Ed, Edd n Eddy (season 2)

The following is a list of quotes from the second season of Ed, Edd, n Eddy.

Know It All Ed

 * Eddy: What we have here...is a squirt gun.
 * Edd: Please. A 'squirt gun'?
 * Eddy: Yeah. A-A Canadian squirt gun.
 * Ed: Canadians are weird.


 * Ed: Plank reminds me of fresh-cut Spring flowers, spewing across a babbling brook with a hint of lemon.

1 + 1 = Ed

 * Eddy: Ed! What are you doing in my bed?
 * Ed: I can't sleep, Eddy. I keep thinking; how can my feet smell if they don't have a nose?
 * Eddy: Ed? [Ed makes an inquisitive noise] GET OUT OF MY ROOM! [He boots Ed out of bed]
 * Ed: Ow! My buttocks hurt. [Ed's attention is drawn to the lava lamp] Why does goo float?
 * Eddy: HIT THE ROAD! [Ed eats the lava lamp] Wha? MY LAMP!
 * Ed: [picking Eddy up by his foot] Eddy, why don't birds just take a bus south for the winter?


 * Ed: Eddy, when you close the fridge door, does the little light stay on?
 * Eddy: GO HOME!
 * Ed: [continuing to play with the refrigerator door]: Hello light. Hello light. Hello light. Hello light. Hello light.


 * Ed: Eddy, carrots are good for your eyes, can it dial a phone?
 * Eddy: You're gonna strain your peanut brain think of something more important. Like...'How to get your face on a dollar bill.'
 * Ed: Eddy, why is someone in the kitchen with Dinah?
 * Eddy: Uh, Double D up yet?


 * [Eddy sneaks up behind Edd while he's dismantling a radio]
 * Eddy: HEY DOUBLE D!
 * [Edd squeals and leaps into Ed's arms]
 * Edd: Eddy, you know I hate that! [notices Ed] Oh, hello, Ed.


 * Eddy: [pulling out a bra from an old dresser] Woo hoo! PG-13!
 * Ed: That's my mom's, Eddy.
 * [Eddy gags and drops the bra]


 * [Eddy somehow passes his hand behind the sun]
 * Eddy: Didja see that? Weird. Oh well, can't beat em, eat em. [He bites into the sun and it turns into a crescent moon] Not bad.
 * Jimmy: Jumping Jehoshaphat, who turned out the sun?

Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Ed

 * [Eddy crawls on his fingers down the hall]
 * Eddy: Eddy, you're the man with the scam. You're the big... [He realizes too late that he's reached the stairs] Uh...
 * [Eddy goes tumbling down the stairs. Outside, Ed is talking to Nazz]
 * Ed: So if I join you at the party, can I be a tarantula? Or maybe a salamander?
 * Eddy: Party? Wait! [He tries to get out of the bucket] Hey! I'm stuck! Ed! Don't forget Cockroach Eddy.


 * Ed: OKAY I GIVE UP!! It's no fun being the last human. So can I be a bumblebee?


 * [Ed and Edd try to pull Eddy out of the bucket he folded himself into]
 * Rolf: Are they from this planet?
 * Kevin: No. They're from the Land of the Dorks.

Ready, Set... Ed!

 * [The Eds' rocket car has taken a hairy ride down an obstacle course]
 * Ed: I think I swallowed a turtle.
 * Eddy: What country are we in?
 * Edd: We're home, Eddy. And we've broken everything but a record.
 * Ed: Can I wear a dress again?


 * [Ed crams the kids inside the rocket car with a broom]
 * Ed: Room for one more!
 * Kevin: Touch me with that broom and I'll tear off your eyebrow.

Hands Across Ed

 * Rolf: Hallo. I will be performing my country's traditional Dance of the Hairless Otter-
 * Eddy: Next! No budget for subtitles....

Floss Yer Ed

 * Ed: [holding two coconuts] Can I shave them?
 * Edd: Ed, you don't shave coconuts, you eat them.
 * Ed: Like report cards?

In Like Ed

 * Ed: Um, Double D? [holds up coat hanger] What's this do?
 * Edd: That's just a coat hanger, Ed.
 * Ed: Oh. Mum's the word.


 * Eddy: Nice little soiree, huh, Rolfy-boy?
 * Rolf: You have an invitation, overdressed Ed-boy?
 * Eddy: [conspiratorially] The crow caws at midnight.
 * Rolf: And the cat sours the basil! Rolf would love to talk politics but I must see your invitation!
 * Eddy: No problem, stretch... Look! Who's that hairy beast eating all the dip?!
 * Rolf: Nana?


 * Ed: Oh, cool. This reminds me of the movie, Zombies From The Deep Freeze. A cash cow. This is the part where we'll be torn to pieces, stuffed into ice cube trays, and frozen and used to cool their drinks.
 * Edd: Non-alcoholic, I hope.

Who Let The Ed In?

 * [The kids have spotted Eddy's fake prize-grabbing machine].
 * Jimmy: Did it fall off a truck?
 * Sarah: That's how my brother was born.
 * Kevin: Prize grabbers are cool.
 * Eddy: Whoa; that was fast.


 * [Ed is holding gift boxes that seemingly appeared out of nowhere.]
 * Ed: Jib made you presents.
 * Kids: Presents?
 * Eddy: I hate Jib.

Rambling Ed

 * Eddy: [to Ed, about Sarah] If she told you to go jump in a lake with a rock tied to your head, and wait for naked photos of you to be developed, so she can hand them out to all the kids in the cul-de-sac, would you?
 * Ed: I had socks on, Eddy.


 * Ed: My place is the cat's tuxedo. [pets the cow] Right, poochie? [the cow moos]


 * [Rolf tries to seek refuge in his room, but Edd and Eddy have commandeered his bed]
 * Eddy: Turn out that light!
 * Rolf: Ah, yes! Sorry, Ed-boy!

Homecooked Eds

 * Ed: One plus one equals one on a bun.


 * Kevin: What's a trailer doing on my- TRAILER?!


 * Eddy: Why don't you Kankers get lost!
 * Ed: And forget about any lovey-dovey stuff!
 * Kankers: Lovey-dovey!
 * Eddy: Ed, you dolt!

Honor Thy Ed

 * Eddy: [notices a spider on the doorknob] Hit the road. [Plucks the spider off the doorknob and the doorknob fell off. The Eds watch the doorknob as it rolls across the floor, then it falls down into a hole]
 * Edd: Tell me that didn't happen.
 * Ed: It didn't happen.

Scrambled Ed

 * Edd: [repeated line] Sleepy, sleepy, sleepy.

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 * Ed: [takes out a bottle of mustard from his jacket and squeezes it and a pencil pops up] Alley oop. [hands it to Edd] Here's your mustard, Double D.
 * Eddy: He asked for a pen.
 * Ed: He asked for mustard. Do you have corn in your ears, mister?

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 * [Sarah and Jimmy enter Sarah's room]
 * Jimmy: After you, doctor.
 * Sarah: Thank you, Nurse.
 * [The two catch sight of Edd slumbering on Sarah's bed]
 * Jimmy: AAH!
 * Sarah: Double D, get out of my room!
 * Edd: [drowsy] I'm sleepy, sleepy, sleepy.
 * [His voice trails off and he falls asleep again]
 * Jimmy: Hmm. A severe case of exhaustion, don't you think?
 * Sarah: I'm the doctor, and I say he's dead.
 * [Sarah shakes Edd. Edd rolls over onto his back and sighs contentedly. Jimmy yelps]
 * Sarah: He's worser than I thought. Let's operate.

Urban Ed

 * Ed: Let's drive to the city, fellas.
 * Edd: We're too young to drive, Ed.
 * Ed: My dad has a shovel.
 * Eddy: If we can't get to the city, then let's bring the city to the cul-de-sac.
 * Edd: I suppose I'd better find some tape.
 * Ed: Not to mention a duck.

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 * Eddy: Pigeons don't go 'oink', Ed.
 * Ed: I'm a gazelle. Oink!

Rent-a-Ed

 * [Jonny's house is destroyed after Ed broke the support beam]
 * Kevin: You guys are in so much trouble.
 * Eddy: Tell me about it, I lost my money.

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 * Edd: Let's just do the right thing, Eddy, and work for the rest of our lives to buy Jonny a new home.
 * Eddy: Yeah, right. They'll never catch....THE FLYING EDUARDO BROTHERS!
 * Edd: You're still wearing that thing?

Shoo Ed

 * [The Eds are attempting to make Jonny annoying. Ed laughs as he pulls down a bed. Edd and Eddy look at Jonny, who's wearing a suit]
 * Edd: A suit, annoying? I spent two hours counter-balancing chains, and all you can come up with is a suit?
 * Eddy: What's with you? It was the most annoying thing I could think of.
 * Edd: My father wears a suit.
 * Eddy: Exactly.

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 * [Ed squirts some glue under Jonny's sandal, then he sticks a block of wood under it]
 * Ed: I glued a block of wood to Jonny's foot.
 * Edd: Ed, why did you glue a block of wood to Jonny's foot? And why these chains? And why the suit? Why Jonny?
 * Eddy: [to Jonny] Jonny. People really like it when you say WHY ALL THE TIME!
 * Jonny: They do? Why? Why? Why?
 * Ed: And people really like it when you poke 'em on the head. [poking Eddy's head]
 * Eddy: Cut it out, Ed.
 * Ed: See? Eddy likes it.

Mirror, Mirror, on the Ed

 * Ed: Okay. I dare you, Eddy, to sprout the wings of a bat and stomp like a zombie while whistling Row, Row, Row Your Boat through a car wash.
 * Edd: Ed, try a more reasonable dare, please.
 * Ed: Okay, I dare Eddy to be Double D.
 * Edd: Eddy act like me? Why, that's–
 * Eddy: Stupid, Ed. You blew your chance to–
 * Edd: Y'know, Eddy. It could be quite intriguing. Why, I'd be flattered if you were to mimic me.
 * Eddy: Let's see, where do I start? [proceeds to mimic Double D] The wind conditions are absurd. The lean is too steep for the fat.
 * Ed: Good Double D, Eddy. [Double D chuckles]
 * Eddy: [pretends to strain to budge the bottle, unable to move it an inch] Oh, dear. The unsanitary. My skinny arms cannot bear the weight. Oh oh I know. I'll move it with my brain.
 * Edd: [sarcastic] Ha, ha, ha. Very good, Eddy. [spins the bottle] Can we resume playing? [The bottle settles on him.] Oh dear.
 * Eddy: Ha! I dare ya to be Ed. Go on, flatter him.
 * Edd: Well, I suppose I could, but only if Ed will be Eddy.
 * Ed: I can do Eddy, I practiced. [pushes his eyes together] Can it, Double Dweeb!
 * Eddy: Whaddya mean you practiced?
 * Ed: Shut up, Sockhead!
 * Eddy: Please, 'Eddy'. You're invading my personal space. [pushes Ed away. The Eds laugh]
 * Eddy: Well?
 * Ed: Do me, Double D.
 * Eddy: We're waiting.
 * Edd: Very well. Uh, let's see now. [manipulates his face so his eyes are spread out across his face] Buttered toast. [The Eds laugh again.]

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 * Rolf: Hurry, as the raspberries beg to be squashed, Ed-boy.
 * Ed as Eddy: Let's sell the squash for cash. Chicken! [hugging it] Pet the chicken, pet the chicken… [sees Edd as Ed] The stupid bird stole my quarter. Flew away with it.
 * Eddy as Edd: Excuse me, 'Eddy'. May I fuel inject? Chickens cannot fly, as they are mammals.
 * Edd as Ed: I love chickens, Eddy.
 * [The Eds laugh]
 * Rolf: Ed-boy!
 * Ed as Eddy: [poking Edd] Wake up, Monobrow.
 * Edd as Ed: Oh right. Yes. Ahem. [turning around to face Rolf] I am Ed.
 * Rolf: You are not Ed-boy. I must have the large Ed-boy here now. So please, Ed-boy, raspberries to squash. Thank you.
 * Eddy as Edd: Rolf said, thank you. Isn't it refurbishing to hear politeness?
 * Ed as Eddy: Put a sock in it, sock in it. I got a plan. [pulls Eddy as Edd's sock over him and walks behind Edd as Ed] Hey, burnhead. I will now inflict pain on you.
 * Edd as Ed: What? [Ed swings Eddy, knocking Edd into the raspberry silo.] Buttered toast?
 * Rolf: No butter, raspberries! Squish the fruit, slowpoke Ed-boy. Rolf needs juice for his great thirst!
 * Eddy as Edd: Eddy, I too am thirsty. Quite partial, to be correct.
 * Edd as Ed: Parched! The word you're looking for is parched!
 * Ed as Eddy: Yeah, right, Lumpy! Parched is a fish! [laughs]
 * Eddy as Edd: Intriguing.
 * Rolf: You are not Ed. You have cursed my raspberries to the life of salad dressing, impostor with tiny feet!
 * [Suddenly, the berry juice begins to drain from its container.]
 * Ed as Eddy: You know what they say, Double D. [shoves Eddy as Edd's mouth to an opened pipe on the side] If you're thirsty, take a drink. [Eddy as Edd chugs it down and swells up.] Gee, Double D. You really let yourself go. [jumps on Eddy and spits the pipe out] Kids'll pay big money to ride a blimp. You're a genius, Double D.
 * Edd as Ed: [popping out of Eddy's sock] You really think I'm a genius?
 * Eddy as Edd: Hey, I'm Double D. I'm the genius. [A red-tinted Rolf opens Eddy as Edd's mouth and climbs out.]
 * Ed as Eddy: I have caused discomfort 'cause I'm Eddy! [laughs]
 * [The 'Eds' laugh.]
 * Rolf: Rolf has never been so confused.

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 * Edd as Ed: What in heaven's name is this? A ladle? Oh, my. ' IT'S A TUB OF GRAVY! '

Hot Buttered Ed

 * Edd: Did you know shadow puppetry was one of the oldest forms of entertainment? [made a shadow puppet of a skeleton]
 * Ed: Like walnuts?

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 * Ed: The sound of a babbling brook makes me want to babble, Double D.

High Heeled Ed

 * Jimmy: [has fallen through the open manhole] Sarah!
 * Sarah: [returning to the manhole] Jimmy! What happened?
 * Jimmy: I fell on my tushy, Sarah!
 * Sarah: Don't move! I'll save you!
 * [Sarah pulls out a modified fishing pole and casts it in. She catches Jimmy and hauls him out]
 * Sarah: Pee-yew, Jimmy, you stink!
 * Nazz: [covering her nostrils] That's putting it mildly.
 * Eddy: [from the sewer] Hey! Why don't you let the guy have some fun, huh?
 * Sarah: You're in a sewer, idiot. It's dirty, and stinky...
 * Eddy: It's called ambiance! It's a swamp ride, get it? What do you girls know about...[A sign is thrown down at him.] No skin off my nose, Sarah. I'm sure Kevin, Rolf, even Jonny will...
 * Sarah: They went go-karting.
 * Eddy: [popping out of the hole] Go-karting?
 * Sarah: And they won't be back till supper. Bye bye. [She throws the manhole cover back on the manhole. As a result, Eddy is hit by the cover and plummets back down into the sludge]

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 * Eddy: We need to find our more sensitive side.
 * Ed: I found my sensitive side, coz it has a rash.
 * Edd: Thank you for sharing that with us, Ed.

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 * Ed: Spending extended time in female company can be mentally disorientating and physically confusing.
 * Eddy: What's with you?
 * Edd: Ed's trouser-less state seems to have jogged an intellectual moment within the confines of his brain.
 * Eddy: Ed? Is that you?
 * Ed: ......HUG ME!
 * Eddy: Well, that didn't last long.
 * Ed: HUG!
 * Eddy: Ed!

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 * Jimmy: Pinch me I'm dreaming! Whee! [in the pants] I feel just like Elvis Presley. Jealous? [The golden paint develops cracks] Oh no! [gasped] When will the torment end? [He falls, and the paint on the pants shatters into tiny pieces. He is wearing Ed's pants]
 * Nazz: That wasn't gold, fakers!
 * Sarah: You gypped us!
 * Edd: Exposed.
 * Eddy: Busted.
 * Ed: Nope. Can't think of a word.
 * [Nazz snatches the $5 bill from Eddy]
 * Jimmy: [a bag over his head] The shame!
 * Nazz: Here's your money, Jimmy. [To the Eds] Grow up.
 * Sarah: Wait till you get home, Ed.
 * Jimmy: Charlatans.

Fa-La-La-La-Ed

 * [Ed exposes the scam to the kids]
 * Edd [tearful]: Oh, I'm so ashamed... [breaks down, whilst Ed comforts him]
 * Ed: There, there, Double D. Santa forgives.

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 * Eds: [singing at Rolf's front door] We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas– [Rolf opens the door wearing festive native clothing. Confused, Eddy and Double D stop singing, while Ed continues]
 * Ed: [singing] ...We wish you a merry Christmas, so give us some cash! [Wilfred oinks]
 * Rolf: No cash. A fine strip of bacon, yes? [puts a strip of bacon into the Eds' cash jar]

Cry Ed

 * Jimmy: Murphy's law, do your stuff! [The clothespin gently taps his foot] Ouch! [He clutches his leg] My foot! It's broken! Owie!
 * Sarah: Jimmy?
 * Jonny: That clothespin went right for him, Plank!
 * Sarah: You okay, Jimmy? [The kids congregate around him]
 * Jimmy: Did someone get the number of that launderade?
 * Nazz: Poor Jimmy!
 * [Eddy comes down in a kiddie pool standing on his tongue as his grand finale]
 * Eddy: Ta-da! [He sees all the kids leaving]
 * Jonny: Plank says clothespins are known to attack at the blink of an eye!

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 * [Jimmy is sprawled on a lawn chair, whimpering. Sarah comes up to him with a glass of water]
 * Sarah: Here Jimmy. Drink some water. [Jimmy sips from the glass]
 * Nazz: Is there anything we can do for you?
 * Rolf: Let Rolf nurture you with a bowl of Nano's pre-chewed seven-course dinner?
 * Jimmy: My tummy, Sarah. Pitiless is the tempest sea. [He faints]
 * Rolf: Emergency! We must implement the boat procedures.

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 * Eddy: It was horrible!
 * Ed: [Dramatically] Horrible it was. A giant Swedish meatball with a bloodcurdling scream grabbed Eddy in its drooling grasp!
 * Edd: [Rolling his eyes] Please.
 * Rolf: Rolf has seen this meatball! It stalks Wilfred in the dead of night!

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 * Sarah: [setting Jimmy on the lawn chair] You stay put here, Jimmy. I'll get some kids to help me carry you to your room. And don't forget to drink, you need to keep your fluids up.
 * Jimmy: You forgot the straw, Sarah. [An acorn falls into his drink] An acorn. [He looks up] Hello, Mister Squirrel. You're cute.

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 * Nazz: You're so brave, Eddy. Is there anything we can do for you?
 * Eddy: The fact that I'm surrounded by all my friends is all I need. [He suddenly sees Sarah]
 * Sarah: You're just a big faker. Jimmy is the one who's really hurt.
 * Eddy: [in a dry voice] Come closer, my child. [He grabs Sarah's shirt and pulls her to him] You tell Jimmy he's out of his league.
 * Jimmy: Sarah! Owie! [In the backyard, he has been crushed by a tree]
 * Nazz: Not again!
 * Sarah: It's Jimmy! Jimmy's in trouble! [Sarah leaves but because Eddy still has a hold on her, she pulls him out of the wheelbarrow onto the ground, much to Kevin's amusement]
 * Nazz: [leading the charge back] C'mon, guys!
 * [Kevin laughs]
 * Eddy: Hey, wait! Where ya goin'? Where's my attention?
 * Jonny: [running after his friends] Wait up, guys!

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 * [In midair, Eddy runs into Jimmy]
 * Eddy: Hit the road, Bubbleboy. What the... [He begins to fall]
 * Rolf: Rolf's eyes fool the brain of Rolf.
 * Kevin: What are you talking about, man?
 * Rolf: Rolf's eyes fool the brain of Rolf. Must I spell it? We have guests.
 * [Eddy crash-lands on Rolf and Kevin]
 * Eddy: It worked! I'm safe! I'm better than Jimmy!
 * Jonny: Did 'ya see that, Plank? Great crash, Eddy!
 * Nazz: Need any help, dude?
 * Jimmy: [floating down] Greetings, earthlings! Oh, you too, Mr. Doggie. You're cute.
 * [A low growl is heard, and then the bubble suit starts deflating]
 * Jimmy: I'm safe! No problem! [his suit tears, and air gushes out] Not safe! Not safe! Help me! [He flies through the Cul-de-sac]
 * Sarah: I'm coming, Jimmy!
 * Nazz: Wait up, guys!