Finley Peter Dunne

Finley Peter Dunne (July 10, 1867 – April 24, 1936) was a Chicago-based U.S. author, writer and humorist. He wrote Mr. Dooley in Peace and War in 1898. "Mr. Dooley" became one of the first nationally syndicated newspaper features. Set in a South Side Chicago Irish pub, Mr. Dooley, the owner and bartender, would expound upon political and social issues of the day, using the thick verbiage and accent of an Irish immigrant. Dunne's sly humor and political acumen won the support of President Theodore Roosevelt, a frequent target of Mr. Dooley's barbs.

Quotes

 * Sure, politics ain't bean-bag. 'Tis a man's game, an' women, childer, cripples an' prohybitionists 'd do well to keep out iv it.
 * Chicago Evening Post, October 5, 1895. Excerpted in Finley Peter Dunne and Mr. Dooley: The Chicago Years by Charles Fanning (1978).


 * Th’ dead ar-re always pop’lar. I knowed a society wanst to vote a monyment to a man an’ refuse to help his fam’ly, all in wan night.
 * "On Charity" in Mr Dooley in Peace and War (1898).


 * In England a man is presoomed to be innocent till he's proved guilty an' they take it f 'r granted he's guilty. In this counthry a man is presoomed to be guilty ontil he's proved guilty an' afther that he's presoomed to be innocent.
 * Mr. Dooley's opinions (1901), p. 212.

Ye can get anny kind iv information ye want to in ye'er fav’rite newspaper about ye'ersilf or annywan else. What th' Czar whispered to th' Imp'ror Willum whin they were alone, how to make a silk hat out iv a wire matthress, how to settle th' coal sthrike, who to marry, how to get on with ye’er wife whin ye’re married, what to feed th' babies, what doctor to call whin ye've fed thim as directed—all iv that ye'll find in th' pa-apers.
 * Whin annything was wrote about a man 'twas put this way: "We undhershtand on good authority that M-l-chi H---y, Esquire, is on thrile before Judge G---n on an accusation iv l--c-ny. But we don't think it's true." Nowadays th' larceny is discovered be a newspa-aper. Th' lead pipe is dug up in ye'er back yard be a rayporther who knew it was there because he helped ye bury it.[...] Th' newspaper does ivrything f'r us. It runs th' polis foorce an' th' banks, commands th' milishy, controls th' ligislachure, baptizes th' young, marries th' foolish, comforts th' afflicted, afflicts th' comfortable, buries th' dead an' roasts thim aftherward. They ain't annything it don't turn its hand to fr'm explainin' th' docthrine iv thransubstantiation to composin' saleratus biskit.
 * Part of this has sometimes been paraphrased (ignoring its original satiric meaning): The job of the newspaper is to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.
 * "Comfort the afflicted" and "bury the dead" are two of the Catholic works of mercy.
 * "Comfort the afflicted" and "bury the dead" are two of the Catholic works of mercy.


 * Thrust ivrybody—but cut th' ca-ards.
 * Casual Observations, Mr. Dooley's Philosophy (1900)


 * A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks th' Lord wud do if He knew th' facts iv th' case.
 * Casual Observations, Mr. Dooley's Philosophy (1900)


 * Th' Turkey bur-rd's th' rale cause iv Thanksgivin'. He's th' naytional air. Abolish th' Turkey an' ye desthroy th' tie that binds us as wan people.
 * "Mr. Dooley on Thanksgiving," syndicated column (25 November 1900)
 * Thanksgiving, Mr. Dooley's Opinions (1901)


 * But don't ask f'r rights. Take thim. An' don't let anny wan give thim to ye. A right that is handed to ye fer nawthin' has somethin' th' mather with it. It's more than likely it's only a wrong turned inside out.

Misattributed

 * All politics is local.
 * Not found in any of his writings. See The Quote Verifier (2007) by Ralph Keyes, p. 196.