Family Ties

Family Ties (1982–1989) was an American television sitcom which aired on NBC. At the height of its popularity, the program was #2 in the yearly Nielsen ratings for two straight seasons (1985–86 and 1986–87).

Pilot [1.01]

 * Steven: [about Alex] I haven't seen him this excited since Reagan got elected.


 * Steven: [to Elyse] Do you think maybe he was switched at birth and the Rockefellers have our kid?


 * Elyse: Alex, maybe you're getting a little carried away here. I mean, if Kimberly doesn't like you or your family for who they are, then maybe she isn't worth caring about at all, don't you think?
 * Alex: Are you going to wear your hair like that, or are you going to put it up?


 * Mallory: [witnessing her parents kissing in the kitchen] You guys have been married for a long time. Haven't you had enough?


 * Alex: How do I look?
 * Steven: Middle-aged.
 * Alex: Dad, recent studies show, that you can predict success by the way a person dresses.
 * Steven: Alex, you're a young man. You shouldn't be worried about success. You should be thinking about hopping on a steam trainer, and going around the world, or putting a pack on your back and heading down to Mexico, South America, or anywhere.
 * Alex: The 1960's are over Dad.
 * Steven: Thanks for the tip.

Death of a Grocer [1.09]

 * Jennifer: What's impetuous?
 * Steven: Well, uh. That's when you do something without thinking it through.
 * Jennifer: Like when you guys decided to have Alex?


 * Alex: Skippy, remember when we were little kids, and I accidentally ran over you with my bicycle?
 * Skippy: Yeah.
 * Alex: I drive a car now.

Sherry Baby [1.13]

 * Mallory: What do you say, Alex? She really thinks you're cute.
 * Alex: Look, Mallory. I don't go out with girls who have an IQ lower than room temperature, or have contagious diseases, or friends of yours. And there's certainly some overlap in those categories.


 * Alex: [turning on the radio] Oh I hope you don't mind, it's time for the commerce and shipping news.
 * Mallory: Alex we do mind we're doing a project for school here.
 * Alex: All right, all right I'll listen to it upstairs, it's a lot more exciting in stereo anyway.


 * Elyse: What happened?
 * Alex: Oh he was going out for a pass and he ran into the pole.
 * Jennifer: I told you to run down and in Skippy, you were supposed to go to the pole and stop!
 * Skippy: I did, I stopped when I hit the pole.


 * Elyse: Who is Sherry Marshall?
 * Mallory: She happens to be a Pi Nu the best sorority in the whole world, she's the president.
 * Steven: Is she coming alone or with some secret service agents?

The Fugitive: Part 1 [1.14]

 * Elyse: Mr. Carlyle, Do you really believe that my brother stole that money? I mean, he's not the type.
 * Carlyle: I'll mention that to the guys in New York. But to be honest with you: I think they're going to want to push ahead with the case anyway.


 * Carlyle: [on what would happen if it turned out that the Keatons were lying to him about where Ned is] Well, hypothetically speaking, you would be hypothetically arrested for harboring a known criminal, and hypothetically sent to a very real jail.

Margin of Error [1.16]

 * Alex: It's like taking candy from a baby.
 * Jennifer: Brings back memories.


 * Steven: No movies, no dates....
 * Alex: Sounds fair.
 * Steven: ... and no TV.
 * Alex: Not even Wall Street Week?
 * Steven: Especially not Wall Street Week.
 * Alex: Come on Dad. I didn't kill a guy!
 * Steven: Alex I am out $2,700. I am the major investor in an underwater video company in the Philippines. They probably have a picture of me in one of their huts with the caption, Our Founder. You are lucky to be getting off this easy.
 * Alex: Oh listen, just in case, I mean if this stock does go up, we are in this 50/50 right?


 * Mrs. Matthews: This is not very good news is it?
 * Mr. Matthews: No it is not.
 * Mrs. Matthews: We invested everything we had with you. Our, our life savings.
 * Mr. Matthews: We knew there would be risks going in. We discussed that.
 * Mrs. Matthews: But we are retired people there is no way that we can re-earn what we have lost. We will lose our house, our car.... Is not there anything you can do?
 * Mr. Matthews: Sorry. Say Hi to Dad.


 * Mallory: So Alex what are you going to do? Sell your soul to the devil or your body to someone who is nearsighted?
 * Alex: Jennifer…
 * Jennifer: Sometimes when you keep a secret all to yourself you get a really bad headache.

French Lessons [1.17]

 * Alex: Dad, I'm 138 and 0 against you [in chess].
 * Steven: 138, 0 and 1. You forgot about the draw.
 * Alex: I had my appendix out that day.
 * Steven: The anesthesia had worn off.

I Gotta Be Ming [1.18]

 * Alex: I want you.
 * Ming: You don't want me, Alex. You want another you. You want someone who looks like you, acts like you, thinks like you.
 * Alex: Is that how I acted?
 * Ming: Look, I can't be Alex; I gotta be Ming.

Stage Fright (a.k.a.) Video Jitters [1.21]

 * Steven: Hey, Alex. How's it going?
 * Alex: Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
 * That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
 * And then is heard no more: it is a tale
 * Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
 * Signifying nothing.
 * Steven: He seems a bit depressed.

Philadelphia Story [3.16]

 * Alex: Great events make great men.

The Disciple [4.13]

 * Alex: You know that I can only do things one way. Out of control.

My Mother, My Friend [5.12]
[During a game of Scrabble, Alex counterbalances Steven's nonsensical word with one of his own]
 * Alex: After I "zoquo", I like to "ushnuu"

A My Name is Alex [5.23-24]

 * Alex: ...Yeah, I believe in God.
 * Psychiatrist: You surprise me, Alex. A bottom-line guy like yourself. I didn't think you would believe.
 * Alex: Well, part of me is a little nervous about it.  I like to know what I know: see it, be able to prove it on a test— to know it, to learn it, and be done…And I just got a feeling that you keep getting tested on this one.

Designing Woman [7.2]

 * Mallory: Everyone, I want you to meet Jamie Carter.
 * Alex [Jumping into his father's lap on the couch]: AAAUGH!
 * Steven: Alex, she said Jamie, not Jimmy.

Cast

 * Michael J. Fox - Alex P. Keaton
 * Michael Gross - Steven Keaton
 * Meredith Baxter-Birney - Elyse Keaton
 * Justine Bateman - Mallory Keaton
 * Tina Yothers - Jennifer Keaton
 * Brian Bonsall - Andrew 'Andy' Keaton (Seasons 5-7)
 * Marc Price - Irwin 'Skippy' Handleman
 * Scott Valentine - Nick Moore (Seasons 4-7)
 * Tracy Pollan - Ellen Reed (Season 4)
 * Courteney Cox - Lauren Miller (Seasons 6-7)

Guest stars

 * Dick Sargent - Charlie Donnelly (Season 1)
 * Judith Light - Stacey Hughes (Season 2)
 * Tom Hanks - Ned Donnelly (Seasons 1-2)
 * Geena Davis - Karen Nicholson (Season 4)
 * River Phoenix - Eugene Forbes (Season 4)
 * Julia Louis-Dreyfus - Susan 'Raindrop' White (Season 6)
 * Crispin Glover - Doug (Season 2)
 * Wil Wheaton - Timothy Higgins (Season 5)
 * Corey Feldman - Student Walter (Season 4)
 * Jeff Cohen - Dougie Barker (Season 3)/Marv Jr. (Season 5)
 * Christina Applegate - Kitten (Season 5)
 * Stephen Baldwin - Bobby (Season 7)
 * Daniel Baldwin - Holworthy (Season 7)
 * Joseph Gordon-Levitt - Dougie (Season 6)
 * Jane Adams - Marty Broadie (Season 7)
 * James Cromwell - John Hancock (Season 3)
 * John Randolph - Jacob Keaton (Season 1)
 * Timothy Busfield - Doug (Season 3)/Young Matt (Season 5)
 * Hank Azaria - Joe (Season 7)
 * David Faustino - Keith Bailey (Season 2)
 * Danny Nucci - Rick (Season 4)