Captain N: The Game Master

Captain N: The Game Master is an animated series produced by DiC Entertainment based off of various video games available for the Nintendo Entertainment System. It was also a short-lived comic book published by Valiant as part of the Nintendo Comics System.

Cartoon quotes

 * "'Trust me', he says. Ha! I'd sooner trust a vampire to give me a shave". ~Simon
 * "Looks like the Ultimate Warp brought us the ultimate wimp!" ~Simon
 * Kevin: Your powers don't scare us! Dracula: I'm so happy to hear that. You know, fear makes de blood taste terrible.
 * Kevin: Stay close. I think the bridge goes this way. Lana: What if you're wrong? Kevin: Then we'll be getting some free skydiving lessons - parachutes not included.
 * Simon: (under the effects of a love arrow) How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. One is for your little button-nose. Two is for your cute little twinkle-toes. Three is... Mother Brain: Enough! I want the truth this time! What is your real plan? Simon: All right, I'll tell you. My plan is to hug and kiss those cute little wrinkles on your brain!
 * "It's a good thing for you I'm an animal lover. Now scoot, before I change my mind and make fur underwear out of you". ~Simon, to a lion
 * Lana: Some guide you are. Simon: An honest mistake. Mountain lions are related to dogs, you know. Lana: They're related to cats. Simon: Ah-ha! I always suspected Duke was part cat.
 * "I didn't save you. I saved him. He gets awful indigestion from eatin' strangers. Keeps me up all night". ~Bayou Billy
 * "Oh, he's probably just feeding the alligators...with himself". ~Simon
 * "I'm gonna scramble your eggplant when I get my gloves on you!" ~King Hippo
 * "If you promise not to eat me, I'll take you to Captain N!" ~Simon
 * "Let 'em go, or there's gonna be french-fried eggplant and hippo burgers for everyone". ~Kevin
 * "Toro! Toro! No, I mean Hippo! Hippo! Olé!" ~Simon
 * "Hey, it's either that or go back home and clean up my room". ~Kevin


 * Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo are in a gymnasium training
 * King Hippo: I can't wait to cream the N-Team at the games.
 * King Hippo punches a punching bag with Simon's face taped to it
 * Punching Bag: SIMON
 * Eggplant Wizard runs into King Hippo
 * Eggplant Wizard: No! Wait! It was an accident!
 * King Hippo: Oh, I'll give you an accident on purpose!


 * Commentator: Our next event, tag team wrestling!
 * Kid Icarus and Kevin prepare to face-off against Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo
 * Commentator: There has been a mistake in the drawing.
 * King Hippo is ushered out of ring
 * Kevin: King Hippo is out of the competition. All right!
 * Commentator: King Hippo has been determined to be ineligible for tag-team wrestling. The replacement contender is...Donkey Kong!
 * Kevin and Kid Icarus look in shock as a gigantic Donkey Kong enters ring


 * After losing


 * Lana: That's not fair! Donkey Kong weighs more than you!
 * Kevin: Are you kidding? He weighs more than the Chicago Bears!
 * Lana: Who are they?
 * Kevin: Never mind, just a group from my world.

 "Get this junk off me before I have you frozen in butter sauce!" ~Mother Brain


 * Mother Brain: Quick, get me the second Sacred Treasure! Eggplant Wizard: Yes, your wrinkledness. Mother Brain: Never say the word "wrinkles" to me! These are beauty lines.


 * "Hmph! I could have done better, and I don't even have a body!" ~Mother Brain, after Lana wins the diving competition


 * Simon: But Medusa's even uglier than Mother Brain! One look at her face turns a man to stone! Kevin: Look on the bright side, Simon. You'd make a very handsome statue. Simon: Oh, yes! I would, wouldn't I?


 * Kid Icarus: Oh no, King Hippo is guarding the warp zone. We need some way to get past him.
 * Simon: No problem, just leave that to these disguises.
 * King Hippo is in a whirlpool bath. Simon approaches wearing a toga, sunglasses and a brunette wig. Pit is wearing a football helmet, masking his appearance
 * King Hippo: You must be the steam bath repairman I called. Get to work, I am barely sweating!
 * Simon: No worries, I will get that fixed with the help of my faithful assistant, Shrimpicus! Will you hand me the crescent wrench?
 * Kid Icarus: Right away...mutters to himself Dopeius Maximus!


 * "Uh, on the other hand, why worry about a neck when you've got an entire body to think of?!" ~Simon
 * "Well... this doesn't look so bad. But that does!" ~Simon
 * King Hippo: Ooh! That's hot enough. Simon: What's that? Still too cold?
 * "Don't worry, Princess. I got to be Game Master by learning from my mistakes". ~Kevin
 * Mega Man: There's no time to waste! We've got to mega move it! Kevin: Well, I wouldn't call hugging a princess a waste of time.
 * "What perfectly dreadful statues. Medusa has lousy taste in art". ~Simon
 * Mother Brain: Metroid mirror on the wall, am I the cutest of them all? Mirror: Princess Lana is the cutest chick. You're so ugly, you make me sick! Mother Brain: What do you know, twerp?! I will be the most beautiful woman in VideoLand! And you, Eggplant Wizard, are going to help me do it. Eggplant Wizard: M-m-m-me? Mother Brain: Yes, you! You can start by making me an apple! Eggplant Wizard: Uh, ah, whatever you say, Mother Brain. Magic words with which I grovel, make this brain a big juicy apple! (He turns Mother Brain into an apple.) Mother Brain: You idiot! I don't want to be an apple! I want to have an apple! Eggplant Wizard: Cool off, Mother Brain, or you'll became a baked apple! I can turn a princess to a pumpkin, a prince to a ham on rye; turning you back to normal is as easy as apple pie! (He turns Mother Brain into an apple pie. She grabs Eggplant Wizard and shakes him.) King Hippo: Hey! You look pretty tasty, Mother Brain! Can I have a slice? Mother Brain: Shut up and change me back!
 * Kevin: What have you done to the princess?! Mother Brain: What's the matter? Don't you like fairy tales? You remember this one. The beautiful princess eats the poisoned apple and falls into a deep sleep. And the handsome prince - ha! I suppose that's you - has to wake her out of the spell. Kevin: It's also the one where the prince destroys the ugly witch, isn't it? Eggplant Wizard: That's the one! Mother Brain: Shut up, you mental midget!
 * "You couldn't even wake up a frog with a kiss like that!" ~Simon
 * "I'm doing this for your own good, Captain N! Rescuing princesses is a man's job! (Duke growls at him) Shut up". ~Simon, after trapping Kevin
 * Kevin: Simon! Don't just sit there like a Thanksgiving turkey! Gimme a hand! Simon: Yes, well, I'd love to, but I'm tied up at the moment.
 * Guard: Halt! No one enters Castle Ironspire and lives! Kevin: But we're prepared to pay. Guard: I don't accept credit cards! Kevin: How about gold and jewels? Guard: Well... why didn't ya say so? Go right in and make yourselves at home.
 * Kevin: I don't get it! It's not working! Simon: Maybe it's my breath.
 * King Hippo: Hey, egg-breath! You're paddling the wrong way! Eggplant Wizard: Uh-uh, you are! The island's behind you! King Hippo: Then let me sit over there! I get seasick ridin' backwards! (stands up) Eggplant Wizard: Wait! You're rockin' the raft! (They fall off the raft.) YAAHHH!!! See what you did? King Hippo: Aw, shut up and swim!
 * "If you're trying to scare me, you're doing a good job!" ~Simon
 * "If we get out of this, remind me to have my Zapper waterproofed!" ~Kevin
 * "All right, you deadbeat! You can squeeze me! You can choke me! You can shake me! But mess my hair? No way!" ~Simon
 * Mega Man: Dr. Right, are you sure you can trust that mega rat? Dr. Light: There's good in everybody, Mega Man. You just have to look for it. Kevin: Yeah? Well, Wily does wear a clean lab coat!
 * Kevin: You'll pay for this, Dr. Wily! Dr. Wily: Sorry, Captain Numbskull. I left my wallet in my other lab coat.
 * "Let's make a run for it! Uh, on second thought, let's run away from it!" ~Simon
 * Kevin: Sorry if I upset your cat. Lana: But I don't have a cat.
 * Lana: What do you see in the mirror? Simon: You mean I'm a Prince Charming? Lana: No, Simon! I mean you're an arrogant, self-centered egomaniac! Simon: I'm that good, am I?
 * "Abandon ship! Women and Simons first!" ~Simon
 * Kevin: Hey, are you guys all right? Simon: Yeah. We're in hamburger heaven.
 * Mother Brain: That's it! I've found Captain N's weak spot. King Hippo: Uh, you mean he's afraid of rats?
 * Kevin: I learned this recipe from my uncle Lenny back in New York. Trust me princess, this is gonna be the coolest thing you ever tasted. Lana: What exactly is a pizza? Kevin: Oh, this is no ordinary pizza, it's a Captain N Special. N for nuts, N for nectarines, N for nachos... (Duke grabs the pizza) And N for "No"! Lana: I think you better rename it the Duke Special.
 * "What a shrimp! And every shrimp needs a shrimp salad!" ~Eggplant Wizard
 * "Yes. Well, it was very nice of you to drop by. Do come back and visit us soon, say, twenty years?" ~Simon
 * Simon: Stand back. Simon Belmont will take care of this deadly beast! (pulls out a golf club and gets ready to hit the lizard) Kevin: Don't you think that's the wrong weapon for the job? Simon: You're absolutely right. (throws the golf club aside, pulls out a rocket launcher, and points it at the lizard)
 * Simon: (as the baby dragon licks him) Knock it off! I'm not your mother! Kevin: No, but you probably smell like her.
 * Kevin: I'll see what the lightning bolt can do. Simon, you try on the armor. Simon: But I look awful in gold!
 * Eggplant Wizard: Forget the food! This is the chance of a lifetime! King Hippo: FORGET THE FOOD?! Eggplant Wizard: Don't you get it? If Link and Zelda are coming here, there won't be anyone left on Hyrule but their flunkies! King Hippo: They'll give us food? Eggplant Wizard: No, banana brains! The alarm's been turned off! We can steal the Triforce for ourselves! King Hippo: Then we can make Ganon's servants give us food!
 * "Oh, boy! Next to vampires, dragon-hunting is my favorite sport!" ~Simon
 * Lana: But Simon, that's an ironing board. Simon: Yes, and how appropriate for flattening my competition.
 * Simon: Who am I? Kevin: You're Simon Belmont, the vampire hunter. Simon: No, no, I'm definitely not him. I'd never forget a name like that.
 * "Thank you, Captain M. And thank you, Kid Licorice, Mega Mutt, Princess Lea, and you too, Puke". ~Simon, after getting amnesia
 * King Hippo + Eggplant Wizard: The stains of brains stay mainly on the veins. Mother Brain: I'll stain your brains if you don't get yourselves to Kongoland now!
 * Lana: We've got to get to CastleVania before it's too late. Kevin: Yeah, but Simon isn't ready to handle the Count yet. Simon: Don't be silly. Of course I can handle the count. Watch me. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Need I go on? Kevin: No. That was terrific, Simon. If there's a math quiz on CastleVania, I'm sure you'll pass.
 * "The worst part about being a handsome hunk of hero is having to get up early to save the day". ~Simon
 * Simon: Stop! I belong in the jungle! Kevin: You belong in a cage, maybe, but not the jungle!
 * Simon: Hey, cut it out. That tickles. Lana: What tickles? Simon: Well, there's a little fish nibbling my toe. That's a naughty little fellow. Simon says stop tickling my toes. (The Swamp Creature pops out.) Oh, I didn't mean it. You can tickle them all you want.
 * Kevin: Better buckle up, dudes. I don't have my driver's license yet. Simon: You what?!
 * Eggplant Wizard: Watch where you're stepping! That's my nose! King Hippo: Hey! Get your leg outta my bellybutton!
 * Eggplant Wizard: Don't shoot! I've got a wife and two baby eggplants at home. Kevin: Don't worry. I'm not gonna fry any eggplant. Just flowers!
 * Kevin: Looks like Mother Brain's world is finally brain-dead. Lana: We've done it! VideoLand is free at last! Mega Man: No more mega monsters attacking in the night! Pit: No more battles to the maximus! Simon: And best of all, no more waking up early!
 * "Good-bye, Captain N. Good luck. Um... must've gotten some flower pollen in my eyes". ~Simon


 * Mother Brain: As judge, jury, and executioner of VideoLand, I charge to all with conspiracy... to bring peace and freedom to everyone! How do you plead? Lana: Guilty... and proud of it. Pit: That goes for me too-icus. Mega Man: I agree. Simon: Uh, me too. Mother Brain: Order in the court! Eggplant Wizard: Uh, I'll have an eggplant sandwich. Uh, hold the pickles. (Mother Brain bangs her gavel) Okay, okay, uh, I'll hold the pickles! Mother Brain: Will you shut up?! I hereby sentence you to banishment into the Black Hole Warp Zone! Lana: The Black Hole Warp Zone?! Oh, but no one's ever come out alive! Mega Man: The gravity's so great, we'll be squished to no bigger than a grain of sand! Simon: How dreadful! None of my clothes will fit. No! I'm too handsome to die!
 * "No, I can't lie anymore. That's not the way it happened at all! Captain N is the real hero. I'm just a big-mouth!" ~Simon


 * Being stranded on Zebes unarmed; Kevin now deeply regrets disposing of his Power Pad and Zapper
 * Kevin{mocking himself}: Guess I will not be needing these any more.
 * Kevin: Yeah, real smart one Kevin. What I would not give for my Zapper. In fact, what I would not give for a squirt gun.


 * Mega Man: Uh, I guess, now that you're back, Your Majesty, you'll be showing all of VideoLand's mega villains who's the boss. Mirror King: I'll do better than that. I'll invite them all to the party!
 * Mega Man: Oz? I never heard of that warp zone. Where is it? Kevin: Uh, in a fantasy land called Hollywood. If you ever visit my world, I'll take you there.
 * King Hippo: But it's dangerous in [the Palace of Power], Mother Brain. Eggplant Wizard: Yeah! They eat eggplants for dinner!
 * Game Boy: Ready for disposal of defective unit. Eggplant Wizard: Disposal?! No way! Her Ugliness wants to play some games with your brain! Game Boy: I am programmed to play games! Eggplant Wizard: Hey! Be careful! I'm an eggplant, not a squash!
 * "No! Stop him! Eggplant, Hippo, grab that stupid mutt! He's pulling the plug on my beautiful plan!" ~Mother Brain
 * Kevin: Well, I'm pullin' the plug on this joker until we decide what to do with him. Simon: I know. Let's lock him up in a closet and throw away the key.
 * Dragonlord: Get away! Get away!


 * Mega Man is on guard duty while it is snowing outside
 * Mega Man{talking to himself}: Me having to do guard duty on my birthday. Brr, it is cold! I bet they would not have put out in this cold if I was not a robot!
 * Masked figure wearing a red cape runs past Mega Man
 * Mega Man{talking to himself}: Maybe not, intruder on deck!
 * Mega Man chases after intruder
 * Mega Man: Intruder, halt in the name of Princess Lana!
 * Intruder bolts down hallway
 * Mega Man: Very well, I will open fire!
 * Mega Man uses his arm cannon but misses the intruder, who runs into a room
 * Mega Man: A ha! I got him trapped now!
 * Mega Man prepares to capture the intruder, who takes off his mask to reveal himself as Simon, and is with Kevin, Pit and Princess Lana in the room
 * N-Team{in unison}: Happy birthday, Mega Man!


 * Captain N is bedridden
 * Dr. Light: This is getting serious. According to these biological readings, his lifeforce has dropped by more than half.
 * Lana: Oh no, Kevin!
 * Simon{worried tone}: But he is the Gamemaster!
 * Simon{composed tone}: I mean, what is the worry? It is just a simple Video Virus.
 * Dr. Light: Not to Kevin. Because he is not a native of Videoland, he was not immunized to it as we were.


 * Town in Alfregard. A man carrying spears and wearing a suit of armor is walking outside a shop. Inside, Princess Lana and Kevin are dismayed to see bare shelves
 * Shopkeeper: I have seen villians come, I have seen them go. But Dragonlord is the worst of them all! Everybody has been stocking up for his attack.
 * Kevin: So that bottle of fairy water is all you have left?
 * Lana: Guess we should go.
 * Shopkeeper: Wait! A powerful treasure has been hidden. Pulls out map But you will need to brave the cave of the Axe Knight to get it!
 * Lana places gold on counter; shopkeeper sells them his last item, the fairy water
 * Later, in the cave, they are about to get the treasure when the Axe Knight appears and swings at them
 * Kevin: Wait, Tin Man, pause! Kevin presses pause button, freezing enemies. Axe barely missed him Now that is what I call a close shave!


 * Simon, Link and Kid Icarus are working on a fake dragon to infiltrate Dragonlord's army. Enemies attack Simon
 * Simon: AUGH!
 * Link, Zelda and Kid Icarus kill enemies.
 * Simon: Thank you for the rescue, everyone.
 * Simon gets up and proceeds toward work site
 * Simon: But let us return to our duties. The dragon is not going to build itself.
 * Others give each looks as in "he is right, you know"

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 * Mother Brain: Why do I have a sudden craving for Banana Split?
 * [Mother Brain is in Donkey Kong's body and is angered at her two lackeys, King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard, for messing up big time.]
 * Eggplant Wizard: Something tells me, our tomatoes are cooked.
 * King Hippo: Something tells me you're right. Let's get out of here.
 * [They quickly slide down a tree to avoid Mother Brain's rage. She tosses the Gameboyifed Mother Brain body out of her hands and chases after King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard.]
 * Mother Brain: You imbeciles, look what you did. Now I'll be stuck in this harry body forever.

Comic book quotes

 * "It's always Captain N! He's the cause of all my troubles! They're right, though. Unless I can get rid of that pesky Game Master, my spring offensive will fall flat on its... face". ~Mother Brain
 * Bigtime: Look at my credentials. Bigtime Brannigan comes with an efficiency rating of 100%! Mother Brain: True. You are one of the best bounty hunters in the force, Bigtime. Most impressive. Bigtime: The best. Zoomer: That's not what I heard. There's a rumor-- (Bigtime fires at Zoomer.) Woo! Bigtime: I do so hate unsightly lint.
 * Samus: Now... get out there! Kraid: Are you kidding!? They'll catch me--I'll be sent to solitary confinement for a month! Samus: A month in solitary or a month in the hospital... it's your choice.
 * "What kind of guy do you think I am?" ~Kevin to Samus
 * Kevin: I'm going. Samus: Princess Lana would not want you to go. Kevin: Of course you'd say that. You... like me. You want me to stay. Samus: True. But if I were the Princess and you left the kingdom defenseless in order to be with me, I would despise you.
 * Zebes Security: In Mother Brain's name, has your mission been accomplished? Have you obtained... the item? Merchant One Captain: The "item" is intact... of course. You think we'd show our faces here without it? Zebes Security: Good point!
 * "Guess it's time to take a bite out of crime. Boy, crocodile sure tastes awful". ~Kevin as Duke, on biting one of King Hippo's cronies
 * "Yuck! Some things taste even worse than crocodile". ~Kevin as Duke, after biting King Hippo
 * "So, Mother Brain, what hologram are we going to hit them with next? Giant lizards? Snapping turtles? Vegetable peelers?!" ~Eggplant Wizard
 * "Welcome, Game Master--whichever one of you that may be! Heh-heh!" ~Mother Brain
 * "Too bad, Captain. I was going to save you for last, but first come first serve!" ~Mother Brain
 * Kevin: Computer! If Tall, Wet, and Ugly over here isn't an enemy... then she won't mind turning over her weapons! Mother Brain: Put down my... weapons? Why, of course! I'll be delighted to turn over my weapons. Kevin: Is that all? You must be traveling light today.
 * "I gave my word to Kevin to protect the Princess. I do not understand why he is so interested in her well-being - she's not half the hero I am! Still, I shall protect her..." ~Samus
 * Lana: What a dismal place... Guard: What did you expect, the Pleasure Zone?
 * "Hold me, Kevin. Hold me until forever comes again". -Samus