Gilligan's Island

Gilligan's Island (1964-1967) was an American TV sitcom, which aired on CBS about seven men and women who are stranded on an uncharted island following a torrential storm. The first season was filmed in black-and-white; later seasons were in color.

Beginning

 * Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip. That started from this tropic port, aboard this tiny ship. The mate was a mighty sailin' man, the Skipper brave and sure. Five passengers set sail that day, for a three-hour tour, a three-hour tour… The weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed. If not for the courage of the fearless crew, the Minnow would be lost; the Minnow would be lost. The ship set ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle, with Gilligan, the Skipper too, the Millionaire, and his Wife, the Movie Star, the Professor and Mary Ann (first season: "and the rest, are"), here on Gilligan's Isle.

Ending

 * Now this is the tale of the castaways, they're here for a long, long time. They'll have to make the best of things, it's an uphill climb. The first mate and his skipper too, will do their very best, to make the others comfortable, in their tropic island nest. No phones, no lights, no motor cars, not a single luxury; like Robinson Crusoe, it's primitive as can be. So join us here each week my friends, you're sure to get a smile, from seven stranded Castaways, here on Gilligan's Isle.

Two on a Raft [1.01]

 * Ginger: I learned a little Hawaiian when I was singing in a club in Waikiki. Wahine wiki huki luki nu. And every word of it comes from the bottom of my heart.
 * Gilligan: Gee, that's real nice, Ginger. What does it mean?
 * Ginger: "This bar is off limits to all military personnel."


 * Gilligan: You know, Skipper. I'm very happy to be here. I'm so happy, I could kiss the ground. [kisses the sand, then spits it out] This island tastes terrible.

Home Sweet Hut [1.02]

 * Mary Ann: I used to be a Girl Scout, and they teach you a lot!
 * Ginger: I used to go with a Boy Scout, and they teach you a lot, too.


 * Mr. Howell: Oh, Shut up, will you Gilligan!
 * Skipper: You can't tell Gilligan to shut up! I'll tell him when to shut up!
 * Gilligan: Thanks skipper. Now folks...
 * Skipper: Shut up, Gilligan!

Voodoo Something to Me [1.03]

 * Ginger: If we had to get marooned on an island, why didn't we pick Manhattan?


 * Skipper: Think of it, ever since we got to this island, we've had nothing but bad luck. One disaster after another. What do you think caused it?
 * Gilligan: I thought we all agreed it was me.

Goodbye Island [1.08]

 * Professor: Well, that glue is permanent! There's nothing on the island to dissolve it. Why do you know what it would take? It would take a polyester derivative of an organic hydroxide molecule.
 * Mr. Howell: Watch your language! You're in the presence of a lady!

The Big Gold Strike [1.09]

 * Gilligan: [after the raft sinks in the lagoon, and the castaways make it back to shore] Hey Skipper? We sank anyway without the gold.
 * Skipper: Oh, I'm afraid this is all my fault, folks. Why, I didn't think one bag of gold would sink us.
 * Mrs. Howell: Two bags.
 * Mr. Howell: Three bags.
 * Ginger: Four bags.
 * Professor: Five bags.
 * Mary Ann: Six bags.
 * Gilligan: [after they all look at him, he scoffs] That's a switch. Usually I'm one left holding the bag.

Waiting for Watubi [1.10]

 * Professor: [Gilligan & The Professor are digging a hole to bury the statue of Kona] There. That should be deep enough.
 * Gilligan: Make it a little deeper, Professor. I want to put him down so deep he'll get the bends.
 * Professor: Gilligan, that statue is not getting out of this hole.
 * Gilligan: Please make it a little deeper.
 * [the professor digs for a bit more, then puts the statue in the hole]
 * [the Skipper comes along and falls into the hole. He sees what's in the hole with him, jumps out and runs away]
 * Skipper: Aaah! Kona!
 * Gilligan: Hey Skipper! Watch out for that... [sharp cracking sound] ...tree.


 * Skipper: [a flash happens outside the hut] Fire! Fire!
 * [In comes Gilligan dressed as Watubi with Mary Ann and Ginger as his assistants]
 * Skipper: Watubi! I didn't think you were gonna make it!
 * Gilligan: Neither did I. [Ginger and Mary Ann nudge him, goes into character] Watubi here to lift Curse of Kona!
 * [Smacks the Skipper on his stomach with his wand]

Angel on the Island [1.11]

 * Skipper: What did you think of my Mark Anthony?
 * Parrot: Terrible! Terrible! Terrible!
 * Gilligan: Don't mind him, Skipper. He just says what he's taught.
 * Skipper: And who's been teaching him?
 * Gilligan: I don't know.
 * Parrot: Gilligan! Gilligan! Gilligan!
 * Gilligan: Blabberbeak!

Birds Gotta Fly, Fish Gotta Talk [1.12]

 * Ginger: I want Cary Grant for Christmas but I doubt Santa can fit that in my stocking.

X Marks the Spot [1.18]

 * Ginger: If we had been doing these exercises all along, we'd be in good shape.
 * Mary Ann: I don't see how you can exercise anyway in that dress. It's so tight. I'm surprised it doesn't cut off your circulation.
 * Ginger: Honey, in Hollywood the tighter the dress, the more the girl circulates.

St. Gilligan and the Dragon [1.20]

 * Mr. Howell: Sorry we're late, we were used to having our breakfast served in bed by a butler after he's had his breakfast served in bed.

Big Man on a Little Stick [1.21]

 * Ginger: Where's Mary Ann?
 * Duke Williams: Baby, we don't need a cheering section.
 * Ginger: I do, I'm an actress.


 * Duke Williams: [looking at Mary Ann and Ginger] I like 'em little, and I like 'em big. Man, this is smorgasbord time!

The Matchmaker [1.25]

 * Skipper: [after Gilligan has spilled soup on him for a second time] Why me, Professor? Why always me?


 * Skipper: This is your moment of truth, little buddy. Please don't spill the soup on the Howells.
 * Gilligan: Be of good cheer, Skipper. For I will... [picks up the tray of soup bowls] ...not spill the soup.

Music Hath Charms [1.26]

 * Mrs. Howell: [seeing Gilligan playing a drum] Oh, Gilligan, I am hungry for music!
 * Gilligan: [pausing] Would you like a drumstick?

New Neighbor Sam [1.27]

 * Sam, the Parrot: Sam wants a cracker. Sam wants a cracker.
 * Skipper: Gilligan, your parrot would like another cracker.
 * Gilligan: I've already given him fifteen crackers.
 * Skipper: Gilligan?
 * [Gilligan reluctantly gets out of his hammock, goes over and tosses another cracker in Sam's cage, then goes to get back in his hammock]
 * Skipper: Gilligan, as soon as you get back in your hammock, he's gonna want another cracker. Why don't you give him the whole box so we can both get some sleep.
 * [Gilligan nods, then goes back and throws the rest of the crackers in the box into Sam's cage, then returns to his hammock]
 * Skipper: There. That oughta do it.
 * Gilligan: Yeah. Couldn't imagine what he'd want now.
 * [Puts his hat over his face]
 * Sam, the Parrot: Sam wants a drink of water. Sam wants...

They're Off and Running [1.28]

 * Professor: Well, we all go through this sort of thing once in a while, Skipper. We don't appreciate what we've got until we lose it.

Physical Fatness [1.32]

 * Skipper: There's a table in this Navy manual that tells me how much I should weigh.
 * Gilligan: Maybe it's under "tonnage".


 * Mr. Howell: Gilligan, my boy, I've prepared a dish to titillate even your unsophisticated palate. Behold, la spécialité de la maison.
 * Gilligan: What is it? It smells like fish stew.
 * Mr. Howell: Fish stew? It's a world-famous French recipe -- bouillabaisse.
 * Gilligan: It sure smells like fish stew!
 * Mr. Howell: No, no, no, no, no, it's not fish stew; it's bouillabaisse!
 * Gilligan: What does bouillabaisse mean in English?
 * Mr. Howell: Errr -- fish stew.

My Fair Gilligan [1.35]

 * Gilligan: [At the end of the dream sequence, Gilligan took off his crown, placed it in front of his feet and is shown stomping on it to destroy it] I don't wanna be king! I don't wanna be king! I don't wanna be king!

A Nose by Any Other Name [1.36]

 * Gilligan: [Up in the coconut tree, mocking the Skipper as he looks for coconuts] Gilligan, do this. Gilligan, do that. Gilligan, go here. Gilligan, go there. Gilligan get this, Gilligan get that. Boy I'd have a life of leisure if only my name weren't Gilligan. The Skipper wants me to get six more? Maybe I won't get him six! [Dejected] Okay I'll get him six. [Looks off to his left] Oh, there's six. [Starts reaching for it] C'mon baby. [Starts slipping] Uh-oh. [Falls out of tree] HELLLLLP! [Thud]

Gilligan's Mother-in-Law [2.01]

 * Skipper: [comes out in a grass skirt for the party with the natives] Well, Gilligan... How do I look?
 * Gilligan: Like a bowl of soggy shredded wheat.
 * Skipper: Well, Gilligan... Since we're passing around the comments... I've seen whisk brooms that look better than you.
 * Gilligan: Ha ha.


 * [Native Warrior says something unintelligible to Gilligan]
 * Gilligan: What's he saying, Professor?
 * [Native Warrior calls to Professor]
 * Professor: Oh, he just said you first have to pass the Best Man Test.
 * Gilligan: Best Man Test? What's that?
 * [Native Warrior holds up six fingers and mimes blowing a small dart]
 * Professor: Poison darts at six paces!
 * Gilligan: [stands up in boat] Poison darts at six paces?
 * [leaps overboard, swims ashore, and runs away]

Beauty Is as Beauty Does [2.02]

 * Gilligan: [while judging the beauty contest] Mr. Howell, are you trying to influence me?
 * Mr. Howell: Oh, no, cherish the thought.

The Little Dictator [2.03]

 * [dream sequence: Gilligan is the ruler of a small country. The Skipper is Secretary of the Navy]
 * Gilligan: How's my Navy holding up?
 * Skipper: Well since you brought it up sir, why don't you come to the window and see for yourself?
 * Rodriguez: Again?
 * [Gilligan looks out of window. Stock footage of burning sinking ship rolls]
 * Rodriguez: Propaganda! Vicious Propaganda!
 * Gilligan: Are you doing something about that?
 * Skipper: Yes sir, we are! We're teaching our sailors how to SWIM!
 * Gilligan: Good!
 * Skipper: And the people on shore are learning mouth-to-mouth resuscitation - without becoming emotionally involved!
 * Rodriguez: How can you do that?
 * Skipper: It ain't easy!

Smile, You're on Mars Camera [2.04]

 * Skipper: There's a space up there, there's a space down there and THERE'S A SPACE BETWEEN YOUR EARS!


 * Professor: [Skipper and The Professor are cleaning up the feathers] Skipper, aren't you being a little hard on poor Gilligan?
 * Skipper: Absolutely not, Professor. All of this is his fault with those feathers. I'm just making the punishment fit the crime. What time is it?
 * Professor: [Looks at his watch] Yeah, it's 3 o'clock.
 * Skipper: [Yells back to the hut] Gilligan! Gilligan! It's time again!
 * [the door to the hut opens slowly, and Gilligan shuffles out, with the feathers still on his body, then makes a 90 degree turn, and stops]
 * Gilligan: [Flapping his arms] Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!
 * [Then turns and shuffles back into the hut as the door slowly closes behind him]

The Sweepstakes [2.05]

 * Gilligan: [regarding the lost ticket] Let's see... it couldn't be in that tin box buried down at the base of that big palm tree by the lagoon.
 * Ginger: I didn't know there was a tin box buried under that tree!
 * Gilligan: There isn't. That's why it couldn't be there.

Quick Before It Sinks [2.06]

 * Professor: [Sees Gilligan coming back with a lobster trap and the stick the Professor was using] Gilligan, where did you find that stick?
 * Gilligan: Oh this old stick? I've been using it to tie my lobster trap from.
 * Professor: Oh really? Well that old stick just happens to be the same stick I had been using to measure the water in the lagoon.
 * Gilligan: [Gulps] I've been putting it out deeper to catch bigger lobsters.
 * Professor: Well, that explains it. The island isn't sinking after all.


 * Skipper: Just look at that mess, Gilligan.
 * Gilligan: It won't take long to clean it up with all three of us.
 * Skipper: "All three of us?"
 * Professor: "All three of us?"
 * Gilligan: Yeah, all three of us. Me, myself, and I.

Castaways Pictures Presents [2.07]

 * Professor: Well, it must be their old abandoned Yacht, and this is silent picture equipment.
 * Mrs. Howell: I just love those old silent pictures and those marvelous silent picture stars. Oh, look, darling. There's 'Theda Bara' And there's Little 'Mary Pickford' and 'Rudolph Valentino'.


 * Mr. Howell: I'd walk out on that picture even on an airplane.

Nyet, Nyet, Not Yet [2.09]

 * Mr. Howell: [to the Russian cosmonauts] Gentlemen. I am Thurston Howell III and this of course is my wife, Mrs. Thurston Howell III.
 * Mrs. Howell: Charmed.
 * Igor: Capitalist! Exploiter!
 * Mr. Howell: Capitalist. Exploiter. I was wrong Lovey. They're very friendly!


 * Igor: We invite them to celebration, drink toast, get them drunk.
 * Ivan: Igor! Good idea! We got plenty vodka in capsule.
 * Igor: Sure! Two Russian men can drink more than four American men.
 * Ivan: Is only three men.
 * Igor: Is four! Is sailor, is teacher, is rich capitalist, is-... Ah, you are right Ivan. Is three men... and one Gilligan!

Hi Fi Gilligan [2.10]

 * [the cave the castaways sought shelter in just minutes before has been destroyed by a lightning strike]
 * Professor: It's completely destroyed!
 * Skipper: [to Gilligan] Little buddy, we came out here to save you, and you saved us!

Don't Bug the Mosquitoes [2.12]

 * Professor: The Mosquitoes left us a note.
 * Mr. Howell: They can write?
 * Professor: Apparently...


 * Gilligan: You're right, that was a real rotten thing they did. They leave us an album and they didn't even autograph it.

Gilligan Gets Bugged [2.13]

 * Gilligan: You know I never play with a submarine in the bathtub. You gotta watch out where you sit.

Mine Hero [2.14]

 * Gilligan: Dumb old mine! I'm going to give it a good, swift kick!
 * Skipper: Gilligan, don't!
 * [steps between Gilligan and the mine. Gilligan ends up kicking him]
 * Skipper: Oh, my shins!


 * [Ginger tries to distract Gilligan by flirting with him while taking his four-leaf clover medallion off his neck]
 * Ginger: Oh well. I guess I don't have what it takes.
 * Gilligan: [Holding up the medallion] You also don't have what you took, either.
 * Ginger: [Shocked, she opens her pocketbook to see it's not in there] Oh Gilligan! You're impossible!

Erika Tiffany-Smith to the Rescue [2.15]

 * Mary Ann: Mister Howell, I don't even think she saw me.
 * Mr. Howell: Well of course not, she has something in her eye - a man.


 * Skipper: I've got a problem. I've got a real problem. You're a girl, right?
 * Ginger: Well, if you're not sure about that, you have got a problem.

 Announcer tells her the US Navy cant decipher her log book
 * Erika: I dont know why its written in plain English translated from Hungarian"

Announcer tells her the US NAvy must have the exact latitute and longitude

You've Been Disconnected [2.17]

 * [Gilligan & Skipper are collecting natural gas. Ginger arrives and finds Gilligan on the ground, out cold]
 * Ginger: What happened to Gilligan?
 * Skipper: Oh, I told him there was gas in the bottle, but he didn't believe me, so he uncorked the bottle and took a big sniff...
 * [the Skipper duplicates these actions, then gets a really goofy expression on his face and starts dancing]

The Postman Cometh [2.18]

 * Skipper: I guess it will be a long time before you'll eat another mushroom.
 * Mary Ann: You can say that again.
 * Skipper: I guess it will be a long time... [laughs]
 * Gilligan: Don't worry about mushrooms anymore, I got a book that tells all about them.
 * Skipper: You do?
 * Gilligan: Huh huh. Yeah, and it's called, "'How to Tell A Mushroom From a Toadstool'" by the late Dr. Morton Kepstone.
 * Skipper' Grumby, Mary Ann Summers: Late?
 * Gilligan: Late?

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 * Skipper: [During Mary Ann's dream after she thinks she ate some poisonous mushrooms] We've got to prepare for an operation. Where can we find a kitchen table?
 * Professor: Now just a minute, doctor. We've got to scrub up. Now nurse, where do we go to scrub up?
 * Ginger: Walk this way, gentlemen.
 * [Ginger walks sexily across the room to the sinks]
 * Skipper: We'll try and walk that way ma'am. but I don't think we'll make it.

Seer Gilligan [2.19]

 * Gilligan: I can't see how you are going to figure out how I read minds by asking me what happened as a kid.
 * Ginger: Well, I think I can. Did your father ever beat you?
 * Gilligan: Yes
 * Ginger: He did?
 * Gilligan: All the time.
 * Ginger: And your mother let him?
 * Gilligan: She used to beat me too.
 * Ginger: Oh, you poor thing.
 * Gilligan: How else could I learn to play checkers?

Gilligan's Living Doll [2.21]

 * Skipper: A robot? Oh, for goodness' sake, that's just what we needed: a tin fugitive from The Wizard of Oz.

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 * Professor: [hears the radio] Wait a minute! Quiet! The announcement, quiet! Quiet!
 * Radio Announcer: And now they are activating the robot's receptor spools to see if they can find out how it got to Hawaii. The next voice you hear will be that of the robot.
 * Robot: [mechanically] I have been on a deserted island. The putt breaks to the right.
 * Mr. Howell: Well, it was a lucky shot!
 * Robot: [mechanically] Sweep back and forth, back and forth. I was stranded. This is the way we wash our clothes.
 * Radio Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the scientists from the laboratory are checking to see exactly what went wrong. Perhaps now we can learn the reason the recorded messages are all scrambled... A WHAT?... Ladies and gentlemen, believe it or not, a RABBIT'S FOOT was just found in the robot!
 * [all turn and stare at Gilligan]
 * Radio Announcer: It demagnetized the entire receptor spools. There is now no chance of finding out where the robot has been, who reprogrammed it, or how it got to Hawaii. For that matter, how the rabbit's foot got in there in the first place!
 * All: GILLIGAN?
 * Gilligan: I just thought it'd bring us some luck, ya know?

Forward March [2.22]

 * Mr. Howell: We are dealing with a super mentality, an enemy with an intelligence far superior to ours.
 * Professor: Mr. Howell, I shall have to contest your theory.
 * Mr. Howell: You contest your commanding general? A man who studied under Robert E. Lee and George Custer?
 * Skipper: You would pick two losers.

Operation: Steam Heat [2.25]

 * Ginger: That's not the way to blow up a volcano. I was in a movie once and that's not what they did.

Will the Real Mr. Howell Please Stand Up? [2.26]

 * Mary Ann: Where's Gilligan?
 * Ginger: We forgot about Gilligan.
 * Skipper: Oh, the last time I saw Gilligan, he was collecting feathers for some ridiculous idea that he had.
 * Mary Ann: Skipper, look.
 * [they see Gilligan on the roof of a hut with wings he made from feathers]
 * Skipper: Gilligan, come down here right now.
 * Gilligan: Skipper, I've been watching the birds fly. It's real easy.
 * Skipper: Gilligan, come down here right now.
 * Gilligan: Okay, here I come.
 * [he flaps his wings and floats in the air]
 * Skipper: Gilligan, you can't fly. It's impossible.
 * Gilligan: I can't?
 * Skipper: No!
 * Gilligan: Oh. Mmm.
 * [stops flapping his wings and falls to the ground]
 * Skipper: Gilligan! Gilligan, little buddy! Are you all right?
 * Gilligan: Why did you have to say that? Impossible? Why did you have to say that?

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 * Mrs. Howell: Oh, let him go, Thurston. What's the difference?
 * Skipper: That's right, Mr. Howell. What's the difference? He can't spend any more of your money even if he is rescued.
 * Mr. Howell: Well, he can't, can he? He's wearing my pants and my wallets in the back pocket!

Ghost-a-Go-Go [2.27]

 * Gilligan: And another thing, the Skipper told me to tell everybody else, including you, to bring your, um, bare essentials.
 * Ginger: We'd be happy to.
 * Mary Ann: Me too.
 * Gilligan: Oh, okay. I'll keep my eyes closed.

The Friendly Physician [2.29]

 * [the Skipper and Gilligan are in Dr. Balinkov's dining room and a dog comes up and meows]
 * Gilligan: Skipper... I know we've been shipwrecked a long time, but doesn't a dog go woof woof?
 * Skipper: [Nervously] I-I think so...
 * [the Skipper pets the dog]
 * Skipper: Nice dog... uh cat.

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 * Mary Ann: [kisses Dr. Balinkoff] That's for seeing our fire.
 * Ginger: [also kisses him] That's for coming to our rescue.
 * Mary Ann: [kisses him again] That's for taking us off the island.
 * [Ginger gives him a long passionate kiss on the lips]
 * Dr. Boris Balinkoff: What was that for?
 * Ginger: That's for being a man!

Mr. and Mrs. ??? [2.31]

 * Skipper: [the Skipper is greeting the wedding party, and Gilligan is best man] Ah... The best man.
 * Gilligan: At least I'm best man at something.
 * Skipper: Gilligan, you couldn't be best man in an all girls school.

Meet the Meteor [2.32]

 * Professor: Now gentlemen, on the one hand there may be nothing to worry about.
 * Gilligan: Good!
 * Professor: But on the other hand...
 * Gilligan: I knew it, it's always the other hand that gets in trouble!
 * Mr. Howell: " I have one regret. that I won't live to be one hundred years old."
 * Mrs. Howell: "Oh, but you will dear. You' be that on Saturday."

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 * Professor: Why, you ladies certainly look as beautiful as ever tonight.
 * Mary Ann: Ha, ha. Professor, I bet you say that to all the girls.
 * Ginger: Mary Ann, we are... all the girls.

Gilligan Goes Gung Ho [3.15]

 * Gilligan: Skipper, it's against the law to lock somebody up without telling them what they did.
 * Skipper: (smiles) Just a moment, Gilligan. [humming] Let's see here. Is that it? Yeah. It says here in the Criminal Law, Section 7, Paragraph 14, 'Let it be known that any man who interferes with or causes in any way a rescue to be fouled up, goes to jail for as long as the Skipper says.'
 * Gilligan: There's no law like that in that book.
 * Skipper: There is, now!

Cast

 * Bob Denver - Gilligan
 * Alan Hale Jr. - Captain Jonas Grumby ("The Skipper")
 * Jim Backus - Thurston Howell III
 * Natalie Schafer - "Lovey" Wentworth-Howell
 * Tina Louise - Ginger Grant
 * Russell Johnson - Professor Roy Hinkley, Ph.D. ("The Professor")
 * Dawn Wells - Mary Ann Summers