Celebrity (film)

Celebrity is a 1998 satirical comedy about an unsuccessful screenwriter in Hollywood.
 * Written and directed by Woody Allen.

A funny look at people who will do anything to get famous... or stay famous. taglines

Tony Gardella

 * Tom Dale. Big star. He's in New York filming an adaptation of a sequel of a remake.
 * [about Papadakis] He's very arty, pretentious, one of those assholes who shoots all his films in black and white.

Nicole Oliver

 * I can't have sex with you! My body belongs to my husband and there is no way that I could betray him in that way. But what I do from the neck up is a different story.

Lee Simon

 * Every curve in your body fulfills its promise. If the universe has any meaning, I'm looking at it.
 * One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High and you fucking blink and you're 40, you blink again and you can see movies at half price on a senior citizen's pass. Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately, ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
 * Just in time. Another minute, I'd have been found dead of comedy poisoning...

Robin Simon

 * No matter what the shrinks, or the pundits, or the self-help books tell you, when it comes to love, it's luck.
 * I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
 * [to Lee] I hope you catch a break.

Donald Trump

 * Well, I'm working on buying St. Patrick's Cathedral, maybe doing a little rip-down job and putting up a very very tall and beautiful building.

Dialogue

 * TV Reporter at Premiere: What's your next project?
 * Dalton Freed: Birth of a Nation, an all-black version.


 * Bonnie: Apparently his first two books...
 * Lee: They were obliterated. I got the 3 esses: self-indulgent, sophomoric, solipsistic...


 * Tony: Oh, and getting out of the elevator I see there's a famous critic.
 * Robin: Him, I recognize.
 * Tony: Oh, he used to hate every movie. Then, he married a young, big-bosomed woman, and now he loves every movie.


 * Father Gladden's Fan on Porch: Did you agree with the Beatles, years ago, at the height of their fame, that they were bigger stars than Jesus?
 * Father Gladden: The world population was much less then.


 * Supermodel: You're not afraid of catching germs? And you know, I'm coming down with a cold and everything...
 * Lee: From you I'd be willing to catch terminal cancer.


 * Waiting Room Nurse: I'm sorry, the doctor just doesn't do penis enlargements. We don't have the space.
 * Waiting Room Patient: We're talking about 3 inches here!


 * Robin: There aren't any ticks around here, are there? I'd hate to get Lyme disease.
 * Priest at Catholic Retreat: We haven't had any casualties.

Cast

 * Kenneth Branagh - Lee Simon
 * Judy Davis - Robin Simon
 * Joe Mantegna - Tony Gardella
 * Winona Ryder - Nola
 * Famke Janssen - Bonnie
 * Charlize Theron - Supermodel
 * Melanie Griffith - Nicole Oliver
 * Leonardo DiCaprio - Brandon Darrow
 * Gretchen Mol - Vicky
 * Kate Burton - Cheryl
 * Bebe Neuwirth - Nina
 * Hank Azaria - David
 * Douglas McGrath - Bill Gaines
 * J. K. Simmons - Souvenir Hawker
 * Dylan Baker - Catholic Retreat Priest
 * Debra Messing - TV Reporter
 * Allison Janney - Evelyn Isaacs
 * Kate Burton - Cheryl
 * Gerry Becker - Jay Tepper
 * Tony Sirico - Lou DeMarco
 * Celia Weston - Dee Bartholomew
 * Aida Turturro - Olga
 * Lorri Bagley - Gina
 * David Margulies - Counselor Adelman
 * Jeffrey Wright - Greg
 * Tony Darrow - Moving Man
 * Adrian Grenier, Sam Rockwell, and John Doumanian - Darrow's Entourage
 * Greg Mottola - Director
 * Michael Moon - Himself/El Flamingo Band
 * Donald Trump - Himself
 * Ian Somerhalder - Unconfirmed
 * Karen Duffy - TV Reporter
 * Frank Licari - Camera Man
 * Andre Gregory - John Papadakis

Taglines

 * A funny look at people who will do anything to get famous... or stay famous.