ER (season 12)


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ER (1994–2009) is a long running medical drama, airing on NBC, that follows the lives of doctors and nurses in a Chicago emergency room.

Cañon City [12.01]

 * Luka: How is he?
 * Sam: Full of crap, like always.
 * Luka: I meant Alex.
 * Sam: He's okay. He wants to spend some time alone with his dad, so... there's only ten more minutes of visiting hours, so I figure Steve can't screw him up that bad in ten minutes. God knows, I'm sure he'll try.
 * Luka: Alex is a good kid. He'll figure it out.
 * Sam: Goddamnit. That bastard. He couldn't care less about us, but that little boy loves him anyway.


 * Sam: I'm like a bad trailer park version of myself.


 * Luka: I don't want what happened to my family to be the end of my story. I was a good father. I can be a good father again.
 * Sam: And what if it's not what I want?
 * Luka: Why don't you wanna have children with me?
 * Sam: It's not about you. I don't wanna have any more kids. I'm done.


 * Sam: [to Luka] I can't bring your kids back. I have a child of my own, and if it's a choice between you and Alex, I am always going to choose Alex.


 * Luka: Steve's in prison. You don't have to run anymore.
 * Sam: I'm not running. I just don't want what you want.

Nobody's Baby [12.02]

 * Neela: Where's Ray?
 * Clemons: He never came back down from labor and delivery.
 * Neela: He probably stayed upstairs to hit on one of those OB nurses.


 * Abby: [when two snobbish women start mocking Neela on the L] Just ignore them. They're on a bulimia high.
 * [as they get off the train, one of the women trips and injures her ankle; she screams and limps to a bench with her friend]
 * Neela: Should we help?
 * Abby: No. [Neela goes back anyway and feels the ankle for damage]
 * Drew: Don't- touch- me!
 * Neela: Try not to move.  I'm a doctor- you may have broken your ankle
 * Drew: If you're a doctor, I want a second opinion!
 * Neela: Okay. [gets up] Dr. Lockhart, would you care to give a second opinion?
 * Abby: Sure. Your ankle may be broken, and you're a bitch. [they walk away]


 * Luka: My father's been bugging me to visit. I haven't been home in a long time, and I have some vacation time coming up. So I was thinking about making a trip back to Croatia. It will only be for a couple of weeks. Maybe good for us to spend some time apart. Alex and you can hang out, and you know...
 * Sam: I've already started looking for a new place.
 * Luka: A new place?
 * Sam: For me and Alex.
 * Luka: You're moving out?
 * Sam: You just said you think it would be good for us to spend time apart.
 * Luka: That's not what I meant!
 * Sam: I was gonna tell you. I just think that it's... I need to think things out by myself.
 * Luka: Where are you going now?
 * Sam: I'm going to look for an apartment before work.
 * Luka: So what, we don't talk about this?
 * Sam: Never seemed to do us any good before.


 * Morris: Abby, Ray, Neela. No brains, no courage, no heart. All they need is a trip to see the Wizard.


 * Abby: Did I do something wrong in there?
 * Luka: No.
 * Abby: Am I... not handling this patient correctly?
 * Luka: No.
 * Abby: Are you okay?
 * Luka: Sam's moving out.
 * Abby: Oh. Why?
 * Luka: I've got a feeling it's our communication problem.
 * Abby: [nods] Well, if you're not sure... it probably is. [Luka nods] Sorry. Uh, if you want to talk about it-
 * Luka: No. I mean, if I wanted to talk about it, Sam probably wouldn't be moving out.
 * Abby: Thanks, Luka. [Luka gives her a puzzled look] I always thought it was my fault things didn't work out between us [Luka starts to grin] ...but, now I know it was you.
 * Luka: [laughs] Hey- no problem.

Man With No Name [12.03]

 * Morris: What do we do about this new nurse czar Eve something or other?
 * Kerry: Peyton. She came in to meet with the Emergency Services Committee and we all loved her.
 * Morris: Is it her job to slow the floor down to a crawl?
 * Abby: I thought that was your job.
 * Morris: My point being. All the nurses are in there, jacking away.
 * Abby: They're entitled to a staff meeting, Morris.
 * Morris: Not unless I say so... [Off Kerry's look] We say so... Not unless Dr. Weaver says so.


 * Inez: That Morris guy, what's he do?
 * Abby: Ah! He's the Chief Resident.
 * Inez: No. Seriously.


 * Luka: Obviously, there is an accute bleeding source.
 * Dubenko: Well, Dr. Kovač, normally this might be the part where we argue over whether you were hasty in calling me down.  I'd question the accuracy and thoroughness of your assessment, and we'd play mind games in a futile attempt to one-up each other.  But, you know what?  I'm just not in the mood today.  Why? I don't know. Lack of sleep, stress- maybe you people have just worn me out. Yet, even then... Dr. Lockhart, what do you see? [pause as Abby looks into the microscope]
 * Abby: Microacidic hypochromic anemia.
 * Dubenko: And is that an acute condition?
 * Abby: No.
 * Dubenko: No, it is not... [to Luka, with weary sarcasm] Next time, please consider the innate skills and abilities that I suspect led us all to be doctors- dust them off and put them to use before you summon me? [to the patient] Good luck, dear. [leaves]
 * Abby: [to Luka]... Was it something you said?


 * Luka: I was thinking... I've been thinking. We let things get away from us. We don't have to leave it like that.
 * Sam: Luka...
 * Luka: No. A lot happened fast. Too fast. Maybe we should just take our time. Make sure we know what we're doing. I don't want this to be one more thing I messed up.
 * Sam: We're pretending, Luka. I don't want to pretend anymore.

Blame It on the Rain [12.04]

 * Frank: Aren't you two supposed to keep 50 feet apart or something?
 * Sam: Bite me, Frank.
 * Frank: If you ask me, you're better off without her.
 * Luka: I didn't.


 * Eve: It's new policy. When we call for a consult the resident has 60 minutes to respond to the page or we call the attending. All the department heads signed off on it except Psych. Crazy bastards.


 * Morris: That's nice Eve, maybe you can bring it up at your next "Nazi Nurse" rally.


 * Sam: [to Eve] If you want us to act like professionals, then you need to treat us as such. You saw me with Dr. Kovac and how well we worked together. If that doesn't prove we can work the same shift, then you don't know your job as well as you think you do.


 * Haleh: What is that the rain turns the residents in this city into idiots?

Wake Up [12.05]

 * [Dr. Pratt is about to give nitroglycerin to Clemente, who is posing as a patient with chest pain]
 * Clemente: No... no, I did two lines of coke last night.
 * Pratt: What?
 * Clemente: Yeah, and a bottle of tequila.
 * Pratt: You did?
 * Clemente: Yeah, not to mention three Viagra.
 * Pratt: Why didn't you say something?
 * Clemente: Aren't you supposed to take my history?
 * Pratt: Who are you?
 * Clemente: Victor Clemente, your new attending and congratulations Doc, you just killed me.


 * Abby: [to Luka] The last time I reached out to someone, Dubenko tried to make me his concubine.

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 * Morris: [about Clemente] He's annoying.
 * Neela: You just said you liked his bloody shoes, you wanker!
 * Morris: Just because he's annoying doesn't mean I can't like his shoes!

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 * Neela: [about Clemente] He's kind of hot.
 * Abby: I thought you had a boyfriend.
 * Neela: I do, but he's at war and so are my hormones.

Dream House [12.06]

 * Eve: Management is a bitch.
 * Sam : Yeah, it's not the only one.

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 * Abby: We should take a core temp.
 * Neela: I'm not sticking anything up this monkey's ass.
 * Abby: You know, if I had a nickel for everytime I said that.

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 * Ray: What's the big hurry?
 * Neela: Zoey's here- she's in Exam Two.
 * Ray: [grins] She is?
 * Neela: Yes, she is. Oh! And I almost forgot. She's fourteen years old.
 * Ray: [pause, grins] Shut up.
 * Neela: She was born in 1990, Ray. [Ray's smile slips a notch]
 * Ray: What?
 * Neela: That's the decade immediately preceding the one we're in? [Ray's smile vanishes]
 * Ray: Are you for real?
 * Neela: Yes! And, in... prison math, I believe, fourteen equals five to ten? [Ray glances around worriedly]
 * Ray: Where is she?
 * Neela: Exam Two. And here's the kicker, Jerry Lee: your prepubescent penis-pal has chlamydia.
 * Ray: I had no idea she was that young!
 * Neela: Young? She's still teething. Although, I don't know, maybe you enjoy that.
 * Ray: She didn't say anything, how was I supposed to know?
 * Neela: Take her out for coffee, converse with her a bit, before you start boffing and handing out house keys!
 * Ray: I don't card my dates, okay?
 * Neela: Oh, well maybe it's time that you started.
 * Ray: 1990?
 * Neela: It was a very good year for Chlamydia.

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 * Ray: Why didn't you tell me?
 * Zoe Butler: I thought it was just a bladder infection from all the sex we were having.
 * Ray: No, God, not that. Why didn't you tell me how old you are?
 * Zoe Butler: Well, you never asked.
 * Ray: You said you were a student.
 * Zoe Butler: I am!
 * Ray: In what, 9th grade?
 * Zoe Butler: Eighth.
 * Zoe Butler: I didn't think you'd like me if you knew!
 * Ray: Well, you know, you're right! Because I also don't like courtrooms, and prisons, and men named Hank who make me their bitch!
 * Ray: Well, you know, you're right! Because I also don't like courtrooms, and prisons, and men named Hank who make me their bitch!

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 * Neela: I'm sorry.
 * Ray: Why? Because I talked myself into liking some groupie who turned out to be Hilary Duff with an STD?

The Human Shield [12.07]

 * Mr. Butler: I've got lawyers, lady.
 * Sam : Yeah? Well, I've got Jerry, so unless you want to be carried out of here like a dirty diaper, I suggest you sit down. [Jerry glances over and puts on a tough-guy face]
 * Mr. Butler: ...Come on, Zoe. [they walk to the waiting room]
 * Jerry: ''[to Sam']'...You know, I abhor violence.
 * Sam: Yeah, I know that- but he doesn't.

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 * Abby: Is this a gang shooting?
 * Luka: Guy used his daughter as a human shield.
 * Abby: Oh, lovely.
 * Luka: Yeah.

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 * Frank: Well, if it isn't the "Hatchet Lady." Which beloved employee are you axing today?
 * Sam : Stick a sock in it, Frank.
 * Frank: I'm sending Haleh her last check. You want to include a note?
 * Sam: Haleh was Eve's idea, Frank! I was just following orders.
 * Frank: That's what Himmler said.

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 * Clemente: This department needs a lot of work.
 * Eve: Yeah, it needs a kick in the ass.

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 * Luka: ...Mad about something?
 * Abby: [angrily]) What do you think?
 * Luka: Yes. But I didn't need to go to the debriefing-
 * Abby: Yeah, I don't care about that!
 * Luka: What are you talking about?
 * Abby: I'm talking about you and Clemente! And... whatever is going on between the two of you! If you want to get into a pissing match with him, that's fine, just leave me out of it!
 * Luka: He was wrong!
 * Abby: And that's the most important thing, isn't it? He was wrong, and you were right. [pause, tearfully] And while you were arguing about it, the little girl died.  As if she hadn't suffered enough. [pause, Luka stares at her] God, she was ten years old, Luka! And he had her for months! And, I just... I just cant-stop-thinking about what she must have gone through, and how afraid she must have been... and I can't stop thinking about why we couldn't save her! I just...
 * [She breaks off. Luka watches for a moment, then approaches, takes Abby's face in his hands, and kisses her.]

Two Ships [12.08]

 * Ray: Heard from Gallant?
 * Neela: Not yet. He got stuck.
 * Ray: He's still coming home, right?
 * Neela: Not at the moment.
 * Ray: Oh, that's cool. [Neela gives Ray a funny look, and he hastily retracts] I mean, too - too bad. But, uh... maybe I can come home now?
 * Neela: No.
 * Ray: No?!
 * Neela: It's actually quite nice without you. That smell hasn't been there since you've been gone.
 * Ray: But it's my place!
 * Tony Gates: Got another run, Mayday.
 * Neela: You can come back on the following conditions: no more dirty dishes in the sink, and no more using the couch as your clothes hamper.
 * Ray: Didn't I let you move in? [Neela looks at him pointedly] Okay, fine. Done deal. I'm on graveyard, I'll be back in the morning.

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 * Luka: Haleh?
 * Haleh: Sam called. Good thing too. It's been over two weeks and my husband was driving me crazy.

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 * [Ray and Pratt talk about Neela while they work together with Sam to try to save Adrian]
 * Pratt: Clear. Ah.
 * Ray: Still V-fib. When's the last time you saw her?
 * Pratt: I told you, we were a block apart. Resuming compressions. Amiodarone's onboard?
 * Ray: Five minutes ago. You should've kept an eye on her.
 * Pratt: Pronestyl drip?
 * Sam: Infusing.
 * Pratt: What, you think you could've done better?
 * Ray: I wouldn't have let her go into a burning building, and I sure as hell wouldn't have left her there.

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 * Neela: Today was so... terrifying... and amazing. There was no labs, no x-rays, no rapid infusors or cut down trays, just me. Maybe it's the adrenaline, but I feel high. I need to go back out.
 * Abby: Sounds like I need to call for a psych consult.

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 * Abby: [arguing with Neela trying to get her to stay at the hospital after smoke inhalation] Is there anything, anything I can say to get you to stay?
 * Neela: I don't think so.
 * Abby: I slept with Luka!
 * Neela: Yeah, nice try.

I Do [12.09]

 * Morris: [indicating the discussion between Weaver, Kovač and Clemente] Yo, Frank- que pasa?
 * Pratt: I think they're talking about you.
 * Morris: What?
 * Frank: Weaver kickin' their butts is my guess.
 * Sam: Yeah, she's gonna kick their butts right out of here if they don't stop yapping at each other.
 * Ray: Isn't one of them gonna be the new E.R. chief?
 * Frank: My money ain't on the nosebleed.
 * Morris: Nosebleed?
 * Abby: You miss just about everything, don't you?

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 * Clemente: So what happened?
 * Abby: Well, meet Glenda, my altered drunk head lac. While you guys were jerking each other off, she was busy bleeding into her head.

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 * Abby: Dr. Kovac.
 * Luka: [grinning] Dr. Lockhart.
 * Abby: Luka, there's something not right about Glenda.
 * Morris: Hey, that sounds like a movie: "There's Something Not Right About Glenda", like "Invasion of the Body Snatchers," shaky camera and stuff.
 * Abby: Morris.

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 * Abby: How was your little sit-down with Weaver this morning?
 * Luka: Ah, she was telling me and Dr. Clemente how charming we are.
 * Abby: Oh really?
 * Luka: What, you don't think I'm charming? [grins]
 * Abby: [grins] I think you're extremely charming. I just also think that...
 * [Glenda interrupts with sudden movements]
 * Luka: Whoa. Ah... She was telling us that we have to get along better, you know, be better impression to our residents and be more agreeable.
 * Abby: Hm. Well, that's a lot to ask.
 * Luka: What, you don't think I'm agreeable?
 * Abby: I think you're agreeable, yeah.
 * Luka: [smiles] Yeah, you still think I'm full of sh... [Glenda smacks Abby in the head]
 * Abby: Ow!

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 * Jerry: Dr. Gallant, I'd like to offer my services in officiating at your nuptials.
 * Gallant: What?
 * Jerry: I'm a Universal Life Minister- I can marry you and Neela.
 * Sam: Jer, I think they're looking for something legal.
 * Jerry: It's completely legal! I've married lots of people.
 * Morris: [grins] So, what- what, are you, like 'Reverend Jerry'?
 * Jerry: [annoyed] Actually, I go by 'Father Superior.'

All About Christmas Eve [12.10]

 * Luka: [enters the hospital in a Santa hat, distributing presents] Ho-ho!
 * Frank: Well, well, look what the reindeer dragged in.
 * Luka: [pulls a new scarf out of the bag] This is for you, Frank.
 * Frank: Wow! Last time I got a present in this hospital was when that helicopter fell on Romano!

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 * Ray: [at Haleh's Christmas choir tryouts] You remember Debbie Allen from Fame?
 * Morris: Yeah.
 * Ray: Well, Haleh makes her look like Mother Teresa.
 * Haleh: Next!

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 * Pratt: What's this?
 * Olivia: It's a vigil for Danielle.
 * Pratt: But she's not dead.
 * Olivia: They're praying to keep her that way.
 * Pratt: Really?
 * Olivia: Really.
 * Pratt: [hugs her] Not bad, Olivia- not bad, baby.
 * Chuny: Pratt! The little girl broke down in the elevator- we had to move her back to Trauma Two!
 * Pratt: [to Olivia as he leaves] Tell 'em to keep prayin'.

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 * Abby: Was that Jodie?
 * Clemente: How do you know her name?
 * Abby: 'Cause she calls Frank about eight times a day, and I talk to her about three.
 * Clemente: That's great.
 * Abby: Must have been- your fly's down.

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 * Abby:...Okay. I don't know how to say this...
 * Luka: What?
 * Abby: Well, it's just that these past three weeks- you know, I- I really couldn't have imagined it better!
 * Luka: [confused, but not disagreeing]...For me, too.
 * Abby: Yeah- and I haven't laughed so much or felt so good in a really, really long time. And I don't want to do anything to ruin that.
 * Luka: Hey! You won't, I promise...
 * Abby: Luka...
 * Luka: Yeah?
 * Abby: Ah, man! [looks away]
 * Luka: What?
 * Abby: [looks back at him, apprehensively] I'm pregnant. [Luka stares at her in amazement]

If Not Now [12.11]

 * Ray: I need a few weeks off.
 * Kerry: Why?
 * Ray: My band got a recording deal. We're going to L.A.
 * Kerry: Back away from the gurney or I will impale you with my crutch.
 * Ray: Kerry- [Kerry prods him sharply in the chest with her crutch]
 * Kerry: Back off, Elvis.

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 * Abby: What if I can't love it right?
 * Luka: Abby...
 * Abby: Maybe I'm not strong enough.
 * Luka: Being a parent makes you stronger.
 * Abby: And, it breaks your heart. You told me that.
 * Luka: That's not what I meant. [referring to the children he lost]
 * Abby: I'm sorry. I didn't mean-
 * Luka: No, don't use that as a reason. A[bby looks at him for a moment]
 * Abby:...I'm sorry. [strokes his arm] What if I go shopping, and leave it at the supermarket?
 * Luka: [chuckles] Don't worry, I'll do all the shopping.
 * Abby: I'm afraid I'd mess it up, Luka.
 * Luka: [squeezes her hand] We won't.

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 * Morris: He's hemodynamically stable, with no parataneal signs!
 * Albright: So why'd you call me down here?!
 * Morris: Look, Missy, it's protocol, all right? [Albright turns and approaches him menacingly]
 * Albright: You- didn't- really just call me 'Missy', did you?
 * Morris: [suddenly nervous] Okay, look- the case meets trauma criteria!
 * Albright: Next time, call me when you know what you've got on your hands!
 * [Moments later, Neela proves that the patient doesn't need surgery, unintentionally humiliating Morris]
 * Albright:...You should pay more attention to your interns, Red.
 * Neela: I'm an R2, actually.
 * Albright: Ok, R2. Call me about that surgical elective- we might be able to work something out. [leaves, Morris exhales sharply]
 * Albright: Ok, R2. Call me about that surgical elective- we might be able to work something out. [leaves, Morris exhales sharply]

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 * Neela: [about a pregnant Catholic girl whose parents refuse to let her have an abortion] You're the wrong person to talk to about this.
 * Luka: Excuse me?
 * Neela: I would like your permission to consult another Attending. [Luka looks at her in confusion] Someone who's not Catholic. [Luka pauses, then steps towards her]
 * Luka: [quietly angry] Listen to me very seriously. I'm a doctor first, above and beyond anything else- and I don't let my personal beliefs get in the way of a patient's best interests! Ever.

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 * Luka: I don't want everything we have to come down to this one decision. [pauses)] We can get past it. You did what you had to do. It doesn't mean we can't be together.
 * Abby: I didn't do it. I couldn't. I want to keep it. I want us to have this baby.

Split Decisions [12.12]

 * Luka: You want to go shopping?
 * Abby: I want to go looking.
 * Luka: Baby monitors.
 * Abby: Monitors, cribs, car seats. Maybe a little mobile of famous Croatian diplomats.
 * [Luka looks at her like she's crazy]
 * Abby: It's a joke.

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 * Luka: [discussing what they'll need to get ready for the baby. Abby realizes that they'll need two of everything, one for her place and one for his] So, if we have twins, we need to have four of everything?
 * Abby: I'm not having twins.
 * Luka: Ahh, identical twins run in my family.
 * Abby: Are you kidding me?
 * Luka: What? I mean, chances are really small.
 * Abby: If your mutant Croatian seed causes me to have twins, I ...
 * Luka: Listen, look at it from the sunny side. If we have a custody fight, each one of us is going to take a kid.
 * [Abby rolls her eyes at him]
 * Luka: Identical twins.
 * Abby: [still laughing] Got it. Let's go.

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 * Pratt: Wait. What are you doing man? [Morris unbuttons his shirt] You got extra nipples?
 * Morris: Yes! Red hair, porcelain skin and four nipples. You know what gym class was like for me growing up? Hey, nipple boy, here here little piggy, look it's the ugly suckling! I heard them all
 * [Ray comes behind the curtain too]
 * Morris: Hey! We don't knock?
 * Ray: On a curtain? What are you guys doing with my patient anyway?
 * Pratt: Nothing. Morris was just showing me his extra pair of nipples.
 * Morris: Oh my God! I can't believe you just violated my doctor patient privilege!
 * Pratt: I'm not your doctor, Morris and you sure as hell ain't my patient.
 * Ray: Wow, look at those! That is freaky! You should get them all pierced, wear 'em like chain mail.

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 * Abby: Crap! [she ducks behind a clothes rack]
 * Luka: What? [Abby pulls him behind the rack]
 * Abby: It's Debbie Dawkins, from the pharmacy.
 * Luka: Who? [He tries to peer out, and Abby smacks him in the arm]
 * Abby: Don't look! If she spots the two of us in a baby store together holding bags of stuff, she's gonna tell everybody!
 * Luka: I don't even know who she is-
 * Abby: She knows who you are!
 * Luka: I don't think so!
 * Abby: Oh, Luka- every woman who works in the hospital knows who you are, trust me.

Body and Soul [12.13]

 * Lennox: I don't want to be a soul trapped in a corpse.

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 * Luka: People with degenerative diseases do best when they have...
 * Lennox: Hope? Do you read the papers? Bush just banned funding for embryonic stem cell research. I'm trying to hold on to hope, Doctor, but nobody's cooperating these days.

Quintessence of Dust [12.14]

 * Jerry: [about Pratt's suit] Dr. Pratt! Who's the lucky lady?
 * Pratt: Oh, no, no- it's nothing like that, just a little charity event I gotta attend to.
 * Morris: [adjusting Pratt's tie] Oh, don't you be coy, Pratt! Chicago's 50 hottest bachelors are being auctioned off to benefit the Chicago Health Coalition! [Pratt chuckles]
 * Jerry: Impressive!
 * Morris: [peeved] I, the 51st hottest bachelor, didn't make the cut.
 * Abby: How's Olivia feel about this?
 * Pratt: Feel about what?
 * Abby: the fact that someone's buying a date with her boyfriend?
 * Pratt: Aw, I wouldn't put it that way! It's a good cause- she's cool.
 * Haleh: [sarcastically] Really? Your African-American girlfriend is cool with her African-American boyfriend bein' put up on the block for a bunch of rich white women to bid on?
 * Pratt: [grins] Take it easy, Angela Davis. How do you know they're all white? See ya!

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 * Abby: Really impressive how you guys can leap from misogyny to homophobia in a single bound!
 * Frank: Hey, you're the one who was just calling Albright a bitch.
 * Abby: Oh, right- after you did! Anyway, that's not the point- the point is, why is everybody so bigoted around here?!
 * Ray: No more overnights for Abby.
 * Morris: Yeah, Kovac, your woman's starting to sound a little kooky.
 * Abby: Oh, Morris, I swear to God, if you ever- ever- refer to me as someone's 'woman' again, I will slap you silly with this hole-punch! [she shoves said hole-punch in his face, startling him]
 * Ray: Don't you mean bitch-slap?

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 * Luka: CT scan seems a little bit confused.
 * Patient: I am not confused.
 * Ray: What's the date today?
 * Patient: February 9th, and I want my can opener back!

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 * Morris: Why are you still here?
 * Abby: Uh, 'cause my fridge at home was empty and I was hungry
 * Morris: [looking at the ice cream sandwich she is eating] Didn't I see you eating one of those 20 minutes ago?
 * Abby: This is my third.
 * Morris: Third? What are you, pregnant?
 * [pause]
 * Abby: What? What are you talking about?
 * Morris: Oh my God, you are!
 * Abby: You're crazy.
 * Morris: You are, aren't you??
 * Abby: No...
 * Morris: You are totally pregnant!
 * Abby: So what, you're in love with Albright.
 * Morris: I am not!
 * Abby: Oh Morris, come on.
 * Morris: You shut up.
 * Abby: You shut up too.
 * Morris: You shut up first!
 * Pratt: Shut up about what?
 * Morris: Nothing.
 * Abby: Nothing.

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 * Luka: So what do you think?
 * Abby: About what?
 * Luka: The baby's sex is right there on that amnio report.
 * Abby: Did you know that the X chromosome contains three times as much genetic information as the Y? Do you think that's why men are simpler?
 * Luka: And you didn't ask.

Darfur [12.15]

 * Carter: The Janjaweed have turned this place into the wild wild west.

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 * Kerry: Dr. Clemente is an excellent physician with some personal issues. That's certainly nothing new around here.

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 * Stephen Dakarai: She was like this in the Congo?
 * Carter: She was worse.
 * Debbie: At least in the Congo we had television... beer... I'm not saying anything about anyone's religion, but this place would drive anybody to drink.

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 * Abby: [noticing a gift basket full of baby items] Hey, what's this?
 * Frank: Oh, that's for you and the little bastard.
 * Abby: Thanks, Frank.
 * Kerry: Hey, congratulations!
 * Abby: Thank you. It was supposed to be a secret. [looks pointedly at Morris]
 * Morris: Wha- everybody was saying you were getting puffy! I was trying to defend you!
 * Abby: I'm getting puffy?
 * Luka: You're not getting puffy.

Out on a Limb [12.16]

 * Morris:...And in Curtain One, a severe case of over-golding.
 * Ray: Over- whating?
 * Morris: Prepare to be amazed.

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 * Abby: Got anything for me, Chief?
 * Morris: Oh, yes. For you: Anal warts-
 * Abby: Every girl's dream.
 * Morris: And raw oyster anphylaxis.
 * Chuny: Ugh, how can anyone eat those things?
 * Abby: They're supposed to be an aphrodisiac.
 * Morris: Trust me, they work.

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 * Kerry: All right, Who left a kielbasa in the drug fridge? This is a clear JCAHO violation. Who didn't know that?
 * Abby: I'm guessing Frank, his name's on it.
 * Kerry: Well, someone tell him to keep his sausage to himself.

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 * Morris: [to Neela about her cookies] Yeah, uhm... After careful consideration from your ER peers, plus Hector in janitorial services...
 * Frank: Just the feeling is, your cookies are...
 * Ray: The worst cookies ever made in the history of baking.
 * Neela: [laughing] Shut up. [long, silent pause, then angrily, while leaving] Bollocks to you all!
 * Morris: [calling after her] The truth hurts!

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 * Morris: [to an anemic patient] Did you hit your head when you passed out?
 * Richard Elliott: I don't think so, but then I was unconscious at the time.
 * Elliott's driver: He was slumped over in the back seat, but he was wearing his seatbelt.
 * Sam: Malik, a little help?
 * Richard Elliott: What, are you givin' away free toasters here or somethin'?

Lost in America [12.17]

 * Dubenko: You know, I once ate a hash brownie before giving a big talk in Amsterdam. I mistakenly thought that it would take an hour to kick in...suddenly I was up on stage, completely out of my head, lecturing to a room full of biochemists in a faux French accent.

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 * Morris: Abby, you get fever rash. I will take dog bite to the ear lobe. Wait, no...you take dog bite and I'll take the rash. It could be Rubella. We wouldn't want our baby getting a TORCH infection.
 * Abby: What?
 * Morris: TORCH infection. You know, herpes.
 * Abby: I know what a TORCH infection is.
 * Morris: Then you know it wouldn't be good for our baby.
 * Abby: Why do you keep calling it "our" baby?
 * Morris: I don't mean our baby like you and me. I mean like our baby, like an ER mascot.
 * Abby: This baby isn't anybody's mascot. [she walks away]
 * Morris: Oh, come on! Don't go away mad!

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 * Morris: Ray! Meet my kids!
 * Ray: Your what?
 * Morris: I needed some extra cash in college, donated to a sperm bank. Best job I ever had, by the way.

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 * Luka: [talking to the mother of a Turkish girl who died on the table] This is the hardest thing for any parent to experience.
 * Patient's mother: How do you protect them from all the evil of the world?
 * Luka: You can't. No matter what you do, you can't.

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 * Luka: [after learning that the girl had been stabbed by her Islamic fundamentalist brother] This was an honor killing?
 * Patient's mother: [sobbing] Yes- yes, that's what they call it. But there is no honor here.

Strange Bedfellows [12.18]

 * Abby: Good Lord, what is that?
 * Luka: What?
 * Abby: That smell. It's really bad. It smells like... ass.
 * Neela: You do realize how close you are to the ER?

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 * Luka: Abby, we...we need to finish our talk.
 * Abby: No, we don't actually cause you know what, I understand.
 * Luka: No, no you don't.
 * Abby: No, I do.
 * Luka: Listen...
 * Abby: No, you listen, I - I mean...sorry. I just..I...I'm...you know what? I know that we're not married and um...and we don't live together and we really haven't defined our relationship and I know that that's mostly, probably all because of me, but you looked at me and said that we were going to do this together. And I know that you'll be back before the baby's born, but I just...I just hate that you wanna go, and I hate that I hate that you wanna go, but I'm just a little bit...scared, Luka and um...I don't want to do this by myself, but if I have to I - I can and I will.
 * Luka: I'm sending Pratt.
 * Abby: To help me with the baby?
 * Luka: To Darfur. He... he... he.. He volunteered. Long story.

No Place to Hide [12.19]

 * Abby: [to Luka] Look, I know in Croatia you grew up like Ozzie and Harriet and I'm sorry you probably don't even know what Ozzie & Harriet is.

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 * Clemente: [to Pratt] Have fun in the motherland!

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 * Abby: The thing is, yes it's gonna get harder and harder, but that doesn't mean that right now they're not better off together.
 * Luka: Like you were better off with your mother? [Abby gives him a look] Sorry.

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 * Vatima Abika: [in Darfur] It's a lot.
 * Pratt: Yeah, well... I work in Chicago, at County ER. I've treated hundreds of gunshot wounds, knife wounds, domestic violence... I think I know my way around.
 * Vatima Abika: AIDS, malaria, dysentery... two million people homeless, not to mention the nearly 400,000 already slaughtered. Boys, babies, tossed onto bonfires. Women and young girls raped, sometimes by men, sometimes by bayonet. The work of gangs, all things you have seen. But in Darfur, it's political, and on a massive scale. And while this insanity rages on and on and on, the rest of the world continues its debate: is it or is it not genocide? This is not debate. This is paralysis. Can you treat that, Dr. Pratt? Can you cure paralysis?

There Are No Angels Here [12.20]

 * Pratt: You expected Marcus Garvey? Don't think we have any more in common than you and Carter.
 * Stephen Dakarai: I don't. In fact, I think Carter is more African than you are.

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 * Pratt: Okay, either those are the good guys and we're saved or the bad guys and we're dead. Either way, I'm done walking.

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 * Pratt: What did she say?
 * Stephen Dakarai: She said we were angels. I told her there are no angels here.
 * Pratt: Speak for yourself.

The Gallant Hero and the Tragic Victor [12.21]

 * Gallant: [On his video to Neela] So... hopefully you're never gonna see this thing. But if you are, then something went wrong. Well, maybe not wrong, but certainly not according to plan. I love you, Neela. Marrying you was the happiest day of my life. You just, you make me strong. Now, I know you didn't want me to come back to Iraq. And if you're watching this, you owe me a big I told you so, but I did what I had to do. You're the most beautiful and kind person that I know. I just, want you to be happy. And just know that I'll always be with you. I want you to find somebody, get married, have a baby. Of course he won't be as fine as me, but you'll just gonna have to live with that. I love you Neela. Forever. [Neela cries]

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 * Luka: Everything alright with you?
 * Pratt: Yeah, why?
 * Luka: Sometimes it can be a difficult transition, coming back to this place.
 * Pratt: I'll be OK. I was just a little rattled earlier. Cause of the whole Mike situation.
 * Luka: Well, good to have you back.
 * Pratt: Hey, thanks for making me go there.
 * Luka: Someday maybe you can tell me all about it?
 * Pratt: Yeah, someday.

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 * Clemente: Abby, You can't give me Haldol. You can't give me Haldol, Abby. I'm not crazy. You understand?
 * Abby: It's OK, it's OK.
 * Clemente: Hey Ray! Come here, buddy, come here. Come here buddy, come here buddy. These freaking chicks are losing their minds. Come here and help me man!
 * Abby: Get Luka.
 * Clemente: [to paramedic] What, are you gonna amputate my leg? [to Ray] Yeah, run to daddy, little bitch. Run to daddy little bitch.

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 * Clemente: Get a head CT.
 * Luka: What is wrong with you?!
 * Clemente: I'm trying to help you, that's all.
 * Luka: You don't listen to a word anybody says! You're all over the place!

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 * Jane Figler: Mothers often eat their own young in the wild and we just think it's part of nature, right? But when women kill their children, it's a crime, and we think they're crazy.
 * Abby: What?
 * Jane Figler: Well, I mean, it just makes you wonder, right? Are the lions crazy too? Or are women like Susan Smith and Andrea Yates just acting upon some primitive impulse that's deep within our genetic maternal make-up?
 * Luka: Am I interrupting something?
 * Jane Figler: Just some girl talk.

Twenty-One Guns [12.22]

 * [Abby calls Morris a name in Croatian]
 * Morris: Oh, what is that, some kind of nasty Croatian word? Something about me and a goat?

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 * Morris: I call no more kids. I'm sick of getting bit, kicked and pissed on.
 * Abby: I guess that means you stopped dating too, huh?

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 * Kerry: You know, I'm not down there, Donald. I don't run the ER anymore.
 * Anspaugh: Which leads me to a second issue. The board has concerns about Dr. Kovac's ability to manage the department.
 * Kerry: You're not serious.
 * Anspaugh: Are you satisfied with the job he's doing?
 * Kerry: He's doing the best he can with what he has.