybe the party just got out of control.
 * Catherine: Somebody... didn't know the rules.

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 * Catherine: S and M is a rich man’s sport. Kinda like hockey, a lot of equipment.
 * Sara: How much do you think a night like this would cost?
 * Catherine: Heather told me, five years ago she was clearing twenty grand a week. And that was before LadyHeather.com.
 * Sara: [after a moment] What is she like?
 * Catherine: Beautiful, smart, intense... charming. The only woman I've ever seen rattle Grissom. [Sara starts to look uncomfortable] I mean he kinda liked that forensic anthropologist, Teri Miller, remember her?
 * Sara: Yeah.
 * Catherine: But, she wasn't enough of a challenge for him. Heather, on the other hand uninhibited and can beat him at mental chess, [Sara becomes more uncomfortable] they had chemistry and he is a scientist. I have no proof and I know he'd never tell me, [Sara becomes more uncomfortable] but I'm certain they spent the night together. [Sara becomes very uncomfortable]

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 * Grissom: [about Lady Heather] This makes no sense. She's very strong, and tough as nails. Why didn't she fight?

Living Doll [7.24]

 * Brass: You lose your interest in dead bodies?

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 * Grissom: I found a thriving miniature hobbyist community on-line. Sites where people meet, chat, exchange building tips, list stores they shop in.
 * Nick: [looking at the miniature of Grissom's office] So that's why you built this thing? I mean... other then to creep us all out?

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 * Catherine: A grown man who sticks his hand up the back of a doll, and speaks like a girl. Sounds healthy.

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 * Catherine: Okay... we're in a David Lynch movie. Where's the dwarf?

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 * Grissom: My God. She was at the crime scene.
 * Nick: So she salvages the car, and somehow gets it out to the desert, and grabs Sara, and puts her under it?
 * Warrick: I don't get it. What does Sara have to do with bleach?
 * Catherine: I don't know. This just feels different.
 * Grissom: It is different. [flashback to crime scene where Grissom takes a camera from Sara and caresses her arm] This girl holds me responsible for the death of Ernie Dell. I took away the only person she ever loved, so she's gonna do the same thing to me [everyone looks confused]

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 * Brass: I don't want to waste time screwing around with this nut case. I'm going to get some bleach, and drip it on her until she gives up the location. I mean they can't accuse us of police brutality for that.

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 * Grissom: Hi Natalie. My name's Gil. It's so nice to finally meet you. I-um, probably shouldn't say this, but... I'm a huge fan. I've been a crime scene investigator for 22 years, I've worked over 2,000 homicides, and you are by far... the best I've ever seen. I mean, you're such a great artist. And to be so young, and so talented, and... so pretty. I've thought about you every night for the last nine months. I even tried to do what you do. I built my own miniature.
 * [Natalie nods her head]
 * Grissom: You saw it? How'd I do?
 * [Natalie shrugs]
 * Grissom: Do you play chess?
 * [Natalie shakes her head]
 * Grissom: I play. As hobby. Quiets my mind, you know? Soothes me. At one point I became so consumed by it, that whenever I closed my eyes I could see the chess pieces moving all around the board. I was obsessed with correcting all my bad moves. I wondered if a game could ever be played without a mistake. I'd love to play you sometime. I'm so impressed by the way you embrace your passion. You'd make a great CSI. This last one was brilliant. You studied our crime scene so well, tracking the car to the junkyard, and then towing it all the way out to the desert where you knew we wouldn't find it. And then, the way you killed Sara.
 * Natalie: [shaking her head] I didn't kill her.
 * Grissom: You didn't?
 * [Natalie shakes her head]
 * Natalie: This is about her. Her, her, her. It's always about her.
 * Grissom: No, it isn't Natalie. It's about you.
 * [Natalie cuts him off]
 * Natalie: It's always about her.
 * [she takes a blade from her mouth and slashes Grissom's throat and watches as he bleeds. Then in a baby voice]
 * Natalie: Oh sad was the day for the little bisque doll, for they cut all her stitches away, and found the seat of the terrible ache. T'was a delicate task...
 * Grissom: [not cut, for it was all in her imagination] Natalie listen to me. Tell me where she is.
 * Natalie: For none of the doctor's had ever before...
 * Grissom: Natalie.
 * Natalie: ...performed on a dolly's inside...
 * Grissom: Please tell me where Sara is.
 * Natalie: ...They tried to re-stuff her, but didn't know how, and this was her wail as she died...
 * Grissom: [yelling] Stop it! Just stop this!
 * [shaking her head]
 * Grissom: Tell me where Sara is!
 * Natalie: ...I've got a pain in my sawdust. That's what's the matter with me.
 * [voice over, over turned car]
 * Natalie: Something is wrong with my little inside. I'm just as sick as can be. Don't let me faint, someone get mr a fan.
 * [a hand clawing at the ground from under the car]
 * Natalie: Someone please run for the medicine man. Everyone hurry as fast as you can, 'cause I've got a pain in my sawdust.