Failure to Launch

Failure to Launch is a 2006 American romantic comedy film about an overgrown thirty-something child who does not want to leave home. The film was widely panned by critics, with notable film critic Richard Roeper stating that "it’s completely unbelievable."
 * Directed by Tom Dey. Written by Tom J. Astle and Matt Ember.

Tripp

 * Shut up, dude! Don't help him!
 * 'Cause it's going to take a stick of dynamite to get me out of my parents' house.
 * And the thing is, Mom, Dad, I've lived upstairs since I was three, and it's been great.
 * You're all getting what you wanted. Paula, you don't have to pretend to like me any more. And, Mom, Dad, you wanted me out of the house. I'm out.

Paula

 * [to Kit] Oh, Tripp is just cruising through the steps. In fact, I think tomorrow I'm gonna let him teach me something.
 * Who's laughing now?

Dialogue

 * Kit: I smell something. Do you smell something?
 * Paula: Oh, Tripp and I had crab today.
 * Kit: No, that's not it. I smell... fun.
 * Paula: What?
 * Kit: You are a little fun-haver.


 * Kit: You couldn't be more wrong if you called it a Canadian Goose.
 * Ace: I'll give you a Canadian Goose.
 * [she slaps him, then a moment later, grabs him and kisses him passionately]


 * Kit: Shut up, whore!
 * Paula: [sipping champagne] Oh I'm sorry, was I sipping too loudly for you?
 * Kit: No, you were not sipping too loudly. It's that bird outside my dang window!
 * Paula: Oh.
 * Kit: What the hell kind of devil bird chirps at night?


 * Paula: Come on, Tripp. Please, you don't understand.
 * Tripp: You're right. Now, hold on. I don't know what your daily rate is, [handing $300 to Paula] but that's everything I've got in my wallet. There's three hundred dollars.
 * Paula: Oh, come on, Tripp!
 * Tripp: It should be good for tonight, especially since we didn't have sex.
 * Paula: Please, Tripp, let me just explain to you.
 * Tripp: Get the hell outta my car.


 * Kit: Yeah, everyone from work went to T.G.I. Friday's, but I don't really like that place. Or anyone I work with.
 * Paula: Oh good, so then we can stay in and watch one of those drinking movies you like.
 * Kit: [sarcastically] Yeah!


 * Paula: Hey, hey.
 * Kit: Hey, Paula. Good news. It's Champagne Thursday.
 * Paula: It's Friday.
 * Kit: Uh, yeah, Thursday came twice this week.
 * Paula: For the third straight week.
 * Kit: There's talk of making it permanent.
 * Paula: Oh, kind of like Daylight Saving's Time?
 * Kit: Right, but for booze.


 * Al: [Sitting naked in a recliner, singing] Hit the road, "Tripp", and don't ya come back no more, no more, no more, no more. Hit the road, "Tripp", and don't ya come back no more.


 * Jim The Gun Salesman: [persuading Kit not to buy a large gun and bullet to shoot a mockingbird] Well for one, there's the book, "To Kill A Mockingbird"...
 * Kit: Oh... A copy that, too, right here!


 * Demo: Deception's a poison. It’s like margarine.


 * Tripp: [has just agreed to go out to lunch with her the next day] Hey, wait - tomorrow's Saturday.
 * Paula: [perplexed] ... Sometimes I eat on Saturday.


 * Paula: [of "her" supposedly dying dog] What's his real name, anyway?
 * Veterinarian: I don't know. I just clean their teeth and chop their balls off.
 * [the dog whimpers]


 * Tripp: [at the top of a mountain, when Ace appears] Well, hey there, Ace. Glad you could make it, man. We thought you went home.
 * Ace: [dropping to the ground, exhausted] I fell into a deep, dark crevasse. I was so scared.


 * Ace: So, is Kit short for Katherine?
 * Kit: Yes. Is Ace short for... Ace-a-rooney?


 * Ace: And at least I'm not sponging off my parents so I can afford to get laid on every continent.
 * Demo: Whoa, whoa... I'm a ramblin' man, I'm a tumble weed, I'm a seeker of truth!


 * Boatyard Couple: Guys who drink Kalua and cream are not power guys!


 * Paula: The tall one just got fired from Kinko's.


 * Tripp: Do you have real feelings?
 * Paula: Of course I have real feelings!
 * Tripp: For what?
 * Paula: For you! And believe me I did not want that because I had a good life before you. Well, not good... but... it was okay. Well... it was empty actually, but at least I was blissfully unaware of how miserable I was. Where as now... because of you... I am acutely aware of how completely and totally unhappy I am. Thank you for that.

<hr width=50%/>
 * [Paula pretends to be the girlfriend of one of her clients, as they sit in a coffee shop]
 * Paula: Hey, I mean, come on. Look at you. You're smart, you're attractive, you love the original "Star Wars" trilogy because it's all about storytelling, and myth, before C.G.I. ruined everything. I mean, come on. What girl wouldn't want to be with you?
 * Techie Guy: A shocking number, actually.
 * Paula: Well, you know what? It's their loss. You show me a guy who loves Empire and I'll show you a guy who's not afraid of his imagination. Like when Luke gets to the cave and he asks Yoda what's in there and Yoda says...
 * Techie Guy: [imitating Yoda's voice with Star Wars music playing in the background] ... Only what you take with you.
 * Paula: But he goes in anyway, because he's not afraid of his own mind!
 * Techie Guy: He's walking the path of the Jedi, that's why.
 * Paula: That's you! You're Luke!

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 * Tripp: I do sleep well at night.
 * Ace: On a twin bed, with Superman sheets that you've had since you were six.
 * Tripp: As opposed to you, who sleeps in a King-sized bed in your mother's basement.
 * Ace: It's orthopedic, and I need it.

<hr width=50%/>
 * Al: [walking in on Tripp and Melissa having sex] Tripp, as long as you're up son... Oh...
 * Tripp: Oh, come on, Pop! Whoa, man. Don't you knock?
 * Al: What? Your momma's... Snoring like a rhino. And then this music got started... Hey, you must be Melody.
 * Melissa: Melissa.
 * Al: Oh! It's Melissa! It's Melissa. Okay. Alright. Y'all have a good time.
 * Tripp: Night, Pop.
 * Melissa: You live with your parents?
 * Tripp: Is that a problem?
 * Melissa: Are you kidding me?

<hr width=50%/>
 * Ace: The point is, my friend, you are afraid of love.
 * Tripp: Bullcrap. No, no, no, no, no, man. I'm not afraid of love. I love love. Look, I've had a lot of girlfriends, right? And sometimes I'm the rebound guy. Other times, when I get lucky, I'm the "explore new areas of your sexuality" guy. But every single time, we have fun. Thank you. I have fun, they have fun. It's good for me, it's good for them. And I would argue that it's so good for civilization as a whole.

<hr width=50%/>
 * Demo: And yet, in America, we're shunned for our lifestyle.
 * Tripp: When we should be celebrating our lifestyle. We are men who still live at home.
 * Demo: Yes.
 * Tripp: We're not here to apologize about who we are, and how we do it, and who we live with.
 * Demo: No!
 * Tripp: I'm looking around this table, hombres, and I see three winners. And to every one of those out there who sees something different, I say bring it on!

<hr width=50%/>
 * Al: The boy's thirty-five years old!
 * Sue: It's just not fair.
 * Al: Thirty-five years!
 * Sue: We were good parents and now we're supposed to be done!
 * Male BBQ Guest #1: Hey, I don't blame my kid for staying. Our place is much nicer than anything he can afford.
 * Male BBQ Guest #2: Well, our son's a flight attendant. He travels so much, it doesn't make any sense to have his own apartment.
 * Sue: Yeah...
 * Female BBQ Guest: Plus, he has a lot of pilot friends who let him stay over.

<hr width=50%/>
 * Al: Tripp meets a new girl every week.
 * Bud: Well, let's just say, maybe he hasn't met the right girl.

<hr width=50%/>
 * Al: We ain't buying that chair.
 * Sue: I am getting this polka-dot chair. I've got my own money.
 * Al: Unless you start dancing again, you're broke.

<hr width=50%/>
 * Paula: I'm Paula.
 * Tripp: I'm Tripp.
 * Paula: You know, usually I don't sleep with someone on the first date.
 * Tripp: I don't think this counts as a first date.
 * Paula: It would be a date if you asked me to have a drink tonight.
 * Tripp: You wanna have a drink tonight?
 * Paula: Can't. [pause] How about lunch tomorrow?

<hr width=50%/>
 * Paula: Based on the initial personality assessment, I think that I can have your son moved out of this house and living in his own by June fifteenth.
 * Al: Hallelujah!

<hr width=50%/>
 * Paula: Look, many young men who should be able to move out, simply can't. It's called "failure to launch". And that's where I come in. Young men develop self-esteem best during a romantic relationship, so I simulate one. We have a memorable meeting. We get to know each other over a few casual meals, he helps me through an emotional crisis, then I meet his friends, if he has any... Then I let him teach me something... But the bottom line is, he bonds with me. He lets go of you. He moves out.
 * Al: But how do you make sure that he'll fall in love with you?
 * Paula: You like nice, you find out what they like, and then you pretend to like it, too.
 * Sue: That is pretty much how it works.
 * Al: What about?
 * Paula: Al, I never have sex with a client. Besides, I need to keep Tripp motivated, and let's face it, after men have...
 * Sue: Is there anything that we need to do?
 * Paula: Well, for starters, you could make life a little more difficult for him. You know, more chores, more responsibilities, that kind of thing.
 * Sue: I just think you should know that Tripp has had some rough breaks.
 * Paula: I promise you, when this is over, Tripp is going to be an independant, self-sufficient adult.

<hr width=50%/>
 * Sue: [to Tripp] And your bathroom needs cleaning, so I left the stuff in the hall. And when you're done with the rubber gloves, just remember to turn them inside out. Bye.
 * Demo: Something's wrong with your mom.

<hr width=50%/>
 * Mr. Axelrod: You're going to let her walk away?
 * Tripp: I'm giving her space, Mr. Axelrod. Now, I'm going after her.

<hr width=50%/>
 * Tripp: We've been out one time. She's a nice girl, I'm a nice guy, we had fun. And I must tell you, son, nothing is doomed.

<hr width=50%/>
 * Tripp: [trying to feed a chipmunk a chocolate bar] You want a treat from the big city boy?
 * Demo: He's not a child, Tripp. Look how peaceful he is.
 * Tripp: Come here, little boy. You want a little bit of chocolate, baby-boo-boo?
 * Demo: You're giving him a Power Bar?
 * Tripp: Everybody loves chocolate. Baby-boo-boo?
 * Demo: Tripp, he's saying no.
 * Tripp: Look into my eyes.
 * Demo: He's saying no, Tripp.
 * Tripp: Baby-boo-boo? [chipmunk bites Tripp's hand] Aaow!

<hr width=50%/>
 * Tripp: I take it, you like Japanese food?
 * Paula: Oh, I love it. I'm also gonna order a huge desert, drink too much, and maybe talk about my old boyfriends.
 * Tripp: Yeah?
 * Paula: Does that intimidate you?
 * Tripp: Not at all.

<hr width=50%/>
 * Paula: I had a nice time.
 * Tripp: I did, too.
 * Paula: Good.
 * Tripp: I had fun.
 * Paula: Good.
 * Kit: [screaming at the bird outside] Shut up! Shut up you crazy bird!"[walking out of her room naked]"
 * Paula: Hey, Kit.
 * Kit: What? Hi. Can you guys see me?
 * Paula: Yeah.
 * Tripp: Yeah.
 * Kit: Oh, great.
 * Tripp: What?
 * Paula: Dinner and a show. [kisses him] Goodnight.
 * Tripp: Goodnight.

<hr width=50%/>
 * Paula: [about the dog] He saved my life you know.
 * Veterinarian: He did?
 * Paula: And now I can't do anything for him, and I...

<hr width=50%/>
 * Paula: I'm so glad you're here. [about her dog] Can I have a minute alone with him? [Tripp leaves. To the Vet] Emotional crisis day is so critical. I cry, he cries. It totally bonds us. So how long do you think he's going to sleep for?

<hr width=50%/>
 * Paula: So do it. Buy a crummy old boat. Who cares, as long as you're out there.
 * Tripp:' Well, I'm working on it. Thing is, you gotta be ready. I mean, it's a big commitment. And if you're not ready, you just end up, well, a lonely guy with a big boat payment.
 * Paula: Who says you have to be lonely?

<hr width=50%/>
 * Tripp: It's over. She's gotta go.
 * Ace: You're dumping Paula?
 * Demo: What happened?
 * Tripp: Same thing that always happens. Everything is going along nice and smooth, we're having a good time, and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, she gets serious. I hate to say it, boys, but it is time to take the girl home.

<hr width=50%/>
 * Paula: So, you live with your parents?
 * Tripp: Is that a problem?
 * Paula: No. Not for me.

<hr width=50%/>
 * Sue: I don't know what to tell you, honey, but that strict program of yours?
 * Paula: Mmm-mmm...
 * Sue: You're gonna have to start deviating. He's breaking up with you.
 * Paula: What?
 * Sue: The only reason he ever brings girls home to meet us is 'cause he's getting ready to dump them.
 * Paula: Really? Well, that's not happening.

<hr width=50%/>
 * Paula: Do you know that I have a contract? I-I-I have... I have fiduciary responsibilities to uphold.
 * Kit: From a fiduciary standpoint, would you say that you had an orgasm?
 * Paula: [shocked] Oh!

<hr width=50%/>
 * Demo: What are you gonna do now?
 * Tripp: I don't know. I'm in uncharted waters here, boys.

<hr width=50%/>
 * Kit: [finding out that Paula has set her up with Ace] No.
 * Paula: It's just coffee. You don't have to marry him.
 * Kit: First of all, that's the geeky computer guy. It's bad enough I have to go out with a loser who still lives with his mom, but you led me to believe that it was the handsome minimum-wage slacker.
 * Paula: No, I don't, I don't think that I did that.

<hr width=50%/>
 * Jeffrey: My teacher, Miss Kramer has a girlfriend.
 * Paula: Oh, that's nice.
 * Jeffrey: She's a lesbian.<hr width=50%/>
 * Paula: Oh, my God. I am the worst person in the world.
 * Kit: Oh, hey, you're home.
 * Paula: I have to break up with Tripp. I'm... I'm terminating my contract, and... I can't do it.<hr width=50%/>
 * Kit: Look, I don't see why it’s so complicated. You like Tripp. Tell Tripp you like him.

<hr width=50%/>
 * Demo: [to Tripp] You were bitten by a chuckwalla. That shouldn't have happened. It's a reptile of peace. I have a theory. This isn't the first time that nature's lashed out at you like this. I believe it's because your life is fundamentally at odds with the natural world.
 * Tripp: Huh?
 * Demo: Therefore, nature rejects you.

<hr width=50%/>
 * Tripp: Dude, did you just drop me from a forty foot cliff? I mean, you want to talk about a friend, man. You went behind my back, and blackmailed your way into getting your girlfriend.
 * Demo: He's right.
 * Ace: I'm sorry I dropped you from a cliff.
 * Tripp: It's okay.
 * Demo: Granted, he used you, but not out of malice. Look at him. How many chances is he gonna get? He saw a chance for love, Tripp, and he took it. Which is exactly what we wanted for you.
 * Tripp: Am I getting advice from my two loser buddies who still live at home?
 * Ace: Actually, I own my home.
 * Demo: What?
 * Tripp: No, you don't.
 * Ace: I bought it a couple of years ago from my Mom. That way, she has a place to live and I don't get nailed on the inheritance tax.
 * Demo: Smart.
 * Tripp: Wow.
 * Ace: And Demo, here, has chosen the life of a wanderer. I mean, sure, he technically still lives at home.
 * Demo: Yeah.
 * Ace: But his permanent address is in his heart. He's a bum.
 * Demo: I think what we're trying to say is that the two of us are happy, and we're perfectly functional.
 * Ace: And you, Tripp, are not.

<hr width=50%/>
 * Tripp: Hey, Pop?
 * Al: Hey! Tripp. What are you doing here?
 * Tripp: Just came by to get some stuff. What are you doing?
 * Al: Feeding my fish.
 * Tripp: Yeah. I see that. You're naked. In my room.
 * Al: Well, this is my Room. I mean, it's my house. A man ought to be able to do whatever he wants to do in his own house. Wore a suit for forty years.
 * Tripp: So now we got forty years of...
 * Al: No suit.
 * Tripp: No suit. Alright. I'm gonna let you get back to feeding your fish.

<hr width=50%/>
 * Cafe Patron: I don't usually like Reality T.V. shows, but this is so emotional.

<hr width=50%/>
 * Tripp: So what do we do now?
 * Paula: Actually, it's... it's quite simple. You just have to decide. Do you want to spend the rest of your life having fun? Or do you want to spend it with me?
 * Tripp: Hmm...
 * Paula: Shut up! Not everything you say is perfect.
 * Tripp: We can have a little bit of fun, can't we? Huh?

Cast

 * Matthew McConaughey as Tripp
 * Sarah Jessica Parker as Paula
 * Zooey Deschanel as Katherine "Kit"
 * Justin Bartha as Philip "Ace"
 * Bradley Cooper as Demo
 * Terry Bradshaw as Al
 * Kathy Bates as Sue
 * Adam Alexi-Malle as Mr. Axelrod
 * Tyrel Jackson Williams as Jeffrey
 * Katheryn Winnick as Melissa
 * Rob Corddry as Gun Salesman
 * Patton Oswalt as Techie Guy
 * Mageina Tovah as Barista
 * Stephen Tobolowsky as Bud