Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules (2011 film)

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules is an 2011 American comedy film and a sequel to the film Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Welcome to the next grade.

Rodrick Heffley

 * [to Greg] This "Mom Bucks" thing is a gold mine muchacho. Better not ruin it for me.
 * [to Greg as he threatens to call the cops] REMINDER! You can't call if you're dead.
 * [bitterly to Greg] You're my brother. But you'll never be my friend.
 * [running with Greg's diary] "I can't believe my luck! I finally have Holly all to myself without Chirag, or anyone else!"

Susan Heffley

 * Oh, honey, hi! Remember when we were young like this? And we used to dance and go to parties and stuff like that?
 * What did I say about being civil to one another?! That's all I asked of you! [as time passes] Well, you have blown it big time! Never been more embarrassed. Everyone we know was there. [emotionally] I have no idea how I'm gonna write my column this week. I feel like a complete fraud!

Dialogue

 * [The Heffley family, in their cartoon drawings, pull up at the Rocket Rollers Roller Rink's parking lot]
 * Greg: [gets out and looks up at the sign] Seventh grader. Sounds a lot better than sixth grader.
 * Rodrick: [gets out of the car and closes the door; sighs unamused] This is a Greg thing. I don't see why I had to come.
 * Susan: Because, Rodrick, this is a family event, and like it or not, you're part of the Heffley family.
 * Frank: Yeah. That and we already paid for your ticket.


 * [A beautiful blonde girl skates past Greg and Rowley]
 * Greg: [surprised] Who is that?
 * Chirag: [skates up next to them] Her name is Holly Hills. She just moved here.
 * Greg: What grade is she in?
 * Chirag: Seventh. She's an all-star soccer player, has done professional modeling, and was her sixth grade class president. She moved here from Oregon because her father got a big promotion. They drive a hybrid SUV, live on the north side of town in a cul-de-sac near the park. [Greg and Rowley look at him, confused] What? I googled her. She's a picture of loveliness, is she not?
 * Rowley: She's almost as pretty as my mom.
 * Chirag: She's going to be very popular.


 * Rodrick: Hey, Greg. Can you break a leg or something so we can leave?
 * [Greg laughs and sighs: Rodrick realizes Greg is staring at Holly Hills]
 * Rodrick: Oh. [laughs] That'll never happen. Not a chance. There's no way that girl will EVER talk to you.


 * Greg: [notices that it is almost 8:00] I'm going in. [to Rowley] Cover me!
 * [Greg scooches towards Holly; Just then, the lights dim, and "Always" by Atlantic Starr begins playing]
 * Bill: [over P.A.] All rockers and hardcore skaters off the rink, unless you're lookin' for love. It's time for Couples Skate!
 * Greg: I'm making my move. [prepares to tap Holly on the shoulder]
 * Bill: [over P.A.] STOP!!!! [The music stops; Greg turns around] Enough of that total lameness! Who's ready to ROCK?! Yeah! [plays the intro to "Cut Throat" by Kittie]
 * Rodrick: [makes the "Double Horns" sign with both hands] Whoo!
 * [Greg stares at Rodrick in disbelief. Rodrick smiles evilly]
 * Holly: Come on, let's get outta here. Come on. [she and her friends exit the rink]
 * [A crowd of violent teenagers enter the rink. They brutally bump into others knocking them over]
 * Rowley: [panicking] What're we gonna do?!
 * Greg: Stay calm. All we have to do is just stay here.
 * [Two teenagers grab Rowley and start dragging him along. Rowley screams]
 * Greg: Rowley! Hang on!
 * Rowley: [shrieking] WHOOOOOOOA!!!
 * [Greg tries to rescue Rowley, but another teenager knocks him flat on his face. As Greg picks himself up, the sound of a record scratching is heard and the music comes to an abrupt stop]
 * Susan: [over P.A.] GREG HEFFLEY! This is your mother! Everything is going to be OK. Stay where you are, and your father is going to come rescue you. I repeat, everything is going to be okay. OK, here he comes. Here comes Frank. I see him. He's on his way. OK.
 * [Dad struts out into the middle of the rink and picks Greg up, carrying him off]
 * Greg: Dad!
 * Frank: I know, I know.
 * [Holly's friends giggle, but Holly isn't amused]
 * Susan: [over P.A.] OK. Alright. Everyone, go back to skating!
 * [As Frank sets Greg back on his feet, everyone resumes skating]
 * Frank: You alright?
 * Greg: Yeah.
 * Rodrick: Hey, Romeo. How'd it go with the new girl?
 * Greg: [grunts angrily and lunges at Rodrick, screaming] WHOOOA!!!! [lands onto Taylor's birthday cake; Rodrick laughs; lifts his head up off the smashed cake, his face covered in frosting]
 * Taylor: [furiously; to Greg] You ruined my birthday! You jerk!


 * Rowley: Greg, look who's in our class. [points to Holly]
 * Greg: [spots a desk that's sitting next to Holly's; narrating] This was my chance. If I could sit next to Holly, I'd have the whole year to show her how great I am.
 * [As Greg walks over to the desk, Patty comes up]
 * Patty: No way, Greg Heffley. This is my seat.
 * Greg: No, it's not. I was here first.
 * [They both start fighting over it]
 * Patty: [grunting] It's mine!
 * Greg: Let go!
 * Patty: You know I'm stronger than you, Greg Heffley.


 * Greg: It's unbelievable. Even at school, Rodrick is ruining my life.
 * Rowley: Shh. [whispers, pointing to Rodrick who is sleeping on the couch] He might hear you.
 * Greg: Nah! Watch. [drums loudly on Manny's toy drum in Rodrick's face; He remains asleep]
 * Rowley: Holy cow!
 * Greg: He once slept through an entire day.


 * Rodrick: This is huge, I've gotta call the band. W-We've gotta practice. THIS COULD BE OUR BIG BREAK!!!
 * Susan: Ah, ah, ah, wait a second. Aren't you forgetting something?
 * Rodrick: What? I showered yesterday. Smell.
 * Susan: Okay, okay, okay, okay. We agreed that you'd give a drum lesson to Greg.
 * Greg: You were serious?
 * Susan: Who knows? Maybe you guys will really like it and we can form a family band. [gasps]
 * [The whole scene shifts over to the entire Heffley family, wearing matching outfits and performing with musical instruments]
 * Recorded music: [song: "Get Happy"] Hello, world. Here's a song that we're singin'. Come on, get happy! A whole lot of loving is what we'll be bringin'. We'll make you happy!


 * [Greg opens his Xbox 360 game system, and finds a huge chocolate chip cookie stuffed in the disc tray]
 * Greg: What?!
 * Rowley: Hey! A cookie.
 * Greg: Manny, what have you done?
 * Manny: I'm only 3.
 * Susan: [walks in] What's going on? What'd you do to him?
 * Greg: Nothing, he ruined my video game.
 * Susan: [gasps] He didn't anything on purpose, did you honey?
 * Manny: No, I didn't.
 * Susan: No, he didn't. He's only three.
 * Manny: I'm only 3. [pokes his tongue out at Greg as Susan takes him away]
 * Susan: Okay, let's go, sweetie. You want another cookie?
 * Greg: [narrating] It's so unfair. I have Rodrick making my life a misery on one side, and Manny attacking me from the other. And I'm the only one who seems to get blamed for anything. I wonder what it'd be like to have a family that actually loves me.


 * [Rodrick pulls up in front of Greg and Rowley in his van]
 * Rodrick: Get in.
 * Greg: Why? What are you doing here?
 * Rodrick: Mom said she'd pay "Mom Bucks" if I drove you home from school. [he and his friend laugh and high-five]
 * Greg: We'd rather walk.
 * Rodrick: Get in. Now! [gets out and opens the back door for Greg and Rowley. Greg immediately notices that the back seats are gone]
 * Greg: What happened to the seats?
 * Rodrick: Oh, I needed the room for my new equipment.
 * [Greg and Rowley hop into the van]
 * Greg: How'd you have the money for that?
 * Rodrick: Oh, you know..."Mom Bucks". [shuts the door]
 * Greg: There's no way. You only earned like... five.
 * [As Greg and Rowley sit down on the floor, Rodrick starts the van and floors it]
 * Greg and Rowley: [screaming] WHHHHHOOOOOOA!!! WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!!!!!!!!!!


 * Greg: It looks fake. It has to look real.
 * Rowley: But how do I fake it if I'm actually falling backwards?
 * Greg: Maybe you need a gimmick so people notice you. Oh. [gives Rowley a pair of underwear] Wear this on your head. [Rowley puts his underwear on his head] Now do it again.
 * Rowley: Why can't you be the one that falls backwards in the chair?
 * Greg: Because. I'm not the one wearing the underwear on my head. [Resumes the music]
 * Rowley: I Remember when I broke my arm? That didn't feel good at-- [sits on a tinfoil ball, resulting in him screaming loud, cuts back out of him in Greg's laptop]


 * All: Happy birthday, Grandpa!
 * Grandpa: Next year, I want a chocolate cake!
 * Greg: That is if you're alive next year.
 * Susan: [annoyed] Greg!
 * Greg: Honesty, Mom!


 * Manny: Poopy.
 * [Greg looks down and sees he has chocolate on his pants]
 * Susan: Oh, Greg! It looks like he has a candy bar on there.
 * Greg: MANNY!


 * Taylor: POOP! HE'S POOPED HIS PANTS!
 * Greg: No, it isn't what it looks like! It isn't! It's chocolate! Chocolate, see? [eats a bit of it, then everyone in the church gets grossed out, so humiliated; Rodrick laughs] Hyah! [furiously lunges himself at Rodrick as they have a scuffle on the floor]
 * [The Heffley family walks out of the church as Frank drags Greg and Rodrick, while they continue hitting each other]
 * Susan: What did I say about being civil to one another?! That's all I asked of you! [as time passes…] Well, you have blown it big time! Never been more embarrassed. Everyone we know was there. [emotionally] I have no idea how I'm gonna write my column this week. I feel like a complete fraud! Well, you have brought this on yourselves. You can kiss Rockin' Rapids goodbye. You two will stay here together all weekend and work out your differences. And if you don't, I will… and trust me, you don't want any part of that. Do you understand?
 * Rodrick: Yes.
 * Greg: Yes.


 * [Rodrick tricks Greg and locks him in the basement]
 * Greg: Rodrick, help! The door's closed!
 * Rodrick: Yeah and it's staying closed. I don't need a middle schooler ruining my party.
 * Greg: What? I thought it was our party.
 * Rodrick: It's my party. Now keep quiet or I'll lock you in the dryer!
 * Greg: [banging on the door] RODRICK!
 * Rodrick: [mockingly] Greg!


 * Rodrick: [whispering angrily to the boys] Listen up. If you do anything that embarrasses me, ANYTHING at all, I will-
 * Greg: You will what?
 * Rodrick: Just, stay out of my way… nerds.


 * Frank: [on answering machine] Hi. You've reached the Heffley residence. Please leave a message.
 * Susan: [through answering machine] Hey, guys. Manny's sick, and we're on our way home. See you in an hour.
 * [Greg and Rodrick wake up, horrified]
 * Rodrick: Holy…
 * Greg: Moly! [gets up from the sofa and looks around the messy house; to Rodrick] You are in so much trouble.
 * [A cartoon drawing shows Frank and Susan standing in front of Rodrick's grave in a cemetery at night]
 * Rodrick: Me? You lied to Mom just as much as I did, and you know how she feels about lying. She's gonna kill both of us!
 * [Another drawing shows Greg's grave lying next to Rodrick's and a vulture lands on the headstone]
 * Greg: You do the living room, I'll start the kitchen, go!


 * Rodrick: [whispering] We've got to keep them away from the bathroom.
 * Greg: For the next 10 years?
 * Rodrick: Listen to me. No matter what they ask you, no matter how hard they push, deny, deny, deny; even if they figure it out, never ever admit to anything. Deny, deny, deny. Got it?
 * Greg: Got it. Deny, deny, deny.
 * [At school]
 * Rowley: It sounds to me like, "Lie, lie, lie." I kind of wish you hadn't told me.
 * Greg: Don't you understand? Rodrick isn't beating me up anymore.
 * Rowley: But how are they not going to notice that the lock's gone?
 * Greg: Please. They're like, 40.

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 * Susan: Greg, is there something you want to say to Rowley and his father?
 * Greg: [to Rowley and Mr Jefferson] I'm sorry for choosing an inappropriate movie for the sleepover. At least nobody got hurt this time.
 * [Cut to a flashback of Greg and rowley's sleepover]
 * Rowley: I'm a little birdy! I'm a little birdy! (falls of the bed and injures himself) My knee-bone!
 * ''[Cut to the present, where Rowley and his father leave the Heffley house]
 * Greg: What?

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 * Manny: Mommy! Look!
 * Susan: Mommy is looking. Mommy's looked a thousand times. Mommy just needs to go to the potty for one minute, okay?
 * Greg: No! NO!

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 * Susan: [sternly enters Greg's room] Greg, two words. Bathroom. Door.
 * [Greg anxiously hesitates to reply; Susan gives him a "Well?" look on her face]
 * Greg: [bursting out] IT WAS RODRICK! HE MADE ME! IT WAS HIS IDEA! He had the party! Someone wrote on the door, so we had to change it!
 * Susan: I knew it. I knew it. [starts to leave the room]
 * Greg: [gets up from his desk and runs to the door and closes it] No, Mom, wait! I was exaggerating a little bit. It wasn't a party. It was a band rehearsal for the talent show. That's all it was.
 * Susan: We said nobody could come over. He knew the rules.
 * Greg: Yeah, but, Mom, if you punish him, Rodrick's gonna know I told on him. We really had a good time this weekend. But, if you do this, Rodrick and I will never ever be friends again.

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 * Holly: In conclusion, without last century's technological advances, there'd be no computers, cell phones, or modern medical miracles. And so for that, we salute and thank our ancestors from 100 years ago.
 * [Mr. Draybick and his students (except Patty) clap in applause]
 * Mr. Draybick: [turns the lights back on] Thank you, Holly. That was excellent work. Now I think we have time for one more. I have to say that when I read this paper, [takes out Greg's assignment binder] I was a bit surprised by its content. But more than any other, this one deserves to be read out loud. [lowers the binder to Greg] Greg?
 * Rowley: [clapping] Yay, Greg!
 * [Greg takes his assignment and gets up from his desk, facing the class]
 * Mr. Draybick: Just read it, Greg. All of it.

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 * Greg: [narrating] Okay. The note was a minor setback, but at least things are still going well with Rodrick. It's amazing but I'm actually enjoying watching Loded Diper rehearse for the talent show. Bill's taken the band to a whole new level.
 * Bill: [speaks into the microphone; echoing] Somebody farted.
 * [Rodrick's bandmates and Greg laugh as Frank peeks in through the door]
 * Rodrick: I got one. I got one. I got a good one. I got a good one. [speaks into the microphone; echoing] Somebody farted.
 * Greg: [laughs and turns at his father; narrating] My dad should be happy that I'm hanging out with Rodrick. But I don't think he really likes Bill. I think what he's worried about is I'll turn out like Rodrick, Manny'll turn out like me, and eventually, we'll all turn out like Bill.

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 * Susan: [as Greg and Rodrick return home and checks the time on her watch] Oh, you boys are five minutes early. Did you have a good time?
 * Greg: A great time.
 * Mrs. Kohan: That is so sweet.
 * Mr. Saltz: I just can't get over how well your boys get along.
 * Frank: [connecting the camera to the TV] Well, Larry, we run a pretty tight ship around here. It's all about boundaries, rules. Anyway, let me show you some of those Civil War re-enactment photos I was telling you about.
 * Susan: So, what did you boys do?
 * Rodrick: [stuttering] Just hung out at the mall. And talked about life. Just nothing. Nothing special.
 * [As Frank turns on the camera, the TV shows a photo of Rodrick pouring soda in a cup fountain with party people watching and is surprised]
 * Susan: Oh, my God.
 * Frank: [turns to Rodrick; curiously] Rodrick, can you explain what you're doing in this photo?
 * Rodrick: That's not me.
 * Frank: That's not you?
 * Rodrick: Nope.
 * Frank: Okay. How 'bout these? [scrolls through his camera showing more photos of Rodrick's party; Susan puts her hand over her heart, shocked with horror; then sets the camera down as it stops on the last photo of Greg and Rowley; angrily to Rodrick] I can't believe that you had a PARTY!
 * Susan: Greg, you told me it was a couple of kids, a band rehearsal!
 * Frank: Wait, Susan, you knew about this?
 * Susan: Yes. Yes, I knew.
 * Rodrick: [shocked; to Greg] You told Mom?!
 * Frank: I knew they had a party!
 * Greg: It slipped out, but I took it back!
 * Susan: My instincts told me you weren't being honest! I should've trusted my instincts!
 * Frank: Wait! You knew about this, but you didn't tell me about it?
 * Greg: I still protected you! I threw Mom off your scent!
 * Rodrick: Great job. She has no idea!
 * Frank: We are supposed to be a team against them!
 * Susan: They were getting along so well I let it blind me to the truth!
 * Rodrick: Why were you taking pictures?!
 * Greg: It was so crazy that morning, I forgot we took the pictures.
 * Susan: So I let it slide. And I am so sorry. Oh, God. It feels so good to get that out. [points to the bathroom door] I haven't been able to look at that bathroom door for two weeks!
 * Frank: I knew that door had a lock on it! And everybody was trying to make me feel like I was losing my mind!
 * [Mr. Salz & Mrs. Kohan walk to the front door, about to leave]
 * Mr. Salz: We're-We're just gonna let ourselves out. I wouldn't wanna write a column about this. [closes the door]
 * Frank: I'm going upstairs. To a bathroom that has a lock on it, and no one can tell me that it doesn't.
 * Susan: [to her sons] I have to go talk to your father. [sighs sharply] I will deal with you boys, later.
 * Greg: Rodrick, I really didn't tell her! I mean maybe, sort of, but I made a deal with her and we had a really good time and…
 * Rodrick: [bitterly] You're my brother. But you'll never be my friend. [walks upstairs]
 * [Later, Frank and Susan wait sternly in the hallway as Greg and Rodrick slowly come down the stairs]
 * Susan: Your father I have talked, and we've decided on your punishment.
 * Frank: Greg, you're grounded for two weeks. Also, no video games for two weeks.
 * Susan: Rodrick, you may only drive to and from school for the next month. As the ringleader, you are also grounded for a month.
 * Rodrick: Mom, I'm sorry, and I won't do it again.
 * Susan: I know you won't. And to make sure, we're also not allowing you to perform in the talent show.
 * Rodrick: [shocked] What? No. No, you can't do that. Ground me for a year, I don't care, but you have to let me play in that show! This could be my big break.
 * Susan: Sorry.
 * Rodrick: [upset] Dad, come on, this isn't fair. I just got Bill in the band!
 * Frank: Actually, Rodrick, that doesn't help your case. Bill's kind of a jerk.
 * [Rodrick gives a silent "What?"]
 * Susan: Our decision is final.
 * [Greg looks silently at Rodrick; upset with his punishment, goes upstairs, and Greg follows along]
 * Rodrick: [whispers angrily to Greg] You are so dead.

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 * ''[The Leisure Village Retirement Community; Frank pulls up in front of the entrance, dropping off Greg and Rodrick there, where their grandfather comes to see them, mostly Greg]
 * Greg: [narrating] Things have never been worse. Our parents are super mad at us, so we have to spend the weekend at my Grandpa's boring retirement community. Holly Hills thinks I'm Fregley, and my relationship with Rodrick is at an all-time low. So, he's made it his mission to ruin my life. [walks with Rodrick and their grandfather towards his retirement hotel room, Rodrick kicks him from behind him, still sore about his punishment; angrily turns to Rodrick] Quit it!
 * Rodrick: [annoyed] Why don't you tell Mom? You're good at that.
 * Greg: [narrating] Grandpa doesn't like TV. Instead, he prefers to watch the lobby on the security channel.
 * Rodrick: I should be rehearsing right now.
 * Greg: Please, Grandpa. Please, can we watch a real TV show now?
 * Grandpa: TV is just a bunch of fakers. This is real life.

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 * [Plainview Talent Show, The Heffleys walk in; Scotty Douglas, Rowley's assistant, runs through the hall to the bathroom]
 * Rowley: [chases after Scotty] Scotty! Come on! [Scotty locks himself into the bathroom] Scotty, come on! You don't wanna let the magic fans down, do you?
 * Scotty: [from inside] Go away!
 * Susan: Rowley, what's wrong?
 * Rowley: My assistant, Scotty, got stage fright. Now he doesn't want to do the show.
 * Susan: Maybe Greg would help out. He can be your assistant. What? No way. What? Rowley is your best friend. This is important to him. You need to do this.
 * Rowley: It's okay, Mrs. Heffley. Greg is just afraid that Holly Hills will think less of him.
 * Greg: [defensive] Rowley. [turns to Susan] Mom, can we talk in private?
 * Susan: Sure.
 * Rowley: [desperate] Scotty, please.

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 * Patty: [to Greg] Your performance was pathetic, Greg Heffley! Only a moron would find humor in bird poop! [a dove poops on her hair] You stupid bird! [storms off, grunting angrily]
 * Holly: [to Greg] Oh, my gosh. You guys did great. That was really funny.
 * Greg: The unitard or the performance?
 * Holly: Both.

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 * Rodrick: Now get out, doofus.
 * Greg: Okay. Later…butt-brain!

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 * [Last lines]
 * All: [singing] Exploded Diper! All over the place! Exploded Diper!
 * Greg: Okay, there! It's uploaded.
 * All: [singing] In your face! Exploded Diper!
 * Rowley: Holy cow!
 * Greg: This is huge! We're an internet sensation!
 * Rodrick: [furiously, off-screen] GREG, YOU ARE SO DEAD!!

Cast

 * Zachary Gordon - Greg Heffley
 * Devon Bostick - Rodrick Heffley
 * Robert Capron - Rowley Jefferson
 * Rachael Harris - Susan Heffley
 * Steve Zahn - Frank Heffley
 * Connor and Owen Fielding - Manny Heffley
 * Peyton List - Holly Hills
 * Fran Kranz - Bill Walter
 * Karan Brar - Chirag Gupta
 * Grayson Russell - Fregley
 * Laine MacNeil - Patty Farrell
 * Terence Kelly - Grandpa Heffley