Girls5eva

Girls5eva (2021–present) is an American television comedy about the members of a 2000-era one-hit wonder pop girl group who attempt to restart the group twenty years later.

Theme song

 * Gonna be famous 5eva
 * 'Cause 4eva's too short
 * Gonna be famous 3gether
 * 'Cause that's one more than 2gether
 * Gonna be famous 5eva
 * 'Cause 4eva's too short
 * So what are you waiting 5?
 * Girls5eva

Pilot [1.1]

 * [On TRL in 2000]
 * Young Summer: I'm Summer and the media trainer said to repeat the question in my answer, so why don't you introduce yourself Summer thanks Carson I'm Summer!




 * Gloria: Just to get ahead of it, it's me—
 * Wickie: Gloria. I know. I used context clues.




 * Wickie: Music was never my bag anyway. Bags are my bag, because I'm launching a bag line.  They're bat leather and they're tiny, like bats.

D'wasg [1.2]

 * Kev: [doing a Tampa local entertainment news segment] Hey, what's up? I'm here with an exclusive look at the flight path celebrities often take when flying from Los Angeles to Miami, passing over Tampa completely.




 * Larry: I was wrong, there's not zero interest in Girls5eva. ...I got a call. Eric Trump Casino University needs someone to play between MMA fights while they mop up blood.  Four grand minus my 80 percent.  BYO-mop.




 * Girls5eva: [singing "Dream Girlfriends"]
 * Low-rise jeans with a one-tooth zipper
 * Eyebrows thin, bronzer thicker
 * Whale-tail peeking, ready for the weekend
 * Our eyes are all over you, boy, we're


 * Dream girlfriends, 'cause our dads are dead
 * You'll never have to meet them and get asked why you left school
 * Dream girlfriends, no pushback
 * 'Cause our moms are over-tired, and hoping for the best


 * We've got the kind of birth control that goes in our arm
 * And tell me again why Tarantino's a genius
 * You'll never want to wake up from us
 * We’re short, so we don't know that you're bald




 * Nick: It's not a van, all right? For tax purposes it's 10 wheelchairs.

Alf Musik [1.3]

 * Wickie: [waitressing] Hello, I'm new here, I'm not telling you my name. Our special today is penne alla vodka and Red Bull, and our soup is Italian divorce, I'll be back with your NDAs.




 * Gloria: [about Dawn's young son Max] He's a classic New York Lonely Boy.
 * Dawn: What?
 * Gloria: New York Lonely Boy. A son born to older parents who's more comfortable around adults than kids.  Yeah, they're all over the city, eating sushi.  They usually wear a fedora, high-fiving a doorman.
 * Dawn: That sounds like some Manhattan shit. We're Queens people.  Our heat comes from one really hot vertical pipe.
 * Gloria: Well, they're in all the boroughs. Except Staten Island, 'cause there's never been an only child from there.
 * Dawn: How do you know about this?
 * Gloria: Half my patients have one. But you're in good company: John Slattery has one, Kyle MacLachlan has one, Matthew Broderick is one.
 * John Slattery: Sorry, I didn't mean to bother you, but it looks like you've got yourself a real New York Lonely Boy there.
 * Dawn: Um, yeah, uh, I guess I do, John Slattery.
 * John Slattery: All I can say is, congratulations. A New York Lonely Boy is the greatest gift a parent could ask for.
 * Dawn: It is?
 * John Slattery: Heck yeah. I had five siblings.  I was too busy fighting for food to develop a single goddamn interest.  But this kid, he teaches us things.  He know Mandarin, he make sourdough bread, he makes these little movies—
 * Talia Balsam: Oh with the marionettes, it's very imaginative.
 * John Slattery: Yeah, he loves museums.
 * Talia Balsam: Oh, he's really good at a dinner party
 * John Slattery: [to his son] What was that thing you said the other night?
 * Harry Slattery: Never trust a restaurant on a corner.
 * John Slattery: He's right! They always phone it in.  Every day's like Father's Day, he's our best friend.
 * Talia Balsam: Don't worry, they don't stay lonely forever. Before you know it they're dating a 23-year-old named Lucy; she's a landscape architect but she, she also submits fiction to the New Yorker.
 * Dawn: So I won't ruin my son by not having another baby?
 * Talia Balsam: No. If anything, the baby will ruin him.
 * Talia Balsam: No. If anything, the baby will ruin him.




 * Alf Musik: You have a problem with my song? I worked quite hard on it.  40 minutes—20 metric.
 * Wickie: No, it's fire. I was thinking of adding a "woah oh oh oh" right before "Cram it wherever."

Catskills [1.5]

 * [After Summer makes a few unhelpful suggestions during a songwriting session]
 * Wickie: Hey Summer, you know what would be a huge help? Would you make the salad?
 * Summer: Oh, I'm good. I smelled a MacDonald's on the way up, so I can stay and collab.
 * Wickie: Or you could go and collab, because behind every great song is an even better salad. Tell her, Dawn.
 * Dawn: Yes. John was only able to write "Come Together" once he knew... Paul was... handling the salad.
 * Summer: Huh! Is that true?
 * Wickie: Yeah, five sure!




 * Wickie: This weekend is about Jingle Ball, and I'm worried—
 * Summer: —That she's gonna Yoko the salad!




 * Dawn and Wickie: [singing during their writing session] We are / Stronger than the best!
 * Daphne: Oh.
 * Wickie: What?
 * Daphne: No, no, I like it. But if you're stronger than the best, wouldn't that make you the best?  So why are they still the best?
 * Wickie: I think we just became stronger than the best during the song, so technically we are the best now; it's just not reflected in the rankings yet.
 * Daphne: Why?
 * Wickie: Because they come out on Mondays.
 * [Later]
 * Summer: Oh, you roll your eyes at my ideas just because they're terrible, but your ideas are not great. "Stronger than the best?"  What does that even mean?
 * Wickie: [angrily] The song explains it, it hinges on paperwork!

Cease and Desist [1.6]

 * Scott: I read that you have to offer a child capers fifteen times before they understand umami.

Can't Wait 2 Wait [2.4]

 * [During an entertainment news segment c. 2000]
 * Presenter: Summer of Girls5eva.
 * Young Summer: Yeah.
 * Presenter: Let's talk about your music career: are you a virgin?
 * Young Summer: Yes. I made a promise to myself, and my parents, and my God. That's why I wear this purity ring.  I want my wedding night to be special because we're probably gonna be in a Hyatt.
 * Presenter: Next up, we ask the guys of Matchbox Twenty about singing and playing instruments.

B.P.E. [2.6]

 * Wickie: If you wanted the solo why didn't you just come out and say it like a normal person?
 * Dawn: Why didn't you just offer, like a normal person? Even Paul lets George do his own thing sometimes!
 * Wickie: Because Paul George is one basketball man, Dawn; you're not making sense!




 * Wickie: Boy you're slow at following. If you were a baby duck and I was your adult duck, you'd be eaten by a hawk.




 * Dawn: I need to go down to the restaurant and count fish heads to make sure my chef isn't robbing me of fish torsos, because I am my grandmother's daughter!
 * Wickie: [scoffs] No, you're not! Your mom is!

Returnity [2.7]

 * Doctor: All right, if I draw some blood, will you, and I'm asking as your doctor, get the fuck out of here?

Cast

 * Sara Bareilles - Dawn Solano
 * Busy Philipps - Summer Dutkowsky
 * Paula Pell - Dr. Gloria McManus
 * Renée Elise Goldsberry - Wickie Roy