City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly's Gold

City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly's Gold is a 1994 American western comedy film, in which one year after their first adventure, Mitch Robbins and his friends discover a treasure map that belonged to their late trail guide Curly and they set out to discover its secrets.
 * Directed by Paul Weiland. Written by Billy Crystal, Lowell Ganz, and Babaloo Mandel.

They're back in the saddle!

Mitch Robbins

 * Phil, going back to Arlene is like breaking back in to Alcatraz.

Phil Berquist

 * Please don't tell my kids I died taking a shit.

Duke Washburn

 * If you guys wanna go home, go ahead. But that gold, that's the only dream I've got left.

Clay Stone

 * What in the name of John Wayne's ass is going on here?


 * Great buckets of bull shit. It's Curly come back from the dead!

Other

 * Barbara Robbins: [on the speaker phone in front of Mitch's colleagues] Tonight I'm going to pull down your pants and sink my hands into your cute little ass and then give you a tongue bath, I'm going to start at your feet and slowly work my way up... [Mitch quickly crawls across the conference table and picks up the phone]

Dialogue

 * Mitch: [after hearing his brother has arrived] Well how is he?
 * Barbara: Well, he came in, asked me to make him a sandwich, no crusts, then started making long-distance calls. Of course, first, he did three scenes from Godfather II.
 * Phil: He still does that? I love that!
 * Mitch: Phil, I'm warning you. If you mention The Godfather to him, I will rip your arms out of their sockets and beat you to death with them. This started out as such a good birthday!
 * Phil: What's Glen been up to?
 * Mitch: He's been up to nothing, he's the Vice President of Lazy. He goes from one family to another until they throw him out, he borrows money..."borrows"? That indicates an intent to repay. He gets jobs that aren't jobs. We only hear from him for change of address calls. I mean he's lost. He's a lost soul, he's a dented can, he's... behind me, isn't he?
 * [Indeed, Glen is standing right behind Mitch, having heard every word. Phil nods]
 * Glen: Mitchy, buenos dias!
 * Mitch: [Shaking his hand] Hello, Glen. How was your sandwich?
 * Glen: Ah, delightful!
 * Mitch: Listen, I'm sorry about what I said...
 * Glen: Ah, water off a duck's back. Come here. [Hugs him and briefly lifts him off his feet] Wow, look at you. You're still the world's smallest big brother.


 * Phil: Hey, Glen, let me ask you something. Who had Frankie Pentangeli killed?
 * Mitch: Phil!
 * [Barbara groans and leaves the room]
 * Glen: The Rosato brothers.
 * Phil: Who gave the order?
 * Mitch: [hits Phil over the head with a pillow] You stupid dope!
 * Phil: [laughing] I love this.
 * Glen: There was this kid I grew up with. He was younger than me. Sort of looked up to me, you know.
 * Mitch: Glen...
 * Glen: We did our first work together, worked our way out of the street. Things were good, we made the most of it.
 * Mitch: I'm going to change.
 * [as he leaves, he shows Phil the middle finger from behind Glen]
 * Glen: During prohibition, we ran molasses to Canada. Made a fortune.
 * Mitch: [discreetly] "Ran molasses to Canada." You should ran some brains to your head.


 * Mitch: [Phil has told the radio station psychiatrist his name is "Kenny" and that the clothes in his closet are his friends. Mitch takes phone] Kenny has to go. He's cooking breakfast for his underwear.
 * Dr. Jeffrey Sanborn: Who is this?
 * Mitch: I'm a pair of his socks.
 * [hangs up]


 * Duke: 'The hell you lookin' at?
 * Mitch: I can't get over it. Curly's twin.
 * Duke: Well get over it. Or I'll turn you into twins.


 * Duke: My brother loved the land, I loved the sea.
 * Mitch: Oh. Like surf and turf.
 * Duke: Ha ha ha.
 * Mitch: Thought that was funny?
 * Duke: No, just thinking about what I'd like to do to you.


 * Glen: There is something wrong with your cow. I reach under there and I'm pulling, tugging, tugging, pulling, nothing, not a drop.
 * Mitch: The cow's name is Norman. You were pulling on his dick.
 * Glen: I'm gonna go wash up.


 * Phil: In case we don't make it and I die first... eat me.
 * Mitch: Eat you? I don't even like talking to you on the phone.


 * Glen: All right, now the sun sets in the East, right?
 * Mitch: No! The sun sets in the West.
 * Glen: That's if you're in the East, but we are way out West now, so we are past where the sun sets.
 * Mitch: You can't be past where the sun sets, and if you think you can, then I am directly South of an idiot!
 * Phil: Which is down!
 * Mitch: Right!


 * Mitch: [while discussing Phil's troubled love life] Speaking of which, did you ever walk in on our parents doing it?
 * Glen: No. [pause] Why, did you?
 * Mitch: Yes.
 * [Glen stops the cart]
 * Glen: Really?
 * Mitch: Worst thing I've ever seen.
 * Glen: Well, that's a horrible thing for a little kid to see.
 * Mitch: This was three weeks ago in Florida!
 * Glen: AUGH! Did you walk into the bedroom?
 * Mitch: This was in the kitchen.
 * Glen: AUGH!
 * Mitch: Apparently it was spontaneous, too, because Pop still had his hat on. You know that one with the fake grass and a golf ball on it? It was horrible. Wax fruit flying everyplace, the dog barking, my kids' pictures flapping up and down on the refrigerator...
 * Glen: [ready to vomit] Okay, stop it.
 * Mitch: Pop was working hard. [as his father] "Ohh, ohh, ohh, ohh... ahh, enough of that. Did you take the car in?"
 * [Glen groans in disgust]
 * Phil: See, I think that's beautiful.
 * Mitch: Beautiful? Not from my angle.
 * Phil: No, two people in love after all those years? That's great!
 * Mitch: Great? An hour later, we ATE on that table.
 * Phil: [disgusted] EEEUWWW.


 * Barry: It's Curly. He's come back from the dead!
 * Ira: He looks great.


 * Ira: Hi. We're Ira and Barry Schalowitz.
 * Barry: We helped bury your brother.
 * Duke: Oh. Maybe someday I can do the same for you.


 * Mitch: Don't mess with us! We're from New York.
 * Duke: If you ever talk to me like that again, I'm gonna turn your balls into earrings.
 * Mitch: Go for it.

Cast

 * Billy Crystal - Mitch Robbins
 * Daniel Stern - Phil Berquist
 * Jon Lovitz - Glen Robbins
 * Jack Palance - Duke Washburn
 * Patricia Wettig - Barbara Robbins
 * Noble Willingham - Clay Stone
 * Pruitt Taylor Vince - Bud
 * Bill McKinney - Matt
 * David Paymer - Ira Schalowitz
 * Josh Mostel - Barry Schalowitz
 * Lindsay Crystal - Holly Robbins
 * Beth Grant - Lois
 * Jayne Meadows - the voice of Mitch's mother
 * Jennifer Crystal - jogger
 * Bob Balaban - Dr. Jeffrey Sanborn (uncredited)
 * Frank Welker - Norman (voice)