Futurama: Bender's Big Score

Futurama: Bender's Big Score is a 2007 straight-to-DVD animated film based on the Futurama series. ''Directed by Dwayne-Carey Hill. Written by Ken Keeler, based on a story by Keeler and David X. Cohen.''

Bender

 * I support and oppose many things, but not strongly enough to pick up a pen.
 * Sweet photons. I don't know if you're waves or particles, but you go down smooth!
 * Here's your Gutenberg Bible, masters, plus the Colonel's Secret Recipe: Chicken, Grease, Salt!
 * 001100010010011110100001101101110011
 * Hasta la vista, Meatbag!
 * Must obey orders. Ohhhhh. Mustn't kill friend!! Ohhhhhh! Badly want to urinate!!!!!
 * [monotone] Entering auto destruct sequence. [normal] Awww crap, I hate auto destruct sequence! [monotone] Explosion in 7, 6,-- [Fry's duplicate kicks Bender's duplicate who stumbles back into a cryotube, Fry turns the control to one million years]
 * [monotone] 5-- [normal] Hey, I'm supposed to be the one saying cool things! [Gets frozen]
 * Fry old buddy, it's me, Bender! [blows up Fry's apartment]
 * While I was hacking off the Professor's hand with an extremely dull saw, I had time to think. Who could use a doomsday device more, the scammers, or me, Bender? After several minutes of steady sawing, I had the answer. Me, Bender!
 * Hey ! I don't tell you how to tell me what to do, so don't tell me how to do what you tell me to do.
 * [monotone]--4, 3, 2, [normal voice] 1, BOOM! [Nothing happens. Bender laughs] Woah! [he explodes, killing Nudar and Lars]
 * Well, we're boned!

Fry

 * [sarcastically] Oh, hooray. It's handsome Lars and his fabulous jars.
 * But she needs what'll make her happy, not what'll make me happy.

Hermes

 * Without my body I'm a nobody.


 * Kiss my front butt!

Leela

 * [Considering what to wear on her date with Lars] Ooh, I think I'll wear that slutty dress I've been saving for Easter!

Lars

 * Sir, you're just a little enraged because you're dying. Up and away!


 * Wait for me, Leela! I'll be there in a thousand years!

Professor Farnsworth

 * I'm sciencing as fast as I can!
 * I can wire anything directly into anything - I'm The Professor!
 * In his (Hermes') absence I am calling a mandatory company meeting. To the mandatorium!

Nibbler

 * Everyone out of the universe! Quick!


 * There, I saved the space-time continuum and 40% of your rectum.

Dr. Zoidberg

 * I'm a surgeon; when I see two body parts I sew them together and see what happens!

Others

 * Barbados Slim: You haven't seen the last of Barbados Slim. Now goodbye forever.


 * Zapp Brannigan: We fight this battle not for ourselves, but for our children, and our children's children, which is why I'm forming a children's brigade.


 * Al Gore: [in the year 2012] That hundred dollars could have gotten me...one gallon of gas. [ominous music]


 * Al Gore: Finally! I get to save the Earth with deadly lasers instead of deadly slide shows.

Dialogue

 * Professor Farnsworth: Yes? I see… [hangs up phone] Good news, everyone! Those asinine morons who canceled us were themselves fired for incompetence. [The crew cheers] And not just fired, but beaten up, too…and pretty badly. [The crew cheers doubtfully] In fact, most of them died from their injuries. [The crew remains silent. Bender laughs] And then they were ground up into a fine pink powder.
 * Fry: Why?
 * Professor Farnsworth: Oh, it's got a million and one uses. [Pours some down his pants] Ah, that soothes the fire.


 * Hermes: What's the matter, robot? You got a rod up your spine?
 * Bender: Yes, I do. That's how I'm built.


 * [Fry has just reappeared in the 31st Century, after Bender apparently killed him in 2012.]
 * Bender: Fry! You're not dead! Unless...
 * [Bender punches Fry in the stomach.]
 * Bender: No, he's not a zombie. But I don't want people to think I'm incompetent, so I'd better kill you just to be sure.
 * [Bender pulls out a croquet mallet, and prepares to swing it at Fry. The Professor pulls it out of his hands.]
 * Professor Farnsworth: Bender! Stop killing for a minute!


 * [Nudar is threatening Scruffy with a gun.]
 * Nudar: [to Bender] You! Read the code or I'll shoot this guy!
 * Bender: Who the hell is he?
 * Scruffy: I'm Scruffy, the janitor.
 * Bender: Hang on, Scruffy!


 * Leela: What is the secret of time travel doing on Fry's ass?
 * Fry: It was bound to be somewhere.


 * Nibbler: Alas, our Kitten-class attack ships were no match for their mighty chairs. The universe is doomed, doomed!
 * Fry: Can I pull up my pants now?
 * Nibbler: Doomed!


 * [Bender shows up with the incomplete Mona Lisa from the past.]
 * Bender: Sorry, it's not quite finished.
 * Schlump: Da Vinci give you any trouble?
 * Bender: Let's just say he might not make it to The Last Supper.


 * Professor Farnsworth: Time travel is impossible!
 * Fry: But Professor, you time traveled yourself remember? When we went back to Roswell?
 * Professor Farnsworth: That proves nothing! And furthermore, you'd think I could remember a thing like that; plus, who are you anyway?


 * [Hermes has discovered that his head was attached backwards.]
 * Hermes: You incompetent crab!
 * Dr. Zoidberg: I thought you were happy, your tail was wagging.


 * Amy: Ahh, don't blame yourself, Bender.
 * Bender: I don't blame myself, I blame all of you!
 * Amy: Us? How can you possibly blame us!?
 * Bender: It ain't easy, it just proves how great I am.


 * Bender: [shivering] It's so cold, my processor is running at peak efficiency.
 * Leela: What are you, a whining machine?


 * Fry: I don't get it. How can you say Lars is more mature than me?
 * Leela: Well, for one thing his checkbook doesn't have The Hulk on it.


 * Leela: I can't command this many ships.
 * Hermes: Perhaps I can help. Professor, can you wire my head directly into the battlegrid?
 * Professor Farnsworth: I can wire anything directly into anything. I'm the Professor!
 * Hermes: Then prepare to see a bureaucrat's brain in action!


 * Fry: It's foolproof! They can't sign the marriage license if I give them a pen with NO INK!
 * Bender: [sarcastic] Yeah, 'cause once they try to sign the license, all hell'll break loose. [Bender turns away and mutters] Oy vey.


 * [The scammers are threatening the planet express crew with Professor Farnsworth's Sphero-Boom]
 * Nudar: So what'll it be, unconditional surrender -
 * Leela: Never!
 * Nudar: - Or total destruction?
 * Leela: Also never!
 * Nudar: You have thirty seconds - make up your minds!
 * Leela: NEVER!


 * [Leela is shouting orders during the battle to reclaim Earth]
 * Leela: Unit 10 - Target H, 16K - niner, niner! Go left - I mean right!
 * Sal: Whoas!
 * Leela: 55U, 8R, 2P!
 * Professor Farnsworth: [Speaking to Hattie McDoogal] BINGO!


 * [Nibbler attempts to stop the scammers from using the time code.]
 * Nibbler: Stop, you fool!
 * Leela: Nibbler, you can talk?!
 * Nibbler: I can do more than talk; I can pontificate!

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 * Lars: Hello, everyone who isn't Leela! And a special hello to everyone else!
 * Hermes: Shut your lockers and get to class!

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 * Fry: Can you save Hermes "Doctor Good and Sexy?"
 * Dr. Cahill: I told you my name is Doctor Cahill.
 * Hermes: Figures I had to get mingled while the blonde bimbo is on duty.
 * Dr. Cahill: I am a doctor, sir. The mere fact that I am blonde and have a breathy voice, full, sensual lips, and a steaming hot body doesn't make me a bimbo.
 * Dr. Zoidberg: Tell me about it.
 * Hermes: I think we've all learned a thing or two about sexual stereotypes while my head's slowly dying because I'm not in a jar yet, you bimbo!
 * Dr. Cahill: Oh. Right. Ditzy Witzy!

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 * [Professor Farnsworth is considering selling some of his doomsday devices to Hedonismbot]
 * Professor Farnsworth: Ooh, be careful!
 * Hedonismbot: I shan't touch them 'till I've had Djambi lock the absinthe and ether away. Ooh, what does this one do? [Hedonismbot grabs one of the doomsday devices]
 * Professor Farnsworth: Uh, that one kills everything everywhere.
 * Hedonismbot: Delightful! [Hedonismbot accidentally knocks the device from the shelf.] And this one?
 * Professor Farnsworth: Sir, the Sphero-Boom is not for sale, it's my sentimental favorite.
 * Hedonismbot: No need to explain, I too have known unconventional love.

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 * Marine Biologist: Leelu is a rare toothed female narwhal who got disoriented and washed up in Atlantic City, as we all do from time to time...

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 * [Fry is recounting how he survived his trip to the past.]
 * Fry: Oh, it's an astonishing tale of incredibleness. It all began went I went back in time.
 * Professor Farnsworth: Duh!

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 * [Nudar is ordering Bender to kill Fry]
 * Nudar: You know what to do.
 * Bender: You want me to concludify him, like some sort of dispatcherator?
 * Nudar: Yes, and don't forget to terminate him.

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 * [Nudar is telling Bender how to steal the Sphero-Boom from the professor.]
 * Nudar: You'll need jeweller's tools and foot cup silencers.
 * Bender: Hey, I don't tell you how to tell me what to do, so don't tell me how to do what you tell me to do!

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 * Nudar: Hey, that's perfect! We sit back and let Dumb-Dumb here do the stealing!
 * Bender: Dumb-Dumb away!

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 * Professor Farnsworth: If Hermes were here, he’d fire you all!
 * Hermes’ head: I am here!
 * Professor Farnsworth: Quiet you. In his absence, I’m calling a mandatory company security seminar. To the mandatorium!

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 * Nudar: Faster, faster!
 * Professor Farnsworth: I’m sciencing as fast as I can

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 * Lars: I'm not afraid of you or your expensive gun! Go ahead and shoot!
 * Nudar: [pointing his gun at Leela] Oh, yeah? Then what if I kill the woman you love?
 * Leela: Don't you understand, numb-neck? He doesn't love me!
 * Lars: [crying] I've... always loved you. Don't hurt her. I'll give you the code.

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 * Bender: [last lines] Well, we're boned!