Evolution (film)



Evolution is a 2001 film about a fire fighting cadet, two college professors, and a geeky-but-sexy government scientist who are working against an alien organism that has been rapidly evolving ever since its arrival on Earth inside a meteor.
 * Directed by Ivan Reitman. Written by David Diamond, David Weissman and Don Jakoby.

Ira Kane

 * Allow me to share something with the entire class. Last night as I was grading papers, I came across two gems both entitled "Cells are Bad" and both with just one paragraph which I unfortunately committed to memory: "Cells are bad. My uncle lives in a cell. It's ten foot by twelve and he has to read the same old, boring magazine everyday. The end". And although my standards are nowhere near where they used to be, I still could not bring myself to put an "A" on top of those beauties. I hope you understand, guys.


 * Let's shampoo us some aliens!!

Harry Block

 * [during the second expedition to the meteorite cavern, to Ira about Dr. Reed] All she needs is a good humping. [mocks Reed while "demonstrating" sex] Oh Ira! I-i-i-i-ra﻿...OOOH IRA!

Dialogue

 * Harry Block: Keep your chin up. You know she wanted to give you some, didn't you?
 * Ira Kane: Were you even in that courtroom?
 * Block: Getting barbecued like baby back ribs? It's all foreplay, baby.
 * Kane: [upon discovering that their lab's been ransacked] Oh, we've been hit!
 * Block: Forget the foreplay. We just got screwed!


 * [Ira and Harry see a unique organism.]
 * Ira Kane: Hey, cool. Snag one.
 * Harry Block: Snag one?
 * Kane: Yeah, snag one and put it in the bucket.
 * Block: I've seen this movie, the black dude dies first. You snag it.


 * [An alien fly is inside Harry Block and the surgeons debate on how to remove it]
 * Dr. Allison Reed: What do we do?
 * Dr. Paulson: We might have to amputate.
 * Nurse Tate: Saw.
 * Harry Block: Whoa, Doc, don't take my leg! Ira, don't let them take my leg.
 * Ira Kane: Isn't there anything else you can do? He thinks he's an athlete.
 * Nurse Tate: Wait, doctor, look.
 * Paulson: Ooh. [looks in bug inside, crawling] It's headed for his testicles.
 * Block: Take it, take it! Take the leg!!
 * Reed: Wait, wait, wait!
 * Block: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
 * Reed: It's going the other way.
 * Paulson: Alright, give me some forceps. I might be able to catch it in his colon.
 * Reed: How are you going in?
 * Paulson: Rectally.
 * Harry: [squealing] NOOOO!
 * Tate: I'll get the lubricant.
 * Paulson: There's no time for lubricant.
 * Harry: THERE'S ALWAYS TIME FOR LUBRICANT!!


 * [Harry, Wayne, and Irah hunt for an alien dragon-like creature in a shopping mall. Wayne has an idea to tries to get its attention by saying "caw-caw" and "tookie tookie" repeatedly on a live mic]
 * Harry Block: Wayne! I think we've established that "Ca-caw, ca-caw" and "Tookie, tookie" don't work.
 * Wayne Grey: Right. Sorry. [starts singing into the mike] You are so beautiful to me.
 * Ira Kane: Step back, Harry, I'm gonna shoot him.
 * Block: Uh-uh, stand down. I'm taking this one out myself.
 * Grey: You are so beautiful to me.
 * Block: [slightly mutters] Wayne, would you please stop? You're embarrassing me.


 * Ira Kane: Ira Kane, head of the science department, Glen Canyon Community College.
 * Harry Block: Harry Block, United States Geological Survey.
 * Wayne Grey: Wayne Grey. Did some chemistry in high school.


 * Dr. Allison Reed: There's something I've been wanting to tell you, but I don't know exactly how.
 * Ira Kane: Well, we're all adults here, and we're all about to die a very horrible death anyway, so?
 * Reed: I would've rocked your world.
 * Kane: You already have.

Taglines

 * Have a nice end of the world.
 * Coming to wipe that silly smile off your planet.

Cast

 * David Duchovny - Dr. Ira Kane
 * Julianne Moore - Dr. Allison Reed, CDC
 * Orlando Jones - Prof. Harry Phineas Block
 * Seann William Scott - Wayne Grey
 * Ted Levine - General Russell Woodman
 * Dan Aykroyd - Governor Lewis