Charlie the Unicorn

Charlie the Unicorn is a series of videos on Youtube that has achieved cult status.

Charlie the Unicorn 1

 * (Set in a meadow during a sunny day as Charlie the Unicorn is asleep on the ground. Pink and Blue unicorns approach him)

BLUE UNICORN


 * Hey, Charlie. Hey Charlie, wake up!

PINK UNICORN


 * Yeah Charlie. You silly sleepy-head, wake up.

(Charlie wakes up and looks at the two)

CHARLIE THE UNICORN {Groans}
 * Oh God, you guys, this had better be pretty freaking important. Is the meadow on fire?

BLUE UNICORN
 * No Charlie. We found a map, to Candy Mountain. Candy Mountain, Charlie.

PINK UNICORN
 * Yeah, Charlie, we're going to Candy Mountain. Come with us, Charlie.

BLUE UNICORN
 * Yeah Charlie, it'll be an adventure. We're going on an adventure, Charlie.

CHARLIE THE UNICORN
 * Yeah, Candy Mountain, right. I'm just gonna, you know, (puts his head down and closes his eyes) go back to sleep now.

(Blue unicorn flips onto Charlie's back and starts bouncing on him)

BLUE UNICORN {Jumping onto Charlie's back}
 * Noooo, Charlie. You have to come with us to Candy Mountain.

PINK UNICORN
 * Yeah, Charlie, Candy Mountain. It's a land of sweets and joy...and joyness.

CHARLIE THE UNICORN
 * Please stop bouncing on me.

BLUE UNICORN {Still jumping up and down on Charlie}
 * Candy Mountain Charlie.

PINK UNICORN
 * Yeah! Candy Mountain!

CHARLIE THE UNICORN
 * Alright, fine! I'll come with you to Candy Mountain.

{Cuts to a forest scene as they all walk through a meadow}

BLUE AND PINK UNICORNS {Singing}
 * Lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, {continued}

CHARLIE THE UNICORN
 * Gah, enough with the singing already.

BLUE UNICORN
 * Our first stop is over there, Charlie.

{The trio stops by a large dark-greenish creature}

CHARLIE THE UNICORN
 * Oh God, what is that?

BLUE UNICORN
 * It's a Liopleurodon, Charlie.

PINK UNICORN
 * A magical Liopleurodon.

BLUE UNICORN
 * It's gonna guide our way to Candy Mountain.

CHARLIE UNICORN
 * Alright, guys, you do know that there is no actual Candy Mountain, right?

BLUE UNICORN
 * Shun the non-believer.

PINK UNICORN
 * Shhhunnn.

BLUE UNICORN
 * Shhhhhuunnnnnnn-naa

CHARLIE THE UNICORN
 * Yeah.

{The Liopleurodon groans}

BLUE UNICORN
 * It has spoken.

PINK UNICORN
 * It's told us the waaaaay.

CHARLIE THE UNICORN
 * It didn't say anything!

(cuts to the three unicorns in a bridge) BLUE UNICORN
 * It's just over this bridge, Charlie.

PINK UNICORN
 * This magical bridge of hope and wonder.

CHARLIE THE UNICORN
 * Is anyone else getting, like, covered in splinters? Seriously, you guys, we shouldn't be on this thing.

BLUE UNICORN
 * Charlie... Charlie~... Charlie~... Cha

CHARLIE THE UNICORN
 * I'M RIGHT HERE! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!

BLUE UNICORN
 * We're on a bridge, Charlie.

{Cuts to the trio approaching Candy Mountain}

PINK UNICORN
 * We're here.

CHARLIE THE UNICORN
 * Well, what do you know? There actually is a Candy Mountain.

BLUE UNICORN {Dancing and singing}
 * Candy Mountain, Candy Mountain, you fill me with sweet sugary goodness.

PINK UNICORN
 * Go inside the Candy Mountain cave, Charlie.

BLUE UNICORN
 * Yeah, Charlie, go inside the cave. Magical wonders that behold when you enter.

CHARLIE THE UNICORN
 * Yeah, uh, thanks, but no thanks. I'm gonna stay out here.

PINK UNICORN
 * But you have to enter the Candy Mountain candy cave, Charlie.

{Five letters (C, A, N, D, and Y) appear from Candy Mountain and sing and dance.}

Y
 * Oh, when you're down and looking for some cheering up,

Then just head right on up to the Candy Mountain cave.

When you get inside you'll find yourself a cheery land, Such a happy and joyful and perky merry land. They got lollipops and gummy drops and candy things, Oh so many things that will brighten up your day. It's impossible to wear a frown in Candy Town,

It's the mecca of love in the candy cave.

(the letters and the pink and blue unicorn start floating)

Y
 * They got jellybeans and coconuts with little hats,

Candy rats, chocolate bats, it's a wonderland of sweets. Ride the candy train to town and hear the candy band,

Candy bells, it's a treat as they march across the land.

Cherry ribbons stream across the sky into the ground, Turn around, it astounds, it's the dancing candy tree.

In the candy cave imagination runs so free, So, now, Charlie, please will you go into the cave?

{The five letters collide and burst into flames} {BOOOM}

CHARLIE THE UNICORN
 * All right, fine, I'll go into the candy cave. This had better be good.

{enters Candy Mountain}

BLUE AND PINK UNICORNS {voices only}
 * YaAaAaAaAah...

BLUE UNICORN
 * Goodbye, Charlie.

PINK UNICORN
 * Yeah, goodbye, Charlie.

CHARLIE THE UNICORN
 * Goodbye? What?

{The entry of the cave is shut and the cave is submerged in complete darkness}

CHARLIE THE UNICORN
 * Hey, what's going on here? Hello? Who is that?

{Muffled sounds are heard to indicate that Charlie is being knocked out}

{Cuts to scene of a meadow where Charlie lies on the ground with an incision on his side}

CHARLIE THE UNICORN
 * Oh, no, what happened? {notices the cut} Oh, they took my freaking kidney!

Charlie the Unicorn 2

 * (Charlie is seen watching television with his stuff. The pink and blue unicorns are floating above Charlie, wearing scuba goggles, flippers, and air tanks with snorkels, pretending to swim)

Blue
 * Glub-glub, glub-glub, glub-glub, glub-glub, glub

Blue
 * Look over there! It's a coral reef!

Charlie
 * Oh look, it's you guys... and you're floating.

Blue
 * Charlie, we're scuba diving, Charlie.

Pink
 * We're exploring the depths of the ocean blue.

Blue
 * Oh no! Here comes a school of poisonous fugu fish!

Pink
 * Nooo! Fugu!

Charlie
 * Ah, you gotta watch out for those. So, uh... go away. I'm watching TV.

(A blue vortex appears on Charlie's back)

Blue
 * The vortex is open!

Charlie
 * Oh god. Okay, what is this?!

Blue
 * Charlie! We’re being pulled into the vortex!

Pink
 * Swim away, fugu fish, swim away!

Charlie
 * Come on now. YOU GUYS ARE FREAKING ME OUT! Turn this thing off!

Blue
 * There's no stopping the vortex, Charlie!

Pink
 * Fuuuguuuu!

(Pink and Blue disappear, along with the vortex)

Charlie
 * Guys? Guuuys? Or girls... I'm, I'm really not sure what you two are.

(The vortex appears with Blue's head sticking out)

Blue
 * Charlie! Charlie, I have the amulet.

Charlie
 * What amulet?! What's going on?!

Blue
 * The amulet, Charlie! The magical amulet. Sparkles sparkles!

(Pink appears briefly)

Pink
 * Sp! Sparkle!

Charlie
 * I, I don't understand what you're talking about!

Blue
 * The amulet... Nyeh! Nyeh!!!

(Blue disappears. Both Pink and Blue pop out of the vortex, which disappears. Blue has the amulet around its neck. Their scuba outfits are gone.)

Blue
 * We did it!

Pink
 * We got the amulet!

Charlie
 * Great. Now go away! I'm tired of the horrible things that happen when you're around!

Blue
 * No, Charlie!

Pink
 * No!

(Pink and Blue puff up while screaming "No", then turn back to normal)

Blue
 * We have to take the amulet to the Banana King.

Charlie
 * Oh, yes, The Banana King, of course. ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Pink
 * He, he's counting on us, Charlie! (Pink starts floating) ah...

Blue
 * If we don't give the amulet to the Banana King, the vortex will open and let out a thousand years of darkness.

Pink
 * No! Darkness! (Pink is floating in the air)

(The vortex appears again with tentacles sticking out. Roaring is heard.)

Charlie
 * Ah! All right, fine! I'll go! I'll go!

Pink and Blue
 * Yay! (Just Pink) Darkness!

(Cut to the three walking through the woods. Pink and Blue are making tongue-blooping sounds)

Charlie
 * What are you two doing?

(Silence. Pink and Blue continue with their tongue-blooping)

Charlie
 * Stop that.

(Silence. Then Blue makes one last tongue-bloop)

(The three stop in front of a big Letter Z)

Charlie
 * Oh, look at that.

Pink and Blue
 * Z!!!

Blue
 * ¡El hombre con el sombrero nos envió! (The man with the hat sent us!)

Pink
 * ¡Él nos cuenta muchas historias asombrosas! (He told us many amazing stories!)

(The Letter Z makes pinging sounds)

Pink and Blue
 * Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho!

Charlie
 * What?

Pink
 * ¡Cenemos en tortugas esta noche! (Tonight we dine on turtles!)

Blue
 * ¡Se ven buenos, elos, Z! (They look good, do they, Z!)

(The Letter Z shoots a laser at Charlie)

Charlie
 * Ahh! What did you two do?!

Pink and Blue
 * Z!!!

Blue
 * ¡Soy félez! (I'm happy!)

(The Letter Z, again, makes pinging sounds)

Pink and Blue
 * Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho!

(The pink and blue unicorn walk on; the Z turns red)

Charlie
 * (mumbled) Just keep walking, Charlie, keep walking...

(The three stop in front of a giant sneaker)

Blue
 * Hop on board the train, Charlie.

Pink
 * It's gonna take us to the Banana King.

Charlie
 * I don't see any train. All I see is a giant sneaker.

Blue
 * It's the Choo Choo Shoe, Charlie.

Pink
 * The Choo Choo Shoe!

Blue
 * Hurry, Charlie. It's about to leave.

(Pink and Blue get in the sneaker)

Pink and Blue
 * Chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga shoe shoooooe! Chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga shooe shoooooe!

Charlie
 * Yeah, uh I forgot my boarding pass. I'll just walk.

(Cut to the three in front of a banana-themed temple emblazoned with the words EX ORIENTE LUX BANANA, which is probably meant to be bad Latin for "From the east, the light of a banana")

Pink
 * We're here, Charlie!

Blue
 * The Temple of the Banana King!

Charlie
 * Great. Let's leave the amulet and go home.

(A green slug-like creature resembling Santa Claus pops out of nowhere, smiling. According to filmcow.com, the creature's name is Frogrus. He is known to be the Banana King's servant)

Charlie
 * Who is that?

(Silence)

Charlie
 * No, no really. You guys see it, right?

(Silence)

Charlie
 * I gotta be honest. I'm getting creeped out here. Somebody say something!

(Frogrus suddenly starts to sing)

Frogrus
 * Charlie, you look quite down with your big fat eyes and your big fat frown. The world doesn't have to be so grey.

(the background changes from outside the banana kings temple to outer space with a disco floor with a blue circle behind them)

Frogrus
 * Charlie, when your life's a mess, when you're feeling blue, always in distress, I know what can wash that sad away. All you have to do is... put a banana in your ear!

Charlie
 * A banana in my ear?

Frogrus
 * Put a ripe banana right into your favorite ear! It's true.

Charlie
 * Says who?

Frogrus
 * So true. Once it's in your gloom will disappear. The bad in the world is hard to hear, when in your ear a banana cheers. So go and put a banana in your ear!

(zooms out to see a chorus of huge bananas in the background and Blue unicorn floating on the left and Pink unicorn on the right)

Frogrus and Bananas
 * Put a banana in your ear!

Charlie
 * I'd rather keep my ear clear.

Frogrus and Bananas
 * You'll ne'er be happy if you live your life in fear. It's true.

Charlie
 * Says you.

Frogrus and Bananas
 * So true. When it's in the skies are bright and clear. Oh every day of every year. The sun shines bright on this big blue sphere. So go and put a banana-

Frogrus
 * -in your earrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

(Frogrus disappears in flames)

Charlie
 * Oh, of course, he burst into flames.

Blue
 * Go forth, magical amulet! Return to the Banana King!

(The amulet goes forth from around Blue's neck, floats into the air, and shines a beam of light at Charlie)

Blue
 * Charlie! You're the Banana King!

(Charlie is floating to the amulet from the beam of light)

Charlie
 * What? Hey, hey, hold on a minute!

(A banana appears on Charlie's back)

Banana
 * You're the Banana King, Charlie!

Charlie
 * No! I'm not! That doesn't even make sense!

Blue
 * All hail the Banana King!

Charlie
 * I'm not the Banana King!

Blue
 * You are the Banana King!

Charlie
 * No, no! I... I...

(Suddenly, more bananas appear on Charlie's back)

Bananas
 * Banana! Banana! Banana! Banana! Banana!

(A crown plops on Charlie's head)

Charlie
 * I... I am the Banana King!

Pink and Blue
 * Yay!

Banana
 * You are the Banana King!

Charlie
 * I'm the Banana King! Yeah!

(Charlie notices that Pink and Blue have disappeared)

Charlie
 * Heh, hey... Where'd you go? Guys? Hello? Get me down from here!

(The beam of light disappears, causing Charlie and the amulet to fall on the ground, and the crown falls off of Charlie's head)

Charlie
 * Augh! Okay, that's a sprain.

(Cut to Charlie walking through the woods alone)

Charlie
 * Hello? Hellooo?! Guys, where are you?

(Charlie sees that his TV and the rest of his stuff is gone)

Charlie
 * Argh! You gotta be... Great! They robbed me!

(Suddenly, the vortex from earlier appears, with Blue's head sticking out)

Charlie
 * Ahh!

Blue
 * Charlie!

Charlie
 * What?! What do you want?!

(Silence)

Blue
 * (Tongue-bloop noise from earlier. Blue then disappears back into the Vortex.)

(Music plays and the credits begin to roll)

Charlie the Unicorn 3
(Charlie is walking alone in a forest)

(Echoey voice resembling Blue/Pink's)
 * Charlieeee.

Charlie
 * Hello? Is someone there?

(Echoey voice)
 * Charlieeee.

Charlie
 * What? What do you want?

(silence)

Charlie
 * (grunts)

Pink and Blue
 * (materialize in a flash of light, wearing sunglasses and futuristic-looking things around their necks) Charlie!

Charlie
 * Gah! Ah! Give me a heart attack, that's fine!

Blue
 * We're from the future, Charlie!

Charlie
 * Oh, I bet.

Pink
 * The world is in perillll.

Blue
 * All that is good has been consumed by evil!

Pink
 * (Pink's eye begins to glow) The end is nigh! Nighhh!

(Pink and Blue disappear into a smoky grey cloud, where several copies of Blue and Pink's heads in various sizes emerge then disappear back into the cloud)

Charlie
 * Yep, so THAT was the scariest thing I've ever seen.

Blue
 * Come with us to the future!

Pink
 * We need your help to finish our snowman!

Charlie
 * Snowman? What are you going on about?

Blue
 * There's no time to explain!

Pink
 * Grab onto our tongues!

Charlie
 * How do I-

Blue and Pink
 * Blehhh!

(Blue and Pink's tongues shoot out of their mouths and drape themselves on Charlie)

Charlie
 * Ohhhh that is so gross!

(the three disappear in a flash of white light, then reappear in a similar flash exactly where they were before)

(Blue and Pink's Future Costumes have disappeared)

Blue
 * Charlie, we're here!

Pink
 * In the futureee! (blows party horn)

Charlie
 * This looks exactly the same!

Blue
 * Shhhh, you'll wake the Umu.

Charlie
 * (blinks) Umu?

Pink
 * We need to get to the river.

Blue
 * And we gotta be sneaky.

(Blue and Pink start floating in the air, and bending their legs like they're made of rubber)

Pink
 * We gotta be sneaky, Charlie, sssneaky.

Charlie
 * Yeah, there's no way I can do that with my legs.

Pink
 * Oh no! Listen!

Blue
 * The Umu has awoken! Run!

Charlie
 * What are you- I don't hear anything!

Blue
 * Hurry! Look out for the Yomyoms!

Pink
 * They're everywherrrrrrre!

Charlie
 * What am I missing here?

Blue
 * Narshlogs! Coming in from above!

Pink
 * Evasive maneuvers! (Starts to float away) Neh! Nyehhh!

Blue
 * Charlie! Look out for the Bleh-bleh-bleh!

Charlie
 * (groans) Can I go home yet?

(Cuts to a river with a large duck-shaped boat which Pink and Blue are already on)

Pink
 * Charlie, get on the duck!

Blue
 * The Bleh-bleh-bleh are right behind us!

Charlie
 * I think I'll take my chances with the Oompoos and the Wawas.

Pink
 * Oh no! A Narshlog has got Charlie!

Blue
 * Quickly! Grab onto our tongues!

Blue and Pink
 * Bleh!

(Blue and Pink's tongues shoot out of their mouths and drape over Charlie)

Charlie
 * Oh! Aw, really? Again with the tongues?

(Cuts to Charlie, Pink and Blue on the duck-boat, riding down the river.)

Blue
 * Ring, ring.

Pink
 * Hellooo?

Blue
 * Ring, ring.

Pink
 * H-he-hellooo?

Blue
 * Ring, ring.

Pink
 * Helloooooo?

Blue
 * Ring, ring.

Pink
 * H-hello?

Blue
 * ...Ring, ring.

Charlie
 * You have a bad connection!

Blue
 * Time to go down below!

Pink
 * Into the liquid abyss!

(The duck-boat begins to sink into the river)

Charlie
 * Oh my God, hey, hey! I can't swim! Or breathe underwater!

Blue
 * Ring, ring.

Pink
 * Hello?

Charlie
 * I'm serious, I'm going to drown!

(talking over Charlie)

Blue
 * Ring, ring.

Pink
 * Hellooo?

Blue
 * Ring, ring.

Pink
 * Hellooo?

Charlie
 * What does this have to do with snowmen?

Blue
 * Ring, ring.

Pink
 * Helloooblubblubblub

(duckboat sinks into the river with Charlie, Pink and Blue on it)

(Cuts to scene where the duckboat is floating to the floor of what looks to be the ruins of a castle)

Blue
 * See, Charlie? Look!

Pink
 * This is where we've hidden the snowman!

Charlie
 * Yeah, to save the world, right? I'm not even gonna ask how I'm still alive. 'Cause you know what I think? I think I died long ago and you two are my eternal punishment.

Blue
 * You're like a constant downer, huh?

(Cuts to scene a where Charlie, Pink, and Blue are walking through the ruins)

Pink
 * To get to the snowman we need to first pass-(camera zooms out to reveal a door standing alone in front of the trio) the Dooooor!

Blue
 * The Dooooor!

Charlie
 * The Door?

Pink
 * Th-the Door!

Charlie
 * What is the Door?

Blue
 * The Door is everything!

Pink
 * All that once was and all that will be!

(The door begins to float and multicolored light begin to flash)

Blue
 * The Door controls Time and Space!

Pink
 * Love and Death!

Blue
 * The Door can see into your mind!

Pink
 * (Pink's pupil contracts) The Door can see into your SOUL!

Charlie
 * Really, th-the Door can do all that?

Pink
 * Heh, no.

(Cuts to a scene where Charlie, Blue and Pink are walking through the ruins again.)

Blue
 * We're almost there, Charlie. It's right at the end of this-Oh my God it's a whale!

Pink
 * Nooooo! Whaaaale!

(Shadow of a whale passes over the trio)

(silence)

(Shadow moves on)

Blue
 * Just a few more steps and-Oh my God it's a Narwhal!

Pink
 * Noooo! Narwhaaaaal! Narwhal of deathhhhh! It's gonna kill us!

(Shadow of a Narwhal passes over the trio)

(Silence)

(Shadow moves on)

Blue
 * It's right up ahead now! You can see the-Oh my God it's a-

Charlie
 * Stop it! Stop it! I don't care about each and every sea creature you see!

Pink
 * But, Charlie! They care about you!

(Music begins as a beam of light covers Charlie and he begins to float upwards)

Charlie
 * Oh, no. No! No! Noo!

(Charlie lands on the top of a pillar, and what seems to be a goat-seal hybrid floats on screen with a bunch of balloons then lets them go.)

Goat-seal
 * (singing) When you're feeling all alone, the world's a drone, and nobody's shown any love to you,

Charlie
 * (speaking) I can't tell if you're adorable or creepy.

Goat-seal
 * (singing) When your heart is cold as stone, just change your tone, get rid of that groan, and the world will too!

Charlie
 * Probably gonna go with creepy.

Goat-seal
 * 'Cause Swordfishes-

Swordfish
 * Love you.

Goat-seal
 * Jellyfishes-

Jellyfish
 * Love you.

Goat-seal
 * Starfishes-

Starfish
 * I LOVE YOU!!

Goat-seal
 * You know it's true. Catfishes-

Catfish
 * Love you.

Goat-seal
 * Carpfishes-

Carpfish
 * Love you.

Goat-seal
 * Blowfishes-

(Starfish cuts in front of blowfish)

Starfish
 * STARFISH REALLY LOVES YOU!

Goat-seal
 * In the ocean blue!

(Shrimp wearing a golden chain around his neck and sunglasses appears with a bright orange background and begins to rap)

Lungfish, Blackfish, Alligator, Icefish, Armourhead, Hammerhead, Anaconda, Flathead, Manta Ray, Sting Ray, Fangtooth Moray, Goblin shark, Grass Carp, Round River Bat Ray, Noodlefish, Hagfish, Man O' War, Ladyfish, Black Eel, Baby seal, Sprat, Koi, Electric Eel, Lamprey, Pejerey, Yellow-edged Moray, Salmon Shark, Sleeper Shark, Featherback and Eagle Ray!

(cuts back to Charlie and the Goat-seal)

Goat-seal
 * Well, you can ignore this plea. That's fine with me, But one day you'll see, That my words are true!

Charlie
 * Please stop singing to me.

Goat-seal
 * What if, You find that you agree? I guarantee, That you will soon be Feeling the love too!

Charlie
 * I can't wait.

Goat-seal
 * 'Cause Swordfishes-

Swordfish
 * Love you.

Goat-seal
 * Jellyfishes-

Jellyfish
 * Love you.

Goat-seal
 * Starfishes-

Starfish
 * I WANT TO BE WITH YOU FOREVER!

Goat-seal
 * You know it's true! Catfishes-

Catfish
 * Love you.

Goat-seal
 * Carpfishes-

Carpfish
 * Love you.

Goat-seal
 * Blowfishes-

(Starfish cuts in front of blowfish)

Starfish
 * STARFISH! LOVE ME! LOVE ME!

Goat-seal
 * In the ocean BLUEEE!

(Goat-seal floats off a bit and explodes)

(music ends)

Charlie
 * (floats back down to the ground) Oh, there goes everyone exploding. (camera zooms out to reveal a nose-less snowman standing on a pillar) Oh, hey, look at that. Hey guys! I found the snowman! What did you want me to do? Guys?

(green tendrils of smoke start rising from the ground.)

Charlie
 * What the-Oh, sleeping gas! Of course. Why did I expect any different?

(Charlie collapses, the screen goes black)

(cuts to scene with Charlie laying on the ground in a field of tundra, and it's snowing. His horn is gone.)

Charlie
 * (wakes up) Uh, oh, oh! Where am I? Hey! What happened to my horn?!

(camera zooms out to reveal the snowman with Charlie's horn as its nose)

Charlie
 * Oh! Come on, really! What did that accomplish?! Why would- (camera zooms out to reveal a pink glob in the snowman's side) Oh, look it's my kidney.

(cuts to credits)

Charlie the Unicorn 4
(Charlie is walking in a forest. all of a sudden, pink and blue unicorns come out of nowhere on a ship on fire)

Blue Unicorn
 * We have engine failure!

Pink Unicorn
 * Emergency systems are offline!

Charlie
 * What?

Blue Unicorn
 * Hull breach, we have a hull breach!

Pink Unicorn
 * Abandon ship, we are going down!

Charlie
 * Whatever, I’m leaving.

(Charlie starts walking off)

Pink Unicorn
 * There’s no time to evacuate. This is the end! Ahh!

Blue Unicorn
 * There is no god!

(the ship explodes and pink and blue unicorns land in front of Charlie)

Blue Unicorn
 * Charlie, we don’t have much time.

Pink Unicorn
 * We need to get to the moon

Blue Unicorn
 * IN OUTER SPACE! I don’t know why I yelled that...

Charlie
 * The moon, why do you need that?

Pink Unicorn
 * Drum solo,(pink unicorn darts around the place) BUM TA TA TA TA﻿ TA TA!

Charlie
 * What’s on the moon? Why do you need that?

Blue Unicorn
 * A huge scary Millipede.

Charlie
 * That’s – What?

Pink Unicorn
 * It’s using gross slimy Millipede power to destroy the cavern of the red wind. The most-

Charlie
 * I don’t care, I don’t know why we’ve been asking, it’s obvious, I have no actual choice here, how about we save some time and just go to the freakin’ moon.

Blue Unicorn
 * Oh, my god, that would be amazing.

(the ground turns upside down and Charlie falls into the sky)

Charlie
 * Ah ohhh – I don’t understand, how you can do these things?(the trio are floating in space) So how long is this going to take?

Blue Unicorn
 * Oh, Charlie, there a big old bug on your face.

Charlie
 * What, where? Is this the Millipede?

Pink Unicorn
 * Oh my god, Charlie, Charlie get it off.

Charlie
 * I don’t feel anything.

Blue Unicorn
 * Oh, it’s so gross – okay.

Pink Unicorn
 * Police, police.

Blue Unicorn
 * (imitates siren with voice) This is the police, we have you surrounded Mr. Bug.

Pink Unicorn
 * Taser him!.

(blue unicorn Tasers Charlie)

Charlie
 * No, hey…

Pink Unicorn
 * He is resisting arrest.

(Charlie gets tasered again)

Charlie
 * No, stop it, there is no bug.

Pink Unicorn
 * He has got a gun.

(Charlie gets tasered again)

Charlie
 * No, oh god.

Pink Unicorn
 * He’s got another gun.

(Charlie gets tasered again)

Charlie
 * Oh.

(the three are approaching the moon. they land)

Pink Unicorn
 * We are here.

Charlie
 * Yah!

Blue Unicorn
 * You ready Charlie, I believe in you.

Charlie
 * Ready for what?

Pink Unicorn
 * Behold the Millipede.

(A giant Millipede spurts out of the lunar soil).

Charlie
 * oh, ungh – here we go...

Millipede (singing)
 * I’m a Millipede, I am amazing.

I command you to gaze upon my face. You’ll never find someone charming as I am, I’m the swankiest bug out in space.

I’m a star, I’m a god, I’m a thing to behold. There is none as resplendent as I, with my sleek little legs and my three hundred eggs, Oh, my majesty none can deny.

Because I’m a Millipede, I’m mysterious, when I vanish, I never leave a trace. You will not find a bug with such illusions, I’m a creature of fathomless grace.

Alien bugs (chorus)
 * Millipede means allure -

Millipede means couture - Millipede meets grandeur Millipede means saviour Millipede means mature - Millipede means so pure - Millipede means the cure for all lesser breeds.

Millipede (singing)
 * I’m a Millipede, I’m a champion, no one else in the universe keeps pace.

You will never find someone quite so enchanting, while I’m here there’s just no second place. I’m an idol, a king, I’m an object of awe, there is none quite so gleaming as I. I’ve got glamour to spare, you are right when you stare. I’m the who, what, when, where and the why.

Join me.

alien bugs/millipede
 * I’m a(She is a) Millipede, I’m (she is) astounding,(wings spread on the millipede) wisdom floats from my personage like lace.

You will never find someone darling as I am, (as she is.) I’m the (She's the) swankiest, tutelary pest, certainly best dressed, bug out in space.

(The Millipede bursts).

Blue Unicorn
 * You did it Charlie, you defeated the Millipede.

Charlie
 * It’s just exploded like everything does when it sings to me.

(the cave starts glowing red on the inside)

Blue Unicorn
 * Wow, wow. The cavern is open.

Charlie
 * Oh, no, I don’t want to do it, I can’t take anymore of this, you two, you’re just horrible.

Blue Unicorn
 * But Charlie listen to me, this is the most important thing we’ve ever needed you for, if you go into the cavern, we’ll never bother you again.

Charlie
 * Never?

Pink Unicorn:(Pink unicorn is tiny and on Charlie's back) We promise, it will be the last you ever see of us Charlie.

Charlie
 * Okay, okay, I’ll go in.

Blue Unicorn
 * Charlie, you are in dream machine.

(It can be heard "Dream machine" like in an old video game).

Charlie
 * All right, so we’re in, what do I do?

(A big bomb with a countdown timer appears)

Charlie
 * Ah, what is that?

Blue Unicorn
 * We’ve gotten kind of bored.

Pink Unicorn
 * Were also bored of the moon

Blue Unicorn
 * So we’re going to blow it up.

Charlie
 * What? Okay and how do we get back to earth?

(Pink and blue unicorn start floating away)

Pink Unicorn
 * Bye Charlie.

Blue Unicorn
 * You’ll always kind of smelled like a bush, just thought you’d want to know?

Charlie
 * Oh, you guys are going little far this time ah? Guys, guys, guys.

(The starfish seen in the 3rd "Charlie the unicorn" appears).

Starfish
 * Charlie, we don’t have much time.

Charlie
 * Oh, starfish, they’re – they’re trying to kill me.

Starfish
 * Oh, all will be explained, but first, you need to wish on me.

Charlie
 * What?

Starfish
 * I’m a star, make a wish, wish to go home.

Charlie
 * All right, but what happens to you?

Starfish
 * Just do it, my love! Wish!

Charlie
 * I wish to go home.

Starfish
 * Oh.

(The starfish bursts into flames).

Charlie
 * Oh my god.

(the moon explodes)

Pink Unicorn
 * Yeah, bye, Charlie.

Blue Unicorn
 * Okay, who is next? (Charlie appears in front of them) Oh, hello.

Pink Unicorn
 * Well, this is embarrassing.

(The starfish falls from the sky).

Starfish
 * Oh, YOLO!

YouTube Live: Charlie the Unicorn
(Charlie is walking through a forest, when a portal from another dimension opens.)

Charlie
 * Ugh, what now?

(Pink and Blue suddenly walk beside him.)

Pink
 * Charlie, it's happening!

Charlie
 * Huh? What's happening? What's goin' on?

Blue
 * YouTube Live, Charlie!

Pink
 * It's where the Internet and real life combine!

(Blue's eye suddenly inflates to an enormous size as he flips around in the air, like a piece of paper, as he says the following line of dialogue)

Blue
 * In THREEE-DEEEEE! Nyeh, heh, heh, Nyeh, Nyeeeeeeeeeh!

Charlie
 * Oh my God, if the Internet leaks into real life, everywhere you look, fat guys will be falling over in slow motion, cats will be doing people things, Rick Astley will make a comeback!

Blue (Still floating in air)
 * Never gonna give you up!

Pink
 * Never gonna let you dooooown!

(Lightning crackles as chocolate starts raining from the sky)

Blue
 * It has beguuuuun!

Charlie
 * Oh my God, it's raining chocolate!

(A creepy, distorted version of Rick Astley with tentacle arms, sharp teeth, a forked tongue, and white eyes emerges from the portal)

Rick Astley
 * Blaaaaaaargh!

Charlie
 * Aah, it's Rick Astley, run!

Blue
 * Hooray for the collapse of civilization!

Pink
 * Down with democracy!

Charlie
 * What is wrong with you two?!

(Pink and blue suddenly don an Ushanka, have a long beard, and a star-shaped necklace around their necks, and begin speaking Russian)

Blue
 * Мое судно на воздушной! (My hovercraft...)

Pink
 * подушке полно угрей! (...Is full of eels!)

(The screen suddenly flashes white and the group are transported to a blank, white room with a message at the top saying, "We are currently performing site maintenance. Be cool - We'll be back 100% in a bit.")

Charlie
 * Hey, what happened? (Looks up at the message) Oh, good. YouTube has gone into maintenance mode. For now, we're safe.

Pink
 * We're also... No strangers to love.

(The portal opens up again.)

Charlie
 * Hey, don't do that. He'll come back!

Blue (In a singsong voice)
 * ...You know the rules!

Rick Astley (In a deep, unsettling voice)
 * ...And so do I! Bluuuuuuuh!

Charlie
 * Aaaaah!

Blue
 * Nooooooo!

Pink (Wears an Ushanda, beard, necklace, and speaks Russian again)
 * Коммунизм! (Communism!)

LINK TO VIDEO: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FXMYsMvs1A