Creepshow 2

Creepshow 2 is a 1987 American comedy horror anthology film and the sequel to Creepshow. Unlike the first film, Creepshow 2 only contains three stories instead of five. Originally, two additional stories, Pinfall and Cat from Hell, were set to appear in the film, but were scrapped due to budgetary reasons; however, the latter has been filmed for Tales from the Darkside: The Movie. The film was Dorothy Lamour's final film before her death in 1996.
 * Directed by Michael Gornick. Written by George A. Romero.

The Creepshow Creep

 * I've never seen anyone so impatient, Billy... as if your life depended on getting the first copy of the presses.
 * Welcome, kiddies, to another edition of Creepshow. It's amazing that you boors and ghouls keep coming back for more. You must be gluttons for punishment, eh? Well... I guess you bloodsuckers enjoy being repulsed, eh? You're loyal to the gore. Well, that's good. We don't want to be dead wood in our fraternity of fright fest. That just happens to be the subject of our first norsky novella, a nasty little bonecracker titled "Old Chief Woodenhead".
 * Well, kiddies, that was quite a price for young Sam Whitemoon to pay... toupée, eh?
 * Still here, kiddies? Well, if "Old Chief Woodenhead" didn't drive you away, you might enjoy this next splintering tale whittled from the same wormwood. It's a splashy little ditty about some people who are left stranded without a paddle on a sea of blood. This bubbly bonbon is titled "The Raft".
 * Well, swimmers, that was um... slick, eh?
 * Young Billy knows his way around town. They won't catch him in a hurry. I think we've got time for one more quickie concoction, a last morbid masterpiece which I call "The Hitchhiker".
 * There's a lesson for you, kiddies. Never pick up hitchhikers... on the hood of your car! Well, it's time for this boogeyman to boogie! I'll be slaying ya, boors and ghouls! 'Til next issue, try to stay scared, eh? Oh... I almost forgot about young Billy. I think he's coming this way... with his friends.

Sam Whitemoon

 * No more of this baloney, man! No more eating dust for a living! There ain't no dust in Hollywood, man! And there ain't no damn tribe of tomming wimpy red men, neither!

The Hitchhiker

 * How ya doin', lady? Thanks. Thanks for the ride.
 * Thanks for the ride, lady! Thanks for the ride!

Old Chief Wood'nhead

 * Sam Whitemoon: Go ahead, boys. Take what you want.
 * Ray Spruce: Wait a minute. You… you can't just come in here and—
 * Sam: Shut up, white eyes. Just shut the hell up. Or else I'll have to shove something into your mouth to keep you quiet.
 * Andy Cavanaugh: [holding a small drill in his own hands] Hey, Sam. Why don't we shove this in his mouth?
 * Fatso Gribbens: No! Shove this in his mouth! Heep big! [laughs maniacally]
 * Ray: [to Fatso Gribbens] You're disgusting! [to Sam Whitemoon] Sam Whitemoon, you're a disgrace to your own people!
 * Sam: I said shut up, old man.
 * Ray: Your Uncle Benjamin was just here; he's one of the best men I know. It's hard to believe that the same blood flows in your veins.
 * Sam: Well, I guess you don't hear so good, ape-face. [threatens Ray with his own shotgun] I said shut up!! We're just here to do a little shopping, that's all. We didn't get everything we needed the last time we were in. You asked us to leave. Remember, old man?
 * Ray: You were stealing things!
 * Sam: [scoffs] Well, we're stealing things now. Why don't you ask us to leave, prune-face?
 * Andy: [drawling like a cowboy] Yeah, why don't you run us out of town, Sheriff?
 * Fatso: Ask us nice! Say please, pretty please with sugar on it! [growls]

Interlude 1

 * Mr. Haig: Here's your package, Billy. COD. 9 dollars and 99 cents. Quite expensive for a toy ordered out of a funny paper.
 * Billy: Creepshow is not a funny paper. And this is no toy.
 * Mr. Haig: Well, what is it then?
 * Billy: It's a Venus flytrap bulb.
 * Mr. Haig: A Venus what bulb?
 * Billy: Venus flytrap. It's a plant that eats meat. [growls]
 * Mr. Haig: All that stuff's a jig. Those are probably just petunia bulbs.
 * Billy: I don't think so, Mr. Haig.