Fools (play)

Fools is a 1981 play by Neil Simon, set in the small village of Kulyenchikov, Ukraine during the late 19th century.

Quotations
Leon: What would you like to begin with? Sophia: Languages! Leon: Good! Which language would you like to learn? Sophia: (pause) Rabbit! Doctor: A hard language, rabbit. Hardly anyone speaks it anymore! Lenya: As long as she gets a few phrases, that's enough to begin with.  Leon: What is your favorite color? Sophia: ''My favorite color. . . is yellow.'' Leon: Why, Sophia, why is your favorite color yellow? Sophia: Because it doesn't stick to your fingers as much.  Doctor: Would you like a prescription? Magistrate: What for? Doctor: ''I don't know. Some people like prescriptions. Here, take this to the druggist, pick out something you like, and take it three times a day with a little water.''  Doctor: ''The best. The best of health. You'll live to be eighty.'' Magistrate: I'm seventy-nine now. Doctor: Well, you have a wonderful year ahead of you!  Snetsky: Slovitch, any news? Slovitch: About what? Snetsky: ''About the curse, of course! Has it been lifted yet?'' Slovitch: How would I know?  Magistrate: ''Do you, Leon, take Sophia, to have and to hold from this day on? Leon: ''I have. Magistrate: ''No. I do. Leon: ''You do? Magistrate: No, you ''do. Doctor: ''He will. He does. Say it. Leon: ''"He will, he does." I said it. Doctor: ''Don't say what I say. Say what he says. Leon: ''What did he say? Gregor: ''"I do." Just say "I do"! Leon: ''My papa says I do! Gregor: ''I'm beginning to hate this curse, I swear to God!  Leon: But the adoption papers... Gregor: ''They're false. You trusted me so much you didn't even read them. Here are the documents as proof. I did not adopt him, I divorced him! According to these documents, we are not father and son, we are no longer husband and wife!'' Lenya: Dear God, my daughter almost married a divorced woman!  Doctor: Lenya, bolt the door. Draw the curtains. Lenya: I can't draw curtains. I can draw a cat or a fish— Doctor: Never mind. Lower your voice. Lenya: (Bends her knees, making herself shorter.) How low do you want my voice?  Doctor: Young man — have you ever heard of the Curse of Kulyenchikov? Leon: I can't say that I have. Doctor: You can't say that? It's not hard. Even Lenya can say that. Lenya: "The Curse of Kulyenchikov."