Friends (season 10)


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Friends (1994–2004) was an American sitcom revolving around six 20-30 something friends living in Manhattan.

The One After Joey and Rachel Kiss [10.01]

 * [Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are listening to Charlie and Ross through the wall of the hotel room]
 * Chandler: She's turning on the TV, it's Miss Congeniality!.
 * Monica: Babe, if you know it through a wall, you know it too well.


 * Phoebe: Look, [Long pause] Precious. Mike's not worth this, you're an attractive, intelligent woman and, let's face it, Mike's kind of a wang. I mean, he proposed to me while he was still seeing you, he was gonna break up with you on your birthday? And, I don't like to kiss and tell, but he cheated on you a lot this weekend.
 * Precious: Oh my god, you know? Maybe you're right. Maybe I don't need him. I deserve to be treated with respect [Mike comes in] Screw you, Mike, you're a coward and a bastard and I hope you rot in hell! [Slaps him and leaves]
 * Phoebe: You're welcome.

The One Where Ross Is Fine [10.02]

 * Ross: I'm fine! Hey, I'm great! I'm just, I'm just proud of us. There's no weirdness, no tension.
 * Rachel: No awareness.


 * Ross: I would like to make a toast to Rachel and Joey.
 * Rachel: Oy.
 * Ross: And to love. Ah, love. L-O-V-E, love. L is for life. And what is life without love?
 * Rachel: Oh my God, are we supposed to answer?
 * Ross: O is for "oh, wow!" The V is for this very surprising turn of events, which I'm still fine with by the way. E is for how extremely normal I find it that you two are together. And that one day you might get married and have children of your own.
 * Joey: Dude, are you okay?
 * Ross: Totally.
 * Rachel: Ross, you don't seem okay.
 * Ross: I'm sorry, it must be the pressure of entertaining. I think everyone would feel better if we had some flan.

The One with Ross' Tan [10.03]

 * [Joey and Chandler are discussing Joey's impending date with Rachel.]
 * Chandler: Wow, so tonight might be the night. You nervous?
 * Joey: Nah. This is the part I'm actually good at.
 * Chandler: What must it be like not to be crippled by fear and self-loathing?
 * Joey: It's okay!


 * Tanning Salon Guy: Alright Mr. Geller, right this way. So, how dark do you want to be? We have 1, 2, or 3.
 * Ross: Well uh, I like how you look, what are you?
 * Tanning Salon Guy: Puerto Rican.
 * Ross: Two, I think, a two.

The One with the Cake [10.04]

 * Ross: Is Emma awake yet?
 * Rachel: It's still nap time. She'll be up soon.
 * Ross: Where's Joey?
 * Rachel: I said, it's still nap time.
 * [Joey awakes from his nap.]
 * Ross: There's Uncle Joey! Say something to Emma for her 18th birthday!
 * Joey: [starts to turn on his charm for the camera] 18, huh?
 * Ross: [switches off the camera] NO!
 * Joey: It's for her hot friends!
 * Ross: When they see this you'll be 52!
 * Joey: And starting to think about settling down!


 * Ross: While we're waiting, why don't you guys record your message to Emma?
 * Chandler: Hi Emma. It's the year 2020. Are you still enjoying your nap?

The One Where Rachel's Sister Babysits [10.05]

 * Charlie: [to Ross] Hey, I have some time, if you wanna... [smiles seductively]
 * Ross: Oh, I'd love to, but I really have to grade these papers.
 * Charlie: Fine, I'll just shower by myself...
 * Ross: [frenzied scribbling] B, B, B!
 * Charlie: Uh, Ross, you just gave a B to a Pottery Barn catalog.
 * Ross: It had some good ideas. Take off your shirt.


 * Joey: Finished my recommendation, and I think you'll be very, very happy. It's the longest I've ever spent on a computer without looking at porn.
 * Chandler: I don't... understand
 * Joey: Some of the words a little too sophisticated for you?
 * Monica: It doesn't make any sense.
 * Joey: Of course it does. It's smart. I used a thesaurus.
 * Chandler: On every word?
 * Joey: Yep!
 * Monica: What was this sentence originally?
 * Joey: Oh, "They're warm, nice people with big hearts."
 * Chandler: And that became, "They're humid, prepossessing Homo sapiens with full-sized aortic pumps."
 * Joey: And hey, I really mean it, dude.
 * Monica: Uh, Joey, I don't think we can use this.
 * Joey: Why not?
 * Monica: Well, because you signed it "Baby Kangaroo" Tribbiani.

The One with Ross' Grant [10.06]

 * Charlie: Wait, are you talking about the Dewar grant?
 * Ross: Yeah, why?
 * Charlie: Benjamin Hobart is administering that grant.
 * Ross: Your ex-boyfriend?
 * Charlie: Yeah.
 * Ross: So your ex-boyfriend is going to determine if your new boyfriend gets this grant? Wow, your new boyfriend is screwed.


 * Benjamin: Well, yes and no. Yes, I did say it, and no, I didn't not say it.

The One With the Home Study [10.07]

 * [Phoebe and Mike are planning their wedding.]
 * Ross: There's no way around it, Pheebs. You just got to accept the fact that this is going to cost you a lot of money.
 * Mike: I heard that weddings are, like, a 40 billion dollar a year industry.
 * Ross: Yeah, and I'm responsible for just, like, half of that.


 * Monica: [to the adoption lady] We're so glad you're here. We're really excited about getting this process started.
 * Chandler: Because we love kids. Love them to death. Well, not actually to death. That's just a figure of speech. We love kids the appropriate amount... as allowed by law.

The One with the Late Thanksgiving [10.08]

 * Chandler: We don't feel we can host Thanksgiving this year.
 * Joey: What?
 * Ross: Are you kidding?
 * Chandler: Well, just with work and the stress of adoption we just don't feel like we have the energy. Plus, we don't think it's fair that every year the burden falls on us.
 * Ross: That doesn't sound like you. That's Monica talking!
 * Chandler: No, no, we made this decision together.
 * Ross: She's putting words in your mouth!
 * Joey: Don't you put words in people's mouths. You put turkey in people's mouths.


 * Chandler: Look! Look what the-Look what the floating heads did!
 * Monica: I don't care.
 * Chandler: What's going on?
 * Monica: That was the adoption agency.
 * Chandler: And?
 * Monica: We're getting a baby!
 * Chandler: ARE YOU SERIOUS?! [They embrace]

The One with the Birth Mother [10.09]

 * Phoebe: So Joey's out with my friend the other night and she reaches over and takes some of his fries...
 * Rachel: Oh, no.
 * Phoebe: You know about the plate thing?
 * Rachel: Oh, yeah. Joey doesn't share food. I mean just, just lask week we were having breakfast and he had a couple grapes on his plate.
 * Phoebe: [to Joey] You wouldn't let her have a grape?
 * Rachel: Oh, no, not me. Emma.
 * Joey: JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD.


 * Chandler: My wife's an incredible woman. She's loving and devoted and caring. And don't tell her I said this, but the woman's always right... I love my wife more than anything in this world. And I... it kills me that I can't give her a baby... I really want a kid. And when that day finally comes, I'll learn how to be a good dad. But my wife... she's already there. She's a mother... without a baby... Please?

The One Where Chandler Gets Caught [10.10]

 * [The friends and Emma are at Central Perk and Monica is enjoying a piece of chocolate cake.]
 * Monica: Mmmm...this cake is amazing!
 * Rachel: [repulsed] Get a room!
 * Monica: I would get a room with this cake. I could show this cake a good time!
 * Phoebe: If you had to, what would you give up? Food or sex?
 * Monica: [quickly] Sex.
 * Chandler: [unimpressed] Seriously, answer faster!
 * Monica: I'm sorry! When she said sex I wasn't thinking about sex with you!
 * Chandler: [still feeling hurt] It's like a giant hug!
 * Phoebe: Ross, how about you? Which would you give up? Sex or food?
 * Ross: [quickly] Food!
 * Phoebe: How about sex or dinosaurs?
 * Ross: [in a state of uncertainty] My...! It's like Sophie's Choice!
 * Rachel: What about you Joe? What would you give up? Sex or food?
 * Joey: [after thinking] I don't know, it's too hard!
 * Rachel: No, you have to pick one!
 * Joey: [quickly] Food! No, sex! Food! Sex! Food! Sex...I don't know, I want both! I want girls on bread!


 * Ross: We think Chandler might be having an affair.
 * Monica: What?
 * Rachel: Phoebe and I saw Chandler with a blonde woman today outside on the street, and then we followed them to a house in Westchester.
 * Phoebe: They went in together. I'm so sorry.
 * Monica: Oh, my... oh, my, that's awful... What did you think of the house?
 * Phoebe: What?
 * Joey: Monica, you understand what we're saying, right?
 * Monica: Yeah... sure... I'm... devastated, obviously!... Did you think the neighborhood was homey?
 * Chandler: [enters] Hey!
 * Joey: You son of a bitch.
 * Chandler: Is it me, or have the greetings really gone downhill around here?

The One Where the Stripper Cries [10.11]

 * [On the game show Pyramid, Joey's partner Gene gets the word "cream."]
 * Gene: You put this in your coffee.
 * Joey: A spoon! Your hands! Your face!
 * Gene: It's white.
 * Joey: Paper! Snow! A ghost!
 * Gene: It's heavier than milk.
 * Joey: A rock! A dog! The earth!
 * Gene: Pass! [Gene gets the word mayonnaise] You put this in a sandwich.
 * Joey: Salami! Anchovies! Jam!
 * Gene: It's white.
 * Joey: Paper! Snow! A ghost!
 * Gene: It's made from eggs.
 * Joey: Chickens?


 * Chandler: Why would I kiss a girl and then put her on your bed?
 * Ross: Well, then, who was on my bed?
 * Monica: Oh! Oh! Oh!
 * Ross: [pause, then his eyes go wide] No! No! No!
 * Monica: YESǃ!
 * Ross: You were under the pile of coats?
 * Monica: I WAS the pile of coats!
 * Ross: OH, MY GOD!
 * Monica: You were my midnight mystery kisser?ǃ
 * Ross: You were my first kiss with Rachel?ǃ
 * Monica: YOU WERE MY FIRST KISS, EVER?ǃ
 * Chandler: What did I marry into?ǃ

The One with Phoebe's Wedding [10.12]

 * Chandler: [When he finds out he won't be in the wedding] I can't believe this it's like figure skating team all over again. I mean synchronized swimming, I mean the balance beam - help me!
 * Ross: Football!
 * Chandler: Thank you!


 * Monica: [to Phoebe] OK, it's 2100 hours. Time for your toast.
 * Mike: Do I have a minute to go to the bathroom?
 * Monica: You had a bathroom break at 2030; pee on your own time, Mike... Now, in regard to the toast - OK, you wanna keep them short; nothing kills a rehearsal dinner like long speeches. OK, you just get in, do your thing and get out.
 * Mike: Is that what you say to Chandler?

The One Where Joey Speaks French [10.13]

 * Rachel: [to the nurse] Excuse me, I'm here to see my father. My name is Rachel Green.
 * Ross: And I'm Dr. Ross Geller.
 * Rachel: [turns to face Ross] Ross, please. This is a hospital, OK? That actually means something here.


 * Rachel: In the future, when a girl asks for some ill-advised sympathy sex, just do it!
 * Ross: You're mad at me about last night? I was trying to do the right thing!
 * Rachel: Really? Well, if you had done the right thing, I would not have woken up today feeling stupid and embarrassed. I would have woken up feeling comforted and satisfied!
 * Ross: Well...
 * Rachel: Stop that!!
 * Ross: I can't believe this! I was being a good guy! I treated you with respect and understanding!
 * Rachel: [sarcastically] That's so hot!
 * Ross: I was looking out for you!
 * Rachel: I am a big girl! I don't need someone telling what's best for me!
 * Ross: I've got to say, I've not had sex a lot of times before; this is the worst ever!
 * Rachel: It wasn't very good for me, either!

The One with Princess Consuela [10.14]

 * Phoebe: As of today, my name is Princess Consuela Bananahammock.
 * Mike: I thought you had to just make your name Phoebe Buffay-Hannigan!
 * Phoebe: I can change it to anything I want.
 * Mike: Well, if you can, I can. My name is Crap Bag.


 * Phoebe: Will you please be Mike Hannigan again?
 * Mike: Only if you'll be Phoebe Buffay.
 * Phoebe: How about 'Buffay-Hannigan'?
 * Mike: Really?
 * Phoebe: Yeah. Phoebe Buffay-Hannigan-Bananahammock!
 * Mike: Do you know what a banana hammock is?
 * Phoebe: It's a funny word!
 * Mike: It's a speedo!
 * Phoebe: [pauses] Oh crap!

The One Where Estelle Dies [10.15]

 * Ross: [to Rachel] So, if you take this job you'll be moving to Paris?
 * Chandler: Or facing a bitch of a commute.


 * Chandler: Will we love it so much with her next door? And she's gonna be louder out here too. Just the crickets and [imitates Janice's voice] "Oh... My... God"!
 * Monica: If we don't get this house, she's still going to show up wherever we go! At least if she's here, it eliminates the element of surprise. Never again will you have to hear the three words that make your balls jump back up inside your body!

The One with Rachel's Going Away Party [10.16]

 * Joey: Let's play one more time, okay? And remember if I win, you do not move to Paris.
 * Rachel: Okay, can't believe I'm risking this again, but you are on! Alright Joey you remember the rules, heads I win tails you lose!
 * Joey: Just flip!
 * Rachel: Ah! Tails!
 * Joey: Damn it!


 * Rachel: You really think I didn't say goodbye to you because I don't care?
 * Ross: That's what it seemed like.
 * Rachel: I cannot believe that after ten years you do not know one thing about me!
 * Ross: Fine. Then why didn't you say something?
 * Rachel: Because it is too damn hard, Ross! I can't even begin to explain to you how much I am going to miss you. When I think about not seeing you every day, it makes me not want to go. Okay? So if you think I didn't say goodbye to you because you don't mean as much to me as everybody else, you're wrong. It's because you mean more to me. So there, all right? There's your goodbye.

Part 1 [10.17]

 * [Chandler pulls Monica aside when they are told that they are adopting twins]
 * Chandler: What do we do?
 * Monica: What do you mean 'what do we do'?
 * Chandler: [frantically] Twins... Twins...
 * Monica: Chandler, you're panicking!
 * Chandler: Uh huh, join me, won't you? Okay what do you say we keep one and then just like have an option on the other one?
 * Monica: We can't split them up!
 * Chandler: Why not? We could give each of them half a medallion, and then years later they'll find each other... and be reunited. I mean that's a great day for everybody.
 * Monica: I don't care if it's two babies. I don't care if it's three babies. I don't care if the entire cast of Eight Is Enough comes out of there!

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 * Joey: [about the babies] They are so cute! Now, what kinds are they?
 * Monica: This is a boy and that's a girl.
 * Chandler: Yeah, her name's Erica.
 * Joey: Hey, that pregnant girl's name was Erica.
 * Chandler: Yeah, it's a shame you two never spent more time together.

Part 2 [10.18]

 * [After failing to convince Rachel to get off the plane, Ross heads to his apartment in despair and finds a message from Rachel on his answering machine.]
 * Rachel: Ross? Hi, it's me. I just got back on the plane and I just feel awful. That is so not how I wanted things to end with us. It's just that I... wasn't expecting to see you and then all of the sudden, you're there and saying these things and... now I'm just sitting here and thinking of all the stuff I should have said and I didn't. I mean, I didn't even get to tell you that I love you too. Because of course I do. I love you... I love you... I love you... what am I doing? I love you. Oh, I've gotta see you. I've gotta get off this plane.
 * Ross: Oh, my god!
 * Rachel: [to flight attendant] Okay, e-excuse me--
 * Flight attendant: Ma'am, please sit down!
 * Rachel: No, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, but I need to get off the plane, okay? I need to tell someone that I love them.
 * Flight attendant: Ma'am, I can't let you off the plane.
 * Ross: [listening to the conversation] Let her off the plane!!
 * Flight attendant: I am afraid you are gonna have to take a seat.
 * Rachel: Oh, please miss, you don't understand!
 * Ross: Try to understand!!
 * Rachel: Oh, come on, miss, isn't there any way that you could just let me off the-- [the message cuts before Rachel finishes her sentence]
 * Ross: No, no!! Oh, my god, did she get off the plane? Did she get off the plane?
 * Rachel: [in the doorway and in tears] I got off the plane.
 * Ross: You got off the plane.
 * [they passionately kiss]
 * Rachel: I do love you.
 * Ross: I love you too and I'm never letting you go again.
 * Rachel: Okay, 'cause this is where I wanna be, okay? No more messing around, I don't wanna mess this up again.
 * Ross: Me neither, okay? We're done being stupid.
 * Rachel: Okay. It's you and me, all right? This is it.
 * Ross: This is it. Unless we're on a break.
 * [Rachel looks him suspicious, but Ross comes to his senses]
 * Ross: Don't make jokes now.
 * [Rachel laughs softly as the reunited couple restarts passionately kissing]

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 * [last lines]
 * Rachel: Do you guys have to go to the new house right away or do you have some time?
 * Monica: We've got some time.
 * Rachel: Okay, should we get some coffee?
 * Chandler: Sure. Where?