ER (season 5)


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ER (1994–2009) is a long running medical drama, airing on NBC, that follows the lives of doctors and nurses in a Chicago emergency room.

Day For Knight [5.01]

 * Bernard: Hey, Luc, did you just get here?
 * Lucy: Bernard, what are you doing?
 * Bernard: What happened?
 * Lucy: Oh, some fire twirler burned his butt and the whole troupe's waiting for him. What is all this? You look like some geek pacing around.
 * Bernard: I am a geek pacing around. Taking Dr. Weaver's audio tour of the ER.
 * Lucy: Who's Dr. Weaver?
 * Bernard: Kind of short, red hair, uses a crutch.
 * [Lucy shrugs]
 * Bernard: So what do they just have you sitting here?
 * Lucy: I don't know what I'm supposed to do. No one's told me anything.


 * Elizabeth: [to Lucy] Now, don't let the residents abuse you. You're here to learn, not to be their indentured servant.


 * Lucy: So your dad works here?
 * Rachel Greene: Yeah, he's one of the bosses. Well, he used to be the only boss, before Dr. Weaver butted in.


 * Kerry: So, I haven't had much of a chance to work with you today. I trust everything is going well?
 * Lucy: Yes. You know, pretty well for a first day.
 * Kerry: In other words, it's been completely hateful, huh?


 * Lucy: Did I say the wrong thing?
 * Mark: In general, it's probably not a good idea to show up the residents.
 * Lucy: So, I should give the wrong answer?
 * Mark: Tricky, isn't it?
 * Chuny: Welcome aboard.

Split Second [5.02]

 * Lucy: Right, Dr. Carter?
 * Jerry: Please don't call him Dr. Carter. We'll never be able to live with him.
 * Lucy: What should I call you?
 * Jerry: He's just...Carter.
 * Carter: Dr. Carter will be fine.


 * Kerry: You know, I think it's a wise move for you. Great research opportunities in EMS.
 * Mark: Well, I'm actually more interested in coordinating paramedic care.
 * Kerry: And for once, you and I would not be in competition. Field work was never my forte.
 * Mark: You wouldn't want this job, Kerry. There's no money, no power, no glory.
 * Kerry: Yeah, right. It doesn't fit into my Machiavellian scheme to rule the Emergency Department.


 * Romano: I couldn't do it, work with family.
 * Elizabeth: Robert, you can't work with anyone.


 * Olbes: Hold on. Are you telling me that the EMS Medical Director is a real person?
 * Mark: He's an ER doc.
 * Olbes: Huh. I thought it was just a name they stuck on the top of memos.
 * Mark: Not when I do it.


 * Carter: Hey, you guys just missed a good one. I sent a guy straight up to the OR. Perfed his intestine with a carrot.
 * Carol: A whole carrot?
 * Lucy: How do you swallow a whole carrot?
 * [Carter and Carol look at her]
 * Carter: Didn't swallow.
 * Lucy: [embarrassed] Oh, I get it.

They Treat Horses, Don't They? [5.03]

 * Mark: You need to make a decision, Kerry. Do you want to be a doctor or an administrator? I'm going to go examine a horse.


 * Doug: [after reading from Weaver's performance review of him] That's right, Kerry. I'm a psycho.


 * [Randi stares at Carter's beard]
 * Carter: What?
 * Randi: You're starting to look kinda mythical.


 * Lucy: [preparing a injection] Malik, could I ask you a question? Which do you think is the better vein?
 * Malik: That's the one. Big and straight.
 * Lucy: Okay.
 * Malik: Just slide it in, he can't feel anything.
 * Lucy: All right. [she inserts the needle] It's going in. Got a flash. I'm advancing.
 * Malik: Sapphire pinkie ring? This man ain't got no class.
 * Lucy: Hooked up the line. Got the tape. How come it's not running in?
 * Malik: It's infiltrated. You went all they way through the vein.
 * Lucy: No, I was really careful.
 * Malik: Well, Lucy, you gotta be kind of Zen with it, okay? Now watch the master okay? It's not about seeing. It's not about feeling. It's about knowing.

Vanishing Act [5.04]

 * Kerry: I never know how to answer that question about my weaknesses.
 * Mark: Yeah. Well, I could've helped you out there.


 * [w:Robert Romano (ER)|Romano]]]: [to Corday] You can wear the long coat; it looks better on you.


 * Jeanie: You need some help.
 * Doug: Okay. Take rashes.
 * Jeanie: I was thinking something more permanent.
 * Doug: Allergies?

Masquerade [5.05]

 * Carter: Okay, party's over; you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here!
 * Lucy: What's wrong, was the music too loud?
 * Carter: No, the furniture was too on fire.


 * Lucy: At least your residents acknowledge your existence. Mine don't even know I'm here. I get more respect from this rubber arm.

Stuck On You [5.06]

 * Dr. Parks: Do you know any deaf people, Dr. Benton?
 * Benton: No. No, I don't.
 * Dr. Parks: Have you ever thought that being deaf might not be so terrible?
 * Benton: So, you're saying there's no problem?
 * Dr. Parks: You can never know what it's like to be deaf. Just like I can never know what it's like to be black.
 * Benton: I don't look at me being black as a burden. That's who I am.
 * Dr. Parks: And I don't look at my deafness as a burden. That's who I am. If you turn away from your son's deafness, you will be robbing him of his identity.
 * Benton: My son has a medical problem. I'm not turning away from anything. I'm trying to fix it.

Hazed and Confused [5.07]

 * Amanda: If you don't mind me saying, I'm one of the baddest ER bitches out there.

The Good Fight [5.08]

 * Carter: [on the hospital's rooftop] Hi.
 * Lucy: Thought you went home.
 * Carter: No - we're on in an hour. It's better not to sleep unless you can get at least three.
 * Lucy: I wouldn't sleep anyway.
 * Carter: The crit's up three points, but the renal failure may be permanent. That's if she wakes up.
 * Lucy: [Upset] I thought we were saving her.
 * Carter: No... we were giving her her only chance...
 * Lucy: That's not good enough!
 * Carter: It has to be.
 * Lucy: No, it doesn't.
 * Carter: Some patients get to you more than others, I know. But when you do everything that you can, sometimes even more than you thought you could, you've got to walk away knowing you fought the good fight. You fought the good fight, Lucy. [pauses] Tomorrow you'll fight another one.

Good Luck, Ruth Johnson [5.09]

 * Kerry: Carter! I am not your mother! Now, for the last time, get up!


 * Drunk: 100 bottles of beer on the wall, 100 bottles of beer take one down pass it around 100 bottles of beer on the wall.
 * Jerry: I've never heard one go on this long.
 * Lydia: Seems like forever.
 * Jerry: He can't even count, never drops to 99, 98, just back to 100.
 * Haleh: So you don't mind that he's loud and smells bad, just that he can't sing the song right.
 * Lydia: 100 bottles of beer on the wall... Sorry it's catchy.
 * Haleh: Who's on?
 * Jerry: General Lee but she's in a meeting with Anspaugh.
 * Lydia: I hope you aren't calling her that to her face.
 * Jerry: Our new chief of emergency services, would I do something like that?
 * Haleh: We need to pop this guy some Ativan and put him out of our misery.
 * Jerry: Yes, I believe there is someone asleep in the on-call room.
 * Haleh and Lydia: Wake them up.
 * Jerry: I can't leave the desk.
 * Haleh: Then find someone that can wake them up.
 * Lydia: We've got work to do.


 * Carol: Mark time to get up.
 * Mark: I'll be right there...
 * Carol: Mark let's go it's 7:00.
 * Mark: I'm up, I'm up.
 * Doug: Hey Mark I don't want to have to throw cold water on you.
 * Mark: Oh, Doug is that you?
 * [Doug uses an air horn to wake him up]

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 * Doug: Hey, you about ready?
 * Mark: About deaf. That wasn't really necessary Doug.
 * Doug: Well, I know, but I do it to Carol every morning.

The Miracle Worker [5.10]

 * Romano: What the hell do you think you're doing operating on my patient?
 * Benton: Saving his life. [to himself] You jerk.
 * Romano: Get me a gown and gloves now! And Peter get your hands out of my patient.
 * Benton: Okay, give me a little suction here.
 * Shirley: Sucker's clogged.
 * Benton: Yeah, it's a cranberry.
 * Romano: Gloves Shirley, gloves. [Enters OR] Where the hell is she?
 * Benton: Who?
 * Romano: Who do you think? What d'you do, give her extra work to hang her up here?
 * Benton: I have no idea what the hell you're talking about.
 * Romano: Step away.
 * Benton: Alright.
 * [He does so]
 * Romano: Who gave you permission to start without me?
 * Benton: He was going into septic shock.
 * Romano: You are a resident Peter, you don't take a piss without getting permission. And where the hell's Lizzie, off doing your scut?
 * Benton: She left an hour ago.
 * Romano: What the hell d'you use to make this incision, a chainsaw?
 * Shirley: [to Benton, about Romano] He's been drinking.
 * Benton: What?
 * Shirley: He's drunk.
 * Benton: Go, call Anspaugh now.

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 * Romano: Just finishing up my disciplinary report, recommending that your residency be terminated for operating without an attending.
 * Benton: Hmm, if you turn that in I'll be forced to defend myself.
 * Romano: Hmm, well good luck Peter.
 * Benton: That'll mean I'll have to turn in these labs showing that your blood alcohol level was .12. You shouldn't have even been driving, let alone operating on someone.
 * Romano: Don't bluff me Peter. [rolling up his sleeves to show his arms as proof] You didn't draw my blood.
 * Benton: Not from there.
 * [Romano checks his thighs]

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 * Kerry: Jerry, next time you want to make an ass out of yourself, leave me out of it. OK?

Nobody Doesn't Like Amanda Lee [5.11]

 * Mark: Edie?
 * Edie Harvell: Oh, Dr. Greeene, I wanna... I want to thank you.
 * Mark: For what? Getting you held hostage by a crazed lunatic?
 * Edie Harvell: Oh, I haven't... I haven't felt this good in years.
 * Mark: That's great.
 * Edie Harvell: Yeah, I mean, if I can survive this hell-hole, I can survive anything.
 * Mark: Can I call you a cab?
 * Edie Harvell: [hurriedly] No. No. No, I think I'm just gonna walk.

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 * Tony: [answering the phone] ER. If you're sick, we'll fix you quick.

Double Blind [5.12]

 * Lucy: [about Romano] So, should I feel special, or does he stare at everyone's breasts?
 * Elizabeth: No, only the females as far as I know.

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 * Romano: If Ms Knight actually helps you to finish early, i would like to ask you to assist this afternoon with a choledochojejunostomy.
 * Elizabeth: Choledochojejunostomy?
 * Romano: Oh, you can say it!

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 * Kerry: [after Carter has incorrectly peeled cucumbers] Why don't you chill the Pinot Grigio?
 * Carter: In the freezer?
 * Kerry: Don't quit your day job Carter.

Choosing Joi [5.13]

 * Malik: Hey, Carol, I've got us a customer. SOB with a cough.
 * Alice Presley: Who are you calling a "Son of a Bitch"?
 * Malik: [chuckling] No, ma'am, it just means "shortness of breath".

The Storm, Part 1 [5.14]

 * [Talking about the Titanic with Lucy and Dale]
 * Carter: Leonardo DiCaprio, hoop skirts, and tragic love is kinda my idea of hell on earth.

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 * Kerry: [To Jerry] Damn it, Jerry, if you don't stop watching TV, I'm gonna rip it off the wall with my bare hands and beat you to death with it.

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 * Mark: Coroner's coming over to get the body and do an autopsy. Roger Julian's coming from genetics. He's hopping mad, says Ricky was on his service. Wants to know where the hell the mother got Dilaudid and a PCA machine.
 * Doug: The boy was dying.
 * Mark: You promised Kerry and I you wouldn't prescribe any more.
 * Doug: He was in excruciating pain.
 * Mark: You promised us yesterday!
 * Doug: The mother was begging me.
 * Mark: Where the hell did you get the machine? Genetics didn't prescribe it. I know we didn't.
 * Doug: I got it from Carol's clinic.
 * Mark: Come here. [Pulling Ross aside] Carol's clinic doesn't have PCA's.
 * Doug: She called in a favor. Got it from one of her suppliers.
 * Mark: The police are on their way to Joi Abbott's house right now. They have a warrant to impound the PCA. Are they going to find anything out of the ordinary?
 * Doug: Like what?
 * Mark: Like the machine set to administer enough Dilaudid to kill ten grown men?
 * Doug: I don't know.
 * Mark: What do you mean you don't know? You set it.
 * Doug: This boy was suffering, Mark. He had end-stage ALD. In agony. The mother was watching this child die.
 * Mark: Did you help him along?
 * Doug: I gave the mother the entry code. I showed her how to change the dosage. Now, I don't know what she did afterwards. I went to work. And you would have done the exact same thing if you were there.
 * Kerry: [Interjecting with Greene and Ross] Anspaugh's coming down with Romano and Julian.
 * Mark: Doug prescribed the PCA machine and the Dilaudid through Carol's clinic.
 * Kerry: What? When?
 * Mark: Right after he told us he wouldn't.
 * Kerry: Uh! We're going to have to tell Anspaugh about Doug violating the pain study protocol and our covering it up. I mean they're going to scrutinize everything he's prescribed, Mark. They're going to interview the mother, it's bound to come out. [to Ross] What the hell's wrong with you? I mean, we trusted you and you immediately chose to betray the trust. I'm done defending you, Doug.
 * Doug: Defending me? You've been trying to nail me for years.
 * Kerry: I don't nail colleagues. You want to destroy your own career? That's fine. But you stay the hell away from mine.

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 * Dr. Anspaugh: You two took it upon yourselves to cover up a serious breach of a federally funded program?
 * Kerry: We thought it was in the hospital's best interest to keep the incident from becoming public.
 * Hospital Administrator Harriet Spooner: Well, it's gonna go public now. And in connection with a high-profile euthanasia case.
 * Dr. Julian: Where the hell did Ross get a PCA?
 * Mark: From the clinic.
 * Dr. Anspaugh: God, what a fiasco.
 * Kerry: What about Ross?
 * Romano: Take him out back and shoot him.

The Storm, Part 2 [5.15]

 * Carter: Oh, Chuny. Hi.
 * Chuny: Hi.
 * Carter: You got a minute?
 * Chuny: Sure. What's up?
 * Carter: Umm. Earlier, with Lucy and I. I'm sure that you have your suspicions about what we were doing in there. But, actually, we were just..
 * Chuny: Knocking boots?
 * Carter: What?
 * Chuny: Doing the old nasty? Hey, the more the merrier, I say.
 * Carter: Actually we weren't doing anything.
 * Chuny: Mm-hmm.
 * Carter: I mean, she's a med student, you know? I'm a..resident.
 * Chuny: That stuff happens all the time.
 * Carter: Lucy's like- Lucy's like a little..sister, or something, to me.
 * Chuny: Ah. You do that with your little sister?
 * Carter: Nothing happened! We didn't do anything! Do you - Do you hear what I'm tell - and besides, I already have a girlfriend.
 * Chuny: Ahh. That insurance lady?
 * Carter: She's a financial advisor.
 * Chuny: Hm.
 * Carter: Roxanne and I have a lot in common.
 * Conni: Units are pulling up!
 * Chuny: She's too pushy, you know. Always trying to sell you something. I'd stick with Lucy. You two make a cute couple.
 * Carter: We are not a couple!

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 * Kerry: Are there seatbelts on the bus?
 * Mark: No.
 * Kerry: We've got airbags in every new car in America, but we're sending our kids off like lambs to the slaughter.

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 * Doug: It's a pedes case.
 * Kerry: You are off this station! You are not working in this hospital! Not tonight! Now sit down and let Carol look at your head!

Middle of Nowhere [5.16]

 * Benton: Adelina should have been admitted to a hospital for diabetic teaching.
 * Nurse Practitioner: Well, that's not gonna happen.
 * Benton: Well, what about a sub-q [[w:insulin pump|? Have you heard of those?
 * Nurse Practitioner: [sarcastically] Something newer than leeches?

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 * [Jeanie's nose is bleeding and Peter reaches out with a tissue]
 * Jeanie: Peter, don't touch me, for God's sake! I'm poison.

Sticks and Stones [5.17]

 * Elizabeth: Mark's just trying to be a friend... in that endearing, slightly inept, male kind of way.

Point of Origin [5.18]

 * Elizabeth: I've found a way to limit my Romano exposure.
 * Benton: Oh, yeah, what's that? Garlic?

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 * Kerry [while treating a woman who gave birth in the street]: Did they find the [[w:placenta|placenta?
 * Paramedic: She said a dog ate it.
 * Haleh: Oh, lord.

Rites of Spring [5.19]

 * Carter: Are you back with us?
 * Lucy: No, I'm still on Psych.
 * Carter: Well, you'll be back doing real medicine soon, so don't get too used to the cush life.
 * Lucy: Yeah, I won't.

Power [5.20]

 * [Romano has just started operating when the power goes out]
 * Romano: Wish I hadn't just made that incision...

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 * Carol: I mean, do we even pretend to be living in a democracy anymore? It's just a medieval power play between career Republicans and Democrats and who hates who more. If there were still guillotines and burning at the stake, I swear they'd be doing that too.

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 * Carol: I need to fax this.
 * Jerry: Be my guest. Or do you want me to...?
 * Carol: Oh, no thanks, it's kind of personal. I'll do it myself if that's okay.
 * Jerry: Do I look like Kerry Weaver?

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 * Romano: What? You didn't think I had a mother, did you?
 * Haleh: Just trying to picture her.

Responsible Parties [5.21]

 * Carter: [to Chuny] I keep my love life out of the workplace, thank you very much.
 * Jerry: Since when?

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 * [A drunk causes his gurney to tip over, causing FBI guys to overreact, and draw their guns.]
 * Mark: Whoa, whoa relax this happens all the time, just relax.

Getting To Know You [5.22]

 * [Carol is having an ultrasound)\]
 * Carol: What? Mark, what?
 * Mark: Heartbeat.
 * Carol: Yes, Mark, Elizabeth already said that. What?
 * Elizabeth: No, what he means is... there's two heartbeats.
 * Carol: [shocked] Twins?!

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 * Mark: Elizabeth, I don't know, I don't know what's going to happen...but I do know how I feel and I feel like I've found something amazing, and I want to be here. I want to get to know you. We cannot be scared. I would hate to miss another boat. [they kiss for the first time]