Girls Will Be Girls

Girls Will Be Girls is a 2003 comedy film about three women struggling in the entertainment business.


 * Written and directed by Richard Day.

An actress is nothing without a meaty part.

Coco

 * [placidly dusts framed photos, suddenly drops one] FUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!
 * When that doctor walked in my fear melted like ... snow in a ... melter.
 * [after her third dog dies] Oh, COME ON!

Evie

 * [puts in false teeth, glass eye, and puts wig on] Hello, gorgeous!
 * So I said, why am I laughing? We're doing it doggy style and your name is Barker!
 * You know, they offered me that commercial for Depends. Lot of money, too! Just one little problem: I don't shit my pants.
 * [in her movie Asteroid] Accordin' to my calculat-er, the asteroid will penetrate the ass-mosphere in 15 minutes!
 * I AM woman! ERA now!

Varla

 * [glancing down at beeper] Oh, fooey, I'm going to be late for my love game!
 * Thank you, sir! My pimp and I appreciate your business!
 * Feelings are like treasures, so bury them.

Others

 * Opening Song: Some say women should know their place. We say we're half the human race!
 * Magazine Ad: Once a Week Diapers: they grow up too fast already!
 * Hospital Voice: Cleanup in ICU.
 * Newspaper: Study: Retards Will Believe Anything.
 * Bizzy Gals Ad: If you're like me, your days are jammed packed with activity. It seems that no sooner am I done watching my programs than a new magazine arrives! And suddenly, boom, it's naptime! That's why I'm so grateful for new Bizzy Gal's Dinner's Ready. You keep Bizzy Gal right in your cabinets; no more lugging open that heavy freezer door. And the exhausting chore of reheating — a thing of the past! Bizzy Gal meals are treated with Nutri-Dation which renders them chemically unstable in a way that feels just like heat in your mouth! All they'll know is: it tastes great! Bizzy Gal Dinner's Ready is sold as a novelty item and is not intended for human consumption. Side effects of ingestion can include cancer, bleeding, enlargement of the heart, and second-degree burns along the rectal cavity resulting in irreversible incontinence.

Dialogue

 * Evie: Jesus, I wish someone could tell me how to just once wake up without a splitting headache!
 * Coco: You could drink less.


 * Coco: What do you think about the idea of having a dog in the house?
 * Evie: I'm sorry, have I been staring?
 * Coco: I'm thinking of getting one. I mean, let's face it, at this point I'm probably never going to have kids.
 * Evie: Oh, Coco, it's not too late. [Coco smiles] I'm kidding! A dog sounds fun.
 * Coco: It sounds depressing, is what it sounds. "Do you have kids?" "No, but I have a dog." "Well it's the same thing, you crazy barren old hag."
 * Evie: This new roommate will cheer you right up!
 * Coco: I just hope she's not too loud. Or happy. Happy people always make such a racket.
 * Evie: Coco, she came by and she was a peach.
 * Coco: Were you drunk?
 * Evie: It was 12 noon! Of course I was drunk.


 * Varla: Hello! You must be Yoo-Hoo.
 * Coco: [correcting her] Coco.


 * Coco: Oh, Evie, when I was at Vassar, I became ... with child. And I had ... a procedure.
 * Evie: That's your big secret? An abortion?!
 * Coco: Have you had one?
 * Evie: Coco, I've had more children pulled out of me than a burning orphanage!


 * Varla: Did you know her [Varla's mother]?
 * Evie: Goodness, yes! We were ... we were always running into each other at auditions. She had such a bright future, too! We were all so shocked when she offed herself.
 * Coco: Evie!
 * Evie: Oh, I'm sorry, passed herself away.
 * Varla: Well, they shipped me off to Arkansas right after, so ... I have so many questions. What was she like?
 * Coco: Very sweet.
 * Evie: Uh-huh. And a big pothead!
 * Coco: Evie!
 * Evie: LOVED cock!
 * Coco: EVIE!


 * Laurent: My apologies for being so bold but ... when I see the best, I have to have it.
 * Varla: Well you know, a Maserati needs much more pampering than a Toyota.
 * Laurent: This is not a problem if the Maserati will take its driver where he wants to go.
 * Varla: Maseratis don't do anal!


 * Evie: Oh, oops, um ... [points at Varla, trying to remember her name]
 * Varla: Varla.
 * Evie: Varla! This is my son ... [points at Stevie]
 * Stevie: Stevie.


 * Evie: Hey, maybe I'll go on a date tonight too! That guy who hit us gave me his number!
 * Stevie: He had to, ma. It's the law.
 * Evie: Well did he have to flirt with me while we waited for the cops?
 * Stevie: He said, "Look the fuck where you're going, you drunk corpse."
 * Evie: It was more in his body language!


 * Laurent: See that girl at the bar? [points to a woman who is groping a man] She is a whore.
 * Varla: How can you tell?
 * Laurent: Whores are sexy. Know why?
 * Varla: Because it's their job?


 * Evie: I'm glad I could coax you over. At first I was afraid you'd think it a bit ... strange.
 * Jeff: Why, cause you're so old?


 * Jeff: You know Mary Tyler Moore!?
 * Evie: Oh, very well! We did Night of a Thousand Stars together! Funny story: she has diabetes.


 * Coco: Evie, have you ever been on morphine?
 * Evie: Once, when I had my eyes done. Then every day for 10 years after that.


 * Stevie: Mom, no one will hire you!
 * Evie: Why not?! I mean, I admit my looks are starting to go.
 * Coco: Starting to go? Evie, your looks are home and in bed.
 * Stevie: I think you know.
 * Evie: My attitude?
 * Stevie: No.
 * Evie: My drinking?
 * Stevie: No.
 * Evie: Chronic lateness?
 * Stevie: No.
 * Evie: Never learned my lines?
 * Stevie: No.
 * Evie: The kleptomania?
 * Stevie: No.
 * Evie: I spread disease?
 * Stevie: No!
 * Evie: Then what?!
 * Stevie: That little thing where you ran over a family of four while drunk off your ass?
 * Evie: It was a family of six! I only killed four. And what kind of people have a picnic in their own backyard!

Cast

 * Jack Plotnick - Evie
 * Clinton Leupp - Coco (as Coco Peru)
 * Jeffery Roberson - Varla / Marla
 * Ron Mathews - Stevie
 * Eric Stonestreet - Dr. Benson
 * Hamilton von Watts - Laurent
 * Dana Gould - Jeff
 * Chad Lindsey - Dr. Perfect