Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie

Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie is a 2017 American 3D computer-animated superhero-science fiction comedy film about two imaginative elementary school prankster students who hypnotize their mean-spirited principal into thinking he is Captain Underpants, a hero in comic books they write together. The film premiered on May 21, 2017 in Los Angeles and was released on June 2, 2017 in 3D and 2D in the United States and Canada.
 * Directed by David Soren and written by Nicholas Stoller, based on the children's novel series Captain Underpants by Dav Pilkey.

Mr. Krupp / Captain Underpants

 * Krupp: I've told you two 1,000 times not to draw these idiotic comics!
 * Krupp: In my office, now!!!!!! 
 * Krupp: This morning's school sign is supposed to read "Sewage Plant Field Trips are Today". So can either of you explain why it now reads... [pulls up the blinds revealing the school sign] "COME SEE MY HAIRY ARMPITS”?
 * Krupp: Why am I soaking wet?!
 * Captain Underpants: How many A's are there in "Tra-la-la"? [Professor Poopypants: What?] I'll just go with 11.
 * Captain Underpants: Now, this is how you run a school!
 * Captain Underpants: Now, I take to the sky like an ostrich!
 * Krupp: For 4 long years, you 2 have been disrupting the carefully calibrated, drone-like beehive, that this elementary school is supposed to be. I may not be able to prove it yet. I'm gonna get you 2, 1 day. 1 day, very, very soon.
 * Krupp: Ever since you've attended this elementary school, you've been responsible for one prank after another.
 * Captain Underpants: [repeated line] Tra-la-la!
 * Captain Underpants: Let's see. Underpants, check. [his underwear is tight] Captain, check. I'm pretty sure I'm Captain Underpants.
 * Krupp: OH, WHERE'S THE RESPECT?!?! I AM YOUR PRINCIPAL!!!!!! [George: Wait, is he Krupp again?]  GEORGE!!!!!!!!   [Harold: Yup. I'm pretty sure he is.]   HAROLD!!!!!!!!   [Harold: How did that even happen?]
 * Krupp: You boys are in big trouble! [stuttering] I-I-I-I don't know how big yet, b-but I– [falls into a lawn chair] AH! WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?! Where are my clothes? WHERE ARE THEY?!
 * Captain Underpants: [from trailer while attacking an inflatable ape] I think I’m starting to tire him out!

George Beard

 * [repeated line] Freeze!
 * Hey, everybody. Wait, 1 second. Hi, I'm George Beard, and this is my best friend, Harold Hutchins. [Harold: Hey. Aww, man.] It's OK. We got more ideas. You see, Harold likes to draw and I like to tell stories. And this old guy looking angry right here, well, this is the worst principal in the world, Mr. Krupp. [Harold: Mean old Mr. Krupp. He hates everything fun. Like comic books, recess, Christmas, and even kittens.] Oh, my gosh! Did that really happen? [Harold: No, not technically. But it might as well have! Sorry, I'm still mad about the comic.] Yeah, me too. And unfreeze.
 * Why are they robot at the mall? [Harold: Cause this is the future! The future always has robots!] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Why are the robots shooting other robots?! Aren't they supposed to be friends?!
 * Put the pen down, Mr. Krupp, or we'll hypnotize you!
 * When I snap my fingers, you will obey our every command!
 * I DON'T GET IT! I really thought breaking that ring would get rid of his powers!
 * Wow, he is super dumb.
 * [noticing Harold favors dolphins] Wait, what? Why are you always sneaking dolphins into the movie?

Harold Hutchins

 * Mean old Mr. Krupp.
 * Sorry, I'm still mad about the comic.
 * Here we just hang out and make comics and try to make each other laugh.
 * George, do something!
 * Mr. Krupp! I mean, Captain Underpants! You can't actually fly!
 * Oh No. He’s Krupp again. [Krupp: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-]
 * [about Professor Poopypants] Yeah, it's like he's even more of a villain than Krupp.
 * Yeah, when it's cuddled together like that you really get the sense of the scope.
 * Because this is the future! The future always has robots.
 * HERE WE GO AGAIN!!!

Professor Poopypants

 * [German accent] A science teacher? THE PERFECT COVER!!! [laughs sinisterly]
 * [to everyone] YOU KEEP YOUR STUPID AWARD!!!!!!!!!! I don't want it anymore!
 * Hiya, class! I'm your cool new teacher, not some scary guy who wants to touch your privates.
 * Yeah, scram, OK? We're closed for Ebola!
 * It can't be! Their Hahaguffawchuckleamaluses, THEY'RE ENORMOUS!!!
 * WHY DON'T YOU GO ON AND INVENT YOUR OWN SHRINKING AND ENLARGING RAY, IF YOU THINK YOU'RE SO SMART?!?! [calms down, noticing everyone staring] How much of that was out loud?
 * There's nothing funny about PROFESSOR PEE-PEE DIARHEASTEIN POOPYPANTS ESQUIRE!
 * There's nothing funny about PROFESSOR PEE-PEE DIARHEASTEIN POOPYPANTS ESQUIRE!

Melvin Sneedly

 * I will now demonstrate, a prototype which I call, the Robotic Sock Matcher. [pushes button to match a pair of socks] Never waste time matching your own socks.
 * My personal favorite, the Binder Binder. Having trouble organizing your binders? Well, look no further than this giant binder for binders. [slams binder shut]
 * I call him the Tattle Turtle 200. On the outside, he resembles a turtle. But on the inside... [pulls turtle's head off] Oh, look a this. IT'S A NANNY CAM!
 * [notices other students laughing at Professor Poopypants] What's so funny? I don't-I don't get it.
 * [last words before his defeat] Yikes! Extra credit or survival?! Extra credit or survival?! AAAUGH!! I CHOOSE SURVIVAL!!!!!! [as he escapes from the Turbo Toilet 2000]

Edith

 * D'oh, Edith. Get your head out of the clouds!

Others

 * Driver: Out of the road, bozo!
 * Captain Underpants: Why, thank you, vehicle person!

Dialogue

 * Harold: [whispering] George, do something!
 * [As Krupp signs the classroom change paperwork, George jumps on his desk and points the ring at him]
 * George: Put the pen down, Mr. Krupp, or we'll hypnotize you!
 * Krupp: What?!
 * Harold: What?
 * George: [to Harold] You said do something!
 * [Krupp looks at the ring]
 * Krupp: What is that?
 * [A flashback shows the ring being made in Shandong]
 * George: Forged from the molten plastic of Shandong, China. In the lowest floor of the darkest basement where only toy prizes are made... exists the most powerful item ever to be found in a box of Frosted Sugar Doodles.
 * [In the present]
 * George: The Hypno-Ring.
 * Krupp: Hypnotize me with that piece of plastic junk? [laughs]
 * Harold: [to George] Does that really work?
 * George: [to Harold] What do you think? I got it out of a cereal box! [to Krupp] I'm warning you! If you don't do what we say, you're gonna get really sleepy!
 * Krupp: Oh, will I? I'll get sleepy? [laughs] With that thing pointing at me?
 * [He stares deeper into the ring]
 * Krupp: It's now making me sleepy.
 * [Krupp yawns, then stares even deeper at the ring]
 * Krupp: I'm not gonna get sleepy from... Whoa!
 * [A globe of the Earth starts spinning and floating, then Krupp, George, Harold and everything else starts floating as well]
 * Krupp: What kind of plastic hokum is this?
 * Harold: Whoa! What's happening?
 * George: I don't know! Why are we floating?
 * [A spiral appears in each of Krupp's eyes, causing everything to stop floating. Krupp bangs his head on his desk and falls back, but George and Harold land in their seats]
 * Harold: What was that?
 * George: I don't know. I honestly didn't think that would happen.
 * [The duo walks over to the hypnotized Krupp and Harold waves his hand over his face. Nothing happens. He takes the turtle off of Krupp's leg and puts it in his backpack]
 * Harold: Gotcha! You're safe now, little turtle.
 * [The turtle grins gratefully]
 * George: [over Krupp] When I snap my fingers, you will obey our every command.
 * Harold: Wait, how do you know this?
 * George: I don't know. I just say the first thing that comes to my mind with great authority. [to Krupp] You are now a chicken!
 * [George snaps his fingers. Krupp starts acting like a chicken]
 * Harold: It worked! He's a chicken. Lemme try, lemme try! [to Krupp] You're a monkey.
 * [Harold snaps his own fingers. Krupp starts acting like a monkey]
 * Harold: Oh, look at him! He's a monkey!
 * [George and Harold pull up a Captain Underpants comic, and that gives them an idea]
 * Both: You're now the greatest superhero of all time, the amazing Captain Underpants!
 * [George snaps his fingers again. Krupp removes his clothes, takes down one of the curtains from the window, then throws his hair off. George and Harold gape as comic book pages fly by revealing Krupp, now Captain Underpants]
 * Captain Underpants: Tra-La-Laaaaaaa!


 * Harold Hutchins: We gotta stop him.
 * George: Why?
 * [A car hits him]
 * Captain Underpants: Huzzah!
 * Driver: Out of the road, bozo!
 * Captain Underpants: Why, thank you, vehicle person!
 * [He jumps over a fence]
 * Captain Underpants: Ow!
 * George: Yeah, we should probably go get him.


 * Captain Underpants: What's this? Poor soul, you are trapped in some sort of invisible box-like prison. What's that? I can't hear you, but I see your tears.
 * Harold: [chuckles] Is it OK that I'm kind of loving this?
 * George: Yes and no. But mostly yes.
 * Captain Underpants: Fear not, I will set you free!
 * [He accidentally punches the mime]
 * Mime: OW!
 * Both: Ooh!
 * Mime: What is wrong with you?!
 * Captain Underpants: Ah, that's better. I can hear you now.
 * Harold: Sorry, sorry, sorry.
 * [He tosses a coin into the Mime's tip jar]


 * Harold: Um, excuse me, Professor P. Why are you trying to get rid of laughter? Isn't laughter the best medicine?
 * Professor P.: [shouts at Harold] MEDICINE is the best medicine! So...
 * [Harold hides behind his desk]
 * Harold: Yeesh.
 * [George raises his hand]
 * Professor P.: What?
 * George: What does the P stand for?
 * Professor P.: Excuse me?
 * George: The P in your name. What does it stand for?
 * Professor P.: Oh, it's private.
 * George: So, that means your name is Professor Privates?
 * [Some children laugh. Professor P. feels terrified as he turns and glares at them]
 * Melvin: [realizing what's going on] What's so funny? I don't-I don't get it.
 * [Professor P. jumps on Harold's desk, causing children to be shocked]
 * Professor P.: Principal's office, now! [to Harold] You too!
 * George: Why him?
 * Professor P.: Because your friendship and shared sense of humor irritates me, and MUST BE DESTROYED!!!


 * George: [scene stops] Freeze! The following sequences contain scenes that are so intense, horrific, and violent…
 * Harold: And expensive.
 * George: That we can only show using a technology known as…
 * George and Harold: Flip-O-Rama!
 * George: Take it away, Harold!
 * Harold: OK. First, Professor Poopypants gave Captain Underpants the boot.
 * George: Foot, foot, ow!
 * Harold: Then he made an Underpants sandwich.
 * George: Punch, punch, punch, punch!
 * Harold: And then, they played a friendly game of paddleball.
 * [Harold accidentally rips the page]
 * Harold: Oh, no! Darn it. Oh, well. What's next? Oh, yeah! Then, Poopypants summoned an army of dolphins!
 * George: Wait, what? Why are you always sneaking dolphins into the movie?
 * Harold: What do you have against dolphins anyway?
 * George: I don't have nothing against dolphins, it just didn't happen!
 * Harold: Well, so what?! We get to say what happened, it's the Flip-O-Rama.
 * [Harold puts shoe prints on the drawing]
 * Harold: I like dolphins! The dolphins are in.
 * George: Fine. Fine, let's just get going.
 * Harold: Really?
 * George: Yeah. Go ahead.
 * Harold: Thank you. Anyway, Poopypants didn't realize it, but George and Harold's plan was working out perfectly. So they shot themselves to the top of the Turbo-Toilet 2000! To keep things dramatic, they didn't quite make it. And then, uh... And then...
 * [Back in reality]
 * George: What happened to the Flip-O-Rama?!
 * Harold: I ran outta paper.
 * [The Turbo-Toilet 2000 still plays the "friendly" game of paddleball]


 * Professor PoopyPants: Look what I’ve got! A tiny school filled with tiny children.
 * [They shriek]


 * George: We gotta do something about that new science teacher.
 * Harold: Yeah. It's like he's even more villain than Krupp.
 * George: I didn't even think that was possible.
 * Krupp: Whoa, whoa, wait a second.
 * Harold: Tell me about it.
 * Krupp: Wait, who do you think...
 * Harold: Oh, okay. Maybe we can fix this if we just...
 * Krupp: Can you hear me?
 * Harold: Ah, that'll never work.
 * Krupp: [blabbering] I'm sitting right here.
 * George: Wait. Professor P doesn't want anybody to know his last name, right?
 * Harold: Right!
 * Krupp: Who's "Professor P."?
 * George: Exactly!
 * Krupp: (grunts) WHERE IS THE RESPECT?! I AM YOUR PRINCIPAL!!
 * George: Wait, is he Krupp again?
 * Krupp: GEORGE!!!!!!
 * Harold: Yep. Pretty sure he is.
 * Krupp:  HAROLD!!!!!!
 * Harold: How’d that even happen?
 * Krupp:   AAH!!!!!!!!
 * [George and Harold snap their fingers]
 * Captain Underpants: Tra-la-laaaaaaaaa!


 * Professor Poopypants: [after he catches George and Harold] Ah, there you are. I've been looking all over for you.
 * Captain Underpants: How many A's are there in "Tra-la-laa"?
 * Professor Poopypants: What?
 * Captain Underpants: I'll just go with 11. Enjoying your first day, professor?
 * Professor Poopypants: The complete opposite, actually! Look at what these little monsters have created!
 * [He gives the comic book to him]
 * Professor Poopypants: We must lock them up, like, forever!
 * [Captain Underpants examines the comic book]
 * Captain Underpants: Hmm... Oh my. This is not a comic! This is a history book.
 * [He takes back the comic book]
 * Professor Poopypants: What?
 * [George and Harold chuckle from behind]
 * Captain Underpants: And as such, it should be taught in every classroom. And you, yourself, must teach it. Because that is how good it is.
 * Professor Poopypants: I don't understand. I thought, like, we'd be on the same page here.
 * Captain Underpants: Oh, what page is that? I'm on page 9 here. It's fantastic. Look. It's about this evil science teacher, who looks a lot like you, by the way, and he wants to rid the world of laughter, but he couldn't figure out how to do it. Even worse, it seems like everywhere he went, people were having fun and laughing. It was just infuriating! But then, he discovers someone who wasn't. [as Anti-Humor Boy] I don't get it! Why is it funny? [normal voice] ANTI-HUMOR BOY! And then the professor said... [as Professor Poopypants] Very interesting. [normal voice again] That's my voice for him.
 * Professor Poopypants: Wait, wait, wait, gimme that. That's not Anti-Humor Boy. That's the...suck-up from class. Very interesting.
 * [He laughs then turns to George and Harold]
 * Professor Poopypants: You boys don't even realize it but your silly comic book just helped me figure out how to wipe out laughter on the entire...
 * [The same car from earlier hits him]
 * Driver 1: Out of the road, bozo!
 * Poopypants: HEY, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!! You just hit Professor Poopypants!
 * Driver 1: Poopypants? [laughs]
 * Poopypants: That's not funny! THAT'S NOT FUNNY!!!
 * [He gets hit by another car]
 * Driver 2: EVER HEARD OF A SIDEWALK?!
 * Professor Poopypants: Oooh, if I had insurance, you'd be in...OW!
 * [He finally gets hit by an ice cream truck]
 * Professor Poopypants: I'll admit that was surprising.


 * Captain Underpants: [holding a file] Sidekicks, explain to me the importance of this secret file.
 * George: There's a new super villain in town and we're trying to discover his weakness.
 * Captain Underpants: Oh...
 * [George and Harold threw papers out of Professor P.'s file until they found his name]
 * George and Harold: [gasp] "Poopypants." ♪ Hallelujah. ♪ ♪ Hallelujah. ♪ ♪ His name is Poopypants, ♪ ♪ We found his weakness, ♪ ♪ Hallelujah. ♪
 * Harold: ♪ He wants to rid the world of laughter ♪
 * George: ♪ Forever ♪
 * George and Harold: ♪ And ever ♪ ♪ We will defeat him ♪ ♪ Hallelujah ♪ ♪ Hallelujah. ♪
 * [The angels versions of George and Harold do quiet-fives]
 * Captain Underpants: ♪ Poopypants. ♪
 * Harold: [holds the pants] Captain? You forgetting something?
 * Captain Underpants: Oh, look at that. They came off again.

Main voices

 * Kevin Hart — George
 * Ed Helms — Mr. Krupp / Captain Underpants
 * Nick Kroll — Professor Poopypants
 * Thomas Middleditch — Harold
 * Jordan Peele — Melvin
 * Kristen Schaal — Edith the Lunch Lady
 * Grey Griffin (uncredited) — Ms. Anthrope
 * Frank Welker (uncredited) — The Turbo Toilet 2000

Additional voices (in order of appearance)

 * Dee Dee Rescher — Ms. Ribble
 * Brian Posehn — Mr. Rected
 * David Soren — Tommy
 * Mel Rodriguez — Mr. Fyde
 * Susan Fitzker — Ms. Dayken
 * Lynnanne Zager — Mrs. Beard
 * Tiffany Bennicke — Sad Girl
 * James Ryan — Mime
 * Leslie David Baker — Officer McPiggly
 * Sugar Lyn Beard — Goody Two-Shoes Girl
 * Leslie Nicol — Nobel Prize Committee Moderator
 * Chris Miller — Nobel Prize Committee Audience Member
 * Coco Soren — Balloon Girl