Danny Phantom/Season 1


 * Seasons: 1 2 3

Danny Phantom is an American animated television series that was aired on Nickelodeon. The series follows a teenage boy who, after an accident with an unpredictable portal between the human world and the "Ghost Zone", becomes a human-ghost hybrid and takes on the task of saving his town (and the world) from subsequent ghost attacks using an evolving variety of supernatural powers.

Mystery Meat [1.1]

 * [The series begins with Jack Fenton instructing Danny, Sam and Tucker about ghost hunting]
 * Jack: So, Danny! You and your little friends want to hunt ghosts.
 * Danny: Ah, Ac-ac-actually Dad? I want to be an astronaut.
 * Sam: Sorry, Mr. Fenton. I was into ghosts, but they're so mainstream now.  They're like cellphones.
 * Tucker: Waste these looks and all this charisma hunting ghosts? Criminal.
 * Jack: Well, if you do want to hunt ghosts, there are a few things you need to learn.


 * Mr. Lancer: Esteemed Casper High faculty, I present your all-steak buffet. [removes the tablecloth, only to discover that all the meat is not there, shocking the teachers and Lancer discovers that there is nothing but a rattling bone] PARADISE LOST!


 * Danny: It's been a month since the accident and I barely have any control. If I don't watch it I go to geek to freak around here.
 * Tucker: Kind of what you're doing now.


 * [Danny, Sam and Tucker manage to crawl out the cafeteria door, and Danny and Tucker peek their heads around it to see the Lunch Lady Ghost.]
 * Tucker: Huh. Shouldn't be so bad. She looks a little like my grandmother.
 * [Tucker and Danny are now standing in the room and Sam peeks out from behind the door.]
 * Danny: Shouldn't she be haunting a bingo hall?
 * [Off-screen, the trio closes the door behind them. The ghost turns around at the sound.]
 * Lunch Lady: Hello, children. Can you help me? Today's lunch is meatloaf, but I don't see the meatloaf. Did someone change the menu?
 * Tucker: Yeah. (points his thumb at Sam) She did.
 * Lunch Lady: (suddenly becomes extremely angry, with her hair flaming on end and eyes flashing red)  YOU CHANGED THE MENU?!   (The trio gasps.)   THE MENU HAS BEEN THE SAME FOR FIFTY YEARS!   (she yells as green flames surround her and appear circling above her head)
 * Danny: Get behind me! (Sam and Tucker promptly jump behind him)
 * Sam: (sarcastically) Wow. I feel safe.


 * Sam: Gee, Danny. Fighting meat monsters, flying through walls. You must be exhausted.
 * Danny: Of course not. What gave you...that idea?


 * Mr. Lancer: Tucker Foley. Chronic tardiness, talking in class, repeated loitering by the girl's locker room. [Tucker smiles] Danny Fenton. 34 dropped beakers in the last month, banned for life from handling all fragile school property, but no severe mischief before today. So, gentlemen, tell me... [gets furious] WHY DID THE TWO OF YOU CONSPIRE TO DESTROY THE SCHOOL'S CAFETERIA?!
 * Danny: [nervous] Dash started it! He threw...
 * Mr. Lancer: [cutting him off] Four touchdown passes in the last game is thereby exempt from scorn. You two, however, are not. I'll map out your punishment when I return. Mr. Baxter, watch the door.

Parental Bonding [1.2]

 * Sam: Oh, please. Paulina? Girls like her are a dime a dozen.
 * [Both Tucker and Danny pull out coins]
 * Danny: How much change you got?
 * Sam: Haha, very funny. Just remember, you can't judge a book by its cover.
 * Tucker: Well, there's only one way to find out. Go on, Danny. Go to that library and check out that book.
 * Danny: I-I can't. I get weak-kneed when I try to talk to cute girls.
 * Sam: [angrily] Oh, and you have absolutely no problems talking to me?


 * Danny: Catch anything, Dad?
 * Jack: Son, I couldn't catch a cold. I've been sitting here all day without a single bite.
 * Danny: Uh...
 * Jack: I'm so frustrated I want to take out my rage on the first person who gives me bad news. Anyway, you wanted to tell me something?
 * Danny: [nervous] Well, sort of. Mr. Lancer...
 * Jack: [shocked] Mr. Lancer what? Is this bad news?
 * Danny: Mr. Lancer... [smiles and thinks of a good idea to get out of trouble with Lancer as he overshadows his dad.] wants to have a word with us!

One of a Kind [1.3]

 * [Jack Fenton tries his new Ghost Translator on Danny]
 * Danny Fenton: Um... Uh... Boo?
 * Ghost Translator: I am a ghost. Fear me.
 * Danny Fenton: [panics] Uh... I better get to school!
 * Ghost Translator: I better get to school. Fear me.




 * Maddie: Danny, look at you, I'm not sure I like this late night studying.
 * Danny: Mom, c'mon. We're just a bunch of kids. In the zoo. At night. Alone. [Everyone stares at him.] We'll be in my room.
 * Ghost Gabber: We'll be in my room. Fear me.
 * Jazz: [frustrated] Give me that! [hides Ghost Gabber under couch cushion]




 * Sam: [blocking Skulker from taking Danny back to entrap him in a cage for sport] "No" is right, Danny. Cages are wrong. How do you think Samson feels to be in a cage?!
 * Skulker: Uh-
 * Sam: He's a beautiful animal, and deserves to roam free!
 * Skulker: I-
 * Sam: -should be ashamed!

Attack of the Killer Garage Sale [1.4]

 * Tucker: [notices the haunted TV remote bought at Danny's garage sale is floating] I'm not schooled in the ways of the rich, but do all your remotes do that?
 * Sam: No. Well, my toaster does, but it's from Denmark.




 * Danny: [to Technus] Oh, no, you don't! You're not going to use the technology in this lab to take over the world!
 * Technus: What? [looks around room] That's a great idea! Have you ever considered tutoring?




 * Danny: [to Technus] Oh, no, you don't! You're not going to use that Portals XL upgrade to make yourself more powerful!
 * Technus: What? [sees upgrade disk] Another great idea! The heck with tutoring! You should be a teacher!

Splitting Images [1.5]

 * Poindexter: [in Danny's body and flying] Haha! [goes intangible] I'm doing it! [flies at Danny but phases through the wall beside him instead]
 * Danny: [in Poindexter's body] You may have my powers, but you sure don't know how to use 'em! ... 'Course, I don't know how to use 'em either but at least I know how not use 'em better than you do!


 * Box Ghost: I am no longer the Box Ghost! I am now... [Grabs Sam's mechanical frog] ...the Mechanical Frog Ghost! [Frog shorts out] Uh.... I changed my mind! I am once again the Box Ghost! And will have nothing to do with mechanical amphibians! [Disappears]
 * Danny: Now there's someone who knows exactly who he is.




 * Danny: [to Sam; trying prove who he is since he's in Poindexter's body] In second grade, Tucker threw up in your lunchbox, but he told you Ricky Marsh did it.
 * Sam: What?! I kicked him off the monkey bars for that! [faces Tucker, with a surprised/angry look] It was you?! [gasps]
 * Sam and Tucker: Danny?!




 * Box Ghost: [having Danny at his mercy] Tremble before the might of the Box Ghost, as you are devoured by- [pauses and reads the side of a box] -oh yeah... costumes and props from the Broadway classic, My Fair Lady! [hurls contents of box at Danny] Beware! [flees]
 * Sam: [about to start a presentation about freeing frogs from being dissected] Fellow students, something sick and disgusting is happening right right here in our school. And I'm about to show you what it is! [pulls up curtain, and Danny is shown slumped in a dress costume]
 * Tucker: Woo! Take it off! [Sam glares at him] No, seriously, you should take that off. That's weird.

[later...]
 * Sam: [to Danny] Thanks to you, my "Save the Frogs" presentation was a total bust!
 * Tucker: And speaking of bust, did you see Danny in that bra? Puse is not your color, pal.

What You Want [1.6]

 * Danny: [Sardonically, after being trod on by football team] Fill in for the mascot. It'll be fun. You'll meet cheerleaders...


 * Paulina: [to Danny, as Sayonara Paulina] Hi, I'm Paulina. I'm cute, swell, and full of big-headed anime goodness!
 * Danny: Bye-bye, kitty!


 * Danny: [to the man in the flying car] Hey, slow down, Jeff Gordon! You're going over the speed limit! [looks down] And the height limit!


 * Mr. Lancer: [after an invisible Tucker pulls several pranks on him] Gulliver's Travels, I'm losing my mind! [Tucker, still invisible, pulls his pants down] And my pants!

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 * Danny: Oh, no, you don't!
 * Desiree: [emerging from the fountain; viciously] Young intruder, you dare to interfere with my spellbinding?!

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 * Danny: [grabbing hold of Desiree's ghost tail as she tries to fly away] You change him back!
 * Desiree: [threatningly] You dare lay a hand on me?! No man may lay a hand on me unless I wish it!
 * Danny: Yeah? How 'bout a fist?!

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 * Tucker: We’re only friends on your terms, but now, I make the rules around here. And my first rule is: No more Danny Phantom!

Bitter Reunions [1.7]

 * Maddie: [to Danny] Danny, this is becoming a problem! You're constantly late getting home...
 * Jack: You're shrinking from your chores...
 * Maddie: Your grades are slipping...
 * Jack: You're shrinking from your chores...
 * Danny: You already said chores.
 * Jack: I know, but when you don't do 'em, I get stuck with 'em.

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 * Vlad: I insist you stay.
 * Jack: Well... I don't know. We do have that really cool R.V.
 * Jazz: [feigns a sneeze] Let's stay here.
 * Danny: Smooth...

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 * Vlad: [to Danny] My vultures were supposed to bring me the idiot but you'll do - Danny Phantom, right?
 * Danny: [surprised] You...you know me?
 * Vlad: Of course I know you. You're that ghost boy who uses his powers for good. How quaint. Aren't you gonna try to shove me into your ridiculous thermos?
 * Danny: [increasingly scared] I... don't want to fight you?
 * Vlad: No. No, you don't. [He fires an ectoplasmic ray, sending Danny flying into a bookshelf]
 * Danny: Get away! [He fires an ecto-blast, which Vlad blocks with a shield]
 * Vlad: Ah, an ectoplasmic energy blast. [Danny fires more shots, which he keeps blocking with his shield, yawns] So, year one. Tell me, child. Can you do this yet? [Three clones of himself appear, surrounding Danny]
 * Danny: No! I can't! How are you doing all this?
 * All four Vlads: Years of practice. Which you, unfortunately, have no time for! [They all fire ecto-blasts at Danny, who falls to the floor. Danny then phases out into the hallway, unconscious. Vlad, too, phases into the hall when Danny transforms back to human]
 * Vlad: The Ghost Boy... is Jack's son?! [Turns back into his human form, too] Well, what do you know?

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 * Danny: [about Jack] Okay, I'm officially mortified.
 * Harrie: What took so long?

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 * Danny: Skulker! How did you get back in your exo-skeleton?

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 * Danny: The glowing blade is new.
 * Skulker: You like it? I've had some upgrades!

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 * Danny: [trapped in a spectral neutralizer] Let me go!
 * Vlad: Why? So you can go back to stumbling through your adolescence, desperately trying to control your powers? Powers, by the way, that I've had for over 20 years. [Makes a shield] I have experience, my child. And the money and power from using my abilities for personal gain, you see. [Two clones appear on either side of him] I could train you, teach you everything I know. [The clones disappear] And all you'd have to do is renounce your idiot father.
 * Danny: Dude, you are one seriously crazed-up fruit loop. That is never going to happen.
 * Vlad: Yes, well once your father is out of the way, we'll see how you feel.

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 * [Vlad Plasmius phases up invisibly from the floor behind Jack and overshadows him, turning his eyes red.]
 * Vlad: [overshadowing Jack] So, what do you say we liven up this shindig?
 * [Jack (controlled by Vlad) picks up Harriet and throws her, causing her to crash into the punch bowl table. Maddie runs up behind Jack.]
 * Maddie: Jack, what's the matter with you?!
 * Vlad: [turns around] Why Maddie, didn't you always know I'd turn on you? That when you chose me you chose wrong? [reaches hands out angrily above Maddie]
 * Jack: [trying to regain control] Get out. Get out of me!
 * [Harriet walks up behind Jack while he struggles with Vlad for control of his body.]
 * Harriet: I don't know what's come over you, but when I write about this I swear--
 * Jack: [clutches Maddie] Ghost... overpowering me... Maddie, run.  RUN!
 * [Jack floats high above the dance floor as Vlad takes over him again. Several party guests run away screaming.]
 * Harriet: He's a ghost? This is the story of the century!
 * Maddie: [dragging Harriet away from the scene] Come on! We have to get to the Fenton Family Ghost Assault Vehicle! [worriedly] I mean, the RV!

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 * Vlad: [overshadowing Jack] If you live to tell the tale, remember that big, fat [hits man] Jack Fenton did this to you!
 * Danny: [off-screen] Guess again, cheesehead.
 * [Danny flies in, turns intangible, and flies through Jack's body, knocking a screaming Vlad out of Jack and phasing them both through a wall. Meanwhile, Jack falls to the floor.]
 * Jack: Nobody uses Jack Fenton as a human meat puppet!

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 * [Vlad's trying to convince Danny to join his side.]
 * Danny: Forget it, man. Your money can't buy my mom, it can't buy the Packers, and it's not going to buy me!

Prisoners Of Love [1.8]

 * Walker: [while welcoming Danny to prison] I am your judge, executioner, jury, executioner, jailer, and, if necessary, your executioner.
 * Danny: Uh, you said executioner three times.
 * Walker: I like that part of the job.

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 * Danny: Great. My parents are splitting up, my sister's a basketcase, and I'm going to ghost jail. This may be the worst day of my life.
 * Skulker: Well, if it isn't the little whelp who got us locked up in this stinking place. Welcome home. [grins ferally]
 * Danny: This is the worst day of my life.
 * Box Ghost: I am the Box Ghost!
 * Danny: Will you stop that?!

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 * Walker: Guards! Guards! What's going on down there!? Answer me!
 * Danny: [kicks Walker's office door open] How about saying "please"? Saying "please" is a rule.
 * Walker: [shocked] It is? [starts flipping through the thick rule book furiously]
 * Danny: [slams the book shut] Is now.

My Brother's Keeper [1.9]

 * Jazz: Is it always so cold in here?
 * Spectra: Of course. I find that cold temperatures keep the mind icy sharp! And don't you worry about the mess of an office, either. Stuff happens. No biggie. Right, Jasmine?
 * Jazz: It's Jazz. My friends call me Jazz.
 * Danny: Well, your brother calls you "fink"!
 * Jazz: Danny, I'm just trying to help. C'mon, we used to talk all the time.
 * Danny: Yeah, when I was eight and you weren't a fink!

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 * Danny: [shivers] I can't believe my stupid sister convinced Lancer to make this my punishment. And can we turn up the heat in here? I can see my own breath!
 * Spectra: Wow, you do complain a lot. Well, your sister did say you could be a bit of a baby...
 * Danny: What?!
 * Spectra: Sweetie, it's not your fault she thinks you're a loser.
 * Danny: Wait, Jazz called me a loser, too?
 * Spectra: Hey, those are her issues. I'm not saying you're a loser, Danny. I think you're a great kid! [puts her hands on his shoulders]
 * Danny: Then why do I feel so miserable?
 * Spectra: You know what I think? You might be a mess, but mess is just the beginning of message! Now go out there and be a better you!

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 * Danny: I can't believe Jazz told Spectra that she thinks I'm a loser.
 * Sam: Are you sure Jazz said that? That doesn't sound like Jazz to me.
 * Jazz: Hey, you guys. What doesn't sound like Jazz to you?
 * Danny: [scowls at Jazz]
 * Jazz: Still mad?
 * Danny: [sarcastically] Wow, you are the smart one!

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 * Spectra: But we're gonna take that accident and make it an "acci-don't" and learn from it so it never happens again!
 * Mr. Lancer: [to Danny] You could learn a little bit about school spirit from Ms. Spectra here. When I was in school, I got the same advice. And look how I turned out!
 * Spectra & Danny: [share an uncertain glance]

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 * Dash: Where did you want to put these banners up, Ms... [sees Danny in a baby suit] Hey, guys, check it out! It's the Casper High Spirit Baby! [laughs along with other jocks]

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 * Jazz: [to Sam and Tucker, after seeing Danny transform into a ghost] Did you see that?! Tell me I didn't see what I saw!
 * Tucker: It's not what you think, Jazz!
 * Sam: [shoves Tucker's ice cream into his mouth] Of course it's not what you think. Ghosts aren't real! Jazz, you sound like your father.

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 * Bertrand: Well, that's enough damage for one afternoon. [transforms into his blob-like state and disappears through the ceiling]
 * Tucker: I sure hope they're insured.
 * Danny: Great, he got away again. Another ringing endorsement for the town's screw-up.

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 * Bertrand: After we've destroyed everything, you up for a cappuccino?
 * Spectra: Oooh, that's a marvellous idea.
 * [Bertrand gets blasted by Danny]
 * Danny: I figured it out, finally. You feed on misery, don't you?
 * Spectra: I'm sorry. Can I help you?
 * Danny: No, I'm sure you can't. You can't help anyone except yourself.
 * [Spectra advances towards Danny but he flies out of the way and floats behind her]
 * Danny: You find out one thing that a kid's most afraid of- their future, their looks, their confidence...and you pick at it and pick at it while your snippy little ghost assistant feeds on it.
 * Bertrand: HEY!
 * Spectra: Very good. But I'm afraid you missed a few details.

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 * [after Spectra grabs Danny]
 * Danny: Let go of me!
 * Spectra: Why would I do that? Your doubts, your misery, it's delicious! And the best part is, after that silly speech is over, and the last domino falls, and the sparklers vaporize the speaker, we'll leave you here to take the blame! And by the time I'm done with you, you'll be sure it was all your fault!
 * Danny: Man, I'm so tired of you dumping on me, and I'm so tired of dumping on myself. Jazz never did that, even when I was mad at her, and I won't let her DOWN!
 * [blasts Spectra and becomes free]

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Shades of Gray [1.10]

 * Dash: [chasing after Danny angrily down the hallway] That’s it, Fenton, RUN! But I’m taking this "D" I got on our spelling test out of your hide!

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 * Ghost Dog: [grabs the cafeteria lady in his mouth, causing her to scream]
 * Danny: [nervous] Nice pooch, easy. That lady isn't edible. And neither is anything she cooks!
 * Ghost Dog: [drops her and looks at Danny happily]
 * Danny: And neither am I! [goes intangible just before the Ghost Dog phases them both through the wall]
 * Cafeteria Lady: [glares before pulling out a tray of food covered in green goo] It's still good! Who wants seconds?

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 * Sam: [to Danny] You're not much of a dog catcher.
 * Danny: Yeah, no kidding. Who let the dogs in? [Sam stares] See, the song is "Who Let The Dogs Out," but I said "Who Let the Dogs In." [Sam continues staring] I'll be right back. [dives under the table]
 * Sam: Bring some new jokes!

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 * Danny: Sam, hide!
 * Sam: No time! [pushes Danny into the bushes]
 * Valerie: No escaping me now, ghost boy! [sees Danny and Sam kissing]
 * Sam: [shrieks] Do you mind?!
 * Valerie: Ah, gross, loser love! I always knew you two geeks would end up together. [flies off]
 * Sam: That sounded like Valerie. [looks at Danny, who is smiling] Uh, Danny? Danny? You didn't think it was a real kiss, did you?
 * Danny: [nervously] No! Why? Did you?
 * [Sam bites her lip. The scene cuts to the next day at school.]
 * Tucker: Wait! You guys kissed?
 * Danny and Sam: No! It was a fake-out make-out!
 * Tucker: But that still has the words "make" and "out" in it, right?

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 * Danny: [about Tucker liking Valerie] Two-hundred seventy-nine girls in our school, and he's gotta have a crush on the one with the weapons and the grudge.

Fanning the Flames [1.11]

 * Danny: I don't get it Ember McLain comes out of nowhere and suddenly she's the biggest thing since mp3s! It's so...
 * Sam: [annoyed] Infuriating how mindless prepackaged corporate bubble gum is preventing true musical artists from being heard all from now and Bananas!?
 * Danny: I was gonna say weird or crazy, but this is so...
 * Tucker: Ember's not just about music. She is an expression of my unique individuality.
 * [Everyone in the school is wearing Ember's merchandise.]
 * Sam: [sarcastically] Oh yeah, you're one of a kind. Every single one of you.

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 * Mr. Lancer: [through megaphone; to Ember] Attention, freakishly dressed teen idol, I order you to cease and desist!
 * Ember: Desist this, grandpa! [sets the dial on her guitar to the hypnosis setting and strums it, making all the high school students under her control and turn on Mr. Lancer]
 * Mr. Lancer: Pride and prejudice!
 * Danny: [shocked] Ember's the ghost?!

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 * Danny: [annoyed at Sam] I still don't see why we're not affected by Ember's music.
 * Sam: [to Danny] Maybe because of your ghost powers and my...
 * Danny: [to Sam] Individuality or smart intelligence?
 * Sam: [to Danny] I was gonna say utter distaste for anything popular but, okay. [she blushes] You really think I'm smart?
 * [Danny blushes and smiles, his heart pounding as if he is embarrassed]

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 * Danny: [sees Tucker wearing an Ember wig] Tucker, you're starting to scare me. And I fight ghosts!
 * Tucker: It's an Ember thing. You wouldn't understand it.
 * Sam: Uh, you do realize she's an evil mind-controlling spirit from another dimension.
 * Tucker: Yeah, but you said the same thing about Paulina.
 * Danny: You know, he has a point.

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 * [Danny and Sam are flying; Sam is staring at Danny and Danny notices]
 * Danny: Are you okay, Sam?
 * Sam: [snaps out of it and blushes; nervously] Oh... It's just really nice up here, that's all. Flying's nice. [Danny realizes what Sam is talking about and blushes. They suddenly hit a cardboard cutout of Ember and fall] Falling stinks.

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 * Danny: [to Ember] Hey, do you take requests? How 'bout "Beat It"!
 * Ember: How 'bout I just lay you down a few power chords instead, dipstick.

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 * Ember: Aww, teen love. They say it never lasts, but nothing distracts teenagers more than hormones. And I need to keep you busy for the next eight hours. [sets the dial on her guitar to the love setting] I have more than just music for you. Now that they're chanting my name, my music can affect you! [strums] How 'bout a love song?!

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 * [Danny is hit with Ember's love spell]
 * Sam: Wait. I know that look. That's that same longing, puppy dog stare you give Paulina.
 * Danny: Who's Paulina?
 * Sam: That's a pleasant side effect.

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 * Danny: She's too strong. If I could just stop the crowd from chanting. [Cut to the crowd pumping their hands in the air. Pan across it to the right; Off-screen.] Something horrible that will break the spell [Close-up on Danny, looking back.] Like... [Cut to Danny. Pan left as he turns back to Sam and Tucker backstage.] Sam kissing Dash! [Cut to Tucker with his dreamy smile. Zoom in on him. Cut to Danny. He’s smirking and holding a microphone.] Or worse. [Zoom out as Danny prepares to chuck the microphone.] Tucker, sing! Take the mic and sing! [chucks it]
 * Tucker: [his arms are out as he catches it. He holds it, unsure.] Wait, you want me to sing? You said I stink!
 * Danny: Oh, uh, [laughs and shrugs] I-I was kidding! [points his fingers] You rock! [lifts his arms] You rock out loud!
 * Tucker: You got that [zoom out as he holds out the microphone] right!

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 * [Fade to a collection of floating islands of ice and snow surrounded by two rings of purple doors. Ember is walking forward with Klemper.]
 * Klemper: [as he pumps up and down] Ember! Ember!
 * Ember: [as she sounds like Timmy Turner from Fairly OddParents] Stop saying my name!
 * [Klemper continues chanting Ember’s name throughout as the episode ends]

Teacher Of The Year [1.12]

 * Mr. Lancer: Playing an internet video game is hardly the stuff of human drama, Danny.
 * Danny: [complaining] But it's fun!
 * Mr. Lancer: Fun is relative. When I see a student pass through the portals of Casper High for the last time brimming with the knowledge that it takes to make it in the outside world, to me, that's fun.
 * Danny: Then you need to get out more.
 * Mr. Lancer: And you need to stay in more. And here are a couple of people will make you do just that.
 * Danny: My parents!?

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 * Technus: So what exactly is the point of this 'skill' contest?
 * Tucker: To defeat all foes, get to Level 13, and retrieve the 7 Silver Keys to the Apocalypse.
 * Technus: And what happens after that?
 * Tucker: Gain ultimate power of the World Wide Web!
 * Technus: Very well. Then I, Technus, shall use my ghost powers and new-found gaming prowess to win the game and spread my intellect to every machine in the world! [pause] My... that was a long speech.
 * Tucker: What? Technus?
 * Technus: Bingo, bubby! Game over! That was fun.

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 * Mr. Lancer: Lazy, unfocused, ill-prepared, lethargic. Need I go on?
 * Danny: Dad, I-
 * Jack: Now that's enough of your sass talk, mister!
 * Maddie: What do you suggest, Mr. Lancer?
 * Mr. Lancer: Danny will pass. I know he's capable. But I'd like to spend his after school hours in my office studying until I administer the makeup exam.
 * Jazz: But he has stuff to do after class!
 * Danny: But I have stuff to do after class! How do you know that?!
 * Mr. Lancer: Ah, but consider this: If you fail, you may be held back a year. If it's boring once, imagine taking it again.
 * Maddie: Get this straight, Danny. You're a Fenton. Fentons get "A"s, or in your father's case, "B" minuses.
 * Jack: [looking proud] Solid "B" minuses!
 * Maddie: Until you retake that test and pass it with flying colors, we are FORBIDDING access to all electronic devices.
 * Danny: [cell phone rings] It's Tucker.
 * Jack: [snatches Danny's phone] He's BUSY! [crushes Danny's phone]

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 * Mr. Lancer: [shows Danny the picture of his "sister"] Now's the best time to say, "Gosh Mr. Lancer, I never realized being a teacher was so difficult."
 * Danny: I'm fourteen... I don't really care...
 * Mr. Lancer: Yes, yes of course. I'm gonna get some air. [Mr. Lancer leaves]
 * Danny: Gotta cross my teacher off my what I wanna be when I grow up list.

13 [1.13]

 * Maddie: [to Danny, in a serious tone] Were you spying on them?
 * Danny: All right, all right! I was spying on Jazz and I'm really...
 * Jack: [whispers] Good job.
 * Maddie: [whispers] Yeah, way to go, Danny. And if you see Jazz with that hooligan again, you let us know.
 * Jack and Maddie: [loudly] And don't do it again!
 * Jack: [whispers] But seriously, feel free to do it again.

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 * Danny: She's not anybody's girl.
 * Jazz and Johnny: [in unison] Stop spying on us!
 * Danny: No! I won't. Anymore than you would if it were me. Come on, Jazz. Think like the brain surgeon you told me you wanted to be. Does this seem right?
 * Kitty: What's taking so long? Johnny, get me out of here!
 * Danny: Don't you think I am doing this because I have a reason?
 * [Johnny grabs Danny by his shirt, and lifts his fist to hit him]
 * Johnny: You know what, punk?
 * Jazz: Danny?
 * Johnny: We just had about enough of you.
 * Jazz: Hey! Hands off the little brother!
 * Johnny: Oh, whatever!
 * Johnny: Then we do this the hard way. Shadow, shelf!

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 * Jack: [about Johnny] He's on the run!
 * Maddie: And I've got the Fenton Anti-Creep Stick. Let's get him!
 * Jack: Sweetie, that's just a regular bat.
 * Maddie: Yep, but it's a bat with the word 'Fenton' on it. [jumps out the door]
 * Jack: Man, that's hot!

Public Enemies [1.14]

 * [Bullet and some ghost cops are chasing an escapee from prison.]
 * Prisoner: You'll never take me alive, coppers!
 * Bullet: [deadpan] You're a ghost.
 * Prisoner: Well, you'll still never take me!

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 * Sam: Oh man! I've never seen this many ghosts attacking at once.
 * Danny: I'm gonna need a bigger thermos.
 * [one of Walker's crew tackles Danny]
 * Tucker: And a paramedic!

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 * Sam: A curfew?
 * Tucker: An escort?
 * Danny: Okay, who's the idiot security adviser who came up with these lame ideas?
 * [Jack & Maddie enter the room]
 * Jack: Fear not, young ones, we're here to make sure this school is prepared for any ghost emergencies.
 * Maddie: [on megaphone] You must be cautious, at any time one of these ectoplasmic malefactors - [spots Danny in the crowd] hi sweetie! [Danny ducks down and blushes] - could appear out of nowhere.
 * Danny: [to Sam & Tucker] Time to sit in the back where nobody can notice us?
 * Sam: Time to sit in the back where nobody can notice us.

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 * [the trio is eating lunch inside a ghost shield provided by the Fenton RV]
 * Danny: [after his ghost sense goes off] Here, AGAIN?!
 * Tucker: But we're chewing like the wind in an anti-Ghost Zone. Where could the ghost be?
 * [the shield explodes and Wulf appears]
 * Sam: Survey says, behind us.

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 * Sam: [to Tucker] Ask him what Walker's up to.
 * Tucker: [speaks Esperanto to Wulf]
 * Wulf: [responds back in Esperanto]
 * Tucker: [rocks back and forth in a casual manner] Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
 * Sam: You have no idea what he's talking about.
 * Tucker: Nope, not a clue.

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 * [Sam reaches to touch Wulf's collar. He snarls angrily at her.]
 * Tucker: He says not to touch that.
 * Sam: [sarcastically] Really? I must have missed the subtext.

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 * [Wulf twitches in pain caused by the collar he's wearing]
 * Tucker: The collar! It's hurting him!
 * Sam: What did you think it was? A fashion accessory? We have to get it off.

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 * [Danny's just figured out Walker's plan and been declared Public Enemy #1. Tucker hands him the Fenton Thermos.]
 * Tucker: You may need this.
 * Danny: Are you nuts? If I leave this house, I'm dead.
 * Sam: Danny, you have to do something. If you don't, who will?

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 * Maddie: [to Danny, with Fenton Bazooka to his head, about to shoot] By the authority invested in me by the city of Amity Park, I sentence you back from once you came!
 * Danny: Oh man, I have got to start paying more attention in these fights.
 * Maddie: [finds note on Fenton Bazooka, reads it] "Honey, forgot to fully charge Fenton Bazooka. - Jack. P.S.: Can I have a cookie?"
 * Danny: With that, I bid you a fond farewell. [flies away]
 * Maddie: [waves fist] You haven't seen the last of me!
 * Danny: [out of earshot] Duh, I'll see you at dinner.

Fright Knight [1.15]

 * [Mr. Lancer catches Danny and Dash fighting in the halls]
 * Mr. Lancer: Grapes of Wrath! Break it up. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't suspend you both for fighting on school property?
 * Dash: Uh...I'm a football star.
 * Mr. Lancer: True. Well, I still must at least pretend to be fair and and you two need a more creative outlet for your aggression. [smiles] As you know, every year one of the faculty puts together a haunted house party at the abandoned Townsend place. [shows Danny and Dash a clipboard with an image of a haunted house and a photo of Mr. Lancer] This year, it's my turn. And I am bound and determined to decorate it better than Ms. Teslaff did, last year.
 * Ms. Teslaff: Fat chance. [shows a photo of her cosplaying as the bride of Frankenstein] You’ll never outdo my Franken-Gurkard-Stein monster.
 * [Teslaff leaves, revealing that Sam and Tucker has heard the conversation this whole time]
 * Mr. Lancer: Welcome aboard "Team Lancer" gentlemen. Scariest room avoids detention, [points at Dash] Football star or not.

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 * Maddie: [reading ghost detector] This ecto-storm is coming from the direction of 917 Maple Street.
 * Jack: 917 Maple, eh? I could have sworn it was coming from that big spooky house with the big, swirly cloud overhead.

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 * Tucker: [thinks Danny is dressed up as Fright Knight] Pretty neat horse though. What's it made of, flaming bed sheets?
 * Fright Knight: Flaming bed sheets of death!

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 * Sam: [reading a spell from a book] To cease the Storm, to end the Fear, the sword must sheath in pumpkin near. Pumpkin near! Danny, you gotta put the sword back in a pumpkin!
 * Danny: A pumpkin? There are no pumpkins in the room. [short pause] No pumpkins in the room? It's Halloween, what am I, an idiot?

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 * Mr. Lancer: [becoming impressed with Danny's haunted house room] Mr. Fenton, I have to say that was the most horrifying thing, I have ever seen. [Danny becomes nervous of what he just did] You win!

Maternal Instincts [1.16]

 * [after Danny crashes into a wall]
 * Tucker: [imitating Danny] Hi, I'm Danny Fenton. Don't let the concussion and bruises fool you. I need more practice.
 * [Danny uses his ghost powers to make Tucker fall through the floor]
 * Sam: [surprised] Wow, it's quiet in here.

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 * Maddie: And Jack? Try not to trash the house while I'm gone.
 * Jack: [sighs] Suck the house into a parallel dimension ONE TIME, and you just can't let it go, can you?

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 * Vlad: Why, Maddie and Danny Fenton.
 * Maddie and Danny: Vlad Masters?!
 * Vlad: Oh, what a completely unexpected and totally unplanned surprise. [pulls gift baskets out of nowhere] Personalized gift baskets? [Maddie runs up and grabs them]
 * Danny: [suspiciously] You're up to something.
 * Vlad: Oh, you think? [to a hidden microphone] They're here, kill Jack.
 * Maddie: What was that?
 * Vlad: I said... Flapjacks! Mm-hm, pancakes. I have pancakes.

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 * Danny: Bye Vlad! And as a lonely single man in your forties, might I suggest Internet dating? Or a cat!
 * Vlad: Mark my words Maddie, no one says no to Vlad Masters! You will rue the day you spurned my affections! And I. Will. Not. Get. A. Cat!

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 * Danny: Great. At midnight I get my powers back, at 12:01 the belt zaps me, and at 12:02 Vlad tries to make-out with my mom. Those are gonna be the worst two minutes of my life.

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 * Maddie: As much as I hate to say it, I'm afraid we're gonna have to go back to Vlad's.
 * Danny: But he's my archenemy! ...I mean ...he said all those horrible things about Dad!
 * Maddie: We both know he's a creep. But he's a creep with a phone and transportation. And pancakes!

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 * Danny: Hey, uh... "Uncle" Vlad?
 * Vlad: Oh please, Daniel, don't try to butter me up! Especially when your powers are shorted out for another fifteen minutes! You're barely a threat to me with them. Without them, well, I wouldn't need fifteen seconds, would I?
 * Danny: How can you say that? You think my mom made the decision to come back on her own? We're a family. We both talked about it last night, and I want to stay here with you, too.
 * Vlad: Really? You don't mean....
 * Danny: Yes, I do. Come on! Give me a big hug... New Dad!
 * [Vlad walks over to Danny to hug him, but Danny quickly straps the Fenton Specter Deflector to his waist.]
 * Vlad: Ah! You little rat! You tricked me! You know what this will mean for you, don't you?
 * Danny: Oh yeah. [the clock strikes midnight and Danny transforms] A much fairer fight!

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 * Danny: Nice petting zoo, Plasmius, [Danny transforms] Where's your lonely guy cat?
 * Vlad: Ah, there's that teen wit again. [pulls out the Plasmius Maximus and zaps Danny]
 * Danny: What-what was that?
 * Vlad: Oh, I call it the Plasmius Maximus. It has just short-circuited your powers for the next three hours - that's midnight. I tell you this because I've seen your grades and I know you're bad at math. These are my latest experiments. What do you think? Oh, that's right - who cares what you think?! I will give you five minutes before I send my minions to destroy you. The clock's ticking, Danny, on you and your father. Run.
 * Danny: [runs away screaming]
 * Vlad: [after five seconds] Get him. [the ghosts animals take off after Danny] Five minutes, five seconds... Oh, apparently I'm bad at math too!

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 * Vlad: [to Maddie] I've been able to forgive Jack for a lot of things. Causing the accident that ruined my life, stealing you, the backwash incident...
 * Maddie: Whoa, whoa, back up. What was that?
 * Vlad: Causing the accident that ruined my life?
 * Maddie: No, no. After that.
 * Vlad: The backwash incident?
 * Maddie: [frustrated] No! In. The. Middle!
 * Vlad: Oh, the "stealing you" part? [sighs] You were always able to see right through me, Maddie.

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 * Jack: [sees Jazz in her mom's spare Hazmat suit] Jazz? Why, look at you. You're the spitting image of your mother. I always knew this day would come. That why, years ago, I had this made! [Pulls out a hazmat suit identical to his own]
 * Jazz: [sarcastically] Nice.
 * Jack: Uh... Sorry about the size. I always thought you'd be swimming in my end of the gene pool. The end filled with ranch dressing, melted cheese and fudge. LOTS of fudge.

Lucky In Love [1.17]

 * Danny: So, you think it's cool that I've got these powers?
 * Paulina: Cool? No. I think it's hot! See ya!
 * Danny: I'm hot? I'm hot? I'm hot!
 * Dash: [shoots Danny with water gun] That'll cool you off. By the way, this isn't water, if you catch my drift.

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 * Danny: [after draining a pool with Johnny 13's shadow in it] Enjoy your trip to the sewers! Oh, and if you see Monday's meatloaf, say "Hi" for me.

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 * [Johnny 13's shadow has just come out of a school water fountain]
 * Sam: So that's where the town's sewage goes. [knowing grin] I knew it.

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 * [A-List guys start laughing at Paulina's terrible bowling skills]
 * Paulina: I'm so embarrassing myself. Danny, could you be an angel and give me a little invisible help?
 * Danny: But that's cheating. [Paulina kisses Danny on the cheek] ...Or creative point scoring! I'll be right back after your strike.

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 * Sam: [to Kwan] I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm going to a Goth poetry reading tonight. It may not be your kind of thing but...?
 * Kwan: So...It's like a pity date?
 * Sam: Not a date, but plenty of pity.
 * Kwan: [cheerfully] Aw, sweet!

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 * [Kwan and Sam are at a poetry reading.]
 * Goth: Darkness... eternal... I wait for your kiss. In the nothing, I see your bleak smile.
 * Kwan: Oh, cool, me next!
 * Sam: Oh, no.
 * Kwan: [on stage] And now, a little poem I like to call, "The Fluffy Clouds All Look Like Footballs."
 * [Everyone in the bookstore stares at him. The scene cuts to the manager throwing Sam and Kwan out.]
 * Manager: And stay out! [slams the door]
 * [Sam glares at Kwan, who grins sheepishly.]

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 * [Johnny throws fake punches that Danny dodges with ease]
 * Danny: My turn! [hits Johnny really hard on the nose]
 * Johnny: [whispering] Hey, I thought this was a pretend fight!
 * Danny: Then "pretend" that didn't hurt! [punches him again]

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 * Danny: [to Paulina who is no longer overshadowed by Kitty] Do you know who I am, by any chance?
 * Paulina: Yeah. You're that ghost boy who saved me. Twice, apparently. Inviso-Bill, right?
 * Danny: [scowls] I need a publicist.

Life Lessons [1.18]

 * [school bell rings]
 * Valerie: Later for you, punk!
 * Danny: I'll be waiting, creep!
 * [Valerie and Danny both change back into their normal states, run toward the same Health Sciences class, and bump into each other.]
 * Valerie: Watch it, punk!
 * Danny: You watch it, creep!
 * Mrs. Testlaff: Fenton! Gray! Congratulations, you two stragglers are paired up for a special week-long health sciences project. I now pronounce you man, wife, and child.
 * [Mrs. Testlaff hands Danny the flour sack.]
 * Danny: I am so not kissing the bride!
 * Valerie: What makes you think you can?!

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 * Skulker: Hmm, I'm going to need the right bait to lure those two back to battle.
 * [Skulker's cage full of freaky ghosts appears]
 * Skulker: [studying the cage's inhabitants] Too scaly, too frightening, you I plan on feasting on for dinner... Yes, you'll do. [pulls out the Box Ghost]
 * Box Ghost: I am the Box Ghost! You have- [promptly muzzled]

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 * Tucker: Oh my gosh, the other babies! Gotta go! [kisses flour sack] Bye! [kisses Sam] [pause] Uh...
 * Sam: That never happened.
 * Tucker: Ya got that right. Daddy's gotta run!
 * Sam: Don't forget to pick up milk!

The Million-Dollar Ghost [1.19]

 * Mr. Lancer: [to Jack, who just ripped his clothes off with Fenton Peeler, thinking he was a ghost] I can't give you detention, but someone named Fenton is staying after school.
 * Jack & Jazz: [pretend to check their watches] Whoa, look at the time! [they both run away, leaving Danny there]

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 * Danny: [to Sam and Tucker] My dad looked like a total fool. Did you see the way those ghost hunters were laughing at him? How embarrassing! We're all gonna have to live with my dad's goof-ups for the rest of our lives. [pause; Sam clears her throat] He's right behind me, isn't he?
 * Jack: [sadly] Yes, he is. If anyone needs me, I'll be upstairs, doing something wrong. [walks back up the stairs dejectedly]
 * Tucker: [to Danny] Nice. You wanna go make your mom cry?

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 * Jack: [sets Danny free from the Fenton Weasel] Ghost kid, you gotta help me save my family. If you do, I'll set you free.
 * Danny: Um, you just did. [Jack smacks his forehead] [to himself] Good thing my dad's a lousy negotiator.

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 * Jack: Watch out for that hacky- [gets splattered by hackysack] -sack. [to Danny Phantom] Just so you know, I don't enjoy helping you.
 * Danny: Then don't! I can handle these idiots, go save our family! I mean, yours...your family...not mine.

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 * Jack: [to Vlad] I may be a goof, I may mess up, but when my family's in danger, the gloves are off! [notices he's wearing the Fenton Ghost Gloves] Well...technically they're on, but you get the idea!

Control Freaks [1.20]

 * Danny: Where are you going? School's this way.
 * Sam: The Circus Gothica train pulled into town last last night - I'm cutting first period to watch the opening ceremony at the train station.
 * Danny: [reprimandingly] Sam...
 * Sam: Take it easy, Tucker's got first period free. He's covering for me!
 * [Scene changes to Tucker in Sam's clothes, putting on a wig and lipstick]
 * Tucker: This is so wrong. [looks at money] But you make it right!

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 * Principal Ishiyama: [To the Fentons and the Mansons] Some might call this little act of rebellion, "a cry for attention." But I call it, "a cry for detention!" Ha, ha, ha!  Isn't that clever?
 * Sam: [angrily] Nice job, Danny! Maybe I should’ve cried, “Hey, it’s Inviso-Bill”!
 * Danny: I’m sorry! I don’t know what came over me back there...
 * Jack: [to Danny] Bad judgment, that’s what! Next time think before you act! [wrist ectoplasmic goo launcher accidentally misfires and splatters goo all over Sam’s parents]
 * Mrs. Manson: Obviously, the apple doesn't fall far from the overbearing, orange jumpsuited tree!
 * Jack: You got a problem with jumpsuits?!
 * Maddie: Jack, let me handle this... You got a problem with jumpsuits?! 
 * Mrs. Manson: [ignores them] Samantha... I forbid you from seeing this boy, or any of your other troubled friends.
 * Sam: My friends are perfectly normal!
 * [Lancer opens the door, and a still dressed-up Tucker walks in]
 * Principal Ishiyama: [stares for a moment, then facepalms] This is so wrong!

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 * [the kids are serving detention with Mr. Lancer]
 * Sam: [looks at her Circus Gothica ticket] I wanted to experience something horrific and unimaginable. [looks up at Mr. Lancer clipping his toenails] This isn't what I had in mind.

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 * [under mind control, Danny starts to walk out of detention and Mr. Lancer catches him]
 * Mr. Lancer: And just where do you think you're going, Mr. Fenton?
 * [Danny smirks, then overshadows Mr. Lancer]
 * Danny: [as Lancer] Unleash your dark side at Circus Gothica! [walks to the janitor's closet, and locks Mr. Lancer in there]
 * Mr. Lancer: Cask of Amontillado! [bangs on door] Let me out! Let me out!
 * Sam: Danny, what are you doing? We're in too much trouble as it is!
 * Danny: [mind controlled] No such thing as "too much trouble"! Unleash your dark side at Circus Gothica! [phases through wall]
 * Tucker: [to Sam] Man, we better follow him!
 * Sam: [ironically] Oh, no! But that would mean skipping detention and going to the circus! [Tucker stares at her strangely] Hello, irony? [grabs Tucker and they leave]

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 * [Danny, under Freakshow's control, cuts the wire Sam's standing on. She falls and screams. Seeing Sam in danger, Danny briefly regains his free will and rescues her]
 * Sam: [catching her breath] Danny! Don't scare me like that!
 * Danny: [going back under Freakshow's control] How should I scare you?

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 * [Mr. and Mrs. Manson catch Sam and Tucker at Circus Gothica]
 * Mrs. Manson: Sam?! Shouldn't you be in detention?
 * Sam: Um... Lancer let us out?
 * [cut to Mr. Lancer locked in the janitor's closet.]
 * Mr. Lancer: Let me out!

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 * Sam: How ironic is it that I'm stuck under house arrest while my parents go to a free Circus Gothica show?
 * Tucker: Only slightly less ironic than the fact that they were right about it being evil?

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 * [Sam sneaks out of her house, but is caught by her grandmother]
 * Sam's Grandmother: And just where do you think you're going, dear?
 * Sam: You don't understand, Grandma; My friend is in trouble, and if I don't do something right away-!
 * Sam's Grandmother: You know, I had a wild side when I was your age. [pulls out a photograph album]
 * Sam: [confused] Why are you showing me this?
 * Sam's Grandmother: Who knows? Maybe I'm old and babbling... Or maybe you should sneak out and help your friend while I'm lost in my memories... [Sam smiles, kisses her forehead, and runs off] This is so wrong... [takes off her cardigan revealing one of Sam's shirts, and puts on a wig] But I dig it!

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 * [Sam and Tucker are standing on a bridge with the Circus Gothica train passing beneath them.]
 * Sam: C'mon, we have to jump!
 * Tucker: Are you crazy?! I can't jump!
 * Sam: And I can't abandon Danny! [they jump onto the train] Plus, I'll never hear the end of it if my parents learn they're right about him being evil.

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 * Mr. Manson: We owe you Fentons a debt of gratitude, and an apology!
 * Jack: Save it for the big sale, Thriston! We need to bust out of this tent!
 * Mr. Manson: Leave it to us!
 * Mrs. Manson: If it's one thing we Mansons know how to do, it's whip an angry mob of parents into a frenzy!
 * [scene cuts to the tent bursting from hundreds of people]

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 * Sam: Well, it's the crystal ball, or your friend, Danny. Your choice! [almost falls off the train, then gets thrown off] I didn't mean that to be so literal! [screams as she falls]
 * Tucker: Sam! No!
 * Danny: Sam? [finally comes to his senses] Sam!
 * [Danny dives after Sam, letting go of the crystal ball and catching Sam in his arms. The crystal ball hits the ground and breaks, permanently freeing Danny from its influence.]
 * Sam: [coming to] Danny! Are you okay?
 * Danny: I think so. It's all a blur. I did some bad stuff, didn't I?
 * Sam: [gently] Nothing you can't fix.

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 * [Danny and the other ghosts turn on Freakshow.]
 * Freakshow: [nervously] Um, when I called you my minions, it was really a term of endearment. Like, "I love my minions". [smiles innocently]

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 * [Danny, Sam and Tucker finally defeated Freakshow and Jack, Maddie and Mr. and Mrs. Manson are proud]
 * Jack: Nick work, kids! You caught that weirdo Goth punk thief red-handed!
 * Mrs. Manson: I'm just happy you're all safe.
 * Mr. Manson: They're more than safe, they're heroes.
 * Maddie: We're so proud of you!
 * [cut to Sam's house]
 * All: [yelling] But you're all still grounded!
 * Sam's Grandmother: Grounded, schmounded! This is cruel and unusual punishment!
 * Sam: [shown to be wearing a pink floral dress] I know... But it was the only way I could convince them to lift their restraining order on Danny.
 * Danny: At least Freakshow's in custody and the stolen goods were returned.
 * Tucker: So why do I feel like we're forgetting something...?
 * [cut to Lancer still locked in the janitor's closet]
 * Mr. Lancer: Waiting for Godot, is anybody out there?! [crying] This is so wrong!
 * Janitor: [Comes in] See you Monday.
 * [the janitor leaves and closes the door behind him and Mr. Lancer continues to pound on the door]