Disenchantment (TV series)

Disenchantment (2018–2023) is an American adult animated fantasy sitcom created by Matt Groening. The series is Groening's first production for Netflix. Set in the medieval fantasy kingdom of Dreamland, the series follows the story of Bean, a rebellious and alcoholic princess, her naïve elf companion Elfo, and her destructive "personal demon" Luci.

A Princess, an Elf, and a Demon Walk Into a Bar [1.01]

 * Elf Leader: For centuries, no elf has ever left Elfwood.
 * Speako: Except Leavo.
 * Elf Leader: Speak no more of Leavo, Speako!


 * Becky: The bonding has begun. It could take weeks or even years.
 * Cloyd: We'll need chairs.
 * Becky: Dark chairs.


 * [Elfo prepares to leave Elfwood]
 * Elf Leader: Elfo, no! It is forbidden!
 * Superviso: I don't know why we keep that lever there.


 * Luci: I am a demon.
 * Bean: [muffled] You're a demon?!
 * Luci: That's right. In fact, your personal demon. Get used to it, 'cause you are stuck with me for all eter... [Bean spits him across the room, where he hits the wall and rolls down it like a Wacky WallWalker] ... nity.


 * Bean: Pops, uh, I'm just kicking back with my new... cat.
 * Luci: Me?
 * [Bean kicks him]
 * Luci: Meow. That's what cats say, right?
 * King Zøg: I'm not here to answer cat questions.
 * [He kicks Luci away]

For Whom the Pig Oinks [1.02]

 * Elfo: Your cruddy life is worth living, Bean. And so is mine... if you live.


 * Bean: I'm gonna have to kill him or something.
 * Luci: Do it! Do it! Do it! And after you kill him we can hide the body. Then we could join the search party and you and I can look at each other and try not to laugh.

The Princess of Darkness [1.03]

 * Luci: Fire doesn't hurt demons, you're only hurting Bean!
 * Big Jo: Exactly. Once the flesh is burned away, the demon is revealed. Flesh burn, demon return!
 * Luci: Dude, she needs her flesh. Great... You're gonna make ME be the good guy? Ugh, I hate that.
 * [With a yell, Luci regurgitated himself out of Bean's mouth. He uses his entire body to extinguish the flames.]
 * Luci: [panting] I saved your life, Now I can go back to ruining it. [Luci is suddenly sucked into one of Big Jo's bottles] GYAH!--:
 * Big Jo: Gotcha.
 * Luci: Agh! You can't do this, man! I want my lawyer!


 * Elfo: You'll be amazed how much fun I am on my own. [Bean puts flower in the basket] [chuckles] That's not a daisy.
 * Bean: What?
 * Elfo: [chuckles] You put a dandelion in the daisy basket.
 * Bean: So?
 * Elfo: So, we're making a daisy chain, not a dandelion chain. Why even bother to call it a daisy chain if you're just gonna... [crying] Oh, God. I'm so sorry! I lied! I'm not really fun. The pressure... it just got to me! [gasps] And then the pressure to sustain the lie? Oh, God, it was a nightmare!

Castle Party Massacre [1.04]

 * Man: Things get confusing in a world with occasional magic and curses. While I am a fan of such worlds, I just feel some more clearly set out rules for what can and cannot happen would help us... [He gets shot with an arrow. A non-talking one]


 * Bean: [after Elfo comes between her and Sven] What is your problem, man? This weekend was my one chance at freedom, and you ruined it, just like my dad. [She walks out the door] You are just a little, green Zøg.
 * Elfo: No, wait! I was just trying to control you... Ohhh. Well, it's not like your dad is entirely... Ohhh. Well, at least he... Ohhh...

Swamp and Circumstance [1.06]

 * Bean: Stop! Nobody fries my dad.
 * Hillbilly #1: Yeah? Which one of y'all gonna stop us? Skinny girl? Kitty cat? Gross baby?
 * Elfo: [Chuckles at Luci] He called you a gross baby!

Love's Tender Rampage [1.07]

 * Attendant: [Sees the drunken bodies of the trio, thinking they're corpses] So tragically young [throws Bean in cart] So tragically small [throws Elfo in cart] Eh... This thing had it comin'! [grabs Luci by his tail and throws him in the cart]


 * Prince Merkimer: I never had to stoop to kindness or charm. But now those things are gone and so are the ladies. So, tell me why the damsels flock to you, someone far more repulsive than yours porkly.
 * Luci: I would love to give you some great advice, BUT IT WILL COME AT A GREAT COST! Occasionally I get to ride you like a horse.

The Limits of Immortality [1.08]

 * Luci: Entertainment is just a tool that pacifies the masses, and leads to the decay and ultimate collapse of civilization... let's clap along!


 * Malfus: The Eternity Pendant must not fall into the wrong hands!
 * Bean: Malfus, how do you know we'll use the vial properly? You don't know anything about us.
 * Malfus: I know all about you, Tiabeanie.
 * Bean: But I didn't tell you my name.
 * Malfus: It's a long story. I...
 * Luci: [spurring the horse] Hyah!
 * [Bean and company ride off]

To Thine Own Elf Be True [1.09]

 * King Elf: Humans bring nothing but treachery and pain.
 * Bean: I also brought booze.


 * Elfo: No, I can't go crawling back home! It will wreck my image as a total badass!
 * Luci: What'd you do? Forget to return a library book?
 * Elfo: [gasps] Yes! I can never go back home!

Dreamland Falls [1.10]

 * Bean: That's never happened to me before - that thing with my fingers.
 * Queen Dagmar: As you reach maturity you will notice many more changes.
 * Bean: Duh, I already know.
 * Queen Dagmar: This isn't a sex talk...
 * Bean: Oh - what kind of talk is it?
 * Queen Dagmar: There are some things you need to know about yourself, Bean.


 * Queen Dagmar: The thing about your father Tiabeanie, is that he wants to change you: I want you as you were born to be.
 * Bean: What was I born to be, mom?

The Disenchantress [1.11]

 * The Enchantress: If you need anything, just ring.
 * [Bean tests out the bell]
 * Bean: There's no clapper.
 * The Enchantress: That's okay. These rooms are soundproof anyway.


 * Bean: Well, I've never murdered anyone. It's always been an accident, self-defense or justifiable homicide. Oh, God! I've killed a lot of people! What if I'm insane?

Stairway to Hell [1.12]

 * Bean: I should know this, but does Elfo have a last name?
 * Luci: On checks he just writes "Elfo" and then puts a little heart at the end.


 * Bean: [seeing Elfo hurtling past in a tube] Did you see that? He made it! We're all here together! This is so- [Elfo continues to scream] Oh, wait, hang on. He's still screaming.
 * Luci: I think he's done now. [Elfo screams again] Nope. Wait... Okay, yes.
 * [They cheer. Elfo starts screaming again. Bean and Luci share an embarrassed silence]

The Very Thing [1.13]

 * Elfo: Hi, Leavo. I'm a big fan of your work.
 * Leavo: Leaving?
 * Elfo: Yes. [Leavo turns to leave] The master...


 * Leavo: I'll give you a choice: Either you help me or I bash your face in.
 * Elfo: How many times have I been presented with this exact same dilemma? This time, I'm gonna choose help [Leavo throws the rock on Elfo's face] Ow!
 * Leavo: Sorry. I thought you were gonna say the other thing.

The Lonely Heart Is a Hunter [1.14]

 * King Zøg: I'd like to tell you something about understandin' women.
 * Bean: Yes?
 * King Zøg: I said I'd like to, doesn't mean I can.


 * King Zøg: The saddest thing in life is havin' to say goodbye to the person you want to spend that life with.

Our Bodies, Our Elves [1.15]

 * [an ogre guard carries Elfo into the prison where Bean is locked in a cell]
 * Elfo: Don't worry, Bean! I'll save you!
 * Bean: Look, I'm not some damsel in distress! Well, technically I guess I am, but still.


 * Pops the Elf: I heard every word you said. And you know what, Elfo? I'm glad I stole your college fund.
 * Elfo: What?

Love's Slimy Embrace [1.17]

 * Bean: He thinks he's got it so tough 'cause his mom works? Cry to me when your mom tries to bolt a crown to your skull.

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 * Bean: Oh God, it's over, he's turning blue!
 * Elfo: He was already blue. I think he's actually turning less blue.
 * Bean: Is that good or bad?
 * Elfo: How should I know? I'm green, not blue. God! Do all people of colour look the same to you?

In Her Own Write [1.18]

 * Bean: You never appreciate your lizard stepmom until she becomes a sexy pirate.

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 * Bean: Oh, good. You're still up.
 * King Zøg: I'm always up. I haven't been able to sleep for weeks. They say turkey helps, but I took two and nothin'

Tiabeanie Falls [1.20]

 * Bean: They're gonna burn us at the stake.
 * Elfo: Oh, God, I'm gonna smell like burnt candy corn.

Subterranean Homesick Blues [2.01]

 * Luci: You know, if there's one thing I've learned, it's when you're stuck in a cave with your psycho mum, the best thing to do is play along.

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 * Derek: By order of the king, me, Derek, I, we do declare Dreamland is now a theocracy. All power emanates from this holy throne and the ass therein ensconced.

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 * Zøg: [as the cart rolls out of the castle] Hey, Pendergast, it's getting stuffy in here. [No reply] Let's go, already. [He sees Pendergast's decapitated head on a spike] Pendergast...? What are you doing up on that pole? [He exclaims as the horrible realization dawns on him that Pendergast has been killed, and he's being taken away by someone else. He pounds on the coffin] Open it up! Help! Help! Help!! Where are you taking me? Whaddaya doin'?! The wagon wheels are so spooky on the cobblestone. I don't like that sound no more. I used to but now I don't. [The cart enters the Pauper's Graveyard] Aw, come on! What's goin' on? [The coffin is pushed into a grave. The hooded figure begins to shovel dirt on the coffin, obscuring Zøg's view] Hey! Whaddaya doin'? You just gonna leave me in here? You're not gonna say nothin'? [The figure brushes the dirt away, and reveals itself to be the Arch Druidess]
 * Arch Druidess: Shaddap. [She laughs maniacally, then shovels the dirt back onto the coffin]

You're the Bean [2.02]

 * Trixy: Elfo! Before you go, I've never had ladder sex before.
 * Elfo: Sorry, I don't have thirty seconds.

Cast

 * as Princess Bean
 * as Luci
 * as Pendergast
 * as Elfo
 * as King Zøg
 * as Queen Oona
 * as Bonnie Prince Derek
 * as The Fairy
 * as Prince Merkimer
 * as The Herald
 * as Guysbert
 * as Jerry
 * as Odval
 * as Big Jo
 * as Bunty
 * as The Enchantress
 * as Sorcerio
 * as The Jester
 * as Mertz
 * as Pops the Elf
 * as King Rulo
 * as Stan the Executioner
 * as Queen Dagmar