Duplex (film)

Duplex is a 2003 film about a young couple (Nancy Kendricks and Alex Rose) who move into their dream home, a duplex shared by an elderly Irish woman (Mrs. Connelly) who makes their lives miserable.
 * Directed by Danny DeVito. Written by Larry Doyle.

Alex and Nancy finally found their dream home…and then they moved in. (taglines)

Mrs. Connelly

 * I'm coming. Slowly but surely!
 * Come along dear, don't be shy! It's French Onion.
 * [the clock shows almost 5:30 PM] Oh, look at the time!  I had no idea it was so late!
 * Could you give me a hand with the garbage? We don't wannna be feedin' the mice.
 * [after Alex spills the garbage on the stairway and, disgusted, holds up Mrs. Connelly's underwear with a paper towel roll] What in heaven's name are you doin' with me drawers!?
 * It's pissin' down out there!
 * A bit of music and a bit of a dance!
 * It's loose as a Dublin whore!
 * Upchuck is a delicacy for Little Dick. He's salivatin'.
 * Off we go, Dicky Boy.
 * You caught me. I can't help but sneak a fag once in a blue moon.
 * Nice seein' ya again, Kenneth.
 * Use some elbow grease.

Alex Rose

 * Blow me down!
 * I could have sworn we had more stuff.
 * [reading a dictionary entry] "Macaw: any long tailed, brightly-colored parrot."  A macaw is a parrot, I knew it!
 * It's horrible. My parents read this magazine.  Now they know my penis is called Mr. Peabody!
 * She just manipulated me somehow. She's very crafty.  She's a crafty old…lady.
 * Besides, how can I have time to rewrite my novel and still do my faithful servant duty to her as her little indentured servant person. Her little butt boy.  I mean, I got a lot of duties, honey.  She might need me to go out and count grapes with her, or help her fix her heater, or go take her to the laundry, or I got to go help her clean her banana skins, or I got to go clean out her garbage, and I got to go help her fill her monthlies out, or go and wipe her ass!  God forbid she have any shit hanging off her ass!  Because then I have to run up there double time like a little bunny, and I have to go up there with my little tissue and I have to go wipe her little ass and then I have to say, "Oh, good for you, Mrs. Connelly.  Good for you for having such a nice little poopie.  What's that?  You've got some poopie on your diapey?  Well let me clean it off—with my tongue!"

Nancy Kendricks

 * Hello, Mr. Peabody!
 * It's a peacock!
 * Are those musical instruments?
 * We forgot to christen the apartment.
 * What was she doing?
 * She puts on this sweet voice. "Nancy, could ya help meh, eh?  I think I've found the leavings of a mouse!"  Boo, hoo, hoo!  As if she didn't know it was a raisin!
 * We'll finally be happy!

Others

 * [muffled sound of Mrs. Connelly's very loud t.v.] I saw myself in the mirror and I thought it was my mother's tush.
 * Tara: God, you're such a good squeezer, Nancy.
 * Herman: I don't want it tickety boo, I want it tickety now!
 * Officer Dan: It's my experience that wives don't accidentally shoot their husbands in the penis.

Dialogue

 * Nancy Kendricks: Besides, do you realise how much the duplex is going to be worth once we get both floors?
 * Alex Rose: I know how much it costs.
 * Nancy Kendricks: Well it's going to be worth like a bazillion times that.
 * Alex Rose: Really?  A bazillion?  That's an incredible return.


 * Alex Rose: We brought you this little housewarming gift.  [gives Mrs. Connelly a bottle of wine]
 * Mrs. Connelly: Oh, that's very kind of you, thank you.  I'll open it for you.  I don't drink myself, it's a sin.
 * Alex Rose: [to Nancy]  Irish Catholics don't drink?
 * Mrs. Connelly: Sit down, dears, sit down!  I brought ya a little something to nibble on as well.
 * Alex Rose: Oh, Bugles.  Wow, I didn't realise they even still made Bugles.
 * Mrs. Connelly: [offering Alex a Bugle dipped in French onion dip]  Come along, dear, it's French onion.
 * Alex Rose: [nibbles while looking at Bugles box; sees expiration date reads "October 1997"]  Magnificent parrot.
 * Mrs. Connelly: It's not a parrot, dear.  He's a macaw.  He's named after my late husband, Richard.  I've had Little Dick for forty years.  [Alex and Nancy smile]  Now tell me about yourselves.  What do you do, Allen?
 * Alex Rose: [correcting her]  Alex.
 * Nancy Kendricks: Alex is a writer.
 * Mrs. Connelly: Oh, a writer. I always thought of that as more of a hobby than a real job.  I suppose I'm forgettin' about Joyce.
 * Alex Rose: Joyce, James Joyce, of course.  Wonderful writer.
 * Mrs. Connelly: He died drunk and penniless.
 * Nancy Kendricks: Well, Alex's first novel was published in hardback, and he's just about to finish his second one.
 * Mrs. Connelly: Oh, what's it about?
 * Alex Rose: Well, I like to call it an urban epic.  It's about three generations of this family in New York that own a printing press, and I tell a story mainly about—
 * Mrs. Connelly: [bored, cutting him off]  Oh, that's nice.  Let me give you a refill.  Big Dick had the taste, too.  He was a seaman.  The drink took him from me in 1963.  We'd been married for 58 years.  [Nancy counts silently]


 * Alex Rose: I wonder how old she is.
 * Nancy Kendricks: My guess is that she's somewhere between 95 and 105.


 * Alex Rose: I'm sorry, I don't hear anything.
 * Mrs. Connelly: It was very distinctive.  The pipes went "bang bang, bangety bang bang…bang, bang."


 * Herman: Nancy, did you finish the Celebrity Scene page?
 * Nancy Kendricks: Oh, tickety boo.
 * Herman: I don't know what that means.
 * Nancy Kendricks: It means you'll have it soon.
 * Herman: Well if you mean I'll have it soon, then why don't you say "I'll have it soon"?  I mean, "tickety boo" is just confusing, for everybody!


 * Nancy Kendricks: Were you napping?
 * Alex Rose: No!  I was…I was just rearranging my book collection.
 * Nancy Kendricks: In the dark?
 * Alex Rose: And then I just shut my eyes, for a second…
 * Nancy Kendricks: Look!  I got a peacock!
 * Alex Rose: What does it do?
 * Nancy Kendricks: It's there to be decorative and look pretty and be aesthetically pleasing.


 * Herman: And what do you do, Chick?
 * Chick: I'm a pornographer.  Let me give you my card, you know, just in case.


 * Mrs. Connelly: I always thought it was strange, your husband staying home while you were out there, providin'.
 * Nancy Kendricks: Well, he's a writer.
 * Mrs. Connelly: [laughs]  Writer?  The man naps more than a newborn pup.  What's he writing about, sheep?
 * Nancy Kendricks: Is there something, Mrs. Connelly?
 * Mrs. Connelly: Oh, I guess ya could say there was something!  I've got 'something' on display in my kitchen.
 * [cut to a scene in Connelly's kitchen]
 * Nancy Kendricks: That is not a mouse dropping, it's a raisin.
 * Mrs. Connelly: That is the leavings of a mouse.
 * Nancy Kendricks: It's a raisin!  [puts the raisin in mouth; expression turns to disgust as she hacks up raisin]
 * Mrs. Connelly: I spayed it with Lysol.


 * Mrs. Connelly: [regains consciousness, notices Nancy's hands on her chest]  What are ya doin'?!
 * Nancy Kendricks: You were choking on a chocolate.
 * [Connelly looks at Alex who has lipstick on his lips from reviving her]
 * Alex Rose: You choked on a chocolate.
 * Mrs. Connelly: Awww!
 * [cut to the police station]
 * Officer Dan: Go on, Mrs. Connelly.
 * Mrs. Connelly: The last thing I remember, I ate one of their chocolates.  When I woke up, he was havin' his way, and she was holdin' me down!
 * Alex Rose: No, no, I was trying to save her life!
 * Mrs. Connelly: He stole my drawers once.  For sniffin'!
 * Alex Rose: That's ridiculous!  She was choking on a chocolate so I gave—
 * Officer Dan: Do shut up.


 * Nancy Kendricks: Come on, come on.  We don't have much time.
 * Alex Rose: I know, she's running errands.  That only gives us twelve fucking hours.


 * Nancy Kendricks: Poor Mr. Peabody!
 * Alex Rose: He took one for the team.

Taglines

 * Alex and Nancy finally found their dream home…and then they moved in.
 * It all started with one wrong move.
 * Moving In September 26.

Cast

 * Ben Stiller – Alex Rose
 * Drew Barrymore – Nancy Kendricks
 * Eileen Essell – Mrs. Connelly
 * Harvey Fierstein – Kenneth
 * Justin Theroux – Coop
 * James Remar – Chick
 * Robert Wisdom – Officer Dan
 * Swoosie Kurtz – Jean
 * Wallace Shawn – Herman
 * Maya Rudolph – Nancy's co-worker Tara
 * Amber Valletta – Celine
 * Michelle Krusiec – Dr. Kang
 * Tracey Walter – Pharmacy Customer
 * Danny DeVito – Narrator (voice)