Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood

Don't Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood is a 1996 parody of many African-American movies.
 * Directed by Paris Barclay. Written by Shawn Wayans and Marlon Wayans. 

Finally, the movie that proves that justice isn't always poetic, jungle fever isn't always pretty, and higher learning can be a waste of time.

Loc Dog

 * [Loc Dog shoots a hole in the door as Ashtray approaches] Trey, is that you? Hey nigga, you better start announcing yourself before you get smoked up in here, nigga. Damn. You know that chronic make me paranoid, baby. Come here you old fool dog mark ass trick, give me some love.
 * [While filling out a job application] Name: Loc Dog, baby. Height: Six-deuce! Age: 19. Father's name: mmm... I dunno. Sex: hell yeah, nigga! Salary desired: 3 million dollars! Cash!
 * Everyone in the hood been up in her! She got more kids than Mrs. Wayans!
 * Well, I can see how a pretty little woman like yourself can make a man a little sick- I mean, nervous!
 * "The Dog" don't bite... unless ya ask.
 * [After his friend dies because he smoked a powerful joint] Yo, pass that shit!
 * (After he sees Tray kiss Dashiki) 'ey stupid, you realize you just kissed every nigga at this party?

Dashiki

 * My name is Dashiki. That's Swahili for "doggy-style."
 * [Ashtray and Dashiki are having foreplay on the kitchen floor. Ashtray gets a hot dog out of the fridge and starts rubbing it on Dashiki's face. She sees what it is and takes it and says "nuh-huh fool! that's the baby's lunch!"

Grandma

 * [smoking a joint] Damn! This is some good shit.
 * [after Ashtray hits her] You still hit like a bitch, motherfucker.
 * Ashtray! You little bitch ass motherfucker! Come over here and give your grandma a hug!

ToothPick

 * [to new gang member while in prison] Let me tell you something, in this world, if you can't swim...you bound to drizzown. And if you fall, you better pick your punk ass up! [to other gang members] And for the rest of you alls...Don't cut him no slack!
 * Man, it's only been 1,825 days, 6 hours and 13 minutes! She could have waited! [after seeing Dashiki kissing Ashtray]
 * Just shoot everything in sight! Everything! [during the final drive by shoot out]

Other

 * Ashtray's Mother: Tray, I don't want you hangin' out in the streets. I want you to finish school, 'cause without an education the only kind of work you're gonna get is sellin' drugs, pimpin' women, or workin' security for Eddie Murphy.
 * [during job interview] Recruiter: Well, I see your hobbies include "drinkin', smokin' weed, and all types of ill shit."
 * Ashtray's cellmate: If you hit a man, in time his wounds will heal. If you steal from a man, you can replace what you steal. And always cross in the green, never in between. Because the honorable Elijah Muhammed Ali floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee. And always remember my brother, one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish, knick knack, paddy whack, give a dog a bone, two thousand, zero, zero, party, oops! Out of time, my bacon smellin' fine.
 * Mailman:(repeated line) Message!
 * Al Dog: Five dollas buster!
 * Preacher: "And that's what God expects from His sheep, here at the Greater Ebenezer New Revival Tree of Life Institutional Double Rock on the Side of the Road The Jericho Missionary Baptist Church of Zion! Did I say Mount Cavalry! Huh! Ya'll Don't Hear Me!"
 * Korean Woman: [Ashtray is looking at something while the racist Korean woman nervously dusts wine bottles] Hurry up and buy.
 * Doo Rag: What's up with them hoes tonight?

Dialogue

 * Loc Dog: I told her I don't want to be on welfare my whole life, you know what i'm sayin'. Hey for real nigga I got bigger and better plans, you know what i'm sayin'. Figured I'd get me a job at the post office, you know, maybe at a bank. You know what I'm saying."
 * Ashtray: "That's all good, man."
 * Loc Dog: "Work real hard. Work my way up to manager."
 * Ashtray: "We need more black people like this."
 * Loc Dog: "You know what I'm saying? Learn the system a little bit. Then I'll rob that [pulls out a pistol an cocks it] motherfucker blind. Break all yallselves.




 * Toothpick: Man, lock me up!
 * Crew: Lock me up!
 * Toothpick: Take me to jail!
 * Crew: Take me to jail!
 * Toothpick: Throw away the key!
 * Crew: Throw away the key!
 * Toothpick: I ain't afraid to fuck a man in the ass!
 * Crew: I ain't af- [everyone trails off and stares in disbelief]
 * Man: [off-screen] This fool is trippin'.




 * Dashiki: Now children, what do we say when we meet a nice man?
 * Kids: Are you my daddy?




 * Loc Dog: How much for this candy bar?
 * Korean Woman: Das five dala!
 * Loc Dog: Five dollars? Damn! I better get some sucky-sucky with that! Some love me long time birch!




 * Ashtray: So, will I see you again?
 * Ashtray's Mother: Sorry, baby: you know there ain't no positive black females in these movies.




 * Preach: I'm just tryin' to do to white girls what the white man's been doin' to us for 400 years.
 * Crazy Legs: Yeah, what's that?
 * Preach: Fuck 'em.




 * Ashtray: We didn't even do nothing.
 * Officer Self Hatred: What? You think you tough?
 * [pulls gun on Ashtray]
 * Officer Self Hatred: You ain't so tough now, little nigga. I hate your black bastards, you *stink*! I hate your black skin. I hate your black pants. I hate black pepper. I hate black keys on a piano. I hate my gums, because they're black. I hate Whoopi Goldberg's *lips*. I hate the back of Forrest Whittaker's neck. Huh? Most of all, I hate that black-ass Wesley Snipes.




 * Loc Dog: Either they don't know, don't show, or don't care about being a menace to South Central while drinking your juice in the hood. That's what it's all about. That's what it's all about.
 * Mailman: The fuck is he talking 'bout?




 * Ashtray: Oooh, girl, you so tight!
 * Dashiki: Wrong hole, fool!




 * Ashtray: Loc Dog was America's worst nightmare, raised in a house with three generations of hopelessness, poverty... and profanity.
 * Loc Dog's Mom: Loc Dogg, turn that loud ass mothafuckin music down, you wakin up the fuckin babies, mothafucka. This still my mothafuckin house, mothafucka...
 * Loc Dog's Mom: Who tha fuck is that on my porch?




 * Ashtray: Hey, Preach, what up nigga?
 * Preach: Y'all need to stop using the word nigga. You see, it's terms like the word nigga that the white man uses to take away the self esteem of another race.
 * Ashtray: Word.
 * Preach: Oh yeah, remind me to pick my laundry up from that chink motherfucker up the street.




 * Dashiki: [while having sex] Ooh, Talk dirty to me...
 * Ashtray: [Within the first minute of their session]
 * [Grunting]
 * Ashtray: I-Im Cumming! [makes weird grunts then finally falls over]
 * Dashiki: What did you just say?
 * Ashtray: uhh... I'll talk about it after my nap [nods off in sleep]




 * Preach: [after rescuing Snowflake from Toothpick's gun shots during the final drive by] Is you okay Snowflake?
 * Snowflake: [smiling with relief] Oh yes, my big chocolate warrior. [Preach kisses her hand]

Cast

 * Ashtray - Shawn Wayans
 * Loc Dog - Marlon Wayans
 * Toothpick - Darrel Heath
 * Crazy Legs - Suli McCullough
 * Dashiki - Tracey Cherelle Jones
 * Preach - Chris Spencer
 * Snowflake - Kelly Vaughn
 * Officer Self Hatred - Bernie Mac
 * Mailman - Keenen Ivory Wayans
 * Grandma - Helen Martin
 * Korean Woman - Tamayo Ostuki
 * Doo-Rag - Isaiah Barnes