Ghost Stories

Ghost Stories (学校の怪談 Gakkō no Kaidan, lit. "School Ghost Stories") (2000), also known as Ghosts at School, is a 20-episode anime series created in 2000 by animation studio Pierrot and Aniplex for Fuji Television, based on a book series by Tōru Tsunemitsu.

The series was licensed for the North American market by ADV Films whose English dub replaced the original script with a comedic one. ADV's dubbed version retains the basic plot structure and storyline, but alters much of the dialog into comedy written by ADV screenwriter Steven Foster and ad-libbed by the voice actors.

Tonight, the Spirits Will Be Resurrected! Amanojaku [Episode 1]

 * [the Miyanoshitas move in to their grandparents' old house]
 * Reiichirou: [to movers] Put that in the back room.
 * Mover: You got it.
 * Reiichirou: The rest of them will be all right. The movers will take care of it. Don't worry.
 * Grandpa: Why you want to live in your dead wife's old house is beyond me. It's sick! You're sick!
 * Satsuki: Wow, Dad! Grandpa's place is so big! Can we go upstairs?
 * Reiichirou: Sure! Just don't bother them.
 * [Satsuki and Keiichiro run upstairs]
 * Grandpa: [about his wife beside him] When this bitch kicks, I'm moving to Vegas.
 * [Reiichirou laughs]




 * [Satsuki catches Hajime spying on her]
 * Hajime: Ooh, white panties. Yo. My name's Hajime. You're the new transfer student, aren't ya?
 * Satsuki: Yes, but it's none of your business. I guess you're the new pervert?
 * Hajime: [indignantly] Whatever! I was here first, you know! Listen, you flashed me. Remember that!
 * Reiichirou: Satsuki! Keiichiro! Help me with your mother, will ya?
 * Satsuki and Keiichiro: Okay!
 * [Reiichirou bends his knees to help Satsuki reach the photograph on top of the box he is holding]
 * Reiichiro: Just grab her picture.
 * [Satsuki grabs the photograph and taunts Hajime]
 * Hajime: [ponders] So, she doesn't have a mother. Sad.

The Hand that Came out of the Toilet... Red Paper, Blue Paper [Episode 2]

 * [Amanojaku follows Satsuki and Keiichiro to school]
 * Satsuki: What are you doing? Quit following us!
 * Amanojaku: You two morons are just walking in front of me. Watch for dogs.
 * Satsuki: Go home. We're going to school.
 * Amanojaku: Sounds good. I don't have anything better to do.
 * Satsuki: You're a cat now, stupid.
 * Amanojaku: For your information, I've been haunting that school before you two blew into town.
 * Keiichiro: I think he's got a point.
 * Satsuki: Don't take his side, if you know what's good for you. I can't believe our sweet precious cat is now possessed by a Keebler elf reject. With bad gas.
 * [This angers Amanojaku, who uses his psychic powers to send a can into Satsuki's path. She trips and falls.]
 * Amanojaku: That'll teach you to make fun of me. The Lord Amanojaku.
 * Leo: [coming from behind, with Hajime] This is fascinating! Even though he's trapped in a cat's body, he still possesses ghostly powers. Kinda like David Blaine.
 * Satsuki: Save it for the science fair.
 * Leo: You're just jealous of my psychical research. You know what Harvard's president said about girls and science.
 * Hajime: You may know about science, but you don't know diddly about girls.
 * Leo: I'm just waiting for a nice Jewish girl! Yeah.
 * Satsuki: [dusting herself off] Break it up, ladies.
 * Keiichiro: Hey, wait! Shouldn't you guys know how to do it? I mean, how to turn Caya back to normal?
 * Leo: What?
 * Satsuki: That's right! You're the psychical researcher, aren't you?
 * Leo: That is my area of expertise. But except for a few pale Trekkies, this is the creepiest thing I've ever come in contact with.
 * Amanojaku: Well, then. What good are you?
 * Satsuki: You're not coming up with ideas.
 * Amanojaku: [annoyed] If I could, I would've said my goodbyes long ago.
 * Hajime: Well, we have learned one thing.
 * Leo: What'd we learn? What'd I miss?
 * Hajime: Yes, one thing.
 * Satsuki: What?
 * Hajime: [to Satsuki] Your light blue Hanes are total chode material.
 * [Cut to the sky before a loud smack is heard, then Amanojaku laughing.]




 * Hajime: I'm too young to die. The only person I've had sex with is my babysitter.

Raise the Curtain! Cursed School Arts Festival Kutabe! [Episode 3]

 * [Lightning has struck the auditorium, causing damage.]
 * Satsuki: I guess the school fine arts festival's not gonna happen.
 * Leo: I can't believe it. And I stayed up all night working on my costume and props. [shows his handiwork]
 * Momoko: Oh, my. What a gifted seamstress. I hope you're not a homosexual.
 * Leo: A Jew who can act and sew, so obviously I'm gay. I'm not gay, you born-again homophobe halfwit!




 * Spiritual Sleep Spell: Kutabe! Kutabe! Kick the bucket! Kutabe! Kutabe! You can suck it!
 * Keiichiro: Kutabe! Kutabe...! Oh, are we done?

Requim From the Dead - Elise [Episode 4]

 * Hajime: [after a run-in with the music instructor] Ugh, the music teacher. What a bitch.




 * [Keiichiro walks in on Satsuki washing dishes]
 * Keiichiro: You're gonna die.
 * Satsuki: [patiently] I'm not gonna die.
 * Keiichiro: Are you sure you're not gonna die?
 * Satsuki: Are you talking about the piano ghost?
 * [Keiichiro cries out]
 * Satsuki: I'm sure I'll live a long, miserable life of heartbreak and alcoholism before a ghost takes me out.
 * Keiichiro: [in tears] If you're lying, thank you.
 * Satsuki: [turns to her brother] I told you I'm going to be fine. Why are you still crying?
 * Keiichiro: Beacuse these pajamas are gay.
 * Satsuki: Yeah.
 * Keiichiro: [happily] You think so too? Thanks. I thought it was just me! Good night!

The Bloody Sports Festival - Datto! [Episode 5]

 * Satsuki: Joel Osteen's church wouldn't be my choice for a vacation.
 * Momoko: If you prefer, we could go to Praise World in Topeka.
 * Satsuki: I'll stick with Knott's Berry Farm. Thanks. [slips and falls]
 * [Hajime and Leo, after snapping a photograph, are right behind]
 * Hajime: So much for Twyla Tharp callin' your ass!
 * Satsuki: I hate you.
 * [Hajime babbles mockingly and incoherently; translation: "Thanks for the view."]
 * Satsuki: Laugh it up. I'd save the developing costs if I were you. [lifts up her skirt] BAM! For the rest of the semester, it's gonna be bike shorts from Nike!
 * Hajime: Damn it! She's on to me.




 * Satsuki: A car accident, huh? Must've been hit by an old Chinaman. I don't mean to be racist, but those people cannot drive.
 * Keiichiro: I know. [pause] But that's beside the point. I think he was lonely.
 * Hajime: After all that training, you're still such a little bitch.
 * Satsuki: But for a ghost, Datto wasn't such a bad guy.
 * Leo: Yeah, weren't you the one checking out his butt at the track the other day?
 * Satsuki: You can shut up. Narc.
 * Leo: No! It's okay. I mean, he had a nice butt. Even I noticed. It's okay.
 * Satsuki: Just drop it!
 * Leo: I don't know why you're so ashamed about it. You're a butt chick. I don't mind.
 * [Keiichiro takes his medal off his chest]
 * Satsuki: What are you doing?
 * Keiichiro: Datto can have it. The pin keeps sticking my nipple. Here! [hurls the medal into the sky]
 * Everyone else: Aw. Little bitch.

The Demon's Hand Splits the Door - Night of Tragedy [Episode 6]

 * [Satsuki has Momoko finish cooking]
 * Satsuki: Let's eat!
 * Momoko: Let's pray first!
 * Amanojaku: [laughs] You need to pray.
 * Satsuki: God, don't you have anything better to do?
 * Amanojaku: Let me put it this way: "Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before Dad gets home."
 * Satsuki: Alright, how'd you hear?
 * Amanojaku: One who walks with the lotus cheetah seeks the magnolia mountain in springtime.
 * Satsuki: Don't screw with me! If you know something, just say it!
 * Amanojaku: [mockingly] I won't do it! [normal voice] If you're so smart, figure it out yourself. Or die trying! [laughs]




 * [Momoko opens the door to Hajime]
 * Hajime: Hello.
 * Momoko: Oh, look. A different heathen.
 * Satsuki: [annoyed] It's you. Get lost!
 * Hajime: [steps into the house] Come on! Let me see what happens on girl's night.
 * Satsuki: Mind your own business.
 * Hajime: Oh, my. Sounds like you bailed on We. [sniffs the air] And switched to Rachel Ray. Love her! [walks past Satsuki and Momoko]
 * Satsuki: [after a beat] She's fat.

The Soul-Stealing Mirror! Utsushimi! [Episode 7]

 * [Satsuki and Hajime run from mirror clones and come across a police station]
 * Hajime: A police station! Thank God! I never thought I'd be happy to see one of those things! [they enter the station] Hey, put the donuts down! Drop the Krispy Kremes, Serpico! We need your help here!
 * Satsuki: The people in my house look like my father and my brother after an eye master's exam, but it's not them!
 * Hajime: Yeah! [babbles incoherently; translation: They're impostors! They wear glasses, but they don't have eyes!]


 * Satsuki: Why on Earth did we decide to hole up in the old school house? Why? Why?!
 * Hajime: Because the mall was closed. I don't know.
 * Satsuki: We passed REI, we passed on Oshman's. We passed Neiman's, for Christ's sakes! You're an IDIOT!

The Circuit Connects to Hell - Demon of the Underworld [Episode 8]

 * Satsuki: You know, kids would stop talking about you if you'd get out more. Kinda de-geek yourself.
 * Leo: Geeks run the world!
 * Satsuki: But they're not getting their pee-pees waxed now, are they? [holds out a fast food restaurant coupon] Here.
 * Leo: What's the catch?
 * Satsuki: Oh, my God! Their stock is in the toilet! And now they have fruit salads, chicken tenders, and tofu fries!
 * Hajime: Why would you eat there? Didn't you see Super Size Me?
 * Satsuki: They had a coupon in the paper, and I know what a tight ass you are. Besides, they've got an Æon Flux giggity meal.
 * Hajime: What?! An Æon Flux giggity meal?! Yes! Yes! Oh, my God! A pocket-sized Charlize Theron of my very own to carry around with me all day long! SWEET! There is a God!
 * Satsuki: Better get extra napkins with yours. Can't believe I said that. So it's settled! Let's meet at the creepy train station.


 * [the gang enters the computer lab to find Leo]
 * Satsuki: His computer's still on! He's in trouble!
 * Keiichiro: Dude, we're gettin' a Dell.
 * Satsuki: "Dude" got busted for pot.

The Corpse that Roams in the Night - Shirotabi [Episode 9]


The Tunnel With No Exit - Anamaneki [Episode 10]


The Talking Merry Doll! Shadow of Terror [Episode 11]


The Nurse Who Tells Your Death - Mother's Feelings [Episode 12]

 * [Satsuki and Momoko search the hospital halls for Keiichirou]
 * Nurse: ¡No corran en el hospital, cabrones!
 * Satsuki: ¿Perdon, has visto al niño que luce que esta en el primo grado?
 * Nurse: ¡No, estupidas!
 * Satsuki: [sets off] ¡A veo! !Gracias!
 * Nurse: ¡Dije que no corran!

The Picture That Swallows People - Da Vinci [Episode 13]

 * Satsuki: Okay. I'll smoke Da Vinci with incense, and you chant the spell.
 * Kayako: So bossy.
 * Hajime: What are we doin'?
 * Satsuki: Smoking Da Vinci with incense while she chants the spell! GOD!


 * Kayako: [chants her spell] Paint, paint, dry real quick!
 * Da Vinci is a big, fat dick!

The Life-Taking Psychic Photo - Railway Crossing of Evil [Episode 14]


The Devil's Spell - Rite of Darkness [Episode 15]

 * Satsuki: Tony Orlando good-luck ribbon for good grades to come to me, Paris Hilton slut kilt for a tighter ass, and a suppository for a flatter tummy. There. I'm good to go!


 * Satsuki: [attempts to make a phone call] Moshi-moshi? I mean, hello. I'm sorry to call you at this hour. Can I speak to Tomomi?
 * Woman: Tomomi? Ain't no Tomomi girl livin' here. Sober up.
 * Satsuki: [gasps]
 * Woman: Get your crackhead ass into some rehab. I ain't got time for this bull--
 * [Satsuki hangs up and drops her phone]
 * Satsuki: Mother-[bleep]-ker!

Terror at Bloodstain Lake! Apparition in the Snow [Episode 17]


Akane-san of the Bloodcasting Room! Voice of the Dead [Episode 18]


The Headless Horseman! Curse of Death [Episode 19]
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Farewell, Amanojaku - The Descent of Omha [Episode 20]
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Cast

 * Hilary Haag - Satsuki Miyanoshita
 * Chris Patton - Hajime Aoyama
 * Greg Ayres - Leo Kakinoki
 * Monica Rial - Momoko Koigakubo
 * Christine Auten - Keiichiro Miyanoshita
 * Rob Mungle - Amanojaku
 * Tommy Drake - Mr. Sakata
 * Illich Guardiola - Reiichirou Miyanoshita
 * Marcy Bannor - Kayako Miyanoshita