Gossip Girl (season 2)


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Gossip Girl (2007-2012) is an American teen drama television series based on the popular novel series of the same name by Cecily von Ziegesar which originally aired on The CW. It stars Blake Lively and Leighton Meester in the roles of Serena van der Woodsen and Blair Waldorf, respectively. Narrated by the omniscient yet unseen blogger "Gossip Girl", the series revolves around the lives of socialite teenagers growing up on New York City's Upper East Side who attend elite academic institutions while dealing with friends, family, jealousy, and other issues.

Summer, Kind of Wonderful [2.01]

 * Gossip Girl: Unlike the rest of us, sex lies and scandal never take a vacation. Instead, they take the Long Island Expressway and head east - to the Hamptons! Some of us would say summer is the busiest season. Think Park Avenue, but with Tennis whites, and Band de Soleil. The players change, but the game remains the same.


 * Serena: Oh God. Hot lifeguard has a Camaro. And not in an ironic-I've-got-a-Camaro kinda way.


 * Blair: At least I could have gotten a more interesting stand-in than James. You know how hard it is to find a good fake boyfriend on short notice?


 * Blair: I would be in my cabana at the Hotel du Cap, and there he would be. Amid all the fireworks on Bastille Day, all I could see was that... Chuck Bass-tard!


 * Chuck: You're lying.
 * Blair: I am not.
 * Chuck: Your eyes are doing that thing where they don't match your mouth.
 * Blair: I wasn't aware that robots got jealous. Did they update your software while I was away?


 * Blair: What about all those rumors about you and Nate?
 * Serena: Mmm mmm. Not true. They just got people off my back so I could stop being sad, and Nate could go do whatever he wants, so it worked out for both of us.
 * Blair: You mean you haven't had ANY fun with anyone all summer?
 * Serena: There's this hot lifeguard that asked me out, but I, you know, I turned him down
 * Blair: A hot lifeguard is like kleenex! Use once and throw away. You couldn't ask for a better rebound!


 * Gossip Girl: Spotted: Serena and Nate in a massive display of PDA... and that's exactly what Dan Humphrey is. Pretty. Damn. Angry.


 * Blair: Is something wrong?
 * James: You're just using me to make that guy jealous.
 * Blair: I ...
 * James: It's no wonder you hate Charade. It hits too close to home.
 * Blair: Chuck is an awful person. He does terrible things. He uses people
 * James: And you think you're any different? I can't believe I've been so stupid. I bet you don't even like me at all.
 * Blair: Not really. I mean... you're kinda boring.
 * James: Am I? Or are you just too interested in yourself to get to know me? You two deserve each other.


 * Dan: I've tried not to think about her all summer. I was afraid that if I did, that ... I'd see that I made a huge mistake.
 * Rufus: Well, you've been running all summer. Maybe it's time you turned around and faced it.


 * Blair: Damn that mother Chucker! He's totally right! I don't even like James!
 * Serena: Thank you. I was totally waiting for that.


 * Eric: [to Chuck] Yeah... 'How Well Do You Know Blair Waldorf' is a little boring to those of us who actually know Blair Waldorf.


 * Gossip Girl: Spotted: Chuck Bass waiting for the Jitney. A dozen roses in one hand, his heart in the other. You know what they say: A man is a good thing to come home for. But an even better thing to come home with. Ain't karma a bitch? We know Blair Waldorf is.


 * Skank on Beach: Mister Chuck, is there anything you need caretaking of?


 * Serena: Blair will never forgive you for what you did to her.
 * Chuck: Who told you that little piece of advice, your boyfriend Nate?
 * Serena: Nate didn't say anything ...
 * Chuck: Good. I don't think it's wise taking relationship advice from someone in a FAKE relationship. Call me crazy. [pause] Enjoy another night alone with your thoughts.
 * Serena: Good luck on your suicide mission!


 * Serena: I still miss Dan sometimes... more than sometimes.
 * Blair: The only thing lamer than dating Dan Humphrey... is mourning Dan Humphrey.


 * Chuck: Please don't leave with him
 * Blair: Why ? Give me a reason and "I'm Chuck Bass" doesn't count !
 * Chuck: Because you don't want to.
 * Blair: Not good enough.
 * Chuck: Because I don't want you to
 * Blair: That's not enough !
 * Chuck: What else is there ?
 * Blair: The true reason, I should stay right where I am and not get in the car.... Three words, eight letters, say it. . and i'm yours.
 * Chuck: I... I...
 * Blair: Thank you, that all I needed to hear


 * Chuck: You really know how to hurt people. I admire you for it
 * Blair: This is all your fault. I wouldn't never needed a James if you hadn't stood me in the airport in the first place. You made me use him.
 * Chuck: I didn't make you do anything. You're just you. Don't you see we're the same? Stop trying to fight it
 * Blair: I will fight until my last dying breath because any resemblance of you is something i would hate about myself

Never Been Marcused [2.02]

 * Serena: Blair Waldorf, a fling? You're not exactly low maintenance.


 * Blair: It's like Roman Holiday but I'm Gregory Peck and he's Audrey Hepburn!

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 * Serena: And you really expect me to believe this isn't all about revenge on Chuck?
 * Blair: Revenge is so 12 hours ago! And just because Marcus is the perfect post-Bass palate cleanser doesn't mean he isn't a delicious dish in his own right!

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 * Serena: This is you. Just be yourself!
 * Blair: [after being humiliated by Catherine] She made Waldorf rhyme with Spears! I may as well have gone commando and held my party at Nyla's Burger Basket.
 * Serena: Fine. While you stand here and feel sorry for yourself and denigrate the fine people of Kentwood, I'm gonna go find Dan.

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 * Blair: Your plan to ruin me totally backfired. Turns out Marcus' mommy is even sicker than you are.
 * Chuck: You got along great?
 * Blair: I think she recognized herself in me. Or rather, I recognized someone in her.
 * Chuck: I don't follow.
 * Blair: All you need to know is, you lost. But don't be too hard on yourself. It was a solid effort.
 * Chuck: Tomorrow's another day.
 * Blair: Good night, Chuck.
 * Chuck: Good night, Blair.

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 * Gossip Girl: What's this? Chuck's date and Blair's date are mother and son? And Nate and Blair are exes? And Nate and the mother are in a book club? Now there's a novel plot twist.

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 * Chuck: I thought you might like to meet my friend.
 * Blair: Why, so she can warn me about the effects of too much Botox?
 * Catherine: Blair, is it? I'm Duchess Beaton.
 * Blair: [flabbergasted] Duchess? Nice to meet you.

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 * Blair: I know you're here with Chuck, and I can only imagine what he said about me. Limo sex, social torture, freshmen, blackmail. But I assure you, there's an explanation for all of it.
 * Catherine: Save your breath, Blair. Chuck didn't tell me a thing.
 * Blair: He didn't.
 * Catherine: I told him it didn't make any difference to me, because ... despite your best efforts, which are completely transparent, by the way, Marcus will never end up with a lowly Waldorf.

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 * Blair: Duchess? I'm so sorry, for what I said about the botox. Your work is flawless.

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 * Dan: I was just thinking about... this morning... on the bus ...
 * Serena: Yeah, we didn't exactly stick to the plan, did we?

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 * Serena: Well, if you can't find common ground with a dictator, I don't know who can.
 * Blair: Dan likes soccer, right? Or football, as Marcus calls it? Think it would be too weird if he came?
 * Serena: Not... necessarily ...
 * Blair: Good, you'll call him?
 * Serena: Does this mean you actually think Dan has a redeeming quality?
 * Blair: As long as knows his arse from his Arsenal, I think he's aces.

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 * Gossip Girl: Spotted, Chuck Bass putting his new BFF on speed dial. Is it the beginning of a beautiful bro-mance? Or the end of Blair's bid to be British?

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 * Marcus: No one's ever good enough. I've dated a lot of top-flight girls and she always sends them running. She gets inside their heads, figures out their worst fears and then ...
 * Chuck: ... ruthlessly exploits that fear. Sounds rough.

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 * Nate: No offense, but don't you think you're a little outmatched?
 * Chuck: At squash? I've been playing my father since 8th grade, how good can Marcus be?
 * Nate: No, I mean as a guy. Blair wants to be a princess and your greatest achievement is owning part of a burlesque club.
 * Chuck: Which is why I have to get to know him. No one is that perfect. Once I get him outta the way, I'll have a clear shot with Blair.
 * Nate: You know it's love when you start talking like an assassin.
 * Chuck: I think you're jealous of my new best friend!
 * Nate: Well I have been hoping someone else would tag in for awhile.

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 * Blair: Squash? I'll squash you.
 * Chuck: It's just a game, Blair.
 * Blair: Not to me, Basshole. I like him!
 * Chuck: So do I. And apparently he doesn't have too many friends.

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 * Blair: [to Marcus] Don't worry. I'm well-versed in your lordly ways. And I'm ready to meet the queen... which I also just watched on DVD, BTW.

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 * Serena: [to Dan] Okay. I will see you back in the city. Fully clothed. With lots of people around. Okay? We'll talk.
 * Dan: Yeah. About our problems.

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 * Blair: [sees Nate and Catherine on the floor] Oh my effing God!

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 * Gossip Girl: Cheers to that, Blair. Nothing says welcome home like a bottle of bubbly... or a scandal bubbling.

The Dark Night [2.03]

 * Dan: I can't believe Nate Archibald is a gigolo.


 * Vanessa: You can't tell anyone!


 * Dan: Who? Who would I tell? Except everyone I've ever met. [pauses] I won't.

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 * Gossip Girl: Love may fade with the season, but some friendships are year round. Like you and me! You know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Girl.

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 * Marcus: [sees Blair and Chuck] ... Blair!


 * Blair: ohmigod, ohmigod.


 * Marcus Blair, what is it?


 * Blair: You don't understand! I thought it was you! He had an accent!


 * Chuck: Please, you knew exactly who it was.

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 * Gossip Girl: Looks like Lady B is determined to have it all. Question is... who with?

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 * Blair: Not that it's any of your business, but Marcus and I have an amazing sex life.


 * Chuck: Really? [pauses] What names does he call you when you make love? Where does he put his hand? Does he ... [whispers] I want you, baby. Won't you come to me?...Have sex with me.


 * Blair: What?


 * Chuck: Just once, that's all I ask.


 * Blair: You are disgusting and I hate you.


 * Chuck: Then why are you still holding my hand?

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 * Jenny: It looks like a pilgrim at a funeral. [pauses] I am so, so sorry.


 * Eleanor: You're absolutely right.


 * Jenny: I am?


 * Eleanor: Yes. Don't let it go to your head.

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 * Serena': I'm sorry, I'm not laughing. It's just so obvious. You're not over Blair. This is your body's way of telling you!


 * Chuck: I don't have a romantic bone in my body. Least of all that one. But you do raise an interesting idea. Clearly there's some kind of ... blockage.[Pauses] Perhaps ...


 * Serena: No!


 * Chuck: One more go-around, just to clear the pipes.


 * Serena: You are not using Blair as sexual Drano!

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 * Nate: I told you that in confidence!


 * Catherine: You told me that in bed.

The Ex Files [2.04]

 * Gossip Girl: Spotted, a blonde shiny phoenix rising from the ashes of a major public humiliation. Welcome back Queen Serena! Consider us your humbled servants. Cause if looks could kill, we wouldn't want to be Dan Humphrey.

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 * Dan: [to Vanessa] Google "revenge" and get blairwaldorf.com.

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 * Blair: This girl is Dan with boobs.

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 * Gossip Girl: Sorry lonely boy. Don't say we didn't warn you. But if Queen S can do this to D, are any of us safe? Bow down or bow out, X.O.X.O. GossipGirl.

The Serena Also Rises [2.05]

 * [Eleanor Waldorf's fashion show has ended, and Serena has just finished telling Blair to get over herself regarding Serena's newly found popularity. Serena is leaving with Poppy, and Blair is standing alone on the steps of the Capitale, where the fashion show took place.]
 * [cut to Rufus, inside; then to Blair on the steps.]
 * Gossip Girl: If there's one thing I learned is that there would be no gossip without secrets.
 * [cut to Chuck, reading draft of story written by Dan.]
 * Gossip Girl: ...you might be brave enough to reveal your secret only to have it used against you.
 * [cut to Dan, at computer at home.]
 * Gossip Girl: ...or someone else's secret might affect you in unexpected ways.
 * [cut to Jenny, at home with signature dress mistakenly shown at the fashion show.]
 * Gossip Girl: ...there are some secrets you're only too happy to keep.
 * [cut to Bart placing a necklace on Lily, holding her close.]
 * Gossip Girl: ...others surface, only to be buried away deeper than they were before.
 * [cut back to Blair on steps of the Capitale]
 * Gossip Girl: ...but the most powerful secrets are the truths you thought you could never reveal...
 * [cut to Serena and Poppy, then back to Blair]
 * Gossip Girl: ...but once spoken, change everything.  But don't worry, B, the brightest stars burn out the fastest, or at least that's what I heard.  Waiting for a star to fall. x o x o. Gossip Girl

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 * Chuck: Watching you fail spectacularly gives me so much joy.
 * Blair: And you know what you give to everyone, Chuck? Misery. There's a reason you're always out here alone.
 * Chuck: Nate just happens to be away at his grandparents'.
 * Blair: Nate's only friends with you out of habit. The only person with fewer friends than you is Dan Humphrey. And at least his lame, nineties dad likes him. And that's because he's something you'll never be, a human being.

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 * Dan: I know we dont like eachother, you think im a boring sheltered nobody...
 * Chuck: I dont think of you
 * Dan: All right, of course you dont, but i 've been thinking of me... And i 've come to the conclusion that i need to get out of my comfort zone, I need to experience new things...
 * Chuck: Are you gay???

Chuck In Real Life [2.07]

 * Chuck: We both know you'll do it again. It's just a question of when.
 * Blair: The answer is never.
 * Chuck: We're inevitable, Waldorf.

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 * Chuck: Humphrey. Never a pleasure.
 * Dan: Oh good, we agree on something!

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 * Chuck: Did you have a reason for coming to see me? Because if it was to insult me, there's a website you can go to.

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 * Gossip Girl: One bad thing about making a deal with the devil is, he always comes to collect.

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 * Blair: What took you so long?
 * Chuck: If you thought that was long, you have no idea what you're in for.

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 * Gossip Girl: Let a new game begin. XOXO, Gossip Girl

Pret-a-Poor-J [2.08]

 * Dan: [to Blair after she confesses that she loves Chuck] Wow, someone loves Chuck Bass..

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 * Chuck: The reason we can't say those three words to each other.Isn't because they aren't true.
 * Blair: Then why?
 * Chuck:I think we both know that the moment we do,it won't be the start of something-it'll be the end. Think about it. Chuck and Blair going to the movies...Chuck and Blair holding hands...
 * Blair: We don't have to do those things, we can do the things we like.
 * Chuck: This is what we like...
 * Blair: The Game...

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 * Blair: Chuck texted me, he's waiting for me on the roof.
 * Serena:On the roof?
 * Blair: Well this way if he doesn't say it back I can just jump.
 * Serena: No, don't do it B. You don't want your obit to say you died in Brooklyn.

Bonfire of the Vanity [2.10]

 * Blair: I wanted a Harry Winston choker for my birthday. Instead I got a conscience.

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 * Cyrus: Ah, the mythical Serena.


 * Serena: How did you know who I was?

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 * Blair: Dorota, are you insane?
 * Dorota: I don't know.
 * Blair: You used the everyday china. Cyrus will think we're just common upper-middle class. Get the Auberge and hurry up!

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 * Blair: I am Grace Kelly, Grace Kelly is me.

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 * 'Aaron:' Well, I'm seeing lots of people. I don't know how it works in high school, but I like to date more than one person at a time.

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 * Serena: We broke up, remember?
 * Aaron: How did we break up if we're not going out?

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 * Hazel: Beggars can't be choosers.

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 * Aaron: I don't want the same life that my parents had. Social obligations, saying no to all the things I want to say yes to ... I thought you felt the same way. If I was wrong, I apologize.

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 * Gossip Girl: Poor little orphan Jenny, looks like she needs a Daddy Warbucks, but Daddy Warbucks don't grow on trees. At least on a tree that grows in Brooklyn.

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 * Chuck: It will ruin our family. Don't do it. Please.

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 * Aaron: Do you want to get dressed?
 * Serena: Nope.

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 * Blair: Screw Grace Kelly. I need a scheme.
 * Dorota: Oh no...
 * Blair: That tiny man must have a secret I can exploit.

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 * Dorota: You glow, Mrs. Waldorf. Like Chinese lantern.
 * Eleanor: It's love, Dorota.

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 * Blair: How can you possibly love Cyrus? He's all the things you hate! He uses the wrong fork, he slurps his soup, he wears sport socks! He is short, and pushy! He's nothing like daddy.
 * Eleanor: Which is precisely why I like him. Harold was lovely in a million ways, but he had his secrets. Cyrus is someone I can trust... Before I go see Cyndi Lauper I have to get my hair done, pick up my dress at Barney's. Would you like to come with?
 * Blair: No! Thanks. But have fun.

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 * Cyrus: Blair I would love to fill this whole penthouse with peonies for your birthday but will you allow me to purchase them from somewhere else, it's the principle of the thing!
 * Blair: I prefer to get my own peonies from my own florist, but thank you so much.

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 * Blair: [to Cyrus] My mother's coming to my party.
 * Eleanor: What? You never want me at your parties.
 * Blair: This year's different! I'm 18 and it's a grown-up party. I emailed Dorota a new guest list. Parents are invited.
 * Cyrus: I'll return the tickets ...
 * Eleanor: Nonsense. Blair and I will celebrate her birthday on her REAL birthday next week. WE are going to see Cyndi Lauper!

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 * Jenny: And yet another one bites the bust, Agnes. What is the matter with you?! This guy was our last chance!
 * Agnes: Okay he totally overreacted! We're artists! We need to work with somebody who's not gonna be freaked out by a little bit of passion.
 * Jenny: Passion. You know the heat from the fashion show's not gonna last that long ...
 * Agnes: Jenny, I will find us another business manager tomorrow.
 * Jenny: Good, because without one we can't meet with any buyers.
 * Agnes: It's all gonna work out, okay? I'm on it.

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 * Agent: Who do you imagine your client will be? Girls like us-
 * Jenny: Sophisticated girls with a bit of edge, and who can afford a high-end product. I know these girls and their style because I'm their peer, and that's what makes me unique as a designer.

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 * Agent: You girls have been getting a lot of press. You've got talent. Who's the designer?
 * Jenny: It's me.
 * Agnes: And I'm the face of the line, and brains of the operation.

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 * Dan: I'm kinda over the writing thing, and I wanna see what else is out there. You're easily the most successful person I know so I figured, why not start at the top. You know, I was hoping I'd be able to shadow you for a few days a week after school.
 * Bart: I'm a busy man, Daniel, I don't think that's going to be possible.
 * Dan: Right, of course. I don't want to impose. It's just that ... you know, well, my dad, his world is pretty narrow. He may have had a hit song in the '90s but he didn't build half the Manhattan skyline.
 * Bart: Your father's a fine man, but I can see how you'd want something more. Why don't we start with two days a week?

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 * Serena: Plenty of women have been both lover and muse to famous artists. Like Picasso.
 * Blair: Serena, a guy start's out in his blue period and everything's great. But it's only a matter of time until he's all into cubism and it's some other girl's eye coming out of her forehead.
 * Serena: Okay, I'm going to go.
 * Blair: Wait, what about the gnome? I have to take him down!

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 * Blair: He's totally unsuitable.
 * Serena: Who?
 * Blair: Cyrus. He's five feet tall. He has a catchphrase. And he's a hugger. I was expecting Cary Grant and I got Danny DeVito!

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 * Blair: Serena, I called you like 10 times last night! Where have you been?
 * Serena: I went to the dentist at lunch, and yesterday, I met Aaron in Times Square. B, it was the most romantic thing...
 * Blair: Who cares about plaque or pretentious artists when your best friend is having a meltdown!

The Magnificent Archibalds [2.11]

 * Chuck: [to Serena] You have my word, for all that's worth.

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 * Chuck: [to Serena] If you're talking about the dress, I say higher.

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 * Blair: She kissed me on the cheek and left a big orange lipstick mark, it looked like I'd been spray tanned!

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 * Blair: He's just like Bill Paxton, only younger, and with scruff.

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 * Serena: You can't get the prize if you don't go deep.
 * Blair: There are so many things wrong with that sentence.

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 * Chuck: My plans for the evening just got hung up in customs.

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 * Eleanor: This is your family now, get with the program and fast.

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 * Bart: [to Eric] You might want to ask Jonathan what he was doing Friday night.

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 * Blair: Remember, Serena doesn't share!
 * Serena: Remember, Blair should learn to.

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 * Blair: A woman needs to be with a man who thinks of only her. Anything else is a non-starter. Tell him how you feel. DOROTA! More flour.
 * Serena: Are you baking already?

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 * Blair: I am so glad to have the house to myself. Cyrus took my mother to dinner, god knows why. Where's Warren Jeffs?
 * Serena; He's making dinner for us. Which would be completely romantic and amazing, except when I asked him where he was today, he said he was hanging out with a friend. I know I'm probably being neurotic, but all I could think of was, is his friend a girl? A girl he kisses?

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 * Lily: Jenny, he's your father and he loves you. So much. And at least for the next couple years, you belong at home with him.
 * Jenny: Um, thank you, Mrs. Bass, for letting me stay here and everything, but I'm pretty tired, so I'm gonna-
 * Lily: Well, get some rest. We can talk some more tomorrow.

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 * Lily: I saw your father today.
 * Jenny: I had a feeling.

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 * Dan: You know that thing in the Spring with Georgina? You two are getting serious. I'm sure you guys talked about that.
 * Aaron: [pauses] Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely ... I'm gonna go pay for this.

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 * Aaron I just don't see her as complicated ... So would you say they're cheddar people or are they more goaty?
 * Dan: Mmm. Serena's not that big into cheese. You might wanna go with the Wines of Southern France.
 * Aaron: Well I guess you don't know her as well as you think you do. She doesn't drink anymore.
 * Dan: Oh, well, not problematically of course. At least not for ... months.
 * Aaron: Months?

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 * Dan: Would you do me a favor and say hi to Serena's family for me, 'cause we all spent last Thanksgiving together.
 * Aaron: Sure, absolutely.
 * Dan: Except Bart, actually. There was this crazy thing with my dad and her mom and my mom and... I guess like all things in Serena's life it's very complicated.
 * Aaron: Serena's life is complicated?
 * Dan: Yeah. I don't know about you but the Serena I know has long, flowing blonde hair, towers over both of us?

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 * Rufus: Aaron, what are you doing here.
 * Aaron: I live right around the corner, I'm just picking something up to take to ...
 * Dan: It's alright. I can hear her name.

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 * Rufus: I miss her a lot.
 * Dan: You know, in all the arguments you two have had, I haven't once heard you tell her that.
 * Rufus: Oh my God, you're right.
 * Dan: That's not ... that rare is it?

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 * Dan: You okay with it? Jenny not being with us tonight?
 * Rufus: If by okay you mean extraordinarily depressed, then yes.

It's a Wonderful Lie [2.12]

 * Chuck: Dance with me.
 * Blair: What's the point, Chuck? We're never gonna be them. You said so, remember? It's not for us.
 * Chuck: Maybe, but I wouldn't change us, not if it meant losing what we have.
 * Blair: Well, what do we have, Chuck? You tell me.
 * Chuck: Tonight. So shut up, and dance with me.

O' Brother, Where Bart Thou? [2.13]

 * Blair: Chuck! Stop! Don't go, or if you have to leave, let me come with you.
 * Chuck: I appreciate your concern.
 * Blair: No, you don't. You don't appreciate anything today, but I don't care.Whatever you are going through, I want to be there for you.
 * Chuck: We have talked about this. You are not my girlfriend.
 * Blair: But I am me, and you are you. We're Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck. The worst thing you've ever done, the darkest thought you've ever had, I will stand by you through anything.
 * Chuck: Why would you do that?
 * Blair: Because I love you.
 * Chuck: Well, that's too bad.

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 * Blair: Only a masochist could ever love such a narcissist.

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 * Eleanor: How is Charles holding up?


 * Blair: Who knows? He's not returning any of my calls or texts, but the hotel says that they keep sending up food, so there's something alive in that room.

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 * Nate: You're really sweet with him.


 * Blair: Me? Sweet? No!


 * Nate: But you are. I mean worrying about him, offering him food, it's downright maternal.


 * Blair: I'm not maternal. I've just been spending too much time with Cyrus and I'm turning Jewish.

In the Realm of the Basses [2.14]

 * Gossip Girl: One thing about being on the top of the world.. it gives you a long, long way to fall.

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 * Jack: Chuck, your father wouldn't want this.
 * Chuck: Fortunately, all I know is what he didn't want.. which is me.

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 * Chuck: I'm Chuck Bass!...No one cares.
 * Blair: I do! Don't you understand? I'll always be here, I don't want you going anywhere, I couldn't bear it. So whatever you wanna do to yourself, please don't do that to me. Please!

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 * Blair: Hey, Eric, have you seen Chuck?


 * Eric: A while ago, he said something about wanting to take a view from above.


 * Jack: He probably meant upstairs.


 * Blair:: Clearly you don't know Chuck. He has a thing for the roof tops.

Gone with the Will [2.15]

 * Blair: Your dad left you a letter? You have to read it.
 * Nate: Yeah, aren't you curious as to what it says?
 * Chuck: I think I can guess. "You're a disappointment of a son. I'd die of embarrassment if I wasn't already. Why do you wear so much purple?"

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 * Blair: [to Chuck] I believed in you. Your father believed in you. You're the only one that didn't. All I wanted to do is just be there but today when you called me your wife, made it sound like the ugliest word in the world.

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 * Lawyer: Now Charles, your Uncle Jack Bass is your closest living relative and, as such, has been named as your legal guardian. Are you comfortable with this?


 * Chuck: [to Jack] Curfew?


 * Jack: None.


 * Chuck: Girls sleeping over?


 * Jack: Yes, please.


 * Chuck: I'll allow it.

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 * Gossip Girl: But every once in a while the fate smiles upon you and you get the one thing you really need.

You've Got Yale [2.16]

 * [Lily and Rufus are kissing]:
 * Eric: I would say "get a room", but yours is right above mine. Please try to remember that.

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 * Lily: [about Jack] The bastard is untouchable.
 * Chuck: What shall we do?
 * Lily: Time to get dirty. I'm all yours.
 * Chuck: Let me educate you.

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 * Chuck: If your people don't come up with anything, maybe we can try number 26.
 * Lily: "Crash Jack in plane." The Bass jet is kind of expensive, Charles.
 * Chuck: There's insurance.

Carnal Knowlege [2.17]

 * Penelope: This is madness !
 * Blair: No ! This is Constance !

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 * Chuck: The Ultimate Private Gentleman's club. I walked through this door and it was...
 * Vanessa: the Chuck Bass' version of Narnia?

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 * Blair: When the truth fails you, you have no choice but to abandon it. Make something up, idiots! With friends like these, who needs friends.

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 * Blair: Ladies, you can get your tiny brains to rest. Once again the world has proven - anything you can do, I can do better.

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 * Gossip Girl: Sometimes the only thing left to do is wrap your arms around each other one last time and then just... let go.

The Age of Dissonance [2.18]

 * Gossip Girl: Shakespeare says, "All's well that ends well". And sometimes, it just ends.

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 * Gossip Girl: In life, as in art, some endings are bittersweet. Especially when it comes to love. Sometimes fate throws two lovers together only to rip them apart. Sometimes the hero finally makes the right choice but the timing is all wrong. And, as they say, timing is everything.

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 * Blair: The head mistress told me my Yale at fate is sealed, so the question is - how do I make your fate as bleak as mine?
 * Rachel/Ms. Carr:: I don't know what has happened to me. I... I don't know what I've become. I'm... so sorry.
 * Blair: Well, you're punishment is... just live with it. I should know. It's not easy.

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 * Blair: Do you know how hard it is to get revenge when your enemy is changing every five minutes?
 * Dorota: You need to calm nerves and warm vocal cords. You want tea?
 * Blair: No. I want Dan Humphrey's head on a platter.

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 * Serena: Everything you've done, spreading rumors about who I've had sex with, what alley I puked in or telling Dean Barrowby that I killed Pete Fairman, I forgave everything all because I thought one day you'd grow up. But putting up a Gossip Girl blast about Yale and the press release ...
 * Blair: Serena, I didn't put out the blast.
 * Serena: At least have the dignity not to lie to my face.
 * Blair: But I'm not lying.
 * Serena: Only two people knew about it, you and Dan. And Dan would never do something like that. I always want to believe the best in you, Blair, but the bottom line is, betrayal's in your nature.

The Grandfather [2.19]

 * Blair: Do you know how exhausting is being Blair Waldorf in the past 18 years? All the work, all the planning?

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 * Blair: I realized that while we can't tear out a single page of our life, we can throw the whole book in the fire.

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 * Chuck: This isn't you!
 * Blair: How do you know?
 * Chuck: Because I know you better than I know myself!

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 * Blair: Thanks for making sure I got home okay.
 * Nate Archibald: Your welcome. I wanted to make sure you're fine.. which you are so..
 * [Nate leaves the room - until Blair holds his hand]
 * Blair: Wait... stay.

Remains of the J [2.20]

 * Chuck: Friends? That makes total sense. There's no spark between you two. Never was. You're like a green twig and a soggy match, a rusty hammer and an icy nail.
 * Blair: Nate and I had.. had plenty of spark. Better than that fireworks.
 * Chuck: That was us.

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 * Blair: You know what I just thinking? Jennifer Aniston is totally fine now. I'm sure Brad doesnt even feel bad anymore.
 * Nate Archibald: [giggles] Uhh okay.
 * Blair: I mean, I'm sure there were some colateral damage which is always sad but his fate lay with Angelina, and he knew that. So he had a tough conversation and moved on.
 * Nate Archibald: This is your way of saying I should break up with Vanessa....? So that me and you can...
 * Blair: ...embrace our fate, yes.

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 * Blair: Nate was so nice. Being around him wasn't hard, it didn't hurt.. until now. I MISS MY FRIEND, NATE.

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 * Jenny: Maybe Serena was just trying to be nice, but the party that she threw was totally embarrassing. You know, at least last year, it was my face on the cake. And the people at my party might have hated me, but at least they knew who I was. I know that it's hard for you guys to understand. But I like being me. And as crazy as it may seem, I choose not to be a Park Avenue princess. On my birthday, or any other day. No matter what my address might be.

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 * Rufus: OK, who's mess is it?


 * Dan: All I did was carry the chili and prevent teenagers from having unprotected sex.


 * Eric: Serena may have had her own motives, I may have helped with the crowd situation with a few inspirational words, but..


 * Jenny: But I was the one who posted the party on Gossip Girl.

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 * Serena: When this family was just me and Eric, if things got out of control it was a pretty safe bet that it was my fault.


 * Eric: That's true!


 * Serena: But as this family grows, so does the pool of suspects. This is not my mess. [leaves]

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 * Serena: Mom, I admit I made a few phone calls. If you want to punish someone for the passed hors d'oeuvres, point the finger here. Guilty as charged. But as far as all the people...


 * Lily: Oh, and you expect me to believe that Jenny was behind this? After she had me cancel the best caterer in town because she wanted clue and a crock-pot?


 * Eric: Mum, you could at least make an attempt to mask your distaste.

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 * Blair: Chuck. Don't act like I didn't fight for you. I did. Hard, and for a long time. So please, forgive me if now that we're over, I'm exhausted.


 * Chuck: So you do it with Nate, cause it's easy?


 * Blair: I'm not with Nate, but if I was - what's wrong with easy? Maybe it's easy because it's right.

Southern Gentlemen Prefer Blondes [2.22]

 * Gossip girl: Sometimes a queen has to make a choice...A castle with a white knight or a quest with a dark prince?

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 * [Dan learns that he won't be attending Yale due to financial aid problems. He hears this from Vanessa first before hearing it from his father.]


 * Vanessa: Do you blame your dad?


 * Dan: No. I blame the financial aid office, the recession, and a certain imbecile former president.

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 * Serena: [to Blair] I have supported you in all your crazy choices, case and point! [Looks at Chuck] Now would you please have some faith in me for once? I'm going back to my boyfriend, and if you know what's good for you, so will you!

The Wrath of Con [2.23]
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 * Blair: You don't sound like yourself
 * Georgina: That's funny because I feel more like myself than ever
 * Blair: Where are you?
 * Georgina: Taking care of what you obviously couldn't
 * Blair: I don't think Jesus would approve of that
 * Georgina: Well, you can tell Jesus the bitch is back

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 * Georgina: I gave up my old ways when I let Jesus take the wheel
 * Blair: That is a Carrie Underwood song, not a life choice!

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 * Blair: If you cut revenge out of the Bible, there's not even enough pages to make a pamphlet.

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 * Serena: It doesn't make sense!
 * Blair: Feelings never do. They get you all confused. Then they drive you around for hours before they drop you right back where you started.

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 * Blair: Unfortunately for him, the only way your plan is going to work is by some act of God.
 * Georgina: [Enters through the door as heavenly music starts] Wow, look at that. I'm so glad that everybody's here.
 * [After a beat, everyone talks at the same time]
 * Dan: Alright, we need to get this crazy girl out of here.
 * Serena: Chuck, what is she doing here?
 * Blair: Are you trying to have me killed?! Bass?!
 * Chuck: She's fine!
 * Nate: Shh! Shut up!
 * Blair: Oh, my God. I am going to scream at somebody right now.
 * Chuck: Calm down. She has been fine the whole cab ride home.
 * Serena: Is this how you found out about the night at Butter? You bring Georgina here?!
 * Georgina: [Answers the phone] Hey, does anyone know a guy named Gabriel?

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 * Chuck: You look like you could use a cocktail.
 * Blair: You're too late. [Chuck laughs] Wow.
 * Chuck: What?
 * Blair: That's the first true laugh I've gotten from you in a while.
 * Chuck: Listen, Blair-
 * Blair: No, me first. Nate's waiting for me to give him an answer.
 * Chuck: I heard.
 * Blair: But you wanna know what's stopping me? I can't answer his question while I'm waiting for you to answer mine. The one I asked you forever ago. What are we, Chuck?
 * Chuck: Blair...
 * Blair: Last fall you said we couldn't be together, and I believed you. But every time I try to move on, you're right there. Acting like-
 * Chuck: Acting like what?
 * Blair: Like...maybe you want just want me to be as unhappy as you are.
 * Chuck: I would never wish that on anyone. I want you to be happy.
 * Blair: Then looks down deep, into the soul I know you have. Tell me if what you feel for me is real or if it's just a game. If it's real, we'll figure it out, all of us. But if it's not, then please Chuck, just let me go. [Wipes away a tear]
 * Chuck: [Looks at Blair and considers this as Serena walks in the door and overhears] It's just a game. I hate to loose. You're free to go.
 * Blair: [Teary-eyed] Thank you! [Leaves]
 * Serena: [Goes up to Chuck] Chuck why did you just do that?
 * Chuck: Because I love her, and I can't make her happy

The Goodbye Gossip Girl [2.25]

 * [Rufus is playing a short melody on his guitar]
 * Rufus You going to Nate's party?
 * Dan: Nah, I thought Vanessa and I would hit a movie instead.
 * [Rufus puts down his guitar.]
 * Dan: ...and away we go.
 * Rufus: Alright, it's your last party of high school. Now I know don't love your classmates, but you just shared four years with them. And, I suspect there are maybe a couple people you want to try and stay friends with... or at least one person.
 * Dan: Yeah, Serena said kinda the same thing. How am I going to get these sage moments of wisdom when I'm in my dorm at NYU?
 * Rufus: I'll appear to you like Obi-Wan. Now go, young jedi.
 * [Dan laughs]
 * Rufus: Have fun.

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 * Blair: What do you think about my coat?
 * Chuck: I like it... Why?
 * Blair: And now?
 * Chuck: Even better.
 * Blair: And... what about my headband?
 * Chuck: I... admire it
 * Blair: And... my stocking?
 * Chuck: Oh, I adore them.
 * Blair: My dress?
 * Chuck: I worship it.
 * Blair: How do you feel about me? Say it...
 * Chuck: I...

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 * Blair: Why aren't you in Europe?
 * Chuck: I was in Paris, but only to get your favourite macaroons from Pierre Hermès
 * Blair: And Germany?
 * Chuck: To pick up your favorite Falke stockings, you know how I adore them.
 * Blair: What are you doing here then?
 * Chuck: You were right. I was a coward running away again. Everywhere I went, you caught up with me so I have to come back.
 * Blair: I Wanna believe you, but I can't. You hurt me too many times.
 * Chuck: You can believe me this time.
 * Blair: Oh, that's it?
 * Chuck: I love you too. [They kiss]
 * Blair: Like, can you say it twice [They kiss again] No, I'm serious, say it twice
 * Chuck: I love you, I love you, that's three, four, I love you.
 * Gossip Girl: XOXO, Gossip Girl

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 * Blair: Gossip Girl can be right about you all she wants. But I won't let her be right about me, I will not be weak any more. You can't run. You have to stay here, and hear it this time. Chuck Bass, I love you. I love you soo much, it consumes me. I love you. And I know you love me too. Tell me you love me, and everything we've done, all the gossip, and the lies, and the hurt, will have been for something. Tell me it was for something.

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 * Gossip Girl: Not so fast. You're not graduating until I give you my diplomas. Mine are labels, and labels stick. Nate Archibald: Class whore. Dan Humphrey: The ultimate insider. Chuck Bass: Coward. Blair Waldorf: Weakling. And as for Serena van der Woodsen, after today, you are officially irrelevant. Congratulations, everyone. You deserve it.