Dude, Where's My Car?

Dude, Where's My Car? is a 2000 film about two friends who wake up from a night of partying and can't remember where they parked their car.
 * Directed by Danny Leiner. Written by Philip Stark

After a night they can't remember, comes a day they'll never forget.

Jesse Montgomery

 * Wait a second. Let's recap. Last night we lost my car, we accepted stolen money from a transsexual stripper, and now some space nerds want us to find something we can't pronounce. I hate to say it, Chester, but maybe we need to cut back on the shibbying. [Chester slaps him] Thanks, dude.
 * I refuse to let us go down in history as the dudes who destroyed the universe.
 * I'm sensing something very Canadian about this place.
 * Dude, Where's My Car?.

Alien Nordic Dudes

 * We will now use the power of the Continuum Transfunctioner to banish you to Hoboken, New Jersey.

Dialogue

 * Jesse: Is it possible that we got so wasted last night that we bought a lifetime supply of pudding and then totally forgot about it?
 * Chester: [opens the cupboard to find it's entirely full of pudding] I'd say it's entirely possible.


 * Jesse: Nelson, your dog's a stoner!
 * Chester: Can he also bong a beer?
 * Nelson: Nah. All he does is pretty much lie around and smoke his pipe.


 * Chinese Food Intercom: Chinese Foooood, may I help you?
 * Jesse: Yeah, I like to place an order.
 * Chinese Food Intercom: Um what you like?
 * Jesse: Yeah, I like uh... three orders of garlic chicken.
 * Chinese Food Intercom: And then?
 * Jesse: And then, three orders of white rice.
 * Chinese Food Intercom: And then?
 * Jesse: And then... (then he turns and asks Chester and Nelson) Oh hey, you guys want soup?
 * Chester & Nelson: Sure.
 * Jesse: Yeah, three orders of Wonton soup.
 * Chinese Food Intercom: And then?
 * Jesse: Oh, uh some Fortune cookies too.
 * Chinese Food Intercom: And then?
 * Jesse: Uh... Naw I think that's about it.
 * Chinese Food Intercom: And then?
 * Jesse: No, that's it.
 * Chinese Food Intercom: And then?
 * Jesse: No and then, I (stutters) That's, that's all I want.
 * Chinese Food Intercom: And then?
 * Jesse: (looks behind and then laughs) And then, and then um, and then um, and then nothin' else cause I'm done ordering, okay?
 * Chinese Food Intercom: And then?
 * Jesse: Uh, uh, no, no, see all, all I want is the three orders of the garlic chicken and the three orders of the white rice.
 * Chinese Food Intercom: Uh-huh, and then?
 * Chester: And the soup dude.
 * Jesse: Oh, and, and the Wonton soup.
 * Chinese Food Intercom: And then?
 * Nelson: And the Cookie's Fortune.
 * Jesse: And, and the, and the Fortune cookies yes so, it's just the uh, it's the... the chicken, the... rice, the soup and the Fortune cookies, and that's it.
 * Chinese Food Intercom: And theeeeen?
 * Jesse: (starts chuckling) And then uh, you can it in a brown paper bag and come put it in my hand cause I'm ready to eat.
 * Chinese Food Intercom: Annnnnd theeeeeeeen?
 * Jesse: (gets irritated) Hey, I refuse to play your Chinese Food mind games.
 * Chinese Food Intercom: Annnnnnd Theeeeeeeen?
 * Jesse: (Gets upset) NO! No "and then"!
 * Chinese Food Intercom: And then?
 * Jesse: No "and then"!
 * Chinese Food Intercom: And then?
 * Jesse: No "and then"!
 * Chinese Food Intercom: And then?
 * Jesse: No "and then"!
 * Chinese Food Intercom: And then?
 * Jesse: No "and then"!
 * Chinese Food Intercom: And then?
 * Jesse: No, "no and then"!
 * Chinese Food Intercom: (growls) Annnnnnd theeeeeeen?
 * Jesse: (gets angry) You know, you're really starting to piss me off, lady.
 * Chinese Food Intercom: (quietly) And then?
 * Jesse: And then... (laughs nervously) I'm gonna come in there... (grows livid) and I'm gonna put my foot in your ass IF YOU SAY "AND THEN" AGAIN!!!
 * (pause; Jesse almost gives in)
 * Chinese Food Intercom: (repeatedly) And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then!
 * (Jesse angrily smashes the speaker box, but Chester and Nelson pull him back inside the car, and they drive away)
 * Chinese Food Intercom: (severely damaged) And then...?


 * Jesse: Who's Johnny Potsmoker?
 * Chester: Oh, that's my alter ego.
 * Jesse: Wait, I thought Johnny Potsmoker was my alter ego.
 * Chester: No. Yours is Smokey McPot.
 * Jesse: Oh, yeah.


 * Jesse: Dude! You got a tattoo!
 * Chester: So do you, dude! Dude, what does my tattoo say?
 * Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?
 * Chester: "Dude!" What does mine say?
 * Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?
 * Chester: "Dude!" What does mine say?
 * Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?
 * Chester: "Dude!" What does mine say?
 * Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?
 * Chester: "Dude!" But what does mine say?
 * Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?
 * Chester: "Dude!" What does mine say?
 * Jesse: "S - wee - t!" What about mine?
 * Chester: (angrily) "Dude!" What does mine say?
 * Jesse: (screaming) "Sweet!"


 * Jesse: Wait a second. I just got a really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.
 * Chester: Maybe you should go sit on the toilet?
 * Jesse: No. No. You know what the feeling is? It's love!
 * Chester: Is that what that is?
 * Jesse: Yeah. I'm in love with Wanda and you're in love with Wilma.
 * Chester: Yeah!
 * Jesse: You see. Now that we know that we've been sucky boyfriends... we can change.
 * Chester: We can?
 * Jesse: Yeah, and you know what else? I'll bet you that we did buy them super cool anniversary gifts. You know why? 'Coz we love them.
 * Chester: And we wrapped them really cool wrapping paper?
 * Jesse: Yeah.

Cast

 * Ashton Kutcher - Jesse Montgomery
 * Seann William Scott - Chester Greenburg
 * Jennifer Garner - Wanda
 * Marla Sokoloff - Wilma
 * Kristy Swanson - Christie Boner
 * David Herman - Nelson
 * Hal Sparks - Zoltan- Cult leader
 * Charlie O'Connell - Tommy
 * John Toles-Bey - Mr. Pizzacoli
 * Andy Dick - Mark