Ed, Edd n Eddy (season 1)

The following is a list of quotes from the first season of Ed, Edd, n Eddy.

The Ed-touchables

 * Edd: Four thousand eight hundred and twenty, four thousand eight hundred and twenty-four–ooh, I like what you've done with that tunnel–four thousand eight hundred and thirty-one, four thousand eight hundred and thirty-five, that's everybody. Four thousand eight hundred and–[does some calculations on an abacus]–thirty-seven. [placing a label reading Ants 4,837 on his ant farm. The doorbell then rings but upon opening it, he finds nobody there and walks away. This happens 2 more times] Now please–! [a bucket of water falls on his head. He walks away, but the bell rings again. He answers it and a fish hits him in the face. He walks away, but the bell rings yet again, and this time Eddy is there.]
 * Eddy: Hey, Double D, what took you so long?
 * Edd: Oh. Hello, Eddy. So, what're you doing? Hey. Was that you ringing my doorbell?
 * Eddy: Who, me? Nah.

Nagged To Ed

 * [The scene opens in a garage. An insect is crawling across what appears to be a workshop desk.]
 * Edd: Not so fast, little fella.

Sir Ed-a-Lot

 * Nazz: Wow, Eddy, cool car. [Eddy rolls the window back up]
 * Kevin: [tapping on the window] Hey dork. Whose car is it, you twerp?
 * [Eddy cranks up the volume on the car radio, causing both Nazz and Kevin to run away]


 * Edd: Hey, Eddy. What are you doing?
 * Eddy: Just buffing the wheels.
 * Edd: Whose car is this, Eddy?
 * Eddy: Beats me. Where's Ed?


 * Sarah: As I was saying, I am the queen!
 * Ed: And we are your serviants.
 * Eddy: Next thing you know, she wants a throne. [cut to Sarah on a makeshift throne] A toast to my big mouth.

A Pinch To Grow an Ed

 * Eddy: Nice boots, Mr. Inventor Smarty Pa- [is propelled into the garage ceiling and immediately falls back down in a daze] Nice pants, Mr. Smarty Boots Nice...
 * Edd: Careful, Eddy, that button is very sensitive.


 * Sarah: Ed, what are you doing?
 * Ed: Making Eddy tall.
 * Sarah: I'm telling mom.
 * Jimmy: I wanna be tall too.
 * Sarah: Come on, Jimmy.

Read All About Ed

 * Ed: [buried beneath a mountain of papers] Hey look, my horoscope - 'New enterprise fails to meet expectations'. What's that mean?


 * Edd: Summer rains, you can never predict them.

An Ed Too Many

 * Edd: [dreamily] With good luck the daily chore of applying fabric softener would become a thing of the past.


 * Ed: It sounds like the howl of a werewolf from the belly of Hades!
 * Eddy: Get off me, Ed! That's your belly.
 * Ed: [stares at his rumbling stomach for a few seconds and chuckles] I'm hungry.
 * Eddy: We can go to my house and make some pizza.
 * Edd: I'll make the sauce.
 * Ed: I'll get in the way and make a big mess.


 * Jimmy: [feebly kicking Eddy] Where is Sarah?! I want Sarah! I miss Sarah! Give her back!
 * Eddy: [to Ed, ignoring Jimmy] Let's get this over with...

Ed-n-Seek

 * [The Eds have the opportunity to hide in a game of Hide-n-Seek. Eddy is heading over to his hiding spot with some food]
 * Jimmy: 81.82.83.
 * Eddy: 24.25.26.
 * Jimmy: 27.28.29.
 * Eddy: [gets into a metallic bush, which is their hiding spot] Ha, this is the best hiding spot.
 * Ed: We can stay here forever.
 * Edd: At the rate of your consumption, it may only be minutes.


 * [Eddy has an idea to get the kids to come out of their hiding spot]
 * Eddy: [effeminate voice] Help me! Help! Somebody stole my purse! Oh, somebody help!
 * Ed: Hmm. PLANK, YOUR MOMMA'S CALLING!
 * [The scene zooms over to a bush in which Plank pops up from it]
 * Eddy: They must be cheating.

Look Into My Eds

 * Ed: Look into the circley thing.
 * Rolf: You crazy.
 * Ed: [turning to Eddy] It's not working, Eddy.
 * Eddy: Spin it, bean dip.
 * Ed: Thanks, Eddy.


 * Lee: Look at me. I'm a movie star.
 * May: I'm a TV star.
 * Marie: You've been cancelled. I'm a TV star.

Tag Yer Ed

 * Edd: Your techniques are incorrect, Eddy. To extract milk from a cow, you must use its udder.
 * Eddy: I ain't touching that.


 * Ed: Take me to your leader! [charges the Kankers]
 * Eddy: Give 'em the Burr-Head Bump, Ed!
 * Ed: I can't Eddy, my mom says I can't fight girls!

Fool on the Ed

 * Ed: Something smells good.
 * Edd: It is said that scent is a gateway to one's true inner essence.
 * Eddy: [dizzy] Yes, I stink, therefore I am.


 * Edd: [recoiling from the handwritten Prank Master card in Ed's hand] He's such a horrible printer.
 * Ed: You hold it, Double D.
 * Edd: But I have no idea where it's been.

A Boy and His Ed

 * Ed: Hmm...Kevin's got a pretty fancy garage.
 * Edd: [referring to Kevin's bathroom] Must be a built-in car wash.
 * The Eds: Huh?
 * Kevin: [in the bathtub naked and taking a bath] What are you dorks doing in here?


 * Eddy: [blows a klaxon, then chants] Kevin, Kevin, he's our man!
 * Edd: We can't do it-
 * Eddy: But Kevin sure can! [plays a bas drum 6 times]
 * [Ed bangs his head on trash can lids; Edd blows a noisemaker. The drum rolls away as Ed brings two lids, with Eddy in it. Ed moons, showing his butt with IN on his underwear, Eddy is standing upright with the K painted on his front body, Edd holds a sign EV]
 * The Eds: Kevin!
 * [Edd realizes they spelled it as KINEV and fixes it. Kevin holds up a sign that says "Dorks"]

It's Way Ed

 * Ed: What's a fad?
 * Edd: When something insignificant becomes popular.
 * Eddy: Right. And we know the Eds are way insignificant.


 * [Fad Freaker has become popular, just as the Eds have given up trying]
 * Eddy: We're behind again.
 * Edd: Cheer up, Eddy! My mom always says fads go in a cycle. In another ten years, we'll be back in style.
 * Ed: I'm hungry.
 * Eddy: [off-blank screen] Shut up, Ed.

Laugh Ed Laugh

 * Edd: [sees a sign that says Quarantine] Oh, dear! A quarantine!
 * Ed: I've seen this before.
 * Eddy: Where?
 * Ed: [points] There.
 * [Each and every house has quarantine signs everywhere]
 * Edd: It must be an epidemic.
 * Eddy: So I guess we're the only ones not sick.


 * [Eddy is locked into a padded shed and presented a large amount of fake money]
 * Eddy: WE'LL BUY A TRUCK-LOAD OF JAWBREAKERS!
 * Ed: What do you mean?
 * Eddy: What do you mean 'What do you mean'? With all this glorious... [looks closely at the bill he's holding and sees a picture of Ed's face drawn on it] What the-?! It's fake!
 * Ed: I drew it myself. Eddy's mad.
 * Edd: Correct. He's back to normal.

Dawn of the Eds

 * Eddy: We'll be slurping jawbreakers for weeks.
 * Edd: Uh, actually, Eddy, with current exchange rates, maybe an afternoon's worth.
 * Eddy: Uh, you don't know what you're talking about. What do you think, Ed? Ed? Ed? Ed? ED! HEY!!! What's clogged up your brain, Ed?
 * Ed: That! See? Robot Rebel Ranch!
 * The Eds: [amazed]: Ooh.
 * Ed: "Marooned on a distant planet!". "Visitors in the void!". "No escape!!". Huh? AAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!! [Zooms into 'Adults Only' on the poster twice] It's not fair! Aw, if only I were older.
 * Edd: Don't worry Ed. We'll see it on TV in a year.
 * Ed: Yeah, with all the good stuff cut out.

Vert-Ed-Go

 * Eddy: Ed, why is your helmet tied to your butt?
 * Ed: For protection.
 * [Eddy attempts to get the helmet off Ed's butt]
 * Eddy: It's meant for your head.
 * Ed: It's my butt!
 * Eddy: It's not safe!
 * Ed: Eddy, stop!
 * Eddy:It's not meant-
 * Ed and Eddy: AAH! [they both fall down]


 * [The Eds follow Jonny to look for wood]
 * Jonny: [points] There!
 * [The camera zooms over to a trash can full of garbage and Eddy picks up a popsicle stick from it]
 * Eddy: A dirty popsicle stick?
 * Ed: [grabs the popsicle stick from Eddy] Got it, Eddy.
 * Eddy: [groans] We need large pieces of wood, Jonny. Tell Plank to quit fooling around.
 * Jonny: Okay, okay! He said follow him!

Who, What, Where, Ed

 * [Sarah and Nazz playing badminton, and Eddy grabs onto Sarah's racket]
 * Sarah: Hey!
 * Eddy: Give me your racket, Sarah!
 * Sarah: My serve! [uses Eddy as a ball and Eddy hits the net, then flies through a fence] Don't ever touch my racket!


 * Ed: [running round the entire cul-de-sac asking for a cup of clams] Can Eddy come out to play?
 * Eddy: I'm right beside you Ed.
 * Ed: HI EDDY!

Keeping Up With The Eds

 * Ed: THE GOAT ATE SARAH! THE GOAT ATE MY SISTER!
 * Eddy: Ed looking for the goat?
 * Edd: I think he found it.

Oath to an Ed

 * Rolf: [after the microwave exploded and drenched Rolf and the Eds with gravy] Such waste and disrespect to the fast food stuffers is not allowed in the Urban Rangers! But, seeing you covered in filth reminds me of my youth. Next badge.


 * Rolf: Those Ed-Boys are crazy like chickens except they lay no eggs. Ah, candied beets to calm my nerves.

A Glass Of Warm Ed

 * Eddy: [blearily] Who turned off the sun?

<hr width="50%"/>
 * Edd: Ed is like a swarm of locusts ready to purge the cul-de-sac and all its good people of their food!
 * Eddy: Y'know, you scare me when you talk like that. Let's go see what Big Ed's up to.

<hr width="50%"/>
 * Edd: Ed, did you know that you've been sleepwalking? And that you've consumed all the food within a five block radius of your bed?
 * Ed: Not only that, but I feel like I have consumed all the food within a five block radius of my bed. Huh? [sees Edd's half-eaten cactus plant Jim] Oh, Jim got a haircut.

Flea Bitten Ed

 * Ed: How's it look, Eddy?
 * Eddy: Ed, you put the sign on upside-down.
 * Ed: No Eddy, I put the sign on the garage.
 * Eddy: Just flip it over, Ed.
 * Ed: Flip it? Got it.
 * Edd: Ah...I think I'm ready to tackle anything with my fine assortment of short and long, hard and soft hairbrushes.
 * Ed: [flips the entire garage over] I flipped it, Eddy.
 * Edd: Well, I can read it.
 * Eddy: Ed's Pet 'Boutick' is open for business.

<hr width="50%"/>
 * Eddy: Anything good on Double D?
 * Edd: [scouring TV listings] Ooh there's a documentary on mollusks.
 * Ed: Boring! How about 'Bob: Defender of the Bunion People'?

Button Yer Ed

 * Edd: It seems the fly has lodged itself into Eddy's voice box, disabling his ability to talk.
 * Ed: [plucks one of Eddy's hairs off of his head. Eddy silently yells in pain] Eddy can't talk.

<hr width="50%"/>
 * [Edd and Ed are sitting on the front porch as Eddy is calling out to them from a distance]
 * Edd: The brain is an amazing organ, Ed. It's actually fooling me that Eddy's calling out to us.
 * Ed: Were Rolf's fish sticks good, Double D?

Avast Ye Eds

 * Eddy: Is this thing on?
 * Edd: Eddy, just speak into the mic.
 * Eddy: What, this?
 * Edd: Yes.
 * Eddy: Okay, okay. Welcome, passengers, I'm Captain Eddy of Eddy's Creek Cruise, where you get more bang for your buck. I'd like you to sit back, relax and enjoy the soothing sounds of 88 fingers Eddward.
 * Edd: This instrument is so annoying. [plays surprisingly outstanding pedal steel guitar. Everybody's jaws drop]

<hr width="50%"/>
 * Eddy: Ed! Fire up the engine!
 * Ed: Roger walnut, Eddy! Jumping. [jumps down, rocking the boat, and puts his lower half in the water again] Kick my feet, kick my feet, kick my feet.
 * Eddy: Faster, Ed!
 * Ed Kick my feet faster, kick my feet faster, Kick my feet faster.
 * Lee: I wanna be their barnacle of love.
 * [The Kankers giggle]
 * May: Barnacle.

<hr width="50%"/>
 * Lee: No hard feelings, buttercups.
 * May: Let's kiss and make up.
 * [The Kankers make kissy faces]
 * Jimmy: [points upward] Oh look!
 * [Jonny is revealed to be standing on top of the Kankers giant sail. He plunges Plank into it, and then slides down, ripping it]
 * Marie: That kid's ripping our sail!
 * [Jonny jumps off the Kankers boat and swims onto Eddy's Creek Cruise]
 * Jimmy: Just like Errol Flynn!
 * [Everyone cheers]
 * Lee: Those were my best bed-sheets. Time for the heavy artillery. [pulls out her hairpin] Sink 'em, May.
 * May: [putting the pin in a rubber band] Lee, my patch.
 * [Lee lifts the eyepatch. May fires it directly into the tire]
 * Jimmy: [watching] Look! [the hairpin hits the tire] Jonny! Save us!
 * Eddy: I'm the captain here, I'll handle it! Oh look, a bobby pin. So scary. [starts to pull it out]
 * Edd: Eddy! Please don't...
 * Eddy: What? It's just stuck. [pulls it out. Holding up the hairpin] See?
 * [All the air rushes out of the tire, and the boat deflates around the creek]

<hr width="50%"/>
 * Rolf: Hello, Ed-boys. When is the next sailing? My flesh begs me for sun and sweat. [Edd hands him the deflated inner tube] What? Huh?
 * Edd: I was kind of hoping my first kiss would be enjoyable.
 * Eddy: Alas, the sea is a cruel mistress.
 * Ed: I'm stumped.
 * Jimmy: [floating by in the background] Hair emergency! Hair emergency!