Can't Buy Me Love

Can't Buy Me Love is a 1987 film about a high school nerd who, seeking to advance his status, makes a deal with the most popular girl in school to help him break into the "cool" crowd. He succeeds, but then his new prestige makes a monster out of him.
 * Directed by Steve Rash. Written by Michael Swerdlick.

Ronald is making an investment in his senior year. He's hiring the prettiest cheerleader in school to be his girlfriend.

Ronald Miller

 * [to Cindy] You can do anything you want, anything you put your heart and mind into!


 * You ignored the Ronald Miller geek for seventeen years, now you want to ride the Ronnie Miller express!


 * [to his dad, about his brother] Here is the prime example. You're raising a doll-chopping homicidal maniac, and what do you do every time you see him? You give him money. Great!


 * [Talking to Cindy outside her house] I need to talk to you. Every time I call, you're either taking a bath, washing your hair or you're out of the country. That was a good one, by the way.


 * [to Cindy] Oh! You-- You demolished me New Year's Eve. But see-- I realize you did me a favor. You brought me back to reality. All I ever wanted to do was get close to you. And then, when I finally got there, it wasn't me anymore.

Cindy Mancini

 * Guys, take a look at my forehead... do you see a sign that says information?


 * [to Ronald] Iris? Oh yeah, she's a big conquest. She's given more rides than Greyhound!


 * [at a party] You! Even Bobby thinks we went out. Great, huh? Ha! All of you thought we were a couple. What a joke!... Ronald Miller paid me 1,000 bucks to pretend I liked him. What a deal, huh? $1,000 to go out with him for a month. This guy. Oh, God. He bought me. And he bought all of you. He was sick and tired of being a nobody. Yeah, and he said that all of you guys would worship him if we went out. And I didn't believe that. I was, like, no way! And he was right! No, leave me alone. He was right. Our little plan worked, didn't it, Ronald? The dance. That stupid dance! What a bunch of followers you guys are. I mean, at least I got... At least I got paid.


 * [to Ronald] Popularity isn't perfect. I mean, it almost feels like a job sometimes. Do you remember that suede outfit? Yeah, well that was me trying to fit in. I have to work at it, so does everyone else.

Others

 * Chuckie Miller: [about Ronald's card nights] Cards with the tards. Who could beat a night of cards, chips, dips and dorks?


 * Patty: [about Ronald] I mean, he went from totally geek, to totally chic!


 * Kenneth: [to Ronald] You shit on my house!


 * Jock: Look - it's a nerd herd!

Dialogue

 * Cindy Mancini: Are you high?
 * Ronald Miller: I want to rent you.
 * Cindy Mancini: You want to rent me?
 * Ronald Miller: Yeah. You pretend you like me and we go out for a few weeks... and that will make me popular.
 * Cindy Mancini: Just going out with me is not gonna make you popular.
 * Ronald Miller: Well I have a thousand dollars that says it will.
 * Cindy Mancini: I think you've mowed one too many lawns!


 * Patty: Cool outfit!
 * Barbara: What a severe suede!
 * Cindy Mancini: You guys, it's no big deal. Bobby sent it to me from Iowa. You know they have fine leathers down there.
 * Patty: Oh, yeah. The best leathers come from Rome, Paris, and Des Moines!


 * Ronald Miller: I'm going to a party. John Richmond's, with Cindy Mancini.
 * Chuckie Miller: Cindy Mancini? Senior, captain of the cheerleaders, most beautiful girl in the history of this county?
 * Ronald Miller: That's her. Well, I'm late, gotta bolt.
 * Chuckie Miller: Bolt? Something stinks in suburbia.


 * Patty: Didn't you like, used to mow our lawn?
 * Ronald Miller: Yes, and you have the nicest pair of rhododendrons in town!
 * Patty: Rhodo-who's?
 * Cindy Mancini: Guys, I'll see you in home ec, OK?
 * Barbara: What did he say?
 * Patty: I don't care! Dig on his shirt.


 * Cindy Mancini: The moon looks different now, it's not as mysterious or romantic as before.
 * Ronald Miller: I'm sorry I ruined it for you.
 * Cindy Mancini: You didn't ruin it. You just changed it, I guess.


 * Cindy Mancini: [to Ronald, after their fake break-up] Whatever happens to your popularity, stay yourself. Don't change to please others.
 * Ronald Miller: Me, change? Never.


 * Chuckie Miller: Chillin'!
 * Ronald's Dad: Shut up, Chuck!
 * Chuckie Miller: I was talking to Ma!
 * Ronald's Mom: Shut up, Chuck!


 * Patty: Are you into long distance relationships?
 * Ronald Miller: No.
 * Patty: Now, then why don't you reach out and touch someone?
 * [puts his hands on her breasts]


 * Barbara: Why wouldn't we go out with Ronald? I mean, he's cute and sweet...
 * Patty: And good...
 * [Cindy and Barbara stare at her]
 * Patty: Come on, a lady never talks.
 * Cindy Mancini: Well, I'll have to remember that the next time I see one.


 * Chuckie Miller: You nuked my brother.
 * Cindy Mancini: What?
 * Chuckie Miller: You took him from "geek" status to "king" status to no status.
 * Cindy Mancini: Chuckie Miller, right? He resorted to sending his messenger boy?
 * Chuckie Miller: Boy? I see no boy here.
 * [Cindy puts powder on his face]
 * Chuckie Miller: You think you shut me up?
 * Cindy Mancini: I didn't? Well, let me try again.
 * [attempts to put lipstick on Chuckie, who leaves]
 * Chuckie Miller: [to his friends] Babe said it was good for my complexion.


 * Ronald Miller: We do have a lot of great memories but be honest... wouldn't you like to be popular?
 * Kenneth Wurman: And have to be in a clique... no.
 * Ronald Miller: What happened to us? We were all friends in elementary.
 * Kenneth Wurman: That's because we were all forced to be in the same room together. But, hey, junior high, high school. Forget it. Jocks became jocks. Cheerleaders became cheerleaders. We became us. I like us.


 * Quint: Oh, Return of the Living Dread.
 * Ronald Miller: [walks over with a bat] Why don't you lay off?
 * Quint: Why don't you go back where you belong, hose head?
 * Ronald Miller: Take your hands off Kenneth or I'll break your arm. Your pitching arm.
 * Quint: Oh yeah? Don't make me laugh, lawn boy.
 * Ronald Miller: Let go. NOW! [slams the table with the bat]
 * [Quint lets Kenneth go]
 * Ronald Miller: You broke your arm once before, remember? You fell out of our tree house. Kenneth picked you up and we carried you 12 blocks to the hospital.
 * Kenneth Wurman: Yeah, you cried all the way.
 * Ronald Miller: We were all friends then, remember? And now you want to end his life because he's talking to Patty on your side of the cafeteria. Oh man, that's stupid. I know cuz that's where I wanted to be. On your side, with your crowd. But I messed up. See, I tried to buy my way in. But Kenneth, he's not trying to buy anybody. He's just trying to make friends being himself. Cools, Nerds, your side, my side, man it's all bullshit. It's just tough enough to be yourself.

Cast

 * Patrick Dempsey - Ronald Miller
 * Amanda Peterson - Cindy Mancini
 * Courtney Gains - Kenneth Wurman
 * Tina Caspary - Barbara
 * Seth Green - Chuckie Miller
 * Sharon Farrell - Mrs. Mancini
 * Darcy DeMoss - Patty
 * Dennis Dugan - David Miller
 * Cloyce Morrow - Judy Miller
 * Devin DeVasquez - Iris
 * Cort McCown - Quint
 * Eric Bruskotter - Big John
 * Gerardo Mejía - Ricky
 * Ami Dolenz - Fran
 * Max Perlich - Lester