Danger: Diabolik

Danger: Diabolik is a 1968 Italian caper film directed by Mario Bava. The film was dubbed in English twice; the 1968 dub was used for the original English-language theatrical release, as well as for the DVD, whereas the 1992 dub was contracted because the 1968 original was believed to have been lost, and is featured on the VHS and letterboxed LaserDisc release as well as the MST3K version. Quotes will be separated between the versions featured in the 1968 and 1992 dubs, and those that are featured in both dubs.

Valmont

 * Dry up, stupid!
 * I told you I'd cross your name off the human register.

Inspector Ginko

 * Sergeant, this is our friend Valmont's certificate. Cause of death: eleven machine gun shots. [a voice inside his head says "Eleven emeralds... eleven bullets..." as he realizes what that means] To the morgue!

Valmont

 * Tough luck, Diabolik!
 * Who's that? Must be Stud.

Dialogue

 * Morgue Attendant: Valmont, yes, it's all in order. If you'll just sign here, here, here, and here.
 * Diabolik: Four times?
 * Morgue Attendant: Four times, yes.
 * [Diabolik signs where indicated]
 * Diabolik: He was basically a good boy... always sent money to Mama.
 * Morgue Attendant: There, there. Buck up. He'll soon be home at last. He's at peace now. Let's see if he's ready yet. [hands Diabolik the urn] Please. [checks inside the retort] Yes, he's ready! [opens the oven door and prepares to extract Valmont's ashes] Every time... I reflect on man's insignificance...
 * [cut to inside the retort... there are the emeralds]
 * Morgue Attendant: I say!
 * [Diabolik knocks out the morgue attendant with the urn. Cut to the ground floor of the morgue as Ginko and some of his men run to the elevator]
 * Old Lady: Excuse me, where is the doctor? Please!
 * [Ginko and his men pay no heed as they board the elevator to catch their quarry; unknown to them, Diabolik had descended down the other elevator and passes the old couple]
 * Old Lady: Excuse me, where is the doctor?
 * Diabolik: He's in shock.
 * ''[the old couple watches as Diabolik makes his getaway]

Valmont

 * So long, Diabolik!
 * Is that Stud coming?

Dialogue

 * Morgue Attendant: There... Ralph Valmont. If you'll just sign this here, here, here, and here.
 * Diabolik: Four times?
 * Morgue Attendant: Four times, yes.
 * [Diabolik signs where indicated]
 * Diabolik: He was basically a good boy... always sent money to Mama.
 * Morgue Attendant: There, there. Buck up. He'll soon be home at last. He's at peace now. Let's see if he's ready yet. [hands Diabolik the urn] Please. [checks inside the retort] Yes, he's ready! [opens the oven door and prepares to extract Valmont's ashes] Every time... I reflect on man's insignificance...
 * [cut to inside the retort... there are the emeralds]
 * Morgue Attendant: Have you ever seen–?
 * [Diabolik knocks out the morgue attendant with the urn. Cut to the ground floor of the morgue as Ginko and some of his men run to the elevator]
 * Old Lady: Excuse me, could you tell me where the doctor is?
 * [Ginko and his men pay no heed as they board the elevator to catch their quarry; unknown to them, Diabolik had descended down the other elevator and passes the old couple]
 * Old Lady: Excuse me, please, could you tell me where the doctor is?
 * Diabolik: He's in shock.
 * ''[the old couple watches as Diabolik makes his getaway]

Tagline

 * Out for all he can take, seduce, or get away with...

Cast

 * John Philip Law — Diabolik
 * Marisa Mell — Eva Kant
 * Michel Piccoli — Inspector Ginko
 * Adolfo Celi — Ralph Valmont
 * Claudio Gora — Police Chief
 * Mario Donen — Sergeant Danek
 * Terry-Thomas — Minister of the Interior (later Minister of Finance)
 * Renzo Palmer — Minister's assistant
 * Caterina Boratto — Lady Clark
 * Lucia Modugno — Prostitute
 * Annie Gorassini — Rose
 * Carlo Croccolo — Truck driver
 * Lidia Biondi — Policewoman
 * Andrea Bosic — Bank manager
 * Federico Boido — Valmont's henchman
 * Tiberio Mitri — Valmont's henchman
 * Francesco Mulè — Morgue attendant