Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers (film)

Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers is a 2022 American live-action/animated action-adventure comedy film based on the characters Chip and Dale and the subsequent animated TV series of the same name. The movie stars John Mulaney as Chip, Andy Samberg as Dale, Will Arnett, Eric Bana, Keegan-Michael Key, Seth Rogen, J.K. Simmons, and KiKi Layne.


 * Directed by Akiva Schaffer. Written by Dan Gregor and Doug Mand.

It's not a reboot. It's a comeback. (taglines)

Chip

 * To many more seasons of the Rescue Rangers.
 * Life is the worst. Which is why you need good insurance. Look, I'm not gonna put on the hard sell, but in my experience, bad things happen all the time. They happen without warning. Sometimes from the last place you'd expect it, and you're left to pick up the pieces. So, you have to protect yourself. If you're prepared for the worst, the worst isn't so bad. So, why risk it? It's my job to pull the wool off your eyes... figuratively.
 * A message on my landline. I don't like that.
 * You look different.
 * Remember that animation style where everything looked real but nothing looked right?
 * Huh. At least that's gone.
 * Pooj, the Fat Honey Bear? Ugh.

Dale

 * [narrating] Okay, what's the first thing that pops into your head when I say Chip n' Dale? I'm willing to bet it's Thomas Chippendale, the London-based cabinet maker from the 1700s. Sick cabinet, Thomas! But I bet the second thing that pops into your head are these guys. [image of chip and dale dancers are shown] But certainly, third would be those rascally cartoon chipmunks, Chip 'n Dale, or should I say Chip and me? And it all started the day we met, when I had to join (us information) a new school in the middle of third grade.
 * I haven't thought about it in a while. I should give him a call. See how life's treating him.
 * Looks like I just took us from outside the club to the V.I.P. room.
 * So you're saying the Rescue Rangers are back!
 * All right. Think, Dale, think. Gadget is stuck in a lantern. Lanterns provide light by using fire. Fire is really cool, but also really dangerous. Someone is in a dangerous situation. Oh, like that time I dropped a bowling ball on my toe. Ellie has ten toes and she probably likes Thai food. Ellie is tied up and in danger, and Chip is with her! It was Putty working with Sweet Pete the whole time! I cracked it! I'm coming, guys!

Monterey Jack

 * [being bootlegged with Dumbo ears] Mates!
 * Oh, Chipper, they Dumbo'd me.

Gadget Hackwrench

 * Honey, someone's doing a cool pose in the driveway.

Zipper

 * Dale, old chum. The sight of you lights my heart aglow.

Ellie Steckler

 * Look at all of these parts.

Sweet Pete

 * You two really are the worst actors in Hollywood! [laughs evilly]
 * [after being bootlegged] I'm gonna wreck stuff!

Bjornson the Cheesemonger

 * [to Chip and Dale after they arrived at Sweet Pete's building] We're here.

Captain S. Putty

 * Ugh! Stupid glass. OK, I'm out. [runs off]
 * [last words as he's defeated] Any last words? What? I can't hear you! No? OK, bye-bye, you're dead! [yelling]

Bob the Viking

 * By the axe of Ucarga, you'll submit to me!

Jimmy the Polar Bear

 * [to Baloo] Wow! Yo, man, it's you!

DJ Herzogenaurach

 * I know you. [Chip: Oh, no!] [Dale: We're cooked!] You're the Rescue Rangers. I'm a huge fanboy!

Dialogue

 * Chip: And so, I just wanna thank all of you for the greatest 3 years of my life. When I think back to where this all started, me finding Dale sitting all alone in the cafeteria, so sad.
 * Dale: Well, I wasn't that sad.
 * [the cast and the crew members laugh]
 * Monterey "Monty" Jack: That's funny.
 * Chip: But never in my wildest dreams did I think we'd be here now. So, to you, Dale, my best friend, and to all of you.
 * Gadget: And to everyone who loves a short toast.
 * Chip: [chuckles] Okay, okay. To many more seasons of the Rescue Rangers. Cheers!
 * Cast and Crew: Cheers!


 * [Chip goes into the Rescue Rangers' trailer where he sees Dale]
 * Chip: Hey, where'd you run off to, buddy? I saved you a piece of cake. What's that?
 * Dale: Okay, I wasn't gonna show you this right now, but it just got delivered. So... Ta-da!
 * [Dale shows a poster depicting him as a James Bond-style spy titled Double-0 Dale]
 * Chip: [chuckles] "Double-0 Dale?" That's hilarious. What is that?
 * Dale: It's wild, right? It's my new show. I'm gonna be a super spy.
 * Chip: [confused] Wh...what are you talking about?
 * Dale: Yeah, I'm really going for it! And just like you always say: [imitates Chip] "The biggest risk is not taking any risk at all." [chuckles]
 * Chip: [stunned] Wait, you really have a new show?
 * Dale: Yep! [goes into a dressing room]
 * Chip: Wait, why didn't you talk to me about it first? We tell each other everything. You've told me what you had for lunch the last 42 days.
 * Dale: Pineapple pizza and a diet Slice.
 * Chip: Exactly!
 * Dale: I don't know. I just wanted to make sure the show was gonna happen first before I got your hopes up. [comes out wearing a glitter tuxedo]
 * Chip: My hopes up? What?
 * Dale: Yeah! It's good news for everyone. Check this out. [starts dancing]
 * Chip: [angrily] I just... If you do this, they might cancel the show.
 * Dale: No, they won't do that. I mean, everyone knows you're the favorite. And I'm just the guy who gets hit in the head with a pipe each week. It's fine.
 * Chip: Okay, so you're gonna risk all of Rescue Rangers because I'm a little more popular than you? Do you know how dumb that is?
 * Dale: Well, I am the dumb one.
 * Chip: [calms down] I didn't mean it like that.
 * Dale: I know. You never mean it. Look, you're always acting like you saved me or something. But when we were kids, we were in it together.
 * Chip: What are you talking about? We're still in this together.
 * Dale: I'm sorry, Chip. I'm just done being second banana.
 * Chip: But you're not second banana. I'm a banana and you're just another banana. Two bananas! [Dale's phone rings] Please, don't get that.
 * Dale: But it could be my agent, Dave Bolinari.
 * Chip: After everything I've done for you, do not pick up that phone.
 * Dale: I'm sorry.
 * Chip: Dale, stop. We're not done talking.
 * Dale: I have to. [picks up the phone]
 * Chip: [sternly] Do not. Do not do it.
 * Dale: I'm so sorry. [takes the call] Go for Dale.


 * [Dale, now in CGI animation, is running his stand at Fan Con]
 * Lumiere: Pardon moi, Dale, but your followers, they believe the crowd is for you?
 * Dale: Of course they do, Lumiere. And pretty soon, that crowd is gonna be for me.
 * Ugly Sonic: [coughs] Yeah, Dale! I'm going to be up on that stage too, right beside you!
 * Dale: Yes, Ugly Sonic! That's the spirit.
 * Ugly Sonic: And they'll like me for who I am, not like last time when the internet got one look at my human teeth, and burned the place down. [signs his autograph for a fan] Okay, let's see here. "Best wishes, Ugly Sonic." There you go, kid. [the fan chuckles with his friend] Oh, they're laughing at me. I know that. You can't hurt my feelings if I'm in on the joke.
 * Tigra: Are you though?
 * Ugly Sonic: Yes! Anyway, now my luck has shifted. I've been offered a new reality show where I do ride-alongs with the FBI. It's called Ugly Sonic, Uglier Crimes.
 * Dale: Really? A TV show? You?
 * Ugly Sonic: Yeah, is that so difficult to believe?
 * Dale: Oh, uh... [stares at Ugly Sonic's teeth] I guess... not. Yeah, you know what? That's great. When one of us succeeds, we all succeed. Baloo was part of the Disney Afternoon just like me. Then he got The Jungle Book reboot and boom, he's back on top. It happens that fast.
 * Lumiere: Bravo, Dale! Your positivity is infectious. [a fan hands him five dollars] Ah, merci. [bows his head, accidentally burning the money with his flame] Oh, I really needed that cash.
 * Dale: You just gotta stay prepared. I'm keeping myself fit and you know, my updated modern look.
 * Tigra: Yes, Dale, your CG surgery was done very tastefully. You look amazing!
 * Dale: Well, thank you, Tigra. We should hang out sometime.
 * Tigra: Nah.
 * Dale: Meanly fast.
 * Tigra: No offense, but don't you think you'd have more fans here if Chip did these events with you?
 * Dale: Oh, Chip? Oh, that's interesting. I hadn't thought about him in a while. I should give him a call. See how life's treating him.


 * [Chip goes to see his old friend Monterey Jack. Then suddenly Monty grabs Chip]
 * Monty: Quick! Get in while the coast is clear.
 * Chip: Oh, Monty. It's you.
 * Monty: I'm sorry about that, mate, but they're watching. They're always watching.
 * Chip: Who are?
 * Monty: Oh, it's been too long, Chip.
 * Chip: It really has, old buddy. [they hug]
 * [Chip then smells a horrible smell]
 * Chip: I... I'm sorry, Monty, but what is that God-awful smell?
 * Monty: What? You don't remember? Rescue Ranger's cologne. [shows a bottle of his cologne] I wear it every day.
 * Chip: Oh, no. I remember. It smells like almond butter and gasoline.
 * Monty: And it's very difficult to wash out.
 * Chip: Right. So, Monty, what's going on? I got your voicemail. You said you were in trouble?
 * Monty: I screwed up, Chip. My love of cheese got the best of me. And I bought more than I could pay for.
 * Chip: Oh, no. Cheese? Monty.
 * Monty: I know, I know. But I haven't had so much as a whiff in weeks. I'm dairy-free.
 * [Another horrible smell comes into Chip's nose]
 * Chip: Really, then what's that?
 * Monty: Oh, crud. It's a really stinky Gorgonzola. You weren't supposed to see that.
 * [The smell of the Gorgonzola punches Monty and hypnotizes him]
 * Monty: [now under the control of the smell of the stinky cheese] Ch... ch... ch... ch... ch... ch... cheese!
 * Chip: Hang on, Monty.
 * [Chip open's Monty's fridge and throws away the cheese and closes the window]
 * Monty: [now with regained his control] I'm sorry, Chipper. I just love it so much.
 * Chip: It's okay, Monty. We'll get you some help.
 * Monty: It's not just that, Chip. Now, I owe a ton of money to the Valley Gang.
 * Chip: The Valley Gang? Monty, those guys are bad news.
 * Monty: I know, and if I can't pay up, they're gonna bootleg me.
 * Chip: Bootleg you? What does that mean?
 * Monty: Oh, Chip. It's gotten rough out there for us old-timers. Did you hear what happened to that little guy Flounder when he fell behind on krill payments?
 * [Cut flashback. Flounder is reading a book, then suddenly a polar bear and a viking break to his house]
 * Flounder: Oh, no!
 * Polar bear: Time to pay up, fish.
 * Flounder: Um. [picks up a fork] How about this? Isn't it neat? Come on, fellas. This is a genuine Dinglehopper. It's worth a lot.
 * [The polar bear grabs Flounder]
 * Flounder: Oh!
 * Monty: [narrating] So, they kidnap the bloke, erase his mouth so he can't scream, then change him around to try to sneak by the copyright laws, and then smuggle him overseas to a black-market studio, where he'll spend the rest of his life being forced to make terrible bootleg movies.
 * [Cut back to present]
 * Chip: Oh, no, that's awful. We can't let that happen to you. We'll figure something out.
 * Monty: You mean it?
 * Chip: Of course, you were always such a good friend to me. You never let me down. I've really missed you, you big galoot!
 * Monty: Oh, I missed you too, Chipper. I know Gadget and Zipper miss you also.
 * Chip: Yeah? How are they doing?
 * Monty: Oh, they're great. Forty-two kids and counting.
 * Chip: Wow, look at that. That one's got Gadget's eyes and Zipper's wings. And that one's got her ears and hands, cute. We had some good times, didn't we, pal?
 * Monty: Aye, the best.
 * [there's a knock on the door]
 * Monty: Aah! They're here! Hide! [grabs Chip and hides behind the couch]
 * Dale: Hello?
 * Chip: Is that...?
 * Dale: That's 59 steps to get up to your apartment. You do a couple of those a day and you're in...
 * Monty: [pulls Dale into the house] Quick! Get in!
 * Dale: Okay. [chuckles] Oh.
 * Chip: Dale.
 * Dale: Chip, hey.
 * Chip: Yep, it's me.
 * Dale: Cool.
 * Monty: Yeah, I called Dale for help also. I hope that's okay.
 * Chip: Yeah, why wouldn't it be okay? I mean, it is, uh, okie-dokie artichokie.
 * Dale: Artichokie? For real?
 * Chip: Yes. Artichokie.
 * Dale: So, you're not still mad about all the stuff with, y'know, Double-0 Dale and Rescue Rangers getting cancelled?
 * Chip: Mad? No. I'd be pretty pathetic to care about something from that long ago.
 * Dale: Oh, okay. I mean, you can care a little if you want to. I mean, I care, but... So, what's been up with you?
 * Chip: Oh, you know, this, that, other vague things to fill the space of this conversation.
 * Dale: Okay, well, you look the same.
 * Chip: Yeah. Thanks. And you look... different.
 * Dale: Hey, it's no secret I had the CGI surgery done and it's done wonders rejuvenating my career. I'm actually starring in a play tonight. [pause for a few seconds; blinks] But, man, I tell you the real hot ticket is Rescue Rangers. There's even some buzz about a reboot. Someone started a Facebook fan page for it and everything.
 * Monty: Crikey! A Facebook fan page?! They don't just give those away.
 * Chip: Oh, he's full of it, Monty. No one's talking about a Rescue Rangers reboot except for him.
 * Dale: What? The fans are hungry for it.
 * Chip: Look, I came here to help Monty, not get caught up in some Hollywood nonsense. So, great to take this skip down memory lane, but I've gotta go. Monty, if you're really in trouble, you know how to find me. And Dale... you were also here.


 * [Chip and Dale find out from the police that Monty has been kidnapped by the Valley Gang]
 * Captain Putty: Well, it eats me up inside to have to tell you this, but if he's been taken by the Valley Gang, I doubt we can help you. We've been trying for years to track those sleaze bags. A fella named Sweet Pete runs the whole operation, and he's always once step ahead of us.
 * Chip: What, so that's it? I-I thought that cops were supposed to serve and protect, not give up and move on.
 * Putty: Hey, I'd give anything to make a case against those scum. Sweet Pete's got his fingers in every illegal business from bootlegging to stinky cheese, getting rich while we look like we just fell off the turnip truck.
 * Ellie: [pops up from out the window, scaring Putty] All done, sir.
 * Putty: Oh, you scared the beans out of me, Steckler!
 * Ellie: Sorry, sir. I searched the perimeter. No clues.
 * Putty: Yeah, of course not. Why would there be? 6 missing toons in a month and not one clue.
 * Ellie: Well, maybe we should chick in with the neighbors? See if anyone saw anything?
 * Putty: Oh, yeah. You think? Why don't you just leave the real detective work to me, okay? [laughs]
 * Ellie: Right, sorry, sir.
 * Putty: Sheesh!
 * Sock Puppet Cop: Chief, the press are outside waiting for a statement.
 * Putty: [groans] Do I have anything on my back? [shows Ellie his back, which has a Monopoly iron and a bird officer stuck to it]
 * Ellie: Yes, sir. It looks like a Monopoly game piece and Officer O'Hara.
 * Putty: Officer...? What the...? [pulls O'Hara off his pack] Ugh, just want one day where my shirt stays clean. Okay, pack it up, boys. Let's go.


 * Bjornson: So, you want stinky cheese? I got smell lines that'll take you through the ceiling.
 * Chip: "Through the ceiling," huh? Seems like you a quality product. But hey, before we get into all that, do me a favor. Take a look at this photo. [shows a photo of Monterey] It's a friend of mine named Monterey Jack.
 * Bjornson: Which is also the name of a cheese. [pause for a few seconds] Continue.
 * Chip: Right. So, we think he's being held in a warehouse somewhere. If you know anything, I'm sure we could make it worth your while. Like, what would you say to some complementary RV or boat insurance?
 * Bjornson: Nah, I don't know nothin'. Now, either buy some cheese or get out.


 * Bjornson: Huh. Interesting. My boss, Sweet Pete, he loves actors.
 * Dale: Ah, yeah. Who doesn't?
 * Bjornson: You know, I think you should meet him.
 * Dale: Really? Meeting Sweet Pete, huh? Looks like I just took us from outside the club to the VIP room. [blinks]
 * [Cut Chip and Dale are zip tied in Bjornson's truck. Chip is mad at Dale]
 * Chip: [talking sarcastically] Wow! This VIP room is incredible! I'm freaking out, dude. [gasps] Is that Jessica Rabbit over there? I'm only asking because... I'M ZIP TIED IN THE BACK OF A TRUCK!!!
 * Dale: Whoa! What's with the attitude? We were about to get kicked out with your plan, and now, thanks to my sweet improv, we're going to see Sweet Pete.
 * Chip: Oh, you're insane.
 * Dale: Am I?
 * Chip: Of course.
 * Dale: So, you'd rather just give up?
 * Chip: No!
 * Dale: You wanna just wait around...
 * Chip: You should've just let me take the lead!
 * [both of them start quarreling in high-pitched voices]
 * Dale: [normal voice] Hey! Hold on a second! How adorable are we? Chemistry like this doesn't just happen. This has got reboot written all over it.
 * Chip: Ugh. Are you serious? I should be home right now. Millie is probably worried sick and peeing all over the place.
 * Dale: Oh, are you seeing someone? She sounds... nice.
 * Chip: She's a dog. Millie is a dog.
 * Dale: Ah, I'm sure she's not that bad.
 * Chip: What? No, she's...
 * [Bjornson's truck stops outside the Valley Gang's headquarters. Bjornson opens the doors of his truck to pick out Chip and Dale to his boss]
 * Bjornson: We're here.


 * [Chip and Dale make it to Sweet Pete's workshop where they encounter Bob the motion capture Viking dwarf]
 * Bob: Who are you?
 * Dale: [whispering to Chip] Is he talking to us?
 * Chip: I can't tell. He's got those Polar Express eyes.
 * Dale: [to Bob] Uh. Are you talking to us?
 * Bob: Obviously. I said, "Who are you?"
 * Chip: Well, right. But in fairness, it looks like you're talking to that window.
 * Bob: No, it actually looks like I'm looking right at you.
 * Dale: Okay.
 * Bob: Look at my eyes, looking right at your eyes.


 * [Bob takes Chip and Dale through Sweet Pete's factory]
 * Chip: I wonder if they're keeping Monty in here.
 * Dale: There's only one way to find out. [to Bob] So, is this your secret bootlegging facility or what?
 * Chip: Come on!
 * Bob: What? No! What are you talking about? This is Sweet Pete's legit business. It's for old merchandise that never got sold.
 * Chip: Old merchandise?
 * Bob: Yeah, like for example, you remember Shrek body wash?
 * Chip: Uh...
 * Bob: Exactly! No one does! It didn't sell. That's why Sweet Pete bought all the inventory and melts it down for its useful parts. The guy has a real eye for business. I wish I could see what he sees.
 * Dale: I'm sure there's corrective lenses or something you could get. [Chip elbows him] Ow! What? [they both see that the melted plastic from the bottles are used to make portable toilets] So, he turns the toys into toy-lets. [chuckles]
 * Bob: Wow! That's been staring at me for years and I never pieced it together! [laughs]


 * [Chip and Dale meet Sweet Pete, who is a middle-aged and overweight version of...]
 * Sweet Pete: Hello!
 * Dale: [surprised] Peter Pan?
 * Sweet Pete: Yep. Star of stage and screen, but you can call me "Sweet Pete".
 * Dale: Oh, you look...
 * Sweet Pete: Old, bald, sad like a zoo gorilla?
 * Dale: What? No, not like a zoo gorilla!
 * Sweet Pete: [chuckles] Don't worry, you can't say nothing to me I haven't heard already. Jimmy, please, untie our guests! [Jimmy does so.] Chip and Dale. Wow! Hey, you mind if I walk while we talk? [Pete pats his belly as he's still attiring his old childhood costume.] Not fitting into the old costume like I used to. [points to his fitness watch] Gotta get my steps in.
 * Dale: Hey, I got one of those! We should link accounts and help motivate each other.
 * Sweet Pete: [awkwardly] Right. So, I'm guessing you two are here to talk about Monterey Jack.
 * Chip: Oh. Yeah, actually, we are.
 * Sweet Pete: You know, I always liked Monty. It's a shame what happened. Too much cheese, not enough bread.
 * Chip: Listen, Mr. Sweet Pete… Mr. Pete, we'd be willing to pay whatever Monty owes you if you could give him a break, just this once?
 * Sweet Pete: Hmm. Give him a break… You know, I got my big break when I was just a kid. [The scene changes to Walt Disney's 1953 film Peter Pan, where Peter, Tinker Bell, Wendy, John and Michael were flying across London.] I got cast in the biggest movie in the world as the boy who wouldn't grow up - Peter Pan. [Cut back to present] I'd never been so happy in my entire life, then I got older and they threw me away like I was nothing.
 * Chip: This business can be so tough.
 * Sweet Pete: Huh, you said it. I was scared, desperate, and all alone. So I decided to take the power back and make my own bootleg (remake of my old) movie! I called it Flying Bedroom Boy, and guess what - it worked! I made lot of money, so I "recruited" other toons to star in more movies, and bang-a-rang! Now I run my own bootleg movie studio, where I get to decide who's a star and who gets thrown in the trash! And now, you two come poking around where you don't belong, asking questions about your missing friend. And I can't have that, so how's this for a break? I'm thinking it's time for Chip 'n Dale reboot. Jimmy?


 * [Dale takes Chip and Ellie to his garage that's filled with Chip 'n Dale merchandise]
 * Chip: I'm honestly surprised you kept all this stuff. I didn't think you cared about the show back then.
 * Dale: What? Of course I did.
 * Chip: No. Yeah. Of course. What's this huge map with the pins in it?
 * Dale: Oh, that? It's actually very cool.
 * Chip: Oh, no. Is this where all the victims are buried?
 * Dale: [chuckles] You're messing with me again! It actually shows Rescue Rangers ratings in every US market in 1991 which, as you may recall, was our most successful year.
 * Chip: Hey, Ellie, didn't you say you were from Albany?
 * Ellie: Born and raised. (Why?)
 * Chip: Well, (because) according to this map, Rescue Rangers never aired in Albany.
 * Ellie: Yeah! My grandma, she used to tape all the episodes and send them to me.
 * Chip: Hmm...
 * Dale: Grandmas rule! [chuckles] Oh, come on, Chip! Look at all this cool stuff! Like this is limited edition Rescue Rangers pog set! You know, this turned into a real collectible, because someone noticed that one of the clouds behind Monterey Jack looked exactly like... Oprah.
 * Chip: Wow. So cool.
 * Dale: I know, right? Unfortunately, I only have 11 of the 12. I'm missing the main one of all of us together.
 * Chip: Ah, it's just old junk.


 * Chip: OK, what?! How did you know what I was gonna say?
 * Dale: How did you know what I was gonna say?! It was like...
 * Together: Professional! [gasp] Same time! [gasp again] Jinx! You owe me a non-brand specific cola! What?! That was crazy! [both gasp again] Somebody call Guinness book! [gasp again] This is...
 * Dale: ...Blowing my mind!
 * Chip: ...Incredible!
 * Dale: Oh, we lost it.
 * DJ Herzogenaurach: Boom, boom! It's DJ Herzogenaurach with the Disney Afternoon remix!
 * Chip: Hey, this was really fun, but we actually got to get going!
 * Herzongenaurach: Ooh, they were very bad at rapping.


 * [after Chip and Dale find out that Monty has been bootlegged]
 * Chip: I know we missed something, Dale. I can feel it.
 * Dale: [recording himself on his phone] Hey, just wanna remind you guys, I'll be at Fan Con this afternoon, signing autographs. So, get those nuts ready! [chuckles uneasily] Yeah...
 * Chip: What is wrong with you?
 * Dale: What? It's my job.
 * Chip: It's a choice. [scoff] I'm getting some coffee.
 * Dale: Come on! I have to stay connected to the fans!
 * Chip: There are no fans! It's for you! It's always for you, to feed your selfish ego. I thought you had changed, but you haven't changed since Double-0 Dale!
 * Dale: Wait, so you are still mad about Double-0 Dale? I thought everything was artichokie.
 * Chip: You left, Dale. You left me high and dry. After everything we'd been through, everything I did for you!
 * Dale: So, we're not artichokie?
 * Chip: No artichokie! Nothing's every been artichokie. Okay? I'm alone. I sell insurance. My only friend is a dog!
 * Dale: Okay, but then why did you say it was artichokie? I mean, when someone tells me something's artichokie, I believe it's artichokie.
 * Chip: Ugh! Stop saying artichokie! What is it man?!
 * Newt Officer: Oh, uh, if you could just scooch a bit, from the coffee?
 * Chip: Yes, yes, of course. Sorry. Ugh. See? This is why I didn't want to see you anymore. Sure, my life is lonely, but at least I didn't feel like this!
 * Dale: Oh, yeah? Well, you're the same too! Chip's always in charge! Chip's always right! It's Chip's way or the highway!
 * Chip: You know what? Here. [hands Dale the missing pog] I've been holding on to this for some stupid reason. Now, your collection is complete.
 * Dale: [sighs] What, you kept this? You know the crazy thing is way back then... I didn't even wanna do Double-0 Dale.
 * Chip: What?
 * Dale: It's gonna sound stupid, but... [sighs] I think I just wanted you to tell me you needed me. That I wasn't just some pathetic chipmunk you found eating alone at school. You know, I wanted this pog for some silly reason, but now I don't. [tries to hand the pog to Chip] Here, now your collection's complete.
 * Chip: What?! Don't give me that! That's the exact same thing I said to you!
 * Dale: What? No, it's not. I said "silly reason", you said "stupid reason".
 * Chip: Well, I don't want it.
 * Dale: Neither do I!
 * Chip: Good!
 * Dale: [placing the pog on the counter] I'm putting on the ground.
 * Chip: Great!
 * Dale: Yeah.
 * Chip: Cool.
 * Dale: I know.
 * Chip: Neat!
 * Dale: It is neat. Thanks.


 * Dale: What's going on? Why are we running away?
 * Chip: I'm not sure, but you and your big red nose are onto something. Monty was literally the only person to ever use that disgusting cologne.
 * Dale: Actually, I heard it's still used in the Latvia to strip paint, but of course, we never see a dime of that.
 * Chip: That's not the point. Putty's office stunk of it, which means someone had direct contact with Monty.
 * Dale: Oh, I knew Putty was dirty!
 * Chip: Oh, you're just saying that 'cause it's always the police captain in our episodes. Putty's too obvious! Think, Dale! Ellie. Something has been off about her the whole time! Claiming to be a huge fan just to butter us up. She couldn't even name her favourite episode.
 * Dale: 'Cause she loves them all.
 * Chip: No! 'Cause she's never seen any episodes! "Her grandmother taped the show for her." Get real! Grandparents are terrible at electronics. That's their whole thing!
 * [Dale's cell phone rings]
 * Dale: Aha! Speak of the devil!
 * Chip: Are you crazy? Don't pick that up! We don't know who we can trust. We need outside help, like the governor, the CIA, the FBI.
 * Dale: [gasps] I know someone who might be able to help.


 * [at the Fan Con]
 * Ugly Sonic: [to Chip] You got a Snoopy ear! [laughs]
 * Dale: Yes, Ugly Sonic, his ear is hilarious, but do you have a contact at the FBI? Because we have some highly dangerous and classified information for them.
 * Ugly Sonic: Yeah, of course. I know tons of people at the FBI. I'm making a TV show with them.
 * Dale: Look, we really need your help, but we don't have a lot of time.
 * Ugly Sonic: Oh, you want me to go fast? [chuckles] That's Sonic's thing.
 * [Chip stares at Ugly Sonic's teeth]
 * Ugly Sonic: Ugly Sonic goes… [in slow-motion] …slow, baby. [laughs]
 * Dale: So, you're not gonna help us?
 * Ugly Sonic: No. I'm not.
 * Dale: Ugh! You don't have a show with the FBI. [Chip sees Sweet Pete, Jimmy and Bob] I knew it! I knew it!
 * Ugly Sonic: I wasn't finished.
 * Chip: Chip, we need to go.
 * Ugly Sonic: I'll run it by my producer later when I see him at the Chateau.
 * Dale: [gasps] Oh, no.
 * Chip: Quick, we'll lose them in the crowd.
 * Ugly Sonic: One day, you'll see, Dale. You'll turn on your television and all will be revealed.
 * Dale: No, it won't.
 * Ugly Sonic: Yes, it will!


 * Paul Rudd: You know, originally, it was called Aunt Man, A-U-N-T, and my superpower was being really charming to aunts. [laughs] That's great, isn't it? Yeah, they changed it…
 * Chip: Whoa! Coming through.
 * Paul Rudd: [shouts]
 * Dale: Love your work!
 * [Ponies, including the Mane 6, from My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic gallop]
 * Chip: Whoa!
 * Dale: Watch out!
 * [Chip rides on Fluttershy. Dale lays on his back as he rides on Applejack by her hat]
 * Chip: OK. Nice horsey, nice horsey.
 * Dale: [laughing] Whoa!


 * Jimmy: Step aside. Move.
 * [Jimmy looks around and saw someone, thinking it was Chip and Dale]
 * Jimmy: There they are.
 * Sweet Pete: Well, go get them!

<hr width="50%">
 * [Sweet Pete and Jimmy catch what they thought was Chip and Dale, but was actually Cubby from the 1953 Peter Pan film]
 * Jimmy: Gotcha! (Huh?)
 * Sweet Pete: Oh, what?!
 * Cubby: Peter Pan, is that really you? [disgusted] You got old.
 * Sweet Pete: Yeah, death is coming for us all, kid.

<hr width="50%">
 * Dale: How do they know we're here?
 * Chip: I'm guessing your social media post at the police station.
 * Dale: Ah. Oops. [chuckles] Yeah, that's my bad. [sits on one of He-Man's shoes]
 * He-Man: Hey, there's something down there.
 * Skeletor: There's nothing down there, ya boob! You walk around with no pants long enough, and you start to notice every breeze. [laughs]
 * Bob: [looking under the table where Chip and Dale were] Gotcha! [Chip and Dale are gone.] Huh?

<hr width="50%">
 * [Chip and Dale make Bob fall down from all the scaffolding. Pumbaa, from the 2019 film The Lion King, walks up to him]
 * Bob: What are you lookin' at?
 * Pumbaa: Honestly, your weird dead eyes. [laughs]
 * Mantis: They are weird. [laughs]
 * B.O.B.: Super weird. [laughs]
 * Pumbaa: [laughing] So funny.

<hr width="50%">
 * Baloo: Well, I'll be. Chip and Dale together again. I never thought I'd see the day.
 * [Jimmy runs past Baloo]
 * Jimmy: Get back here!
 * [He stops offscreen and returns to come face-to-face with him]
 * Jimmy: Wow! Yo, man, it's you!
 * Baloo: Baloo. It's nice to meet you.
 * Jimmy: Aaah! No way! Can I touch your face? I mean, what's going on?

<hr width="50%">
 * [Chip has been captured and is about to be bootlegged by Sweet Pete]
 * Chip: Where's Dale?
 * Sweet Pete: He'll be here. Keep your pants on.
 * Chip: I don't wear pants.
 * Sweet Pete: Yeah, I noticed. It's not something to brag about. [chuckles]
 * Chip: What do you want?
 * Sweet Pete: I want you to stop messing with my business. You exposed everything, now I have to move all this stuff, and start over. It's super annoying. Ah, you should have just let me bootleg you when you came to my office. Could've saved us both a ton of headaches. [picks up an eraser] Besides, I was always more of an Alvin and the Chipmunks person.
 * Chip: You monster!
 * [As Sweet Pete goes to erase Chip's mouth, Ellie comes up behind him holding a gun]
 * Ellie: Freeze, Sweet Pete.
 * Sweet Pete: Nah. How about you freeze?
 * [Ellie hears a gun clicking and sees Putty aiming his own gun at her]
 * Putty: Drop it, Steckler.
 * Ellie: What, Captain Putty?
 * Chip: Dale was right. Oh, how cliché.
 * Captain Putty: I know. It is a bit unoriginal, right? Sweet Pete, remember when you first approached me to turn bad, be a bad guy, work with you, and I was like, "Come on! That's too predictable!"
 * Sweet Pete: Yeah. And what did I say?
 * Putty and Pete: "If it ain't broke…!" [they both laugh]
 * Ellie: How could you?
 * Putty: I know, I know. It's terrible. I am so ashamed, but I had no choice. My mother needed an operation. See, she got injured playing a game of Operation. She got too close to the sides and, uh... [pretends to sob] ...She got buzzed really bad. [laughs] Oh, I'm sorry. I couldn't do it any longer. Money! I'm a Greedy little Smurf who did it for the money!
 * Chip: Hilarious.
 * Putty: Yeah, but I had you going there for a second, didn't I? "Hello, I think I just saw Peppa Pig heading into Nickelodeon Jr." [chuckles]
 * Ellie: [realizes] It was you? You gave the fake tip, you derailed the whole investigation, and-and worst of all, you made me doubt myself.
 * Putty: Oh, come on. Don't be so fragile.

<hr width="50%">
 * [In a garage, a figure works on a car. The figure lifts its torch shielding mask. Gadget, wearing a black tanktop, blue jeans and brown gloves, wipes sweat off and notices Dale]
 * Gadget: Honey, someone's doing a cool pose in the driveway.
 * Zipper: [arrives with the mouse-fly hybird children] Excuse me. Dale, old chum. The sight of you lights my heart aglow.
 * Dale: Rangers, I need your help.
 * Gadget: We love you, bud, but we just can't invest in any more of your independent movies.
 * Dale: What? No, I'm not here for that. I'm here for something very important. Although that script was pretty good. Did you even read it?

<hr width="50%">
 * [Dale, Gadget, and Zipper are using the Rescue Ranger's airship to fly to Sweet Pete's hideout to save Chip]
 * Dale: This is awesome! I'm amazed this thing actually flies. And you know how to fly it.
 * Gadget: Yeah. I guess my character from the old show, and my character in real life are basically exactly the same.
 * Dale: Yeah, I guess so. Zipper, how are the kids?
 * Zipper: Splendid. I mean, sure being a stay-at-home dad has its challenges, but it's the most rewarding job I could ever ask for and it just...
 * [Dale's cell phone rings]
 * Dale: Whoa! It's actually my agent. Sorry, can you hold on for a second? [picks up the phone] Wow! Dave Bolinari. Haven't heard from you in a while. Did you not get my last seven years of messages?
 * Dave: [chuckles] Oh, Daley, brother, so sorry. Look, I got a new assistant, and then we were off for the holidays. Anyways, I'm watching the news. You're the talk of the town. We've got heat. We've got offers. I'm thinking book deal. I'm thinking reboot!
 * Dale: Hey, actually, can I call you back? I can't talk now.
 * Dave: What? But Dale, you gotta get your priorities straight, dawg.
 * Dale: You know what? I think for the first time in my life, I am getting my priorities straight. Friends are more important than business. [tosses his phone out of the airship]
 * Dave: Dale, brother...
 * Zipper: Good for you, Dale.
 * Gadget: Probably shouldn't have thrown your phone, though.
 * Dale: Nope, immediately regretted it.

<hr width="50%">
 * Zipper: Ah, there it is. The foreboding fortress on the horizon.
 * Gadget: Oh, I love it when you talk fancy, honey.
 * Zipper: Thank you, my love.
 * Dale: Aw.
 * Gadget: Looks like the only way in is through that exhaust pipeexhaust pipe.
 * Dale: [using a firework] Okay, good. Try to line me up with it.
 * Zipper: Are you sure you wanna do this, Dale?
 * Dale: As sure as I've ever been.
 * Gadget: But you're, like, known for constantly making terrible decisions.
 * Dale: I know, right?
 * Zipper: [lights a match] Rescue Rangers, away.

<hr width="50%">
 * [The firework launches towards the exhaust pipe, while Dale holds on]
 * Dale: [screams, laughs] WHOO! HOLD ON, CHIPPY!
 * [Suddenly, the firework loses attitude and heads towards a window]
 * Dale: [gasps] Uh-oh. [screams]
 * [The firework smashes through the window, bumping into the walls and the ceiling. It knocks Jimmy into the window]
 * Sweet Pete: [chuckles]
 * [In the bootleg machine, Chip's head is about to touch the lasers]
 * Chip: [whimpers]
 * [Dale falls off the firework, which it gets stuck into the machine. It malfunctions and the clips open, freeing Chip]
 * Sweet Pete: No! No, no, no, no. Come on!
 * Putty: Hey, hey. Fix that. You should fix it.
 * Sweet Pete: Oh, yeah. Thanks for the input, genius.
 * Dale: Ellie.
 * Ellie: Dale.
 * Dale: Hey, are you okay? Where's Chip?
 * Ellie: He's still in the machine.
 * Chip: [coughs] Over here.
 * Dale: Chip, you're okay.
 * Chip: Yeah. You came for us. I never doubted you, buddy. [blows mouth and his real right ear, which the Snoopy ear is gone due to one of the lasers in the machine, comes out]
 * Ellie: See? He understood the clue.
 * Dale: Of course, it was obvious.
 * Ellie: In "When You Fish Upon a Star," Gadget was double-crossed. Just like us.
 * Dale: Right. Totally.
 * Chip: You had a completely different take, didn't you?
 * Dale: Yes, mine involved Thai food.
 * Sweet Pete: [grabs Chip] Stop! Or I'll erase him right here.
 * Dale: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay.
 * Ellie: Wait. Let's talk about this.
 * Dale: Listen, I get how you feel. Things didn't work out the way you wanted, right? You had big hopes and dreams and, well... then the world just sort of breaks your heart.
 * Chip: And it feels like the only emotions you have left are anger and loneliness. But you're not alone. None of us are.
 * Sweet Pete: Wow. It's true. You two really are the worst actors in Hollywood. [laughs]
 * [The machine magnets Putty's phone into the window]
 * Putty: Hey! What the… No!
 * [The machine also magnets Putty's gun into the window. Ellie's necklace rises]
 * Sweet Pete: What the…
 * [The machine magnets several metal pots]
 * Sweet Pete: [yells] What is going on with this thing?
 * [The machine explodes, pushing Ellie, Sweet Pete, Dale and Chip]
 * Putty: No, no, no, NO! [falls]
 * [The firework gets unstuck and dashes outside and explodes into a shape of Mickey Mouse's head, as the Walt Disney theme song plays]

<hr width="50%">
 * Chip: Putty! He's getting away!
 * Ellie: I'm on it.

<hr width="50%">
 * Chip: No way. Is that...?
 * Gadget: Wow, those ears are huge.
 * Monty: Gadget, Zipper. I must be dreaming.
 * Dale: Can you believe it? All the Rescue Rangers together.
 * Chip: It has been a long time. It's really good to see you guys.
 * Zipper: It is wonderful to see you all.

Cast

 * John Mulaney — Chip
 * Andy Samberg — Dale
 * Kiki Layne — Ellie Steckler
 * Will Arnett — Sweet Pete
 * Eric Bana — Monterey Jack
 * Flula Borg — DJ Herzogenaurach
 * Dennis Haysbert — Zipper
 * Keegan-Michael Key — Bjornson the Cheesemonger / Frog Co-Worker
 * Tress MacNeille — Gadget
 * Tim Robinson — Ugly Sonic
 * Seth Rogen — Bob the Viking / Pumbaa / Mantis / B.O.B.
 * J.K. Simmons — Captain S. Putty
 * Da'Vone McDonald — Jimmy the Polar Bear
 * Akiva Schaffer — E.T. / Mr. Natural
 * Jim Cummings — Fat Cat / Pete / Darkwing Duck / Pooj / Tiger
 * Chris Parnell — Dave Bollinari
 * Jeff Glen Bennett — Lumiere
 * Steven Chapman — Baloo
 * Jorma Taccone — Batman
 * Charles Fleischer — Roger Rabbit / Chipmunks TV Announcer
 * David Tennant — Scrooge McDuck
 * Paul Rudd — Himself